"Hey chanyeol, I think we should talk..."

"About what?"

"Don't pretend you don't know...."

"Okay, what do you want to talk about?"

"About Junmyeon hyung...do you like Junmyeon hyung?..."

 

Baekhyun's voice didn't sound hard at all, but the sharpness in that question penetrated straight to the core, paralyzing chanyeol from answering. 

 

He had known all along, Baekhyun would eventually engaged him, and he thought he had prepared himself enough to answer it, however when the time comes, he never well prepared - It still send him off guard. 

 

There was silence numbness for a while before Chanyeol mustering all of his to reply. Knowing Baekhyun, this persistent guy would provide no escape...

 

"At first, I just thought my feeling to him was nothing serious, I mean I just admired him as a masterpiece...but I think, now it grows into something else that even myself couldn’t comprehend..."Chanyeol weakly answered, sounded unsure. After all, what he felt was still confusing to himself, how could it possible for him to answer the other?

 

He weighted the words before continuing, fully aware every possible implication that would come after.  Every word felt so heavy at the tip of his tongue. 

"You know me best right? You know that I' m ing straight right? "

Baekhyun just nodded.

 

"But, why is the hell it seems that I just can't forget about him? Why is the hell his face always stuck in my mind? Why is the hell I felt jealous when you kinda flirt with him?" 

 

“And... why is the hell, I don't want Junmyeon hyung to be together with Lu Han?”

"So .... tell me Baekhyun, why is the hell I have all of these feeling toward him? "

 

Chanyeol deeply stared into Baekhyun's eyes, as if seeking for answer, substantiation that he already had known all along. He squeezed Baekhyun's both shoulder hard enough, and if it wasn’t for the jean material in between, the dig could have cause bleed. 

 

Many things to say and nothing to say, all at the same time. Baekhyun gave Chanyeol a bone crush hug, comforting the taller guy. This big puppy probably had his own trouble, perhaps all he need was an understanding. 

 

"I understand, it's not totally your fault. You can't totally control your own feeling...I'm sorry, I should have act earlier, but I just let it slip ..." Baekhyun attempted to make Chanyeol felt better by taking half of the blame.

 

The kindness in Baekhyun's words clicked Chanyeol's heart, and he sobbed even more in that comforting hug. 

 

"I know it's not my place to say anything about love, cause I yet to feel the real one, but...you can't love two people, Chanyeol ..." said Baekhyun. It was not something unknown, but he need to remind his best friend to come to his sense. "Please pull yourself together!!! Please forget Junmyeon hyung..please ..you can't afford to lose Soo young.."

 

In his sobbing mess, Chanyeol could clearly heard Baekhyun's words - they sounded soft, but actually firm...They sounded cruel, but actually there was full of unheard kindness. Gentle but yet powerful...He had lost the count on how many times Baekhyun had showed up to him how amazing he was as a friend. 

 

To forget the one he couldn't forget, to erase from his memory the one who already left mark too deep in his heart.... Chanyeol unsure by himself whether he could keep his words or not, but in the midst of heart wrecking, he finally said "I will."

 

The words being said, the promised being chanted, Chanyeol knew this was the moment he should let it go, every desire in him to paint Junmyeon -The dream in his mind which remain unsaid, even to Baekhyun. 

 

Baekhyun hugged Chanyeol even tighter, knowing how much desperation in the other's heart, but he got to do what he got to do. He didn't say much word, but trying to ease the desperation.

 

"I'm here for you .." he whispered. 

 

 

 

 

 

Junmyeon nerved all day long when Lu Han invited him for dinner tonight.  He couldn't spend to sit properly even for just mere second as he moved restlessly to and fro all the time. 

 

Junmyeon's acting like a mother cat who lost her kitten amused Minseok, earning chuckled from the elder. 

 

"Can you just sit still for a second? I feel giddy looking at you..."

 

"Ah, sorry hyung..I can't help myself. You know this is my first time to have dinner together with Lu Han, alone..." Junmyeon blushed, feeling heat creeping all over his neck. 

 

"Uwu..." Minseok cooed. "But really, just relax...." 

 

Despite being counselled, uneasy look in Junmyeon still unfaded, and he bite his nail nervously with top leg waggled continuously.

 

"Tell me what's your worry?" asked Minseok. 

 

" OMG, everything ...I think I wanna pee all the time..." Junmyeon groaned. "What should I do, what should I wear, and what should I say, Minseok hyung, I think I’ gonna throw up just from these thoughts.." he already started to lose his coherent talk.

 

"First of all, please take a deep breath, your favourite hyung is here..."  Minseok instructed Junmyeon for deep breathing, with Junmyeon comically followed, lips pursing, eyes closed, as if concentrating fully. "Second, you practically don't have to do anything .. and Lu Han still likes you regardless." Minseok playfully rolled his eyeballs. "Third, Lu Han probably like it more if you didn't wear anything..." he joked, earning him an annoyed smack on his right shoulder from grumpy Junmyeon. Minseok continued, "Fourth, you don't have to say anything...and last but not the least...Just be yourself, you'll be fine...."

 

"So, I should just do nothing?" Junmyeon innocently asked, wanting to clarify more. 

"What I mean to imply is, he will like you if he liked you...If he really liked you, he will like you the way you are..." Minseok patiently explained. He smiled, looking fondly at Junmyeon, ruffling his hair. His younger brother was already 27 years old independent guy, but some time he really looked like a child, especially when he was in love. 

 

Junmyeon visibly beamed.  An innocent glitter sparkling in his eyes, like those of a child. "Really?"  the younger asked, to reaffirm again, an excitement laced in his soft voice.

 

Minseok really didn't have to reply back, but he would do anything for Junmyeon. He knew the younger already calm down a bit, at least fifty percent of his nerve, he just need to rectify it. "Of course ..." Minseok confidently replied. 

 

"Thank you, hyung..." Junmyeon gave Minseok a bone crushing hug. "You're the best Hyung..." he said cheerfully, he seemed to forget his apprehension once and for all. Minseok sighed out of in relief, he was at ease toward certain extend. 

_____

 

Junmyeon uncertain with so many things, sometime even for just trivial decision like how he should style his fair for the dinner.  Despite being told that he had nothing to worry about, Junmyeon at least wanted to give his best look in front of Lu Han. 

At this rate, he could never figure it out why he didn't feel satisfy with his own look as he glimpsed his own reflection in the mirror.  His hands restlessly combing his hair, just to mess it up later on because he thought he never look good. The repetitions continued with cute, almost annoyed pout plastered on his face. 

 

Baekhyun who had been called to come over to help, just watched silently from behind. Junmyeon decided to get Baekhyun's help because he felt a little bit distant from Chanyeol lately.  He unsure why, but he could sense the giant seemed like trying to run away from him. 

 

Baekhyun just sat at the side of Junmyeon's bed, didn't comment anything for a while, but upon seeing the unnecessary misery on Junmyeon's part, he finally burst out laugh.

 

"Stop..." he said once he settled down from his giggling. Junmyeon frowned, feigning sulking to be teased at by the one younger than himself. "Seriously, let me do this, Myeonni hyung..." Baekhyun gently muttered, as he turned Junmyeon to face him. 

Baekhyun scanned the elder's face for a good few seconds, admiring the natural work of art. His eyes lingered around the fluttering thick long eyelashes, pair of glassy clear eyes, his porcelain white skin, small pointed nose and his cherry red lips. It was not his first time looking at the elder, in fact he had saw him countless time, but seeing him real close, he was taken aback by something, or to be more exact, by someone. 

 

Now he could understand Chanyeol's feeling toward this hyung, why the taller adored this tiny guy too much. He saw through chanyeol's eyes, how delicate Junmyeon's beauty was....and if only he could help more, he would, but the only thing he could do right now was to feel sorry toward Chanyeol. 

 

"Hair up or hair down? ...," Junmyeon's question stirred up Baekhyun's wondering mind. 

 

"You're beautiful Myeonni hyung...." Baekhyun complimented the elder honestly, for certain reason, his heart clutched painfully -  cause the one who should praise Junmyeon's beauty right now should be Chanyeol, not him, but still, he tried his best to represent Chanyeol's feeling. "Whether hair up or hair down, you'll definitely nail them all..." he resumed, as he started to work with his magic.  " but I personally prefer your hair down..." he stated his opinion. It had been decided that he would put just minimal amount of make up onto already beautiful face. 

 

Baekhyun was pretty sure that Junmyeon blushed a bit, like those of beautiful pink sakura which blossom in midst of the youthful spring. He had always had, blushing, even by just simple compliment or attention. This hyung, was that kind of guy....

 

Baekhyun took a long deep breath, as if taking Junmyeon's entirety in his mind, picturing him the best possible make over with best possible colour. It was true that Junmyeon's beauty already mesmerizing even without any additional colour, but it was an honour to be entrusted with masterpiece in his hands. 

 

"Myeonni hyung, close your eyes...put your trust in me and just let me do the rest..." Baekhyun murmured. 

 

Junmyeon nodded obediently, putting all the trust to Baekhyun - letting him to do all the wonder.  He knew Baekhyun was reliable, as he felt long slim fingers lingered almost every contour, every corner of his face, painting him with colours. He felt calm, relaxing under the touch of Baekhyun's hands. It amazed Junmyeon, how delicate Baekhyun's fingers were, alternating with wiping of brush. 

 

Baekhyun was dedicated to deliver his best make over, Junmyeon at least could tell that - by the way he paid attention to every small detail on his face, how focus he was in every second. 

 

Baekhyun also help in deciding which clothes to wear, opting for half formal attire - long sleeves dusty brown shirt and black pants. He stated his opinion - for somebody like Junmyeon, he just need simple dressing, but at the same time look gorgeous. Junmyeon didn't need to wear something so sophisticated, something so striking to look attractive. 

 

Baekhyun seemed to have so many ideas in him about fashion, and it's not exaggerating to say, he was expert in that field. 

 

"Now it's time to look at yourself...Myeonni hyung .." Baekhyun said as he brought the elder to whole body mirror. Self satisfaction and proud were plastered all over his face as he said. 

 

Junmyeon totally in awe as he saw his own self reflection on the mirror. Mouth agape for a while, almost disbelieving. The image that he saw look so classic and elegant. His pale face had been toned a bit,and look mature than his original teenage one. 

 

"Beautiful right?" Baekhyun asked. 

Junmyeon nodded, admitting because Baekhyun's work was totally a miracle. 

"Then only one thing left, just be yourself....meet him with confident, Myeonni hyung..." Baekhyun said, as he stared deeply into Junmyeon's eyes, as if giving him his own confident. They were facing each other as Baekhyun hold Junmyeon's shoulder. 

 

" Thank you..." Junmyeon muttered shortly. .." I owe you a lot..."

"Don't mention it, just bring me a good news ...that's all, I want to hear from you hyung...and good luck" Baekhyun sincerely wished. 

 

 

 

 

_______

 

 

Lu Han was always gentle to Junmyeon even in usual day, and the younger sort of getting used to it, although of course Junmyeon would always bubbly inside, even for a bit. But tonight was different, because only Lu Han with him and nobody else, he could tell that Lu Han's every attention was very much on him. 

 

He felt grateful and ungrateful all at the time. Before Lu Han, Minseok's and Baekhyun's words to him were long forgotten. It felt special to be the main centre of attention, to be the only one that Lu Han paid his attention with, but his insecure side felt uncomfortable. Because who would not? Because Lu Han look so gorgeous with his brunette hair was styled up, his boyish look more manly than usual. 

His legs already wobbled when Lu Han pulled the chair out for him to sit.  May be it was only him, but the brunette felt more gentleman, and his heart started to made multiple flips. 

 

"I hope you like this place" Lu Han broke the silence, once they settled with seat and orders.   

 

Junmyeon would literally love where ever place that Lu Han would bring him, but it felt so blunt if he just replied just like that. Actually he didn't care even if it was just cheap ordinary place, as long as he can be together with Lu Han. 

 

Nevertheless, it was all true that he loved this place because Lu Han was with him. 

"Of course, it's a beautiful place..." he replied.

 

Lu Han smiled, satisfied with the answer. In between pause of silent, he did nothing but staring at Junmyeon, his eyes didn't leave him even for a second, as if devouring the younger with all his entirety.  

 

Junmyeon deviated his eyes. Lu Han's gaze didn't even sharp, didn't even penetrating, but was deep enough to feel as if he was looking into his soul. It was unfair that Lu Han could affect him this much ..It was unfair that Lu Han could make his heart waver...Everything was unfair because he couldn't even fight back the longing stare that Lu Han casted upon him....

 

"You're spacing out..." Lu Han called him out. 

 

"Huh.." Junmyeon stumbled from his own thought...His eyes blinked several times, before he able to collect himself. He probably could have embarrassed himself in front of Lu Han, haven't him?

 

"Precious....,"The elder muttered, more toward himself. Junmyeon thought if the room was noisy, he could have had miss the word coming out from him. The corner of Lu Han's lips curled upward, he didn't particularly smile at Junmyeon, but there was glint of delight radiated from his eyes. "Never mind, you look so beautiful tonight, Myeonni..."    

 

"Thank you..."  Junmyeon shyly replied. His timid gaze directed everywhere but Lu Han's eyes.  The elder's look already affected him that much, did he need to attack him by words too?  

 

Ah, Junmyeon often heard that kind of compliment, but hearing the word 'beautiful' coming directly from Lu Han himself, was something special, something memorable, and if it was even possible he wanted Lu Han to say it again.

 

"You're handsome too..." Junmyeon continued, praising the elder's gorgeous look. His voices almost muffled, overwhelmed by his own nerve. He didn't even understand why his tongue felt numb.

 

Lu Han softly chortled. "You didn't even have to force yourself...."

 

 But, it felt awkward if he was just hanging up there without complimenting him back. And, he really meant the words he had said earlier to Lu Han - the compliment was all true. And if he could, he wanted to express himself better, he wanted to scream louder...

 

"It's all true..." Junmyeon said, with determination look in his eyes. "In my eyes, you're the most gorgeous human being I've ever seen, and I've always wanted to say that since the longest time ..." Junmyeon tried to hold his breath, but at the end, his voice sounded a bit broken, shaken by his own emotional outburst.

 

"You're the one who talk..."  Lu Han trailed off… for once Junmyeon thought his voice sounded a little bit waver. 

 

For somebody as immaculate as Lu Han, the Chinese guy probably as nervous as Junmyeon, although it seemed that Lu Han had better self-composure than him.

"Madam Han once said, there's beautiful white lily in her garden, and she seemed so excited ..every single day she told me about that white lily, she said how it look the most stunning among all the flowers in her garden. And it made me wonder who's that person could be, cause as long as I've known Madam Han, she rarely talked about others. I think that white lily must be precious to her..." Lu Han said, opening his talk.

 

Lu Han laid his eyes on Junmyeon, and the younger didn't reply him immediately. He knew, the white lily in front of him could feel it, a strong feeling of hope radiated from the soft glow from his eyes. 

 

For a moment, the time felt like stopping by itself, and Lu Han wonder if his own heart beat might as well follow ..

An absolute silent ensued.....

 

His mind travelled several years backward, filled with few good moments that he shared with Madam Han...

His heart regret a little...how he wished he could fulfilled Madam Han wish during her life time….. 

 

 

 

 

 

It was spring when he was visiting south Korea for the first time. Madam Han was his auntie, who he rarely saw or met because of distance. Because of certain condition, her name was rarely mentioned in Han family, like they totally outcast her, but not to Lu Han. 

 

Her real name was, Fei Han, but Lu Han just prefer to call Madam Han,or so, Madam Han loved to be called by that honorific.

 

She had been deserted by her own family long time ago when she decided to marry Korean man, and later on, moved on here, the beautiful Jeju Island, a beautiful land where, according to Madam Han, at least she found a little piece of peace in her. 

 

"How are you doing, Madam Han?" Lu Han asked one day (he had always asked) through phone call. The distance was the only barrier, but it never made them apart from each other. 

 

His ears has been grazed by cheerful voice of Madam Han at the end of line " My life is great lately.."

 

Madam Han genuinely sounded so energetic and lively, it was such a rare occurrence, or to be honest, he never heard Madam Han's voice sounded so joyful like this. 

 

Thirty years had been passed by since Madam Han's husband has passed away, and it had been almost thirty years ever since she felt the real spring. The season shifted, and so the spring came and went by slowly, but it flied so fast at the least expected time....

 

and yet came another spring..  

 

Lu Han never met Madam Han's husband, he was not born yet at that time when he passed away. But, as the only sole relative who really close to Madam Han, he really loved to listen to her story. 

"Uhuh, am I going to have new uncle?" Lu Han tilted up his voice excitingly, half teasing his lovely auntie. 

 

"What you're talking about? I am too old for that...." Madam Han chortled a bit. 

 

"Love doesn't know age...." 

 

"Sure, but please save your romantic quote later cause who want this wrinkled, old lady?" Her mocking words mingled with soft giggling sound. 

 

"But I want you to feel the spring again...." Lu Han's voice trailed off. Unsure of whether he should say his mind out loud to somebody who was far older than him, but Madam Han was always a dearest person to him. "Even at your age, I want you to be happy again...everyone deserves happiness..."

 

"True, but what's kind of happiness you're talking about, and what's kind of love? Because I am truly happy now, my dearest Lu Han. It doesn't necessarily falling in love to feel happy ..although they are related to each other. and love comes in different ways and shape, it's not necessarily has to be at all time romantic..."

Lu Han never thought a small joke turned into serious conversation, and Madam Han's words felt like been splashed right onto his face. 

 

Lu Han certainly had lost at word to reply. .

 

"I'm good, don't worry too much..." Madam Han offered. She probably could sense it too, the change of conversation, and trying to lighten it up. "But, how about you...are you still single and available?" Madam Han chuckled again. 

 

Ah, that's right...although he just said it - love doesn't know age, but he certainly at the right age to fall in love, 23 years old was still a spring age.

 

Lu Han laughed together with the old lady. He felt funny, because he was the one who talked. "But seriously Madam Han, what's up with the happy mood, you can't keep it all by yourself..." Lu Han said once the laugh ceased. 

   

"Ah, there's a beautiful white lily in my garden. I hope you guys can meet each other one day and fall in love.."

 

Lu Han never have a serious thought about the white lily, but he felt grateful that Madam Han sounded happier than he could ever remember. 

 

Nevertheless, he promised to Madam Han that he would pay her a visit. 

 

The very first time he met Junmyeon was at the green house. He looked so immersed watering the flower when Madam Han greeted him. 

 

It was still a serene morning, the soft glow of sun ray just shyly seeping through the glass wall, with floral scent of all types spreading all over the place. His white skin looked glowing bathing under the gentle gleam of sun ray, and Lu Han thought it was the most beautiful sight to behold.

 

The guy seemed to be stumbled for a while, probably because he was taken aback by sudden jolt of greeting. It wasn't particularly surprising to see his reaction, Lu Han kinda expecting it a bit because the morning was still too early. Who would expect visitor at this hour?

 

The flower guy stopped from whatever work he was currently at, and despite of surprise look plastered all over his face, he greeted them warmly. 

 

"Hi, I'm kim Junmyeon, nice to know you..." the man introduced himself, offering a friendly greeting to Lu Han. 

 

The first thing that Lu Han's attention about Junmyeon was how the other was ridiculously white. He looked unbelievably intricate, he thought Junmyeon was almost unreal. Just like a flower, the pale male look so fragile and delicate, it shook his man's heart. So, was this the same white lily that Madam Han was talking about? Lu Han must be mistaken cause that person couldn't be him, Junmyeon is a man no matter how beautiful he was as a person. 

 

The pair of Junmyeon's big black eyes, blinked shyly at him when the shorter male bowed, and offering handshake. 

"I'm Lu Han, nice to know you too, Junmyeon..." Lu Han said, as he took Junmyeon's offering hand. 

 

 

 

 

 

Lu Han visited Madam Han more often later on after gaining newfound that his auntie contracted incurable cancer. Madam Han never told him regarding her illness, but Lu Han knew this through Junmyeon.

 

Madam Han was very much weaker, and in his mind, he just wanted to do only one thing - to spend his time with his dearest auntie till her time comes. He fully aware, nothing much he could offer but making her less suffering, holding her hands dearly and making her know that she is well loved. 

 

The evening breeze of Jeju island gently grazed his face, as he throw his gaze toward the wide open sky. He was just sitting on the bench, enjoying just a simple evening sightseeing with Madam Han by his side. Her hand was in his firm, secure hold.

 

"Who's the white lily you were talking about?...I didn't meet any girl yet at the greenhouse..." Lu Han asked. 

Madam Han offered a weak smile, that hold many secrets. "You didn't figure it out yet, did you?"

 

She loved to give a vague answer, for Lu Han to discover by himself. 

Lu Han, in all enormity of his mind to digest and put them all together into final thought, hardly believed any of this, because Madam Han, at the age of 63 years old, from older generation, couldn't be this open about love between the same gender. 

 

She couldn't mean the same guy he met at the green house. She couldn't mean Junmyeon was the same person she was referring to as the beautiful white lily she always loved to story tale. She utterly couldn't mean that.....

 

The soft sigh escaped from her already dry, chapped lips. "The answer is within you. I won't state the already obvious. Perhaps, when you said love doesn't know age, you should also add, she also doesn't know gender..."

It's obvious that the answer was...

The white lily was....

 

 

 

 

 

 

"What's you're thinking about? I mean, you look like very deep in thought ..." Junmyeon's voice brought him back into reality. 

 

"I was thinking about you, the most beautiful white lily in Madam Han's garden..." Lu Han answered, this time firm and solid, unwavering. This was his only chance, he couldn't miss this. "I mean....." he paused, sat up and shifted just before Junmyeon. He crouched in front of Junmyeon and his right hand gently took Junmyeon's, bringing it toward his face .  Lu Han gaze didn't leave Junmyeon's, seeking for substantiation. 

 

" I love you, Junmyeon." He confessed while the back of younger's hand. "If you let me, Lu Han, held your heart and be mine, I'll shower you with all my love forever. and I'll be the spring that make your heart bloom eternally..." he chanted his lifelong vow before tenderly kissing Junmyeon's hand. "And so, Kim Junmyeon, would you please be my beautiful white lily, be mine forever?"

 

Junmyeon's eyes beamed at him. A pure happiness was reflected in that gentle, kind eyes of his, and for a while, they turned crescent in shape. 

"Yes, Yes..my heart, my love, my soul are all yours to behold.." Junmyeon said, sealing the love tie altogether. 

 

That's all answer that Lu Han need to hear. He didn't need anything else to savour, because all he need was Junmyeon to be in his embrace. 

 

 

l

 

 

He knew they shouldn't be doing this at the first place. That's the thought that run into his mind when Chanyeol saw them kissing in his own floral shop.  

Not that Junmyeon was physically weaker than Lu Han, no.... not that Junmyeon just allow the elder to have his own way on him, no... not that Junmyeon never say anything to the chinese guy, no....not that Junmyeon didn't have strong determination to stop him, it was not that he wasn't firm either, no.....

 

It's just that... it's just that, Lu Han had his alluring charm to disarming him, more exactly to say, disarming his heart .

To the matter of fact ,Junmyeon had always say  No to Lu Han, but...

Lu Han knew that Junmyeon loved to be kissed by him, despite he never say anything about it. Lu Han knew deep inside him speaking ‘Yes’ louder than his lips saying ‘No’. 

So, it wasn't surprise thing to know Lu Han gentle persuasion overthrow Junmyeon firm grip. 

It was just Lu Han thing. 

 

"We shouldn't be doing this..." he said to persuasive Lu Han, who just snaking around him, too proximate for him too breath. 

 

"But, you look like you're thinking too much, I just want to distract you for a while..." Lu Han gave an excuse. 

 

Yes, it was true that he was thinking about something, to be more exact, about someone - the tattoo artist, Park Canyeol. Especially lately, because he felt more distant from the younger, he knew there was something wrong, but he was unsure what was exactly the problem lying underneath. And to his despair, he didn't know how to go about. 

 

He kinda...missing that guy a bit, and once and for all, he just wanted to ensure everything was clear. 

 

"But, what if somebody walked into us ...." he tried to retaliate, placing both of his palm onto Lu Han chest, shielding himself as Lu Han faced him. 

 

But, Lu Han's face was very close to his own, Junmyeon knew at this rate, the chinese's lips was inevitable.  Lu Han technically didn't use strong energy either to push himself toward him, but before anything his defence already weakened. 

 

"We just do it simple and quickly okay, please beautiful...." Lu Han said, his eyes literally staring in between Junmyeon's own and lips. Sharp and solid, but tender and gentle. Pairs of eyes which told desire, full of wanting and eagerness. 

How could possibly he say no this pair of eyes, and an inviting lips, and a warm holding that always knew how? He knew he could never.

...

Lu Han's hands wrapped firmly around Junmyeon's slim waist, and Junmyeon's hands moved according to their own accord, reciprocating, lingered from elder's chest to his nape. 

 

Just like that, Junmyeon melted in Lu Han's arm. The determination to stop the other from kissing him dissolved into thin air as Lu Han's lips met his. 

And Junmyeon lost the count...the time felt frozen, and he can't remember exactly for how long they had been kissing. Lu Han's lips were intoxicating.  

 

'Ring...Ring...Ring....'

Only after third ringing sound from the glass door brought realisation back to him. The flip motion of the door, and the sudden gush of air jolted his entire nerve, but he was too late...

 

There, just besides the door, stood the  person he wanted to see the most after quite a long time, but not like this...if possible, he was the last person, he ever expected to see him this way... Junmyeon unsure himself why, but he kind of wish thing to happen like that...

 

This guy, he appeared at the wrong time, at the wrong place. For a moment, Junmyeon thought time froze once again, as they just stared into each other.... and nothing spilled out from their mouths.

 

Perhaps, may be, chanyeol just as shocked as him.

 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt...." Chanyeol once said, after shock washed over him. He was about to slide out for escape, much for both understanding, but Junmyeon didn't want to miss the chance...

 

"Chanyeol...." Junmyeon called. Chanyeol halted almost instantaneously.

 

Junmyeon unsure what to say, still felt mortified, but he must come out with something, anything to camouflage the awkwardness.  "Is there anything I can help?" he asked, finally settle at least with some words. His right hand rubbed his own nape, tried to control his own nervousness. 

 

From the back, he thought he saw Chanyeol's shoulder was shaking, but may be that was his own thought. May be his eyes played with him. 

 

Chanyeol grinned back at Junmyeon once he turned to face him. But the glassy eyes of his, appeared almost shattered, impending to be broken, were impossible to be pretended for something else. For certain reason, his heart hurt. 

 

"Ah, nothing, hyung....I just wanna give you this.." he said while handed Junmyeon a medium size of lunch box. 

 

"What's this?"

 

"Pasta....I've made a lot of it so...I wanna share some of it with hyung ..." Chanyeol explained. 

 

"Thanks...." Junmyeon said while looking at the item already on his hands. He glanced Lu Han for a good few seconds before returning his gaze to Chanyeol.

 

"Chanyeol, this is Lu Han....and Lu Han, this is Park Chanyeol, the owner of Phoenix Art across the street.." Junmyeon introduced one into another. He can't help but fely awkward in between them. 

 

There was nothing really happened between those two, so why he felt this way? The strange feeling creeped into his nerve, squeezed the pit of his gut couldn't be ignored that easily. 

 

Nevertheless, they greeted and bowed to each other.

"It seemed that I've interrupted something here...I shall be going..." Chanyeol politely excuse himself, ready to walked out. Somehow uneasiness laced on his handsome face. "Hyung, you can share it with Lu Han too, " he added, offering a weak smile. 

His glance back and forth from Lu Han to Junmyeon... 

 

But, a small hand grasped his by the wrist, weak and shaky as if uncertain, but again it did make Chanyeol stopped because it felt like Junmyeon pleaded to him. Clammy and cold. 

 

"It's okay, it's seem that I have another business to do..." Lu Han said calmly, giving space for some privacy. "See you again, Junmyeon and you too Chanyeol if got any chance..."

___

"How are you?..." Junmyeon asked, once Lu Han completely left. 

"Doing fine..."Chanyeol muttered. 

Junmyeon sensed tense in Chanyeol's husky voice, he wondered if something bad to him. He wouldn't expect him not to tell lie to him, because anybody who was full of pride probably would. 

"How about you, hyung?" the taller asked back. 

"Great..." he replied. Yes, he did great all this while, but there was some bitterness hanging open, need to be solved once and for all. 

"Ah... Congratulations hyung..." Chanyeol said. 

Chanyeol's voice sounded shudder, and weak to him. Why? Happy go lucky Chanyeol would usually sound so cheerful, so bright ..and in normal circumstance, nobody would congrate other with that tone of voice.  

It was bothering him in the way he couldn't even comprehend. 

"You obviously not okay, Chanyeol..Do you want to tell me something?" He faced Chanyeol, meeting the pair of eyes whose refuse to meet his. "You can tell me everything, anything..."he reassured. 

"I've no right to tell....No, I'm wrong to tell..."

Chanyeol's answer confused him further. "What's do you mean?"

"You're pretty clueless hyung, didn't you?" Chanyeol replied him back with another question. 

The question snapped Junmyeon right into the core. It's can't be real right? The precious dongsae in front of him...

The momentary silent, and it seemed that everything surrounding them moved in slow motion. 

The next words came from Chanyeol sounded like buzzing into his ears, the magical chant that made his heart skipped a beat, that span his entire being. 

"I like you  hyung, I mean...I really like you Junmyeon hyung..."

It came to him - Everything made sense to him now. The uncertain eyes whose looking at him, the silent care, the shy smile, the clumsy gesture, and not to be forgotten the sudden distant, this kid .. must be holding something back then - they clicked quickly into his mind. 

Once and for all, all the confusion, bewilderment unravel by the confession. 

It was not something to be unexpected, but still, Junmyeon didn't prepare himself well. He was taken aback...

The fate didn't come to their favour. But Junmyeon knew, if circumstance allowed, perhaps, may be he would fall in love with Park Chanyeol too. 

"I'm sorry to tell you this hyung, I shouldn't bother you at the first place..." Chanyeol mumbled. 

"No, you shouldn't be sorry..." Junmyeon quickly cut Chanyeol off. He planted himself into Chanyeol, hugging the other in awkward position because the height difference, a little bit uncomfortable to be honest, but Chanyeol lowered himself to accommodate. It felt the only right thing to do, to comfort the younger. After all, it was not that easy for Chanyeol to come out for confession. 

 

Chanyeol was dearest to Junmyeon, his precious  dongsae. 

 

For a while, they remain silent in each other's arm. 

"I'm sorry Chanyeol, I didn't know about your feeling.  I should have known it earlier..."  Junmyeon uttered once emotional outburst settled. 

 

"It's not your fault...I am one who is weak here..." Chanyeol retaliated. "I thought I already get over from you totally, that's why I come here, but I totally wrong. Seeing you with the other guy ..I mean Lu Han hyung, it still sting my heart to be honest..."

 

Junmyeon wanted to hug Chanyeol even more, if it was possible. wanted to comfort him more, wanted to sooth the pain away. It hurt his heart too. 

 

"I know, but it's okay now, everything’s going to be okay..." he tried to reassure his small hands rubbed Chanyeol's back. "I really appreciate your feeling...so thank you..." Junmyeon whispered. 

 

At the end, Chanyeol made a lifelong promise not to run away anymore. If they couldn't be a lover, at least they still could be friend to each other.

 

 

 

 

Everything seemed to be smooth ever since, it was even more fun. Junmyeon, Lu Han, Chanyeol and Soo Young sometimes had double date or some activities over the weekend--watching movie, cooking, shopping, camping, lunch or dinner date. 

Occasionally, Baekhyun would join them. He was a fun companion. Although he appeared as a third wheel, he knew how to handle everything well. 

 

And, not to mention, it was good to have his dongsae back. Chanyeol and Lu Han got along well.  Everything back to normal.  

 

"Junmyeon, I've got to go back tomorrow for family affair. I'm needed there..." Lu Han exclaimed one day, right after finishing their dinner in restaurant. They were standing just besides Lu Han's car, but Lu Han just acting weird, suddenly paused from entering the red vehicle. Junmyeon followed his step. 

 

"For how long?" Junmyeon asked. 

"I'm not sure, it's depend on situation..may be three days, may be one week...." Lu Han trailed off. There was uncertainty the way he answered the question, as if he was trying to hide something.  

 

Junmyeon thought, may be it was only him. May be he was reading Lu Han too much…but he couldn't brush off the thought that Lu Han's acting a little bit different from usual. 

 

He couldn't help but felt uneasy. 

 

"Why, didn't you tell me earlier? I thought I am important to you.." Junmyeon asked, but the tone came out harsher and cold, even to himself. He had no intention to sound rude or anything, but he lost control over his own voice because Lu Han was dearest person to him…

 

"I'm sorry, I find it's difficult for me to talk to you regarding this...I mean, I don't want to say goodbye...it's the hardest word to say to you. I don't want to be far away from you.  How could I wish I don't have to go..." Lu Han answered, much with quavering voice. What was all about?

 

 Somehow, Lu Han's words softened his bitter heart. Junmyeon could felt what the other felt. He also didn't want to be separated from Lu Han. 

"Junmyeon I love you...I'm going to miss you...."Lu Han said, voice almost muffled by the sound of the car on the road. The elder's eyes met his, the doer orbs were wavering, casting upon Junmyeon with so much longing, and for certain reason they look gloom...something in there that Junmyeon couldn't quite decipher.  

 

But the night with full moon hanging upon the sky was beautiful, and Junmyeon somehow wished they could only stay there forever...He wished that the day of tomorrow would never come to them. 

 

He wished that they could just stare into each other's eyes, listening to each other's heart beat, breathing each other's breath, and holding each other's hands.

"Me too, I love you too, Lu Han....I will be missing you. .." Junmyeon replied

genuinely. He closed their distance, placing his hands on Lu Han's nape, bringing the elder's face to his before planting a kiss onto his lips. 

 

Junmyeon rarely initiated the kiss in between them, but this time, he thought he wanted to be different. 

 

Lu Han easily reciprocated the move, hands finding their way wrapping gently on Junmyeon's slim waist. Lu Han kissed him back like no other, soft, and get, yet enough to ignite sparkle in his heart. 

 

"Junmyeon, would you stay over at my house tonight?" Lu Han asked once they settled on respective seat in the car.  Nervousness apparent in his husky timbre.

"sure..." 

The engine was started, and the roaring sound filled up the entire space, but still, it seemed that Lu Han was holding up something. 

 

"Lu Han, are you okay? You want to tell me something?" Junmyeon concernly query, and he placed his right hand on top of Lu Han's left. It felt cold and clammy. He interlaced their hands together. 

 

"I...I want you so badly Junmyeon ...I mean, can I make love to you tonight? can I be your first?" He paused, again he sounded uncertain. Lu Han hold Junmyeon's hand in his even stronger. " Of course only if you allow me..." 

 

Junmyeon couldn't deny that he wanted Lu Han too. He wanted only Lu Han and no other man - the first and the last. He wished not only for tonight but forever. 

"Of course u can. I want you to be my first and my last...." Junmyeon whispered silently, voice was sank by the roaring engine, but suffice to reach Lu Han.

--------

Time was being cruel as always, and the next sun rays greeted them, expected but never enough for them both. 

Junmyeon accompanied Lu Han to airport, to bide him farewell. 

 

"I love you Junmyeon, I really do..." Lu Han confessed wholehearted, "And thank you..." he said, looking deeply into Junmyeon's eyes. Junmyeon was still there with him, but why the look in his eyes seemed like he already missed him very badly. The tale, Junmyeon really wanted to reach. ..

 

Why he said as if this was going to be their last moment. Why he said as if, this going to be his last time seeing him? As if this going to be his last time saying those words?

 

Junmyeon shook the thoughts away from his mind. "I love you too, Lu Han...I always do.." he gave Lu Han final hug, burying his face into Lu Han's chest. He knew everybody would look at them, but he didn't even care.

 

"Please take care and please come back safely..."  The final words that he uttered to his lover, before departure, as he hesitantly letting go the elder's hands. 

 

Junmyeon watched silently the back of Lu Han,who walked toward departure hall, turning his head in between to meet his gaze. 

 

and...in that silent watch, Lu Han disappear from his sight...but Junmyeon captured everything with his own eyes....

Every single movement of him.....the final moment before he flied to Beijing back.

 

 

 

 

 

Every single moment felt like tormenting as he waited for Lu Han to come back to him. But Lu Han, as kind as always, would send him messages or called him straight away. When Lu Han arrived at Beijing, he texted Junmyeon, just to note him that he had safely landed at his hometown. Junmyeon felt at ease. 

 

"It's raining here, rainy Beijing...and it remind me about you..." Lu Han explained. 

 The noise of heavy rain tapping down could be heard from the other end of connection .

 

Junmyeon chuckled, ah, Lu Han he sometimes could be cheesy, but in all seriousness, did the Chinese guy knew something about him?

 

"Why, is rain has something to do with me?" he asked. He glad to know that he was always in Lu Han's mind. 

"You're like gentle rain to me..."

 

Junmyeon blushed as he heard the answer. Junmyeon wondered if Lu Han could see it through the phone. The other probably know. 

Like that, their contact continue every day. 

 

Lu Han sounded so cheerful, Junmyeon felt relief hearing his voice. May be he was thinking too much back then. 

 

Waiting for someone he missed the most was always a difficult job. But he wait, and wait, and wait. 

 

Lu Han never told anything about his family matter. But Junmyeon fully aware regarding his family perception, and so he didn't want to push Lu Han for anything that make him uncomfortable. 

 

They just had trivial conversation over the phone. But it's enough for Junmyeon. He felt grateful for every single moment that he spent just to listen to Lu Han's voice. 

Until one day, after almost three weeks, Lu Han stopped calling or texting him. He wondered why...may be he just tired, or busy, but he always had time for him before. 

 

He tried to contact Lu Han, but nobody pick up the phone. 

But Junmyeon wait, and wait, and wait... patiently for Lu Han. Day turned to week, it became nerve wrecking for Junmyeon even to wait. 

 

He can't just sit here, without doing anything. He couldn't afford to wait without knowing anything. He really wanted to fly to Beijing right now.

Heavy sigh of regret escaped from his cracked lips .He couldn't forgive himself for letting Lu Han go. 

 

 

 

 

 

The waiting came to end one day, after one week there was no contact between them.

He was at his floral shop, looking idly at the flower, more likely losing all his spirit, when he received a visitor, who he never knew before.

 

Junmyeon felt numb all over when the guest introduced himself as Lu Han's friend. The most nerve wrecking moment that rendered him wordless was when the stranger said, “ I’m sorry but Lu Han couldn’t make it here…”

. 

Why, what happened to him? 

 

The Inside of him screamed, unsaid but louder than any other noise. 

"Lu Han involved in massive road traffic accident one week ago. His car was severely crushed in that incident...and Lu Han .." the guest paused, closing his eyes and taking a very deep breath before resuming . The next words must be difficult for him too. ..

 

… and Junmyeon, very much already foresee, the next words that he was going to hear. Because every single thing hinted clearly toward something he feared the most, like a spur of moment. 

He knew it all along….

 

"Lu Han...to my sorrow and regret, he died after three days struggling with severe injury... I'm sorry" 

 

Every single word registered to him, sounded echoing in his ears, but it was the word ‘died’ that broke his everything- his dream and hope, all shattered like a broken glasses. 

 

He was missing the guy who always been missed, and he was going to miss him forever ......

 

His surrounding world felt like spinning all over the places. He felt like losing his own step. His vision gradually became blurry and dark.... 

 

"Junmyeon...."

 

His own name was the last thing he could hear before losing his balance on his own stand as his brain been completely shut off….

 

 

 

 

It was almost one month since Lu Han departure, and ever since, Chanyeol noticed that the little white lily shrivelled, losing his lustre. He knew, Junmyeon missed his Lu Han, but it was kind of apparent these few days. 

 

Despite of losing most of his spirit, Junmyeon still opened his floral shop up, Chanyeol noticed. Junmyeon probably felt guilty, but he needed rest, he should take a break, Chanyeol made a mental note, the things that he was going to nag to Junmyeon.  

 

"Junmyeon hyung, Junmyeon hyung....." he called out, as he push opened the glass door, but there was no answer.

 

An absolute silent…

 

There was no body inside as he entered inside, his eyes lingered everywhere. He didn't feel right, there was strange feeling knotted in his gut. He felt his own palm went white, sweating profusely.  Instinctively, he stepped inside further, checking for some clue. 

 

Out of curiosity, he opened the other door that lead to the green house. 

Once he cracked the door open, he was greeted by the most beautiful sight he could have ever seen in his entire life. Totally mesmerizing, he thought his already big eyes probably turned wider, jaw utterly dropped down. 

 

There.. just before his eyes, the little white lily was lying motionless inside the glass box. Confine in it, the creature looked so fragile, delicate and he never thought someone could ever look breath taking even while being hold, frozen hopelessly.  

Ah, he totally almost forgot the sole reason he was here....he was totally captivated by the sight in front of him....

 

Before he even knew it, his foot already brought him to fragile creature, his right hand gently touched the glassy ice, as if he wanted to caress the other...His fingers numb a bit, to be honest, but he didn't even care...he wanted to touch Junmyeon again.

 

"I need to freeze him for a while..." 

 

There was voice from behind him. Chanyeol recognized it immediately, it belong to Minseok. 

 

 "What do you mean? Why you did this to him?" He asked, he found his own voice raspy a bit. 

 

"Lu Han died one week ago... Junmyeon can't take it...He's losing himself. When he's in grave state, he just can't stop crying...and he can flood the whole land with his tears .."

 

Chanyeol tried to digest the new information that he heard, listening carefully but he wondered if what he had heard from Minseok was just fic tale, there's no way this could be real right?

 

But he reminded himself that he was no way better...There was still hidden secret that he kept, not even dared to share with others......He silently wondered what probably they would think about him if they knew who he really was...Chanyeol felt fear to know their reaction. 

 

There was a surge of realisation that he never told Soo Young about what the real thing he actually was. The real him... he never talked about it to his lover. 

But Chanyeol fully aware that he should let Soo Young know, sooner or later. It was an inevitable fate for him, he should discover by himself if he was truly being loved by the other. 

 

"Ah, you hold fire super power right? Minseok asked. 

 

Chanyeol was taken by surprise ...He didn't even dare to deny it either, because it was bound to happen anyway  - that one day, somebody would know it, no matter whether he like it or not..

And Minseok was not somebody he was going to joke around...because the elder seemed to know everything right from the start but just play it cool and not to stir everything. 

 

"How did you?....."Chanyeol stumbled upon his own word. 

"U mean, how I figure it out? I just happen to know... that's all about it. I don't have much explanation to offer either...." Minseok shrugged. Ah, this man can see right through him or may be he is too transparent for other too see. 

 

Despite of Minseok presence, Chanyeol can't stop staring at Junmyeon... can't never really take his eyes off him, he thought he probably can just looking at the other for a day without feeling tired or bored..

 

Because the frozen man who just lied motionless was just too beautiful to look at, and Chanyeol felt as if he was staring at a masterpiece hanging in art gallery that he was too afraid to touch, fear that the fragile masterpiece might break...and probably burnt under his fingers tips. 

 

It was devastating moment to see Junmyeon was held like this even for a while. So much heart breaking to see the white lily guy just lying there, closing his eyes, only confined in the glass box....and the most hurtful part was not to see his gentle smile again....

 

"He can't smile again...right?" Chanyeol asked, after momentary pause of silence.  

"He will.... I know there's gonna be another man who could bring the happiest smile back on his face again...." Minseok answered calmly, like he was pretty sure what was the future held. May be he was an optimistic guy. 

 

But the words gave pang to Chanyeol's heart. Who's going to be that man? and somehow, very hidden inside, unknown to many, Chanyeol wished he was the one who bring the smile back on to his face. 

 

However, a harsh and unrelenting voice at the back of his mind told him otherwise. Junmyeon didn't belong to him, not in the past, not now and never in future.  Beautiful white lily type of guy like Junmyeon deserved better. The ugly beast inside him can't even relate. 

 

"For how long he is going to be frozen like this?" He asked, he wished he could have melt the surrounding ice.

 

"Until it's deemed safe.  You know it's dangerous right. Not even you and me are safe...but don't worry, I've handle this before...." Minseok explained. 

Chanyeol had no word to say anything, to oppose the statement. It was not his place to say in the beginning to give his opinion so, he just kept the resentment all by himself. 

 

"Water and flame never mingle well, we never know who's going to be demolished or broken down...but have faith in yourself, Park Chanyeol. .." Minseok said. 

Chanyeol never knew what the other was thinking about. Despite being taken aback a little bit, Chanyeol knew that it was not secret any longer, at least to Minseok that he still loved his little brother dearly…. 

 

And he still held a dream and a wish he wanted to fulfill - adorning Junmyeon's face with more dazzling flowers, the treasured dream that never fade away from his mind.