Trigger warnings: Mention of death

 

María was drifting in and out of her own world and the real world. In each world, she was with Hwasa. Hwasa in the school courtyard, talking to her and Wheein. Hwasa next to her bed, talking to someone she couldn’t see. 

 

“Hwa…” María tried to say, but her tongue felt heavy. It wouldn’t say any of the words she wanted it to. 

 

Hwasa leaned over her in the school courtyard, where she’d fallen during a game of soccer. She offered her her hand. Wheein was laughing somewhere in the background. 

 

Hwasa leaned over her as María lay in the bed, trying to shush her sister. Someone else asked Is she okay? 

 

That voice, that voice was familiar… Not Wheein, but… 

 

Moonbyul.

 

María turned her head enough to see Moonbyul on the other side of her bed, sitting in a wheelchair. 

 

“I came to visit you,” she smiled. “María-ya.”

 

“You…” María took a deep breath. Whatever they’d given her was strong. “Talking… to…”

 

María couldn’t do it. 

 

“Who am I talking to?” Moonbyul filled in for her. 

 

María nodded. 

 

“You, silly,” Moonbyul said with a laugh that told María she was lying. 

 

María turned to Hwasa, who looked concerned. She turned back to Moonbyul.

 

“Hwasa…”   

 

“Is Hwasa here?” Moonbyul asked nervously. 

 

“You see…” 

 

Moonbyul sighed. She looked over María, right at Hwasa. 

 

“I’ve met your sister now,” Moonbyul said with an anxious smile. 

 

“Moonbyul-shi can see me now,” Hwasa said with a real smile.

 

“She’s really nice,” Moonbyul said. “I’m glad I get to talk to her now too!”

 

María shut her eyes. This had to be a dream, right? There was no way this could be reality. For three years, only she could see Hwasa. 

 

“Let her sleep,” she heard Hwasa say. “They had to come back. She was crying, apologizing to me…” 

 

María fought against the darkness. She forced her eyes open and looked at Moonbyul.

 

“I was at the top of the stairs,” she said slowly. “Hwasa…” 

 

“You don’t have to talk right now.” Moonbyul took her hand. 

 

María was so glad Moonbyul’s hand was finally warm again. Not cold, not cold like… She turned to Hwasa and reached out for her, but her sister only looked at her, sadness etched into her face.

 

She felt Moonbyul tug her hand, and she turned back toward her. 

 

“Rest, María-ya. They told me you stayed by my side for three days. I’ll stay by yours.” 

 

“Hwasa…” María wasn’t going to stop. She had to tell Moonbyul so she would see her for the monster she was. She deserved to know the truth. 

 

“I pushed her. She fell, neck cracked. The sirens…” 

 

Moonbyul squeezed her hand. “Rest, María-ya.” 

 

María tried to shake her head. “I’m bad.” 

 

“No, no you’re not.” Moonbyul smiled at her. 

 

María was so tired. She let her eyes shut, and this time she didn’t even dream. 

 

***

 

“She didn’t do it,” Moonbyul said to Hwasa. They were on either side of a sleeping María. “Why haven’t you told her? You’ve been with her for three years! You just let her suffer like this?”

 

“I tell her all the time,” Hwasa said with a sigh. She turned to look out the window. “I can’t live my life, but it’s worse she can’t live hers. No matter how hard I try to tell her, she just… She refuses to accept it.” 

 

“Let me help. I’ll tell her too.”

 

Hwasa turned to Moonbyul and smiled. 

 

“It’s nice to not be alone anymore. For me, for María.” 

 

The clacking of heels distracted both the girls. Moonbyul turned to see Dr. Kim and her eternal smile entering the room.

 

Even María stirred. 

 

“Oh perfect!” Dr. Kim clapped her hands. “María-shi, you’re awake. Can we talk for a moment?” 

 

María nodded. 

 

“And Moonbyul-shi, the nurse is here to take you back to the infirmary.” 

 

Before Moonbyul could protest, the nurse was pushing her wheelchair out of the room. 

 

“María-shi,” Dr. Kim pulled a chair up next to María’s bed. “Do you want to tell me what happened last night?” 

 

María turned to look at Hwasa. 

 

Hwasa shrugged. 

 

“You should tell her,” she said.

 

“You were calling for your sister?” Dr. Kim prompted. 

 

“Apologizing,” María corrected her. “I threw a pillow at her.” 

 

Confusion flashed across Dr. Kim’s face for a moment before she nodded. 

 

“And because I killed her, three years ago, at the top of the stairs.” 

 

Dr. Kim nodded. “Can you see her? Is she here now?” 

 

María pointed toward the window.

 

“Ah, okay.” Dr. Kim said, smiling. 

 

“I know you can’t.” María hated when everyone pretended, as if they were appeasing her. 

 

“María-shi, we can talk about seeing your sister, but first I want to ask you something else. I’ve read what you told previous doctors and what you told the police. You always say you killed your sister. Do you remember that night?”

 

“I was at the top of the stairs, Hwasa was at the bottom, her neck was at a weird angle, sirens, then no sirens.”

 

“Do you remember the feel of her clothing on the palms of your hands when you pushed her?” 

 

María wrinkled her nose in confusion. Why would she remember that?

 

“Do you remember seeing her fall down the stairs?”

 

María shook her head. 

 

“It was so fast.” 

 

“I see,” Dr. Kim said, but she sounded unconvinced. 

 

“So you don’t remember?” 

 

“No,” María said. She wasn’t sure why it mattered. She knew what she did. 

 

“Okay, well, this has been very good, María-shi. I know it’s hard, but keep feeling everything.” She patted the girl on her shoulder. “You’re healing.” 

 

She watched Dr. Kim leave, more confused than she was before the woman came to talk to her. 

 

“She doesn’t think you did it either,” Hwasa walked toward María again. “Me, Wheein-ya, Moonbyul-shi, Dr. Kim… We all say you didn’t do it. When will you believe us?” 

 

“I know I did it!” María shouted at her sister. 

 

“What evidence do you even have? Dad’s word?” Hwasa looked angry. Actually angry. 

 

“I know! I killed you! I killed you!” 

 

That had been her reality for three years. How could anything else be true? 

 

The sirens began to blare again. María jumped from her bed and lunged at Hwasa. 

 

“When will you believe me?” She tried to grab her sister, but just hit the glass of the window instead.

 

“I’m the dead one! Wouldn’t I know?” 

 

“No! You’re just telling me this to make me feel better! Stop lying!” She tried to grab her sister, but her hands were just hitting the glass. 

 

“María-ya!” Moonbyul was back, and even though she wasn’t too strong again yet, she made her way to María and pulled her away from the window, away from Hwasa. 

 

She sat on María’s bed, María’s head falling into her lap as she cried. 

 

Moonbyul ran her hand through María’s hand. She looked up at Hwasa, who looked like she wanted to cry too. 

 

“I wish I could do that.” She pointed at Moonbyul’s hand in María’s hand. “I wish I could truly comfort her.” 

 

María kept crying into Moonbyul’s lap. She patted her back.

 

“Just cry, María-ya. I’m here for you. I’m not going anywhere.” 

 

Moonbyul didn’t know ghosts could cry, but she watched, helpless, as tears rolled down Hwasa’s face too. 

 

All she felt in that moment was utterly helpless.