"Mark, help me bring that box here."

I heard my dad asked as I was about to walk inside the house. I was carrying the big and heavy box dad was pointing at, and I marched my way towards him. It was a Sunday afternoon in the summer when we all gathered to help my parents move into a smaller house since it's only the two of them now. They were looking for a new environment and they consider this as their second honeymoon.

I put the box down, next to where my dad was carefully arranging some stuff on the shelf. I saw that his books were neatly arranged based on height and there were our old family photos placed in front of it.

"Wow, I really was the cutest in the family, huh?" I said while looking at the photo closely, mesmerized by how adorable I was. “Before Joey came, of course.”

"Yeah... time flies so fast, doesn't it? Once, you were just a kid who is still learning how to pee in the potty. And before you know it, you become a grown-up man like me, about to marry and have children."

I took a deep sigh, "Yeah, I still have a long way to go, Dad." Because to be honest, marriage has never even crossed my mind. Ever.

Dad chuckled while still being busy cleaning up the empty shelf, "Really? Well, how about your boyfriend? What's his name? David?" He asked with knitted eyebrows.

"We're ex-boyfriends now,” I said nonchalantly. “We broke up a couple months ago."

"Is that so?" Dad turned his head, staring at me. looking a little surprised with the news. "I'm sorry to hear that, son." He said softly.

"It's okay, Dad. I am okay. I mean, he was great. We were great! But… something's just not... right? That was my longest relationship, but all I feel was restlessness," I paused for a moment. "Am I too reckless in breaking up with him just like that?"

I used to date so many guys. Like a lot. But usually, I was the one who initiated the break-up first. Even Jackson was fed up on setting me up with his friends. Because apparently, I had earned this bad reputation as a heart-breaker.

As ridiculous as it sounds, I had to admit that I have never taken any of my previous relationships seriously. It's not because I just want to play around, but there’s something inside my head which constantly whispered ‘No, this ain’t it. He's not the one’. So, I just tried, and tried… until I grew tired of it. Then after that… you know the rest.

"Mark," Dad firmly held my shoulder, getting my thoughts back. "Go with the decision that'll make a good story for you. You won't regret it." Then he threw an encouraging smile at me. I replied with a soft nod, taking a mental note of what he said.

"Alright. Now, could you help me open this box?" He pointed to the one I brought just a while ago. I wonder what's in it because it almost gave me back pain by carrying it. Carefully, I opened it just to find a bunch of old dusty photo albums which I never knew existed.

I took one and I saw all of my childhood memories were displayed. Most of them consisted of our special events and pictures my parents used to take whenever my sisters, my brother, and I were doing things, even the most random ones.

There's a photo when I was 10, learning to ride a bicycle for the first time. I looked happy but not until I fell down from my bike, face first, and lost one of my teeth. It was fun to reminisce about the good old times that you still remember.

I dug further inside the box and took another album with 'Korea' written on its cover. As I slowly opened page after page, I found a lot of photos of me with another kid. He was cute. When he smiled widely, it makes the side of his pretty eyes wrinkle. If I’m not mistaken, he was my childhood neighbor back when my family were still living in Korea.

“Dad, do you still remember him?” I pointed to the said kid. My dad’s eyes squinted and fixed his glasses to take a closer look. Soon, his lips quirked to the side forming a big smile as he said, ”Of course! That’s Jinyoung. He’s your best friend back in Korea.”

Ah, Jinyoung… Right, right…

“He’s the son of Park family. You guys were inseparable. You played together, ate together, showered together, and there was even that one time when you made me buy a peach-shaped pillow just because you said it reminded you of him.” Dad teasingly laughed as he recalled that memory. “Jinyoung was also very protective over you, you know? He didn’t want to share you with the other kids at the playground.”

I find it a bit weird because I couldn’t really remember any stories which dad just told me. Maybe it’s because it all happened a long time ago. Soon, dad joined me in going through the whole album while telling me the story behind every picture. Only then did I start to remember our sweet memories in the past, one by one.

The story began when I first met him. I was four when my mom brought me to the playground in the neighborhood hoping I could make some friends there.

“Be good, okay?” was what my Mom told me before pushing me to play with the other kids. I pouted while looking around, but no one wanted to play with me. So instead, I sat down on the swing, holding a sob to myself because I felt left alone. Just then, a boy with red squishy cheeks approached me and despite his broken Korean, he handed me a juice box. I didn’t really understand what he was saying, but somehow, he was able to shoo away what I was feeling just a few minutes ago.

“I’m Yi En” I said in English. Yi En was my childhood name before I changed it to Mark when we moved to LA. The boy only looked at me with confusion, “Engrish?” was all he asked before he walked to where his Mom was while pointing at me. It turned out that his Mom was an interpreter so he asked her to translate what I said into Korean. My Mom immediately came to us to greet the boy’s mother, and with a little help I finally could talk to the said boy whose name I learned was Park Jinyoung.

“Hey, I like your cheeks. It’s squishy,” I laughed while poking Jinyoung’s cheek. He giggled and answered in Korean while lending his hand out for me to take.

“Yi En, do you want to be Jinyoung’s friend?” Mrs. Park smiled at me and I assumed she just translated what Jinyoung must have said before.

I looked at them both and smiled, “Yes!”

After that, my family became close with Jinyoung’s. We learned about each other’s culture, especially in terms of speaking Korean. Jinyoung also learned to speak English and that helped him to communicate with me better. Although Jinyoung seemed to be quiet and easily sulked over little things, I found him very considerate and warm.

He was my very first best friend.

I touched his face on the picture as I started to wonder how he’s probably doing right now. In my hand, I was holding a photo of our families together. We were in front of my house, but Jinyoung and I didn’t look so happy at that time.

“That was the day we were leaving for LA. Look. Your eyes were swollen because you cried all night.” Dad said as he stared at the picture too.

“I did. I remember I slept over at their house on our last day and we were crying together all night. Jinyoung kept asking me how to make me stay in Korea forever.” I smiled faintly without taking my eyes off the photo.

“Is that the reason why you asked Mr. Park to adopt you before we left?” Dad looked at me with questioning eyes only to be answered with a shrug.

I never knew that I could cry so hard because of someone until that day. My mom had to pull me away from Jinyoung to get me inside the car because we can’t afford to be late at the airport. But my feet won’t move as if they were deeply rooted to wherever Jinyoung was. My hand was still holding on to him firmly, not wanting to let go and my tears won’t stop as long as Jinyoung was in my sight. I shouted his name and repeatedly said that I didn’t want to go.

On the other side, Jinyoung didn’t do anything to hold me back. But his face was all crumpled up as he stifled a sob. Mrs. Park held Jinyoung in her arms from behind when my mom finally got me inside the car. Before our car left, I looked at Jinyoung once again through the open window. We exchanged sad glances briefly until he stepped and shouted. “Wait for me, Yi En! When I grow up, I will follow you to America!”

“It’s a promise! I will come back here again to meet you, Jinyoungie.” I yelled back.

The car started moving and getting further away. I didn’t understand it at first but my heart ached seeing him turning his back on me to cry in his mom’s arms from afar.

But, now, I understand those feelings.

I guess Jinyoung was not only my best friend.

He was my first love.

******

My fingers were on fire later that night stalking him through all of social media apps. As expected, my mind was full of Park Jinyoung right now.

Is he still in Korea? Which university does he go to? How is he doing in all these years? How does his face look like now?

Is he single?

I refuse to admit that, that one last question is what I most look forward to be answered.

There were hundreds of Park Jinyoung’s accounts but I cannot find a familiar face among all of them. I scrolled down slowly, looking carefully at each one, hoping that I could find him in the haystack. It was difficult since we didn’t have any mutual friends and I didn’t know which school he went to after I left. I tried to recall our childhood stories once again and looked for clues that might help me to find him.

I remembered one of our talks when we were playing in my room. There was a comic book in our hands while we were talking about our dreams when we grew up. I said I wanted to make films because I liked watching movies, and I am proud to say that I really am living my dream right now. Becoming a film student was one of my best decisions ever. Meanwhile, Jinyoung at that time just looked at me in silence and later said that he wanted to be an actor. He told me it must be fun and exciting to make a film together and we would definitely make a heck of a team.

From that memory, with a new tinge of hope, I looked for him using the keywords like ‘university drama’, ‘film club’, and so on.

As surprising as it was, my efforts paid off when I saw a headline written “Park Jinyoung, the talented actor and leader of University Y drama club” next to a picture of a handsome guy wearing a white shirt, smiling charmingly with his arms crossed, posing on-stage.

I looked him up once again to see what I can find with the university and the drama club. From there, it was pretty easy to track his social media account. There were several pictures of him with his friends but most of them were only random aesthetic pictures. I opened one of his photos to look closer at his face. The wrinkles beside his eyes were still clearly visible when he smiled. And those tiny puffy cheeks… I snickered.

That's Jinyoung.

That night, I spent my time digging this long-lost boy's information. Now I knew, aside from his handsome face, he was one of the top students and his drama club was pretty well known in the community. He also posted a sneak peek from his stage drama on his social media and left a link on the caption. Being greatly curious, I clicked on the link and it took me to his drama club’s account where they posted the full video of their performance. I watched it one by one, of course only focusing on Jinyoung's parts. And I'm not gonna lie, he's so good! Too good, in fact because my heart kept pounding so fast whenever he acted romantically with his co-actress. Once in a while, my face blushed and I couldn't help but feel irritated when I saw him kissing another girl.

I mean, he's really good and it looked so natural that it kind of made me… jealous?

The more I look into his works, the more I want to meet him again in person. I didn't know if he still remembered me or not, but I just needed to talk to him.

While I was scrolling on his social media, my phone went off ringing with Jackson's name showing on the screen, "What's up?" I asked as I lazily picked up the call.

"Yo, Mark come here! Bambam and I are at the bar. He's wasted and I'm not sure if I can drive. Please, come here and get us. He is a mess and he's getting crazy. I can’t handle him.  I-- oh !"

"Hey, are you drunk?” I asked him.

His reply came a few seconds later. "A little bit. Just bumped into someone… Sorry!" The last one was for whoever Jackson has bumped into. I am sure that they will not be okay by themselves so I decided to go and fetch them from the bar. But that was after I made Jackson beg for about fifteen minutes.

As soon as I arrived, Bambam practically passed out leaving Jackson seated alone with a half-empty bottle on his hand. We carried Bambam to the car while he's murmuring about his ty boyfriend. I figured I should just ask them to sleep at my apartment and Jackson agreed.

"How's your parents’ new house?" Jackson asked me when we were already relaxing in my room.

"It's good. We've just done unpacking and they are happy so far." I said, which was answered by a nod from Jackson.

"By the way, what's wrong with Bambam? You said he just broke up with his boyfriend?"

"Yeah, his boyfriend cheated on him." Jackson sipped on his cold water before he talked again. "It’s a bummer since they were already planning to spend the rest of the summer together at a beach house somewhere."

"Lucky, he hasn't booked a flight yet. It would’ve been such a waste."

I thought for a minute, realizing I still have a month left before summer break is over. I know it was a last-minute call but I think it's worth the shot.

"Jack…" I played with the glass in my hand, swirling the water inside it. Jackson only hummed in response. "I'm going to Korea next week."

"The ?” He exclaimed. “Why Korea all of sudden?"

"Why not? I think spending my holiday in Korea would be fun! Besides, isn't it exciting to visit my hometown back when I was a kid?"

Jackson didn't reply to me right away. Instead, he just sat in silence and looked at me suspiciously.

"Really? Are you sure you're not hiding something from me?"

I took a deep breath. What's the point of hiding it from Jackson? He's gonna find out about it sooner or later anyway.

"Well, there's this guy I want to meet.” I trailed off. “He was my best friend back in Korea. I just found him again through social media, and I feel like I just need to meet him… That's all…"

"Okay," he responded. There's a pause for a few seconds before he asked again, "But why are you blushing?"

"W-what do you mean?" I stuttered while holding my cheeks which I assume were getting flustered.

"If you could only see your face right now,” He said with a little smirk on his face. “And secondly…" he stopped again for a moment and asked.

"Is he hot?"

I didn't say a word but my body reacted in a different way with my head nodding a bit more aggressively.

"Mark, I thought you're just a hopeless romantic idiot kind of guy but actually, there's someone all along, huh? You son of a !" He laughed as he threw a pillow at me. Then I started to tell him all about Jinyoung, about our stories, our promise, and how we lost contact for almost fourteen years.

Jackson said I absolutely should fly there to keep my promise. He even offered to accompany me for a few weeks. Of course, that involves forcing Bambam to come with us too. That night, we talked about our plan once we set foot in Korea and how I'm gonna find Jinyoung. Along the conversation, Jackson convinced me to make excessive gestures once Jinyoung and I finally met each other. He said it was ing romantic. I said I would be very grateful if he still remembered my name, at least.

"Come on, is that the attitude of a person who wants to meet their first love after all these years?"

"Not gonna risk it with unnecessary embarrassment."

"Hey, you've been breaking so many hearts. At least, make an effort for the one who you think is worth it."

Jackson's words somehow made me wonder about the reason why I couldn't fall in love with any of those men who I used to date. Is it because of Jinyoung?

My mind was occupied with all the possibilities which could happen once we meet again and it only made me very nervous. I just couldn't wait any longer to see him again.

Jinyoungie.

******

"Jinyoungie look!!! That one looks like a kite!" I yelled as I pointed to the brightest stars on the night sky. We sat at Jinyoung's yard in front of a nice tent that Mr. Park built for us. He thought it would bring a good experience for us to do outdoor camping.

"That one looks like a horse!" He said while looking up with joy.

"Woah, you're right! I wonder what its name is?” I said without taking my eyes from the stars. “My sister said some of the brightest stars will form a constellation and each of them has a name."

"If it's up to me, then I will name it Horsey."

"Nyoungie, you're not really that creative." Jinyoung pouted his lips as soon as he heard my remark which made me giggle. For a moment, we both sat in silence to admire the beautiful starry night before Jinyoung asked me, “Yi En, what is it like in America?”

It took me a while to wonder because I’ve also never been to America before. "I don't know. But my dad said that I could eat a lot of pizza there. There are many fun places too, like Disneyland and the beach...” This time Jinyoung turned his face towards me. With his shining little eyes, he smiled at me, “It must be fun living there,” I nodded in agreement.

"Make sure you send me a lot of photos once you get there.” He continued. Although he didn't exactly look sad, I knew he's probably holding his emotions in. “But it won’t be as fun as being here with you.” I said as my lips fell down forming a pensive frown.

“Stop it. You’re making me sad.” He looked at me sternly, but I chose to ignore it and started to whine. “That’s true, though. What if I don’t meet friends there? You know I’m not good at making friends.”

“Idiot. I’m the one who’s supposed to say that. You know the other kids don’t like to play with me because I’m annoying.” This time was his turn to mope.

“You’re the idiot one here! What are you talking about? Who said you’re annoying?” I asked, demanding a response. “You're cute. Someone will want to be your friend.”

Jinyoung suddenly became quiet for a moment. He seemed hesitant. I saw how he played with his fingers before he asked me again with a low voice, "You really think so?"

"Think what so?" I creased my forehead as I asked him again. “That someone will want to be your friend?”

“Yes, that too. But…”

“But?”

Now his brows are knitted, and if he looks hesitant before, he looks more hesitant now. But I still need to ask. “…But what?”

"You really think I'm cute?"

His cheeks flustered right after he asked that. He can’t even look at me, while I try hard to catch his eyes. When our glances met, I smiled at him as I answered.

"Of course I do! Our Jinyoungie is the cutest kid in the neighborhood!"

A wide smile started to appear on his face making the whisker under his eyes clearly visible. So I felt the need to add more to what I’ve said, just to see that bright smile stay on his lips.

"I can imagine your face pop-up on TV! Doing commercials and movies like celebrities."

"You sure have high hopes for me." He says timidly, but his smile is still there although he’s trying to hide it.

"Of course! I'll make sure that I will be the most famous director in the whoooole world and you would be my biggest star!"

"Okay, just watch me walking on the red carpet."

Then we're laughing at our silly dream imagining the bright future ahead of us. Still sticking together through thick and thin although we knew we're gonna grow apart after I left.

"Nyoungie, whatever happens, remember that there will be someone who's watching you and supporting you. Always."

After that, all I could feel was Jinyoung's warm hug embracing me on that breezy night. See, there were so many things that I liked. Ramyun, summer, Spiderman, kimchi, turtle-shape chocolate ice cream…

But that night, his hug went straight to the top of my list. It's very comforting. I let him hug me for a while. But as soon as I drawn into his embrace, I felt my body was shaking and then I heard something…

"Mark, wake up! We are here!"

I opened my eyes to see Bambam waking me up from my nap. I looked to the other side. The Y University building was standing before my eyes from the taxi’s window.  Immediately, I felt a little nervous, especially after having a dream of the specific person who had been in my mind for the past couple of weeks.

"So, what's your plan for today?" Jackson asked me when we already sat on a bench beside a large football field.

“Okay, my plan today is to come here and maybe look around for a while. I got the information that his drama club was in the middle of their preparation for this week's performance. I hoped I could meet him there while he's practicing.”

"You don't forget to bring a , do you?" Bambam asked and how I really want to smack his head so hard, but I realized it’s not worth the effort so I just rolled my eyes at him. "What? Better prepared than sorry, man!"

"What you’re saying is stupid and ridiculous!” I told him. “This will be our first meeting... Well, it’s our first meeting after a long time. So, your reminder is unnecessary. We won't do much anyway."

"You never know, Mark." Bambam won’t just give up.

This time Jackson excitedly gave his idea which he should’ve anticipated I'll never approve. "I told you, romantic gesture! You stand at that field with a romantic song playing from the speaker and you tell them that you're looking for your first love… then you shout his name out: ‘Park Jinyoung!’" Jackson demonstrated his idea, complete with his dramatic expression and big hand gestures. I was glad that he didn’t shout as what he was telling me, instead he just whisper-shouted the said name. Bambam and I only stared at him in a mixture of disbelief and embarrassment.

"Really, Jackson? Really?" Bambam started questioning his best friend's ability to win a man's heart.

"Why not?"

"If that's all you can get from your crazy head, then you cannot be my wingman."

"Wait, what wing man?" Jackson asks Bambam.

"I'm gonna walk around too and hopefully meet a cute guy, or two." Bambam smirked.

"I'm going with you! Trust me. I won't disappoint." Jackson insisted right away while raising his two fingers making a peace sign. While they still bickered over a dumb matter, I stood up from my seat and got ready. “Whatever, guys. I’m gonna look around by myself. You two do whatever you want but don’t make any scandalous scene.” I was about to leave but then I forgot to add something so I turned to face them again. “But if you do make a scene, don’t drag my name to it. I’ll pretend I didn’t know you.” That, and I went on my way towards the building on the left where the auditorium was.

It was already evening, I assumed the classes were almost over, though there were still many students gathered around the campus. As I walked along the building’s hallway, I saw many trophies placed inside a big glass cabinet. Mostly were from drama competitions. I guess that was true, that Jinyoung’s club was no joke in their community. While I was looking at it one by one, a group of students walked past me towards one room carrying some props and costumes for the show. And when they opened the door, I could hear loud music coming from there.

My heart quickens, realizing I might meet him once I step into this area. My brain was rattled, trying to find the perfect words to say to him. , even my brain considered one of Jackson’s suggestion right now ‘should I bring a flower or a gift? That would be nice right?’

Without me realizing, my feet walked by itself towards the closed door now. I just stared at the knob and thought whether I should come in or not. My head was just trying to convince my confused heart because suddenly I don’t feel like I am ready to meet him.

‘What if he didn’t remember me at all? It was a long time ago and we were still kids. What should I say then?’ was all I thought as my hand went back and forth at the knob. Before I went completely crazy, there’s a voice coming from behind me.

“Excuse me, you’re blocking the way.”

I turned my head to find a man standing before me carrying props and a bundle of cables. I stuttered because I don’t really understand what he said. Suddenly, I forgot most of my Korean.

“I-- I don’t understand Korean.” I said in English.

“Aahh… you must be the exchange student, right? Did you come here to watch our play?” He immediately replied in English with his sunny bright smile.

"Uh, is it okay?" I asked him to make sure.

"Sure! Why not? What major are you from?" He asked me again. But before I could answer him back, I heard the sound of the door opening from behind me.

“There you are! Youngjae where’s the props?”

Thump!

This sweet slightly yet deep voice is kinda familiar to my ear.

“Here, hyung. I have it!” This Youngjae guy answered while lifting them up. Then he looked at me again pointing towards the room with his head, “Come on! It’s okay... ” as he walked past where the man was.

I had no choice but to turn around this time. As I slowly faced that man, instantly my heart was beating so fast. I couldn’t move my body and it seemed like my mouth was unable to speak clearly. Because Jinyoung was there. He was standing right in front of me.

I was mesmerized that he was even better in person than the photos. Like a movie, the memories about him ages ago played in my head. The little Jinyoungie I used to know now turned into a beautiful man. There’s no innocent or cute pouty face, only a mature-attractive version of Jinyoung.

For a few seconds we exchanged glances without a sound. Until Youngjae cleared his throat and took me back into this reality, “Hyung, this exchange student wants to see our practice.” He said.

“O-oh, I see.. Please, come on in.” Jinyoung said without moving his stare from me.

“Thank you. I’m sorry for interrupting.” I answered while trying to maintain my composure.

“It’s okay.” Jinyoung smiled and then turned his eyes to Youngjae asking him to give the props to the team. That left us both together at the side of the room. I could see the auditorium was full of hectic students preparing for the show where each department was working on their part.

“We have a performance this Saturday. So, we are kinda hectic lately to prepare and practice.” Jinyoung started the conversation.

“I see… Which department are you in?”

“Actually, I play the main role. But for this performance I made the script too.”

“Wow, really? That’s great!”

“Thanks. Hopefully it’ll be good because it’s a little bit different than we usually play.”

“Don’t worry, I know it will be good,” I gave him an encouragement that Jinyoung responded with a smile. The whiskers that slightly appeared under his eyes still fascinate me.

“By the way, I’m Jinyoung.” he gave me his hand. I guess Jinyoung really doesn’t remember me at all. Disappointment was understatement, but I tried to hide it “I’m Mark.” I took his hand and shook it. “So, what’s the story about?” I continued to ask. But Jinyoung only looked at me with a meaningful glint in his eyes, “you’ll know when you come to our show.”

“Well, I guess I should come then.” I said as Jinyoung nodded his head in satisfaction. While we observed from the side, I could feel Jinyoung stole a glance at me once in a while. His acting may be good to others, but his subtlety cannot fool me. Even back then I knew when Jinyoung was hiding something from me. Turned out that thing never changed.

“Is there something wrong with my face?” I asked him. That question surprisingly made him flustered. “N-no, I’m sorry. It’s just...” He didn’t finish his sentence when a guy suddenly came approaching us. He is undoubtedly very good looking and fierce. The way he walked was firm and kinda intimidating at the same time.

"What are you doing here?" He asked when he arrived at where we were. "I accompany the exchange student to see around. By the way, this is Mark," Jinyoung introduced me to that guy. "And Mark, this is Jaebeom. He is also one of our main actors."

Jaebeom didn’t say a word but he nodded to greet me and I responded immediately. I don't understand but surely there's some kind of tension coming up from him. "Come on, we gotta start practicing again." He said to Jinyoung.

"Right. Mark, I need to go back. But you are very welcome if you still want to stay.”

“Sure, thanks.” I said briefly.

They started walking towards the stage, but suddenly Jinyoung stopped in the middle. He turned his back to face me once again with hesitancy was shown on his face. His lips seemed wanting to say something but he didn’t do it. Instead, he just raised his hand and waved goodbye awkwardly. I waved him back and let Jinyoung went to do his job.

After he left, I leaned my back to the wall and let out a loud sigh. I felt like I complicated myself right now. It was supposed to be easy to tell Jinyoung that I’m Yi En, his childhood best friend. But I didn't know why I was just scared. And part of me just didn’t want to embarrass myself if turnout he totally forgot about me. Even though, deep down I felt like there’s a little hope that Jinyoung might recognize me. I truly hope so.

******

"Mark, come here!" Bambam shouted from the table that was in the far back on the corner of the shop. From where I stood, I only saw Bambam and one guy sitting next to him. I couldn't see whoever sat on the other side because the counter blocked the view.

I arrived at the cafe near Jinyoung's University. Jackson called me earlier to come here. He said they met someone and there's something interesting I should know, but I don't really want to hang out right now. Just an hour ago, I witnessed something I didn't like. One bit!

I stayed for a while in the auditorium because I wanted to see Jinyoung a little longer. But all I could see was that Jaebeom guy flirted with him all the time. They joked around and once in a while he put his hand on Jinyoung's waist or shoulder. Of course, Jinyoung tried to keep the situation serious while practicing, but I'm not stupid to not realize that there must be something between them. Because at some part of the play, they needed to hug each other. The way Jaebeom embraced him making me uneasy. And Jinyoung seemed too absorb into the character and his glad expression frustrating me. Then I took my leave to cool my head because I realized I started becoming a jealous child.

One step, two steps, I was walking near to the said table. As I get closer, I recognize Jackson sat across them. "There he is! Come, sit here." Jackson exclaimed this time as he pointed to the empty seat beside him. My eyes moved right away to Bambam's side where a huge guy sat next to him.

I took a seat next to Jackson and politely said hello to the guy. “So, this is Yugyeom. We met back at the campus. And he also owns this cafe, isn’t it cool?" Bambam excitedly introduced him to me. From that, I already got a hint that Bambam obviously has his eyes on this guy, knowing Yugyeom was perfectly his ideal type. It's a little bit ironic because we came to Korea hoping that I would have a pleasant encounter with my first love, instead it happened to Bambam only in a matter of hours.

"Right, right. And he was so kind to accompany us walking around this area. You live around here too, right?" Jackson then asked the guy.

"Well yes, only one block from here. And please don’t mention it. It's not a big deal. It's my pleasure to meet you, guys," Yugyeom replied while looking shy.

"Oh! You said your roommate is kinda popular at the campus, right?" This time Bambam asked him but it seemed like he's trying to get some kind of information.

"Yeah… Jinyoung is quite popular in our campus. No one doesn't know who he is..."

My attention was caught right away when I heard that specific name. I moved my seat slowly to get closer to the table so I could hear him clearly while waiting for Yugyeom to continue his story. I could sense that Jackson is giggling right next to me, probably finding my reaction amusing, but I don't give a damn.

"But sometimes he can be stupid and oblivious to someone who likes him. I don't know how many times people would come to me and ask if I could help them get closer with him. But in the end, he will reject them all." Yugyeom shook his head remembering his roommate's behavior.

"See! It's the same with him! Mark is always mean and cold-heartedly rejects the boys who like him too." Jackson pointed at me after hearing Yugyeom's whining over his friend. That act made Yugyeom laugh, "Sorry, I complain too much even though we just met. My bad habit."

"No problem at all! We like to hear more about you." Bambam touched Yugyeom's arm to convince him to tell a little bit more.

"Yeah, we want to know more about Korea. About the people… also you can talk about your roommate for sure!" Jackson followed Bambam's lead, demanding another story. I admit sometimes my best friends can be the most idiotic persons that someone could ever meet. But at certain times, they can be very dependable in their own way, which is still in a dumb way.

"Uhm. Okay, what do you want to know?"

"Does your roommate have a boyfriend already?" Jackson asked him straight to the point, making my eyes widen because of his shamelessness.

"Nope. Still single. I think he will be single for a very long time though. All he could think of is his ambition to make it to Hollywood or Broadway."

"Why Hollywood?" I was getting more curious. Yugyeom looked up and thought for a bit. "I don't understand either. All Jinyoung told me was he had some kind of promise with someone. He said he's gonna make it there and meet him."

"No way," I laughed nervously.

"No, seriously. Jinyoung said to me that the reason he is so into acting is because of this person. All of his friends in the drama club know this. That's why sometimes he can be so hard on himself, especially after he becomes the leader. He's always perfecting his skill and pushes his team to make incredible performances." His smile shows how proud he is while continuing to tell all those stories he heard from Jinyoung about me and our dream.

It took me aback for a second because I never thought Jinyoung would take our promise very seriously. We were just kids back then. That was supposed to be a long-forgotten promise. A dream that was made over some random talks and daydreaming, with a wishful thinking of always being together.

"He's cool..." Jackson murmured in awe, followed by Bambam's nod.

"I know…" Yugyeom continued, "Everybody loves and respects him… especially his best friend, Jaebeom.”

And that single mention of that name was enough to almost make me forget how nice it previously felt, listening to everything Yugyeom has said. That name Jaebeom felt like a sting to my ear. It’s like an irritating buzz which seems to send bad signals to my brain. I don’t want to hear it, yet my inner curiosity cannot lie that I need to know more about this guy.

And so, I asked. “What about him?”

To this question, Yugyeom answered in a beat. “It’s not just about him. It’s about them.” He said, putting an emphasis on that pronoun. “They are like this power couple whenever they’re together. We all know how ambitious Jinyoung is especially when he has set his mind on something. His determination to achieve his goal could never be questioned. But there are times when he feels like breaking down too. That can’t be helped. Good thing Jaebeom is always there to cheer him up and keeping the team’s spirit up, too. They always say they’re just best friends, but I’m not buying it.”

“Why not?” and maybe I shouldn’t have asked that. I saw how Bambam and Jackson whipped their heads to stare at me after I threw that question not more than a second after Yugyeom’s last word. But I tried to keep a kind of face which doesn’t completely show how affected I am because of what he said. Just the kind of face which shows that I am paying attention to what Yugyeom is saying.

Yugyeom smirked and I refuse to talk about how I find that smirk annoying. For goodness sake, I just met the guy. I shouldn’t think like this about him. I returned my attention to him as he answers my question. “Well, obviously, Jaebeom likes Jinyoung. Anyone who say otherwise is probably blind or just plain stupid. That one is clearer than day. Jaebeom likes Jinyoung. I’m betting my café on it.”

Maybe it was because I failed to ask a follow up question that’s why Jackson opted to do that for me and went ahead and asked. “And Jinyoung? What about him? Do you think he likes Jaebeom too?”

“Jinyoung never says it out loud, but I know he will probably accept him if Jaebeom is brave enough to confess. They match together after all.”

That left Jackson and Bambam stared at me in silence, awaiting my response after hearing everything.

But what should I say? How should I respond? Heaving a sigh, I finally spoke. “I see… Jinyoung must be liking him too…” I muttered, unsure if I was talking to Yugyeom or talking to myself. I only lowered my expectations to whatever answer he might give after this because I knew what he might say would definitely make me feel down.

It took a few seconds, until Yugyeom shrugged. “I can’t say no to that.”

What Yugyeom said gave an unwanted conclusion to my unnecessary assumption– that we’ll always just be two old friends with the same dream. And aside from that dream, there’s nothing else that we share. For a while, I thought that maybe, even just a little, there was a chance for me to be more than just an old friend to him. I don’t know. Maybe I was just too caught up in fantasizing old memories and exciting possibilities of the future. I stared outside from the window across our table, leaving them three to continue and talk about other things. I was drowning in my own thoughts whether I should go back home soon because obviously nothing in my plan was near to being successful.

******

Only my footsteps were heard as I arrived at the auditorium. For the past three days, I contemplated whether I should still come or not. I said that I'm not going, yet here I am standing in the middle of this empty auditorium while hoping that maybe I could see him even for a while before I travel back home.

I took a seat on the front row, looking at the shimmering stage that seemed to have just been cleaned a while ago. No one was staying late anymore. I guess they all took a break to prepare themselves for a big night. Jinyoung might be in his apartment right now. Actually, I could ask Bambam for Yugyeom's number just to ask where Jinyoung’s place is but what's the use, right?

I stayed there long enough, lost in my thoughts until I noticed that someone had been standing right beside me. I just realized it when the said person suddenly handed me a drink, almost shoving it to my face. As I looked up to find out who this person was, my heart started to jump again. All I could see was a beautiful man beaming at me; the only person that I really wanted to see all day; the one I’ve been waiting for because I'm gonna miss him very much after this. Jinyoung was wearing a pink sweater and he looked very cute. The pink sweater really matches him very well.

“Take it,” he asked me to take the drink from his hand. I took it slowly and thanked him without moving my eyes off of him. He only chuckled and made his way to the empty seat next to me.

"What are you doing here, by the way?" He asked and I shrugged nervously. "Nothing. I thought I could visit and see the final practice. But it turns out only you were here."

"Yeah, I was just checking up on some preparation backstage. Everybody has already gone home."

"I can see that…" I said while looking around the room. "You should go home too."

"I need to check on some other things first."

"Is there anything I could help?"

"It's fine. Don’t worry."

The conversation ended. We didn’t say a word for a few minutes, but I comfortably enjoyed the silence. That simple moment made me understand what it meant to find that special someone, when you don’t have to fill every minute talking about pointless topics to avoid the awkwardness. With him, there is no abrupt drop of silence or awkward smile but a peaceful silence being shared by two people who are simply enjoying the connection between each other. Or maybe, it’s just me who thinks like this. Perhaps, it’s different in his case. And that thought makes me sad.

Jinyoung started shifting in his seat, leaned forward so he could see my face clearly. “Are you okay, Mark?” was all he asked me. I looked at him right away, “Of course. Why?” But, Jinyoung didn’t seem sure of my response. “You look upset though.” I shook my head to convince him, "No, maybe I’m just tired…” I took a glance at his side, “and maybe... feel a little bit lost too.”

Jinyoung didn’t say a word, but he seemed to be thinking about something. “Mind to tell me what’s bothering you?” He asked as his eyes were getting softer. I was hesitant at first, thinking that it’s better to keep my thoughts for myself. But Jinyoung kept asking me if he could help to ease my worries. I simpered, knowing Jinyoung will always be Jinyoung. He can’t stand seeing someone else in distress.

“To be honest, I came to Korea to find an answer. But I think I'm not gonna find it any sooner."

“And you’re frustrated because of that?”

Not just frustrated! I want to say because it’s a lot more than just frustration and a bit more of hurt. But I can’t say that. So instead, I responded, “Yeah. Pretty much that.”

Jinyoung responded with a simple nod. He was taking his time to collect his thoughts. I think he was trying to say something that could calm my nerves. He carefully spoke, hoping to give some sense into my head. “I don’t know what exactly is troubling you, Mark. But I’ve been there too. Many times, I feel like I still have a lot of things unanswered. And I’m not even halfway there to get the answers. Heck, I’m not even sure if I can get it, though.” A faint smile appeared on his sweet lips. “Sometimes, I just want to give up but I can’t. And I didn’t.” He then stared back at me again. “Wanna know why?”

I almost got lost at how those eyes were staring at me. But somehow, I was able to say at least one word. “Why?”

And that’s when his smile appeared. It’s a different smile, not like the faint one before. This one seems more genuine. “Because someone important once told me this, ‘Whatever happens, remember that there will be someone who's watching you and supporting you. Always.’”

His eyes wandered away, averting his gaze from me while still trailing off after his last word. “Now, at least, you’ve done something. Coming here to Korea, it takes great courage. You should pat yourself at the back for being a little bit braver than how you usually have been.” I kept silent after that. But my heart almost stopped when I felt him grabbing my hand gently, flipped it over so he could open my hand and put a ticket on my palm. “I don’t know if it could help, but I hope you can come tomorrow. Because I feel like I can find my answer too.”

There’s a strong determination in Jinyoung’s eyes that strangely gave me courage. I decided not to be a coward anymore. Like Jackson said, at least I should make an effort for the one who’s worth it, right? I carefully put the ticket inside my pocket and promised him that I’ll come to his performance tomorrow.

******

[Third person’s POV]

Mark was sitting at the middle row in an auditorium with his head bowed down. A bottle of water was on his hand, occasionally drinking it to cover his nervousness while muttering to himself, why was he doing this?

He regretted already not bringing his two best friends to come here. He could use their company to lessen his nervousness knowing it might be his last time to see his first love. After last night's conversation, he was determined to be honest with Jinyoung once the show was over. He looked up to see the auditorium was getting crowded by the audience. Next to him was a group of girls who turned out to be Jinyoung’s fans. Mark noticed it because one girl couldn’t stop talking about how handsome Jinyoung was on the poster she’s holding. He took a deep sigh, because he understood exactly how she feels. He had seen the posters displayed on the front of the ticket office and he’s not gonna lie that it made his heart race admiring his childhood friend’s beauty. Childhood friend… if this night ends in his favor, this could be the last time he’ll refer to Jinyoung as that.

While the girls were still fangirling over Jinyoung, an old man walked upon the stage to give a brief opening speech. He welcomed the audience and then proudly introduced the production team. The auditorium was calming for a moment until he specifically mentioned Jinyoung’s name as the main role, the girl next to Mark started squealing again. He wished to change his seat if he could, but all seats were taken already. Only a few in the back were still available and it was the worst. He just have to remind himself not to strangle the girls if they’re getting too loud for his ears’ liking.

The lights were off and everything became dark. The classical instrument was played as a cue that the drama has just started. Mark was getting excited. He wanted to completely focus on the storyline because it was written by his dearest friend. He got the idea that the story was about a lonely boy who accidentally met an elf. The elf was joyous and charismatic, and he was lost in the human world. The boy could feel a strong connection between them, that's why, instantly they can become friends.

He must admit that Jinyoung was really smart to make this kind of story interesting and keep it expensive with its musical. But one thing that caught Mark’s attention right away was how Jinyoung portrayed the boy’s character exactly looked like him when he was a kid. The way he talked, the way he moved, and his behavior towards something he didn’t like. His temper, his sulking, and his kindness that nobody ever noticed. Mark kept smiling to a little detail from the boy that reminded him of Jinyoung.

One day the elf needed to go back home. So, the boy offered to accompany him until they arrived at the mystical forest. The boy was sad because he never felt like this before. The elf has created many happy magical moments in his life and now he was afraid of losing his only friend. But he couldn't force him to stay in the human world for too long. When they almost got to the mystical forest, the boy suddenly held on to the elf’s hand so tightly.

With a sob he said, "I'll be alone again, once you leave."

"It's okay… I know we're from two different worlds, but don't worry. I'll be watching you and someday we'll meet again. Until the day comes, follow where the star leads you."

Mark felt familiar with the plot and noticed something strange with their conversation. Throughout the story Mark finally realized that this was not just an ordinary story. It’s not merely just about the boy and his elf friend. This was about him and Jinyoung.

Finally, Jinyoung appeared as the grown-up version of the boy. The story continued as the boy grew up, he determined to find the elf again. But everybody in the village couldn't believe him. He asked all the people in the village but never got any result. As times goes by, he knew how to meet the elf again by following the star that the elf had told him before. He needed to be somebody. And that changed Jinyoung’s life forever.

Mark couldn’t believe what he just saw. Right now, he’s watching the journey from Jinyoung’s point of view. Turned out all this time Jinyoung never forgot about him at all. Instead, Mark was always on his mind and was the source of his spirit to keep going. Mark could feel how great Jinyoung’s feelings towards the elf was. Although it’s just a short period of time, it turns out the elf has made a deep impression on him. And it might be not just simply admiration or friendship. It was more than that.

The answer was getting clearer and clearer. Through the end Jinyoung finally could meet the elf again. Their faces lit up when they saw each other. Then Jinyoung ran onto him and fell into each other’s embrace. The sound of the narration was heard as a sign to end the scene,

It’s an indescribable feeling when you finally meet the one you were meant to be with. It changes you. And suddenly you want to be so much more and you see the world in a softer glow.

Just remember that feeling.

When time ticks on and life starts to get in the way.

Don’t forget how you felt in the first moment when you realized they were it.

The curtain has closed. All the cast gathered to give their final bow to the audience. Jinyoung glanced around at the crowd, looking for a special person he expected to come. He couldn’t hide his nervousness when The MC gave him a mic to give a short thank you speech. He took a long deep breath before he voiced what has been on his mind.

“Thank you to everyone who’s coming. I hope you have a good show tonight. We’ll always give our best to make an amazing performance too in the future…” He paused for a second. His eyes were still wandering around but he couldn’t see any of the people in front of them clearly. “I-- I also want to give a special thanks to the most important person who has encouraged me till now. Tuan Yi En! If you are here right now, please stand up!”

Jinyoung could hear a murmur from the crowd. Some of them turned their body to the right and left searching for the said person while the cast was confused by the sudden act of Jinyoung. A minute had passed, no one in this room was standing up upon his request. Slowly, he lowered his head and chuckled to himself because he felt stupid. “Ah… I think he couldn’t come today. Anyway, thank you once again everyone and have a nice weekend!”

With a weak step he went to the backstage. All his friends were hugging him to congratulate him on his successful performance. But he cannot deny that he felt some kind of a huge hole formed inside his heart. Because Mark wasn’t there.

The first time he laid his eyes on him at the auditorium few days ago he knew that Mark wasn’t only an exchanged student. His gut feelings told him that Mark was different. But he wasn’t confident enough to confront the said guy because he wasn’t sure if Mark was really the one he longing for for so long.

Could he be just resembling to Yi En? If he truly is Yi En, why did he change his name? Was the question Jinyoung thought to himself after all this time. But when he heard Yugyeom’s story when he met Mark that night and after their conversation at the auditorium yesterday, he decided to follow his gut. Because, now, he was sure that Mark might be Yi En. That’s why he dared himself to invite Mark to come to the show tonight. To get the answer he’s been waiting for.

In the middle of their little celebration, Jinyoung noticed there’s someone else who had been standing in the back, waiting his turn to congratulate the team leader. Mark was smiling at him with a bouquet of flowers in his hand. They exchanged glances with each other. Jinyoung approached him without a rush, without hesitancy anymore.

“Congratulation, you really are the brightest star tonight.” Mark said as he handed the bouquet to Jinyoung when he finally stood in front of him. It may sound like a tease but Mark actually meant it. Jinyoung really took his breath away tonight with his voice, his talent, his beauty. Everything.

"Thanks…" Jinyoung took the bouquet from Mark's hand without moved his stare from the said guy. He tried to be calm but he just couldn't hold his emotion any longer. "What took you so long?" Jinyoung suddenly bursted out the question as his voice got a little shaky cause he tried so hard to hold ton of feelings inside of him.

There's a paused for seconds before Mark gave the most enchanted and genuine smile causing Jinyoung to blush. "I'm sorry it took me a while to come to you. The journey to your world is so far away. But, the star led me on to you, so I can find you again." Mark was quoting a little part of the dialog from the play that resulting Jinyoung to chortle.

He tried to cover his mouth while holding his laughter. "You're cheesy…" Jinyoung threw a banter.

“Are you sure? The last time I heard I’m full of joy and charismatic.” That tease got a respond by a soft hit to Mark’s arm. But he just chuckled to Jinyoung’s reaction because Mark found it cute. “Yi En, you're such an idiot…” was Jinyoung said before he suddenly wrapped his arms around Mark tightly which the other returned it with pulling Jinyoung closer into his hug.

Just like that time when they sat below a starry night, Mark felt it again. The warmth of Jinyoung’s embrace. Now, it felt so right. Only comfortable silence and overflowing feelings that came between them. Because they already knew what their heart wanted to tell.