Ren’s POV

The next morning we had all been called into the practice room back at Jason’s studio. When I had arrived, I was immediately met by Aron who sat down next to me on the floor while the rest of the models waited for Jason. He sat with his shoulder pressing against mine, hardly putting any space in between us. He had already begun with his plan to fool Jason into believing that he was hardly affected by his decision when in reality it was just the opposite. As Minhyun stepped into the practice room, Aron rose his arm and rested his elbow on my right shoulder, purposely trying to make him jealous. Minhyun silently glanced at me and almost as if recalling the conversation we had just the previous day, he slightly smirked before letting it quickly fade and taking a seat towards the front of the room. Aron scowled once he passed us. I glanced over at him, my skin crawling and itching from underneath his elbow.

“I don’t think the whole jealousy thing is going to work on Minhyun.” I tried to persuade him to stop using this childish method. Aron dryly laughed.

“Of course it will. He doesn’t look it, but Min’s the jealous type.” He responded. I paused. Actually, he was right about this one. I had been shocked to find out that Minhyun had become extremely jealous of my interactions with Aron. Luckily all of that had been sorted out so no further misunderstandings would occur between us. I rolled my eyes then sighed, turning my attention to the front of the room where several seconds later we were joined by Jason who in turn was followed by the mysterious and tall Mr. Kim. Jason stopped in the center, dressed rather down today in a red beanie and a black hoodie with white printing on it from his own fashion line and a pair of matching black pants and red sneakers. His wrists were completely decked out in jewelry and bracelets from CHROME HEARTS. Mr. Kim stood silently beside him, dressed in crisp white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and black pants. He wore a silver chain around his neck and a silver watch around his left wrist and of course his pair of trademark black sunglasses. Jason smiled, waving his hands towards Mr. Kim.

“Allow me to give the floor to Mr. Kim to speak first.” Jason insisted. All eyes in the room suddenly shifted towards the blonde standing next to him. As I stared at him I shyly sunk into my shoulders, starting to grow a bit intimidated being in his presence. Mr. Kim suddenly removed his pair of sunglasses, taking me by surprise by revealing his beautiful brown crescent moon shaped eyes. I felt myself beginning to grow flustered. I had to shift my gaze down into my lap to prevent myself from turning redder than a tomato. Mr. Kim faced Jason’s models.

“Good morning.” He emotionlessly stated. I slowly glanced back up at him. He was still looking at the other models who seemed to be confused by his empty greeting.

“Good morning, Mr. Kim.” They all replied awkwardly in unison, sounding reminiscent of an elementary school classroom greeting their teacher.

“I watched you all during the photoshoot yesterday, however, it goes without being said that I cannot ask all of you to join me on this collaboration line between House of Kim and JA Style. I will start calling names of those which made the cut.” He replied. I took a deep breath and held it, my heart starting to race like crazy as he started calling out the names of the other models. As each name had been called, there were cries of excitement and happiness from around the room. Aron removed his elbow from my shoulder and furrowed his brows. At least six other names had already been called without even a mention of his name.

“Are you ok?” I whispered to him. Aron glanced over at me with a distraught look on his face. He shook his head.

“I’m sure he’s saving the best for last.” He insisted. I frowned.

“He hasn’t called Minhyun’s name either…” I said as I suddenly realized this fact. The two of us continued to intently stare at him, waiting to hear our names with the rest of the models. Mr. Kim called out two more names, neither of which were ours. I felt my heart sink. Had I not been picked? I shifted my gaze back down into my lap, feeling stupid for having gotten my hopes up. Of course I wasn’t picked. I was still a newbie as Minhyun had said. I had many things to learn. But even so… part of me had desperately wanted this, despite how impossible it sounded-

“Choi Ren.” Mr. Kim suddenly announced. I froze then glanced up with wide eyes in shock and disbelief. Had I just heard right? I glanced around the room to see several of the other models that had been picked looking at me with smiles on their faces as if happy that I was joining them. It must be true then. I had just been picked. Mr. Kim had just personally selected me to be one of the models that would represent his fashion line collaboration with Jason! I watched as Mr. Kim placed his sunglasses back on the bridge of his nose. “Congratulations, models. Jason will be responsible for filling you in on the details from this moment forward.” He said, putting an end to the audition cuts. Jason followed by dismissing us. Aron froze beside me, stunned to hear that his name hadn’t been called.

“Aron…?” I cautiously called out to him to make sure he was ok. Aron seemed to block my voice out as he stared down into his own lap.

“How could this be…? The photographer loved us… I’m one of Jason’s top three models…” His voice trailed off, not wanting to believe the truth. I glanced over at Minhyun who seemed to be as equally shocked. Minhyun slowly rose from the ground with the rest of the models, lost in a sort of trance. He stumbled backwards when they tried to pass him. After about a third of the room had cleared out, he quietly approached Jason who had been conversing with Mr. Kim.

“Is this your version of a joke?” He asked. Both Jason and Mr. Kim glanced at him. An annoyed expression spread across Mr. Kim’s lips as Jason confrontationally folded his arms in front of his chest, raising a brow.

“And why does it have to be a joke? Because neither you nor Aron were picked?” Jason asked in retaliation. Minhyun shot him a dirty, hurt look in return. Jason remained unmoving. “There’s no law, clause, or statement in either of your contracts that says I have to choose the two of you for all of my shows.”

“Be that as it may, one would think that you would. Am I mistaken? Am I not your top model? Tell me if I’m wrong!” Minhyun replied, sounding distraught. This was probably the most emotional I had ever seen him since I had started working for Jason. From the moment I first laid eyes on Minhyun, he had always had this air of coolness and confidence floating around him. But right now it was just the opposite. He seemed about as emotion-prone and human as I was.

“You’re not wrong.” Jason replied.

“Then what didn’t I do right enough to be selected?” Minhyun demanded. Mr. Kim suddenly barged into the conversation.

“I’m going to step in for a moment; if you really have to ask, then you must know that somewhere along the line you did mess up.” Mr. Kim coldly stated. I remained frozen while still sitting on the floor next to Aron, the two of us listening in on their conversation. My heart started racing for Minhyun, who was suddenly finding himself being scolded by one of the top-notch designers in the industry. It was a frightening experience for anyone, to be honest. If it had been me that Mr. Kim had been scolding, I might have broken down into tears.

Minhyun took a step backwards in disbelief. “Excuse me?”

“I don’t work with models that carry a reputation with them.” Mr. Kim simply replied.

“A reputation?” Minhyun asked. Mr. Kim coldly smiled at him then turned to Jason, slightly nodding before silently dismissing himself and leaving the room without having answered Minhyun’s question. Minhyun turned to watch him leave while stunned. Once he was gone, he turned back to Jason. “What reputation is he talking about?”

“Isn’t it obvious, dear?” Jason rolled his eyes. Minhyun paused for a moment to think. Several seconds went by before he suddenly looked back up at him with wide eyes.

“It’s not… about my past relationships with the other designers, is it?” He asked. I stared at the floor, thinking back to the misunderstanding I had a while back when Minhyun and Aron had seen me leave the storage room with Jason. In reality I had only been helping him make minor adjustments to the outfits that he had designed for Apink, but the two of them had seemed to think that I had been fooling around with him. That was when I received the speech from Minhyun about never involving myself with designers, speaking from personal experience himself. Could this really be the reason why Minhyun wasn’t selected? I glanced back over at Aron who was lost in thought himself. No, this couldn’t be the reason… If so, then why wasn’t Aron picked? Aron had never said that he had slept with other designers- but then again, he never said that he hadn’t. I suddenly didn’t know what to think or believe anymore.

Aron stood up and marched towards Jason, completely ignoring Minhyun by his side. “This is complete bull and you know it.”

“Yes, that’s exactly how you talk to your boss!” Jason shot back while Aron growled at him.

“Some boss you are.” Aron muttered, walking past him and exiting the room, leaving just the three of us lingering. Minhyun shot him another hurt look before silently leaving after him. Jason shrieked in frustration once they were gone.

“Ah! Seriously! You try to do the right thing once in a while and this is what happens!” He froze when he suddenly realized I was still in the room. He slowly turned to face me with an awkward, nervous expression written over his face. “Oh, you’re still here? Congratulations on making the cut, by the way. You’re on your way, kid.” He quickly said, trying to change the subject. I remained staring at him.

“The right thing…?”

“Hey, Ren, have you heard anything from JR recently?” Jason asked, avoiding answering my question. I paused, trying to think back to the last conversation I had with him. I hadn’t really heard anything from him since my last visit.

“Not really. Why?” I asked, furrowing my brows. Why would he ask me about JR so suddenly?

“No reason. Just curious.” He shrugged his shoulders then left the room. I tilted my head to the side, wondering what that was just about. What did he mean by ‘the right thing?’ And how did that involve Minhyun and Aron? I sighed heavily then stood up. As soon as I left the room I found myself being grabbed by the shirt and pulled off to the side with my back slammed into the wall. I stared at Aron who stood in front of me, a visible wreck. His eyes were red and watery as if he had been suppressing the urge not to cry.

“S-So it just so happens that I don’t really want to be alone right now and Min still wants nothing to do with me…” His voice painfully trailed off as he guiltily shifted his gaze down to the floor. I uncomfortably pursed my lips together. Ever since the two had broken up, they had each been leaning quite a bit on me. With Minhyun, it felt different because at least we had rectified our relationship and somewhat started over. But with Aron, who was still intent on using me, it felt unsettling. But… I didn’t have it in me to be intentionally cruel to another person and ignore a person in need. At least, that’s not how my parents had raised me. I had a big heart, even to those that were intentionally cruel back to me, such as Aron. I let my shoulders fall and I sighed again.

“Do you… want to hang out?” I asked, knowing that although this was what he wanted, his pride refused to allow him to ask the question himself. Aron smirked then sniffled.

“If you say so.” Aron replied. I rose both hands up to his wrists and awkwardly removed them from me. Once I was free of him I forced a smile on my lips and turned to the side.

“I’m open to suggestions.” I replied, not really knowing what to do, especially with him. Hanging out with Aron wasn’t exactly on my list of things I exactly wanted to do in life and I’m sure the same could be said about me for him. But I couldn’t blame him for not wanting to be alone. Aron suddenly shrugged his shoulders.

“Let’s go to a bar.” He surprisingly said. I furrowed my brows and gave him a confused look.

“A bar? But it’s barely past noon.”

“And?” Aron asked, sounding bored.

“Day drinking…?” My voice trailed off, unsure. “I don’t know… I’m practically one step away from becoming an alcoholic, others have told me. I’m actually trying to cut down-”

“Oh, shut up and let’s go.” Aron replied, grabbing me by my wrist and pulling me downstairs with him and past Jason on the first floor. We exited the shop and I was unwillingly dragged down the sidewalk and further down the street until we reached a parking garage. When we reached a white car he released my wrist and unlocked the doors. I stared down at the car then glanced back over at him as he was climbing inside the driver’s side. I froze for a second, blanking out. Aron suddenly rolled down the window and leaned over. “You getting in?” He asked, shaking me from my trance. I uncomfortably took a step backwards.

“Um…” My small voice trailed off. Aron sighed in annoyance.

“Get in!” He said, starting to lose his patience with me and making me jump. I took another step backwards and reached for the handle to the back passenger side door, quickly opening it and climbing inside. Aron turned back in his seat and stared at me, seeming surprised. “Am I a taxi? Why’d you sit in the back, you freak?”

I shifted my gaze into my lap. “I don’t… like… riding in cars.”

“Bull; I’ve seen you ride taxis all the time.”

“But I never sit in the front.” I adamantly responded. “I have my reasons.” Aron furrowed his brows.

“Uh, yeah, whatever. Suit yourself.” He replied then started the car and pulled out of his parking spot, exiting the parking garage. As he started driving down the street I finally glanced up and looked at his reflection in the rearview mirror.

“I didn’t know you had a car. That time I caught you walking to the studio, I thought you had been walking from your apartment or something.” I replied, trying to start a small talk. Aron kept his eyes on the road.

“Hell no. I live outside the city limits. I drive to work every morning.” He surprisingly admitted.

“Really? I had no idea. I thought since Minhyun lived so close to the studio, so would you.” I replied. Aron pursed his lips together in annoyance.

“The top model gets everything. First and second lead? It’s nothing but a title. We don’t get , not like he does anyways.” Aron turned around the corner at a light.

“We?” I asked. Aron dryly laughed.

“You’re second lead. Don’t tell me you didn’t know this.”

“I didn’t-”

“He picked you for the last show over all the other models that have been there months, even years longer than you have. God, you’re dense. You were even picked by Mr. Kim and you still don’t know how good you have it.” He seemed to bitterly reply. I shifted my gaze down into my lap and stared off in a sort of trance. Had I already earned the title of Jason’s second lead without hardly even knowing it?

“You sound resentful though… If you don’t like being first lead, why haven’t you ever tried shooting for Minhyun’s spot?” I asked.

“Because Min’s better at it. And he’s- well, was, my boyfriend. What was the point in trying to take it from him? Besides, it’s not something that was just handed to him. I know he seems to make it look so effortless and easy, but he’s been through a lot of hell to get where he is. He worked for it. But it seems like everything is just being handed towards you.”

I immediately shot my gaze upwards. “And who says I haven’t been working for it either? I’ve trained too! Both inside and outside of work! I’ve suffered to be here too. Don’t say things that aren’t true or fair.” I shot back, thinking of all the practicing and training I had endured before signing on with JA Style and even after. I thought of all the sessions with Dambi-noona. What he was saying wasn’t true. Even if Jason seemed to favor me, there was a reason why he did. I worked hard and did everything he asked and expected of me.

“So what? You’ve trained. We’ve all trained. The training never ends for our profession until we’re dried up and old.” He muttered, pulling in front a bar and parking his car. He unbuckled his seatbelt and climbed outside of the car, leaving me inside feeling stunned and dejected. If I had known that he was planning on talking down to me the entire evening, I wouldn’t have bothered coming out with him. Aron was not the type of person I wanted to find myself being around anymore. I had tried to give him a chance, but he was just a jerk. Whatever Minhyun saw in him I’d never know or understand. After taking too long to exit, Aron walked around the back of the car and pulled open the door. “Get out.”

“Why should I?” I angrily glanced up at him. Aron gave me a confused look.

“Huh?”

“Why should I follow you when all you do is continue to completely disregard me every time I speak? And you still expect me to try to pretend to be your friend when you can’t even try to pretend to be mine? Or is that only when Jason or Mr. Kim is around?”

Aron groaned then rolled his eyes. “Look, if I wasn’t trying, I wouldn’t have brought you out here.”

“What?” I asked. Now it was my turn to be confused.

“I want to try to tolerate you the same way you’re trying to tolerate me despite all the horrible things I’ve done to you or am even doing to you as we speak. Yeah, I might have said I intended to use you. But after this reality check of not even being chosen when in the past it wasn’t even a question, I realized it was time to wake up. Mr. Kim said we have a bad reputation in the industry and I can’t even say he was wrong. We do. It forced me to take a look at what I had forced you to agree to. And I don’t want to do it. This morning before not being chosen, I had every intention to continue using you. But before I really even got the chance, this happened and now I can’t think of anything to do.”

“You can change.” I insisted, still sitting inside the car while Aron stood outside in front of the open door. “You’re already at a positive start. You said you wanted to try to tolerate me and that’s why you brought me. I’m here, aren’t I?”

“I guess.” Aron murmured.

“I don’t want to be used. Being used versus helping one another out is completely different, though. It’s something I wouldn’t mind doing if we were actually friends. But you can’t force your friends to do things for you like how you do with me.”

Aron dryly laughed. “What, you’re saying that you want to be my friend?” He asked as if the whole idea sounded absurd to him.

“You can’t say I never tried from the beginning. You’re the one that pushed me away.” I replied, thinking back to the night which I had met the both of them for the first time and Aron had been particularly rude to me. It had only continued to escalate since then. Aron paused then pursed his lips together on the side.

“You always have to be right, don’t you?” He asked, obviously remembering which moment I had been referring to.

“Do you want to be friends or not?” I asked, wanting a clear answer from him. “I don’t know how I can help you, but at least I won’t be reluctant to do so in the future if asked.” I said, receiving a grin from Aron in return.

“Really?”

“Believe it or not, you don’t have to always try to manipulate people into doing things for you. There are easier ways.” I replied. Aron laughed then held his hand out towards me for me to take.

“Alright then. Let’s be friends.” He finally said. I smiled back at him before taking his hand and allowing him to help me out of the backseat of the car. Together we entered the bar together and took a seat at the front counter. Aron ordered himself a drink and then looked at me. I shook my head and declined, meaning what I said that I was trying to cut down on the alcohol. Right now I needed to have a clear mind. I absolutely, under no circumstances could allow myself to make an idiot out of myself in front of Mr. Kim, especially now that I had been chosen. Usually whenever I drank, I always ended up doing things I regretted and I couldn’t afford to make a mistake again. Aron rolled his eyes at me and took a sip of his drink.

“Are you really alright?” I asked, watching him as he vacantly stared down at the counter. He shook his head.

“I’m not but I will be.” He replied, taking another drink. He sighed. “I can understand why I didn’t get chosen, but not Minhyun. He might be cold, but he’s not a like I am. There’s plenty of other catty models out there worse than him, so why didn’t he get chosen?”

“You seem really bothered by that.”

“Of course I am! Even if we’re not together, it doesn’t mean that I don’t still think of him.”

“I think the two of you really just need to sit down and talk.” I replied. Aron looked at me.

“What do you mean? Has he said anything?”

“He thinks the opposite; that you don’t think of him.”

“He’s crazy. I think about him all of the time.”

“Does he know that though? That’s what really matters.”

“Dammit…” Aron’s voice trailed off. “I must seem pathetic, huh? I lost my boyfriend, I’m losing my career, my looks…” He took the glass and downed the rest of his drink. “The worst part of it all is that I don’t know which one hurts more…”

I stared at him. “What exactly does modeling mean to you, Aron?”

“It means the world. I know I’m getting old, but I at least wanted to go out with a bang. Not like this. Not by not getting picked. Yeah, I might not have gotten picked this time, but what about the next? And the next after? It’s all a downward hill from now until I’m old news and nothing but a forgotten face.”

“And Minhyun? What does he mean to you?”

“Everything. When I look at him, he makes me want to be a better person. He pushes me to be a better one. No one’s ever made me feel that way before. Most people would take one look at my abrasive personality and shove me away. But not him. What probably worked in my favor was the fact that we were friends before we started dating. I just sorta forced my way into his life, not really giving him a choice whether he wanted to be my friend or not. We were just always together… Yeah, he yells at me all of the time for the stupid things I do, but he never gave up on me. At least not until now.”

I stared at Aron as he unveiled his side of the story about Minhyun. He had… forced his way into Minhyun’s life? Why did that oddly sound familiar? A sudden image of JR flashed across my thoughts. I wondered… could the same possibly happen with JR if I continued to push just a little bit harder into his life? No… he was just too shy. I shook my head. “I don’t think so. I think even now, he’s still looking out for you. Like I said, the two of you just need to talk. And as for Jason, maybe you should try talking to him again. Prove to him that you can change. Maybe then he’ll be willing to try to change Mr. Kim’s mind. Nothing’s ever certain, but nothing will change if you don’t try.”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right.” He replied, suddenly leaning over and placing his hand on my right shoulder. “Hey, Ren?”

I raised a brow. “Yeah?”

“You’re going to need to drive us back.”

“Huh?!” I exclaimed, starting to feel my heart race as he suddenly brought this up. My palms started to grow clammy. I was internally panicking. He wanted me to… drive? I couldn’t do that. The last time I ever drove was several years ago, back when-

“What’s this big deal? You don’t wanna sit in the front seat and now you can’t even drive. You have a driver’s license, don’t you?”

“I-I-I do, but-”

“Well then you’re going to have to drive. I can’t do it. The room’s too busy spinning.” Aron groggily replied, pulling his hand back to rub his temples.

“I can’t do it.” I adamantly replied, my heart still racing. “And besides, who gets drunk after one drink?”

“I’m sitting on an empty stomach and I tend to be a bit of a lightweight.”

“You’re kidding me.” I replied in disbelief. Aron shook his head then slowly started to rise from his seat at the bar counter. He stumbled as he tried to take a step forward. I shot from my stool and caught him, draping his right arm over my neck and shoulders. I turned him back to the counter so that he could pay his bill. He messily pulled out his wallet and threw it on the surface. The bartender glared at us. By now my hands were shaking from the adrenaline coursing through my veins at the thought that I might actually have to drive his car. I gave the bartender a nervous look before shakily opening Aron’s wallet and flipping through his cards, pointing at each one until Aron nodded at the right one. I slid the card from the slit and handed it to the bartender who quickly swiped it and returned it. I put it back and struggled to slide the wallet into one of Aron’s back pockets before dragging him back outside. I pulled him all the way back to his car where I opened the backseat door and laid him down. Once he was in, I closed the door and crouched down on the ground outside, covering both ears with my hands. My breathing was heavy and erratic. Calm down… calm down…

The image from the time I had been sitting in the passenger’s side seat of Minseok’s car, along with two headlight beams headed towards me from the side and the terrified look on my brother’s face shook me. I leaned forward into my knees and silently started to cry. It was a memory I had tried too hard to forget. It was the reason why I couldn’t sit in the front of a car or drive and it was the reason why even to this day I would black out. The head trauma that I had received from the accident changed everything. I had struggled so hard to get here from there without anyone knowing… I couldn’t do it… But Aron still needed to get home and I very well couldn’t leave his car here. What else could I do? I froze when I thought of him. Did JR even know how to drive or have a license? I wouldn’t know if I didn’t ask, and right now I didn’t have a choice. JR was usually good at saving me. Hopefully this time would be one of those times. I shakily removed my phone and dialed JR’s number.

“Ren, now’s now a good time if you want to hang out. I have several things-”

“Please… help me…” I quietly cried on the phone. There was a brief pause on the other end of the line before JR worriedly called out to me.

“Is everything ok? What’s wrong?”

“I need your help…”

“I’ll go to you! Where are you?” He quickly responded without hesitation.

“I’m near Jason’s studio… at a bar.” I sniffled.

“A bar?” JR sounded shocked. “Are you drunk? Did something happen?”

“I followed Aron here-”

“Dammit!” JR surprisingly cursed, “Don’t move! I’m on my way!” He replied before quickly hanging up the phone, leaving me listening to a dead line. I stared blankly at the phone. Was he really coming to me? Even without knowing what was wrong? More tears filled my eyes. I was touched that he would go through such lengths just because I was his friend… yeah, friend… I tightly pursed my lips together as my heart ached. I thought that I would be able to withstand the pain of this one-sided love of mine, but it was growing ever more increasingly difficult by the day. Right now I was panicking and I was scared and I wanted nothing more than to be comforted by him. But that was impossible, wasn’t it? JR would never do that. He would never comfort me the way I wanted to be comforted by him…

Several minutes later I heard the sound of heavy footsteps running down the sidewalk. After having been completely absorbed in my own thoughts and self-pity, I finally glanced up to see JR running in my direction. There was a serious, determined look written across his face- a big contrast from the usual aloof and shy look he always wore. As he grew closer, I started to rise from the ground. Once I was up, JR ran up to me and nearly tackled me, wrapping his arms around me tightly and embracing me in a hug. I froze in shock then slowly glanced to the side at him while he still clung on. This went on for almost a minute before he finally tore himself away and worriedly looked at me.

“Are you ok?” He asked. I was still caught up in my frozen, stunned stupor that I couldn’t speak. I simply nodded. “Where’s Aron? Did he hurt you? What did he do?” JR cautiously started to look around the area around us. I shakily rose my right arm and pointed to the car window. JR gave me a strange look before leaning over to see the passed out brunette laying in the backseat of the car. He pulled back looking puzzled and confused. “You were crying… I thought…” His voice trailed off.

“I’m sorry.” I apologized, hanging my head down low. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I just… Aron passed out, leaving me to drive, but I…”

JR paused. “You can’t drive… since the accident, can you?” He said, seeming to understand everything that had just happened without anything needing to be said. That must have meant… he remembered. The accident was something that I mentioned casually to him once to explain the reason why I out and never spoke of again. I would have thought it would be something that he forgot. Was it because he really cared about me? But… in which way? I stared at him then smiled nervously and pathetically.

“It seems I can’t.” I replied. JR didn’t waste a moment in stretching out his hand.

“I’ll drive. Give me the keys.” He offered.

“Can you…? Drive, I mean...” I shyly replied, surprising even myself. Somehow the two of us had managed to switch personalities in the blink of an eye. Why was I suddenly being this way in front of him? I was anything but shy. I was bold. But that hug he had just given me… it must have shook me. It wasn’t like any other hug I had ever received before. There was genuine strength, worry and concern in it. JR simply nodded.

“I can drive, but I don’t have a car.” He said as I slowly turned from him and opened the backseat and leaned inside, snatching the keys from Aron’s pocket. I finally handed them to him. “Sit in the back. I’ll take over from here.” He quietly replied, insisting I climb in the backseat with Aron. I gave him yet another surprised, touched look before giving in and doing as he said. Once I was inside, JR shut the door closed behind me then circled the car, climbing inside of the driver’s seat. He buckled himself inside then glanced back at us. “Where does he live?”

“I don’t know.”

“Can you wake him?”

“I can try.” I replied, placing both hands on Aron’s right arm and shoulder and shaking him. Aron suddenly shrieked and swung his arms out in front of him before opening his eyes and giving me a confused look.

“Why are you back here?” He asked, looking towards the front. “Who’s up there?”

“I can’t drive, so I called JR-”

“Uggggh. You called the fashion terrorist?! Why him?”

“Because he’s my friend!” I snapped at him while JR seemed to sink uncomfortably into his seat in the front.

“Wait, wait! Is he wearing Crocs for shoes again?” Aron continued to drunkenly mock him.

“Stop it!” I declared. “What business is it of yours what type of shoes he wears? Right now he’s the only person that can get you home. I’d treat him better if I were you!”

Aron groaned. “Whatever.”

“Tell him where you live!” I demanded. Aron pursed his lips together before sighing and sitting up.

“Go straight.” Aron muttered. JR slowly took off driving down the road until we approached a red street light. When it finally turned green, JR took off straight again. The inside of the car was in complete silence for several minutes until Aron drunkenly groaned again, grabbing both sides of his head. “Why are you going so slow? Are you even driving the speed limit? You’re ruining my life!” He whined, unintentionally hitting a particular nerve of mine and setting me off.

“Do you want to get into an accident and really ruin your life?!” I snapped. Aron gave me a surprised look before scoffing.

“Well, why not? You can’t exactly say I have much going for me anymore!” Aron shot back. “Minhyun’s gone and so is my career!”

“You can always get him back and start a different career, but you can’t do any of that if you’re dead!”

“Why are you so caught up about this?!”

“Because I lived and they didn’t!” I shrieked at him before realizing what I had just said. Aron gave me a stunned look. I quickly turned away.

“What do you mean… ‘they’ didn’t? Who didn’t? Were you in an accident?” Aron asked while JR remained silent in the front.

“I don’t want to talk about it any further. I shouldn’t have said anything to begin with.” I muttered underneath my breath.

“Why? Is that the reason why you can’t drive or be in the front of a car?” Aron asked, shifting his gaze down into his lap. “Dammit, you should have said something! I would have never had that drink if you had just explained it to me!”

I froze. “You… wouldn’t?”

“Of course not!”

“…Why?”

“You said it yourself; we’re friends now. I might do a lot of stupid , but I’m not going to put your life or mine in danger… Dammit, I feel like an ! Seriously! From now on, tell me if there’s something going on. I’ll understand, got it?” Aron replied. I hung my head down low as tears started to flood my eyes. Aron caught this and reached over and placed his right hand on my left shoulder. “Sorry, man. I’ll try to look at things differently like how you said. You’re right and I’m just a .”

I laughed through my tears at that last part. “Even still, just talk to Minhyun and Jason.”

Aron grinned. “Yeah.” He replied then continued to feed JR the directions to his apartment complex. Several minutes later we pulled up in front and the three of us exited the car. JR kept his gaze on the ground as he held the keys out towards Aron for him to take. Aron paused and stared down at him for several seconds in silence. I was halfway expecting for him to say something mean or cruel to him, however, he didn’t. Aron took the keys from him and smiled. “Thanks, man. You must not be all that bad if you’re willing to drive a complete stranger home. Sorry… you know, about those things I said. It wasn’t really fair of me to say anything without really knowing you.”

JR glanced up at him with a stunned look in his eyes. “T-That? It was nothing…”

“I’m not just talking about what was said in the car. I’m talking about those other times too.” Aron admitted.

“It’s… ok. I’m ok.” JR quietly accepted his apology.

“The only reason I’m saying this is because we already see each other a lot at the fashion shows to begin with, but I have a feeling we’re going to be seeing each other a lot more these days. Anyways, I’m gonna go crash. Later, guys.” Aron waved goodbye then tiredly turned around and walked off to the building, leaving the two of us alone standing outside. Once he was gone, I turned back to JR.

“Thanks a lot for doing this. I know you must hate him for the things he’s done to you-”

“Can’t the same be said about you?” JR surprisingly said. He seemed somewhat bothered when I spoke about Aron.

“Huh?”

“It’s not just me he’s done things to…” His voice quietly trailed off. I stared at him for a brief moment before awkwardly forcing a smile on my lips.

“That’s true. But it takes so much time and negative energy hating someone. I’d rather use that time working or making money, ha ha. Besides, life is so much easier when you can just put it all behind you and just be friends.”

JR strangely stared at me. “And so… the two of you are friends now?”

I nodded. “It took a while to get there, but I’m finally friends with both of them. It turns out everything that was there between us was just a big misunderstanding.” As I said this, I could have sworn I saw a disappointed look on JR’s face before he tilted his head downwards and away from me. I remained standing still, watching him. “But still, thank you for coming out. I know you’re busy these days.”

“Hmm?” JR finally glanced up, looking me straight in the eyes.

“On the phone- you said that it wasn’t a good time and that you were busy… but you still came.” I nervously replied.

“Of course I came, Ren. You scared me.”

“I scared you?”

“You were crying… and you mentioned Aron… I was worried.”

“You were worried?” I asked, stunned. I glanced off to the side. “Is that why… you hugged me? Because you were scared something might have happened to me?” I slowly asked, my heart racing while waiting for an answer that seemed to take forever to come. JR finally spoke.

“Yes.”

“And you’re not mad that I caused a scene over nothing?” I guiltily held my head down low, feeling ashamed of my inability to control my emotions when it came to driving or sitting in the front seats of a car. Normal people never thought twice about climbing inside of a car, however, since that day, it was all I ever thought about each time I had to go somewhere.

“I’d rather nothing have happened than to see that you got hurt…” JR quietly said. “And it wasn’t nothing. It bothers you, so… it has to be something.” He replied, shocking me. I stood perfectly still and stopped breathing for a second before slowly glancing back up at him. Tears threatened to fall from the corners of my eyes after having been touched by his words. I brought my right arm up to my face and wiped them while sniffling.

“Ah, I’m sorry. Even after all this time, it’s still something I’m not completely over.” I admitted. JR awkwardly looked around at our surroundings before turning back to me. He pointed over at a quiet little coffee shop behind him and further down the street.

“Do you want… to talk about it?” He asked. I stared at him with wide eyes.

“Talk about it…?” The idea was foreign to me. The topic of the accident wasn’t something that I had discussed with anyone before, not even my older brother who was with me when the incident occurred. And it wasn’t that he never asked me about it either. Every year he would call around the time that it had happened and ask me to join him in paying the other victims a visit and putting flowers at their resting place, however it made me uncomfortable and I finally stopped answering the phone whenever he called. I had cut off contact with him because he would always want to sit around and talk about it afterwards. He was so easily able to discuss it while I wasn’t, and it had been Minseok behind the wheel, not me.

“I-If you want to, that is.” JR replied. I paused for a second. What was my heart wanting me to do? Obviously keeping it locked up inside of me like this wasn’t doing me any good. But was it ok to tell JR about the darkest time in my life? My mind was telling me to run and continue avoiding it, but my heart was telling me that it was finally time to heal itself. And besides, who else was there that I could trust more than JR? I had already found out about his darkest time. It was only fair that I fill him in on mine. And it would be a relief to talk about it with someone who I felt safe with knowing about my secret. Although we were now friends, it wasn’t something that I would feel comfortable with either Aron or Minhyun knowing about in full. But with JR, I felt like it would be ok. I finally nodded.

“Ok.” I replied then followed him as he turned. Together we crossed the street and walked down the side of the road until we entered the coffee shop. JR awkwardly ordered two warm cups of coffee and extended his arm out with his credit card to the cashier. I started to protest over him paying for me however he insisted on treating me and I reluctantly agreed. The cashier swiped his card then handed him both the card and a receipt for him to sign his name. I paid no attention as he quickly scribbled his name down with the pen and slid it across the counter and back to her, but through the corner of my eyes I caught a slight blurry glimpse of the name he had signed.

K~~J~~~~~~N

I furrowed my brows. Did his last name start with a K? It had suddenly occurred to me that I had never asked to know his real name, aside from the nickname he used as ‘JR.’ Well, it didn’t surprise me that he didn’t go by his real name to the public. For a matter of fact, neither did I. I had been born with the name ‘Minki,’ however I preferred to be called Ren. I started to wonder what his real name could be. There were too many surnames to count that started with the letter K and definitely too many first names that started with a J in Korea. To try to predict which ones were his would take an eternity. I let it go. It didn’t really matter what his real name was. I was sure that it wouldn’t really change anything about him. The cashier slid us two mugs of coffee across the counter and we took and carried them over to a round table near the window in the back corner of the shop. I sat across from him at the table and blankly stared into the brown liquid placed in front of me.

“Where do I start?”

“Wherever you want to.” JR quietly replied. I pursed my lips down together while I rummaged through my scattered thoughts.

“Well, it happened several years ago when I was back in high school and my brother was already in graduate school in university. There was this big fashion show that was open to the public that I had read about and was excited about wanting to go. I had asked my parents about going, but they only said I could go if I didn’t go alone and neither one of them could take me because they had to work. I had a license, but not a car and I usually borrowed one of theirs but I couldn’t take it that night. None of my friends were interested in fashion, especially those with cars, so I didn’t even bother asking any of them. As a last resort, I asked my brother who I had to bribe with money to take me. That night, however, he came home late after a thesis presentation of his and we were in a crunch for time to make it to the show… When I think about it, even though he was driving, I still feel like it was my fault. All I selfishly had was the fashion show on my mind and making it on time. I was rushing him and pressuring him to keep going faster, and that’s when we got hit from the side by another car.” I paused then glimpsed up to see a startled look on JR’s face.

“And then what happened…?” He asked, fully absorbing in my words. I forced a painful smile across my lips.

“I don’t know. I took the brunt of the impact. I was recovering in the hospital for months after the accident. I had broken several ribs, my arm, and bones in my leg. There was a period of time where I couldn’t move due to lying in bed all day recovering and my muscles atrophied, requiring several more months of physical therapy where I had to learn how to walk again while suffering from random spells of vertigo. I know people laugh and make jokes about my ‘clumsiness’ behind my back… it kind of , but I’d rather they believe I’m clumsy rather than telling them about my accident. Even though it’s painful and it bothers me sometimes, I just laugh it off with them.” I finally said out loud for the first time since after it occurred. Bitter tears formed in the corners of my eyes again as I tilted my head downward. A few teardrops trickled down my cheeks and onto the surface of the table. When I realized this I immediately started to move my hands up to my face but stopped when JR reached over and grabbed several tissues from the dispenser on the side of the table and handed them to me. I gratefully took them and started to dab my eyes.

“I had no idea… Really, I would have never guessed it about you…” JR’s voice trailed off. “You’ve come so far since then… I mean, you’re not only walking again, but you’re walking down the runway and you have a walk comparable to supermodel Son Dambi…” He said in disbelief. I sadly smiled at him.

“Because I’ve worked hard.” I replied. “Since the accident, there weren’t many things I could do. My memory and ability to solve math problems or take complicated tests suffered. I was just barely able to graduate high school. My parents wanted me to go to university like my brother, but I knew it was impossible for me. I wouldn’t pass. So all this time I’ve been telling everyone and myself the lie that college just wasn’t for me. If I hadn’t of been in an accident, I might have gone. My life might have been so much different then. Sometimes I regret not even trying. But… truthfully, this suits me. It had always been my dream to become a model. I didn’t start to seriously pursue it until I was back on my feet and after watching all of my friends succeeding and moving on without me in university.”

JR sat back in his chair. “I’m really shocked… but amazed… You’re really… inspiring, you know that?” He shyly replied.

“I don’t think I am. I think of it as trying to pick back up the pieces after an event that forever changed my life and is still with me. The blackouts whenever I get too excited, the panic attacks whenever I go near the front of a car… it’s landed me in a lot of trouble from time to time. I don’t like to worry people about me, so I run around with a carefree attitude and do the things that make me happy to take my mind off of the emotional scars it left me. Minseok and I merely broke several bones, but from reading about the reports, the other couple didn’t even make it out alive. I said that they hit us because that’s all I can remember- being hit. But truthfully, I don’t know who’s at fault. Did we run a light or did they? Minseok doesn’t remember either, but he’s been handling this all a lot better than me.”

“Thank you… for telling me.”

“Truthfully, I feel a lot more at ease finally having told someone.” I replied.

“I’m glad.”

“I’m sorry I’ve been keeping you from your work today. I should probably let you get back to it.” I started to scoot back in my chair in attempt to get up after beginning to feel awkward. JR quickly shook his head and nervously waved his hands in front of him.

“No, it’s ok! Talking to you today has been a relief to me too.” He strangely said, making me pause. I sat back down and glanced across the table at him.

“It has?” My heart was starting to race again and I could feel the blood rising to my cheeks. JR sadly sighed then shifted his gaze down to the table.

“Life… has been really hard lately.” He admitted. I gave him a surprised look.

“Is work becoming that stressful?” I asked. JR paused for a moment before glancing back up and shyly smiling at me. He shook his head.

“I don’t notice it at all when I’m here with you though.” He said. My heart began to loudly thump around inside my chest as it fluttered at JR’s compliment. He had said it so innocently that surely there couldn’t have been any other implications than what it simply meant. I had to calm myself down. I was beginning to become too excited than my body could handle and after telling him my entire story I didn’t want to faint or black out in front of him again. JR seemed to notice I had become flustered and he worriedly tilted his head to the side. “Are you… ok?”

I nervously laughed and fanned my hand in front of my face. “Isn’t it hot in here?”

“No, not really-”

“It’s really hot in here!” I cut him off, feeling mortified. I quickly rose to my feet. “I should probably go home now-” I was about to flee when JR rose up with me.

“I’ll go with you.”

“No, no, that’s ok, really!” I said, desperately trying to get away from him before I managed to embarrass myself further in front of him.

“It’s ok… I’m not really ready to go back home anyways.” Oh god… erted thoughts suddenly started running through my head. He’s not ready to go home…? Does that mean he wants to go back to my place and- enough, you freak! He works from home and his job has been stressing him out a lot lately and he probably doesn’t want to return to that stress so quickly! Oh, I’m so hopeless.

“If you really want to…” I shyly responded and watched him nod. The two of us exited the coffee shop together then waited at the bus stop where we rode it as close as we could back to my apartment. When we climbed off, he followed me down the street until we reached the complex. He climbed the stairs up after me then waited for me to unlock the door where we both stepped inside. As I started removing my shoes, I noticed that he kept his on. I glanced back up at him with a surprised look on my face. “Are you not coming in?”

JR softly smiled and slowly shook his head. “I just wanted to make sure you got back safe.” He replied. I felt my heart melting at his innocent honesty. His simple, caring words left me longing for him even more, a feeling which I was trying to control. I stared at him with wide eyes as he started to turn, not wanting to part with him just yet. “I’ll leave you alone now-” He started to say when I instantly cut him off.

“Don’t go!” I immediately leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him from behind, making him freeze in his footsteps. The two of us stood in silence for what felt like an eternity, waiting for one another to say something first. JR wasn’t budging and in fact seemed to be rather stunned at my sudden gesture. That was when I knew that I would have to be the first to break the strange silence. “Please don’t go…” I whispered to him, my heart aching. I didn’t want to let him go.

“R-Ren…?” JR stuttered as he spoke. I squeezed him tighter, afraid that if I let up in even the slightest that he might take off running.

“Can you comfort me again? The way you did earlier… I mean.” I seemed to ask him without thinking. When I finally realized what I had said I panicked. This was wrong, wasn’t it? To ask him to do something which crossed the borders of friendship and probably something he didn’t feel comfortable with doing… “Ah, I’m sorry, you don’t have to if you don’t want to!” I exclaimed then released him, feeling selfish and foolish for not behaving better. As I started to step backwards into my living room JR turned around to face me with a concerned look on his face.

“Are you still upset?” He asked, not seeming to fully understand what was going on at the moment. I felt even more humiliated that he didn’t seem to get it. Didn’t he know what he meant to me? I had never directly said it, but there had been several awkward instances between us that had spelled out my true feelings for him. I couldn’t bring myself to answer his question or even look at him. Without a word, JR stepped forward and awkwardly hugged me again. As I felt his arms around me I began to feel sad again inside of his sweet embrace. I wanted this to be real, not as friends, but something more. I latched onto him anyways and hugged him back. JR slowly pulled away from me. “I’ll stay a little longer then… if you want?” He asked. I nodded then stepped backwards some more as he removed his own shoes then stepped into the living room with me. We both sat on the couch with space in between us in front of the TV while I turned it on. JR kept his attention focused forward on the TV while I watched him from the corners of my eyes. I sheepishly scooted closer to him and cautiously leaned my head down on his left shoulder. I felt JR’s body stiffen from underneath me as I touched him but then he soon relaxed. He didn’t push me away…

“I’ve been so busy with Aron today, I didn’t get the chance to tell you the good news: I got picked to represent the collaboration line between JA Style and House of Kim.”

JR shifted his gaze down to me on his shoulder and smiled. “Congratulations… That’s something you really wanted, isn’t it?”

I nodded. “It is.”

“I thought you would be happier though…” He strangely said. I glanced up at him.

“I guess I’m still in some sort of shock. Not to mention I just feel so bad for Aron and Minhyun; neither one of them got picked. For some reason Mr. Kim didn’t want them.” I replied. A dark look seemed to spread across JR’s face as I mentioned that last name. He turned his attention forward back to the TV while speaking to me.

“Hey Ren… now that you’ve met him, what do you think of him? Mr. Kim, I mean…” JR’s voice trailed off. I blinked, still leaning on his shoulder. I had to think about the answer to his question. I still hadn’t gotten to officially speak with him yet, but from the instances that I had been lucky enough to be inside of the same room as him, I had gathered a small interpretation about him already.

“He seems really mysterious and cool, and maybe even a bit cold hearted and cruel, but… I can’t help but receive this ‘lonely’ vibe whenever he’s in the same room. I think he hides behind those sunglasses of his to hide his emotions.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Whenever he speaks, he only does it in short spurts, however, it looks like he wants to say much more.”

“Is he as cool as you imagined?” JR asked again. I paused, having to think about it for a moment.

“I don’t know.” I replied, not feeling quite sure. “You probably know him a lot better.”

“H-Huh?” JR strangely stammered. I turned my head upwards to look at him.

“You’ve interviewed him before, haven’t you? He gave you those clothes that you gave to me…”

“T-That’s right. I did.” He nervously replied.

“So what do you think of him?” I asked. A perplexed look spread across JR’s face.

“I think there’s more to him than meets the eye… Just… be careful around him, Ren.” JR cryptically warned. I pulled away from him and sat up.

“Huh? Do you mean he’s like… dangerous or something?”

“I don’t know. Just be careful.” He repeated himself. I stared at him.

“Are you worried about me again?” I asked and watched as he nodded. “Why?” I decided to boldly ask. JR turned his head and gave me a questioning look.

“What do you mean why? You’re my-”

“Ok, I got it.” I coldly cut him off, not wanting to hear him say the word again for the millionth time. It hurt worse than the last each time he said it. I turned away from him and stared down into my lap. A few seconds of silence passed between us before he finally spoke up.

“I don’t understand… why are you suddenly mad at me?” He asked, sounding lost and confused and genuinely worried.

“Do you really not know why I asked you to comfort me?” I asked back, subtly trying to give him a hint. JR paused for a while before slowly shaking his head from side to side. I was starting to lose my patience with him. I knew that he was shy, but how painfully naïve could a shy person be? Surely he had to have suspected something going on. “Can I try something?” I asked and was met with another confused look. I took this as a go-ahead and I leaned in dangerously closer to him with the tips of our noses just barely centimeters apart. I reached for his hand and placed it over my chest. “Do I make your heart race the same way you make mine?” I finally asked. JR remained silent, staring at me with wide eyes as he felt my heart rapidly beating beneath my chest. His face became flustered but he didn’t speak a word. Finally I removed my hand from around his wrist and slowly built up the courage to bring it over his chest. I froze when I felt his matching racing heartbeat. JR quickly removed his hand from my chest and scooted back in a panic.

“I-I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s going on right now, but I have to go n-now!” He exclaimed as he slid out from under me and quickly stood up. He ran over to his shoes by the door and stepped inside of them before fleeing from my apartment. I watched in stunned silence as he left. Had I just scared him off again? But… he felt the same way too, at least his heart did, didn’t it?

 

 

JR’s POV

“I will kill that little slimy up-to-no-good creep!” Dambi angrily exclaimed after I had paid her a visit at her studio early in the morning before her classes began. Since the whole mess between Jason and I had started, I had begun to feel extremely depressed and lost. Secretly being the real Mr. Kim, I had no one else to talk to it about aside from Dambi, one of rare few who did know and kept my secret. I knew that talking to Ren about it was absolutely out of the question, and I felt that if I didn’t talk about it to someone, I might actually die. Though, that was what Jason wanted, wasn’t it? It would definitely make things a whole lot easier for him if I did. His ‘competition’ wouldn’t be so rough… But that was it, though. I never considered what I did to be a competition between me and him. I designed because it was my passion… it was never about the fame. Hiding in the shadows for so long should have been enough to convince Jason of that.

“He’s not worth going to jail over, noona…” The same thought of wanting to kill Jason had crossed my mind too. But I knew it was a longshot. I was hardly able to stand up for myself in front of him. How could I possibly kill him? And even if I had gotten so lucky, the consequence far outweighed the prize. Dambi wildly spun around to face me.

“You know why he does this, don’t you? He does it because he knows he can get away with it! First he did it to me, and now you, ha! That man has no boundaries! I never trusted him since the beginning, even more so after he pulled that stunt on me. I knew he had to be up to something when he tried befriending you.”

“Noona-”

“Don’t ask me to sit back and watch him do the same to you!”

“Please, don’t… I’ll handle it on my own-”

“How?” Dambi angrily asked. “How do you plan to bring Jason, aka the notorious Fu Long Fei down without revealing your true identity? You are going to fight him, aren’t you? If you do that, you’ll have to expose yourself and that Baekho guy and explain everything to the public, but only your company will suffer and Jason’s will be unaffected!”

“There has to be a way…”

“Kick his .”

“There has to be a better way!” I exclaimed.

“Better way of what?!”

“Of taking him down without hurting Ren! At the end of the day, he is still Ren’s boss. It’s been nothing but his dream to model and through Jason he got his chance. And now he’ll finally get to represent my clothes, which was an even bigger dream of his-”

“Are you even listening to yourself? Why all of a sudden are you talking about Ren? Ren has nothing to do with your business that Jason is trying to destroy!” Dambi exclaimed back. I stubbornly turned my back to her, defensively folding my arms across my chest. I heard her pause behind me before starting again. “What exactly is Ren towards you?”

I froze briefly before turning back to face her. “H-huh?”

“A friend? Something more?”

“Why… are you asking me something like that?”

“Because I’m trying to understand you.”

“No matter what I do, House of Kim will be ruined. Do I stand up and come clean about my identity? House of Kim stocks will drop and receive a backlash. Do I let Jason do whatever he wants? He’ll run it to the ground in hopes of bettering his company. Either way, House of Kim is done! The least I can do is try to help Ren while I can.”

“Because he’s your friend.” Dambi replied in disbelief. She ran her hand through her hair, brushing it back. “Look, JR, I get it. He’s a nice guy. But that’s a lot to go through for someone who is just a ‘friend.’ Are you sure there’s nothing there?”

“Noona!” I shrieked, stepping backwards. I started turning red in embarrassment.

“It’s possible. Out of all the time I’ve known you, I’ve never once seen you this alive or happy. It can’t be a coincidence you changed when he entered your life.”

“I don’t want to listen to this…” I replied, beginning to grow uncomfortable at Dambi’s accusations. Ren was just my friend… There was nothing wrong with wanting to help out your friend, was there?

“You were so afraid of him meeting Baekho, weren’t you?” Dambi suddenly asked. “Why do you think that is?”

I paused. “Because… I didn’t want to lose him… Baekho is a thousand times cooler than me. Who do you think he would choose to spend more time with? The shut-in journalist or the fashion designer of the brand he idolizes?”

Dambi stared at me for a while in silence before smirking. She folded her arms across her chest. “I think you’d be surprised by the answer.” She cryptically responded.

“Huh?”

She smiled then shook her head. “Nothing. It’s not my place to say anything. But since you’re convinced that House of Kim is finished, now that I think about it, there might be a better way… One in which Ren won’t suffer.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Jason has gotten this far because of one thing: he’s a bully. He’s a bully that is threatening to tear apart the very company you built from the ground up. So how do you fight back? You counter-strike.”

“I still don’t understand…”

“You tear it down before he ever gets the chance to.” Dambi simply stated. “It will require that you step out into the public face, not as Mr. Kim but as the designer of a completely new fashion company. You’ll become your own competition and through the success of your new company, you’ll be able to put House of Kim to rest on your own terms instead of being disgraced by Jason.”

I froze. Become my own competition? It actually didn’t sound like a bad idea, however, I still had my doubts. “Are you sure something like this could work?”

“Jason did this because he feels threatened by you. No matter how he tries to snake his way up to the top, he has never once surpassed you. Use that against him. Remember, you’re no longer friends, but competition now, as he put it.”

“And what about Ren? How will he be unaffected by this?”

“Jason won’t have any reason to fire him because he won’t know that it’s you behind this new company until you’ve already managed to beat both House of Kim and JA Style in the fashion market. Only after you’ve gained success will you step out as the designer. In the meantime, continue to work with Jason on the collaboration and let him think he’s won. By then, Ren should have all of the required experience to meet your expectations about modeling for your company.” Dambi replied with a smile on her lips, sounding quite proud of her idea.

“Maybe… maybe you’re right-” I was suddenly cut off by the sound of my cellphone ringing. I pulled out my phone and saw that it was Ren calling. With my mind still focused on what to do about the Jason scenario, having fun was the last thing to run across it right now. Besides, I was still too upset to even want to try to cheer up. I picked up the phone with every intention to decline Ren’s offer of meeting up. “Ren, now’s not a good time if you want to hang out. I have several things-”

“Please… help me…” Ren’s voice softly pleaded on the other end of the line, making me pause in horror. A million bad thoughts of what could have possibly happened to him spread across my mind like wildfire. My heart began to race.

“Is everything ok? What’s wrong?”

“I need your help…”

“I’ll go to you! Where are you?” I urgently replied, beginning to panic.

“I’m near Jason’s studio… at a bar.” He sniffled.

“A bar? Are you drunk? Did something happen?” I was shocked to hear that he was at a bar in the middle of the day. I knew Ren had somewhat of a drinking problem, but to drink at noon? I was beginning to grow more and more concerned about his well-being. After he had told me all of the horror stories he had to endure at Jason’s studio from some of the other models, I could only assume that it was starting to take a toll on his mind.

“I followed Aron here-”

“Dammit! Don’t move! I’m on my way!” I hung up the phone after hearing that particular name. I didn’t trust that man, and I certainly didn’t trust him around Ren. He had always been cruel towards me, but he had actually tortured Ren once before. And it also didn’t help that Ren had answered the phone in tears. Something must have happened. As I hung up, Dambi stared at me with a questioning look on her face when I turned to her. “Are there any bars near JA Style?”

 

 

Minutes after leaving Dambi’s studio, I had met up with Ren in town. When I had found him, it turned out that Ren had simply had a panic attack after almost being forced with the task of driving the drunken Aron back home. Despite not wanting anything to do with Aron, I volunteered to drive him back. I didn’t do it for him, rather, I did it for Ren. I knew he couldn’t drive, and after he had finally filled me in on the backstory behind his accident, I was even gladder that I had stepped up and offered to take the wheel. He had revealed a whole different side of him that I never would have guessed about him. I couldn’t have imagined Ren having been in the hospital or undergoing therapy to walk again because whenever I saw him, I saw this upbeat and fearless person. I had no idea that he had struggled so much to achieve his dream. It suddenly made sense when he told me that one time when we chased Baekho to his hotel that people told him he couldn’t be a model. At the time I wasn’t sure why he had said it- I couldn’t imagine anyone telling him he couldn’t do it. He had the looks, the body, and even the style in the way he walked for it, although it was still a bit rough. Now I finally understood what he meant.

When Ren had finished telling me his story, he still seemed upset and looked like he wanted to flee, but I was too worried to let him go off on his own and so I escorted him home. The two of us had been sitting on his couch when he suddenly became angry at me for some unknown reason. I had started to panic, not understanding what it was that I had done to upset him and wanting desperately to fix it. When I had questioned him about it, he narrowed in on me and took my hand and placed it over his racing heartbeat for me to feel. His notion had startled me, being completely taken off guard when he did this. My face turned bright red as I was forced to look back into his deep brown eyes.

“Do I make your heart race the same way you make mine?” Ren asked, only further startling and panicking me. His words began to race across my mind, making me dizzy as I tried to comprehend what was happening. I was stuck inside of such a stunned stupor that I couldn’t even bring myself to speak or even breathe properly for that matter. What was Ren suddenly up to? And why was I reacting like this? I was abruptly reminded of Dambi’s words from earlier:

‘Are you sure there’s nothing there?’

No… that’s not it. Just because Ren happens to be gay doesn’t mean he likes me like that. Besides, why would someone like him like someone like me? It didn’t make any sense. I wasn’t gay, at least… I didn’t think I was. I didn’t know… It was never something that had really ever crossed my mind before. Sure, I designed clothes, but that didn’t necessarily qualify me as ‘gay.’ I was so involved in my work that the thought of dating or having a love life didn’t occur, whether it was with a woman or with another man. Was it possible…? The reason why I was acting this way… Was I… gay?

I stared back into Ren’s eyes in silence and immediately grew flustered as my heart started to pound loudly inside of my chest like a drum. This feeling… was this Ren’s doing? Earlier when I had met up with him outside of the bar he had been at, I had been so happy and relieved to see that he was ok that I had actually hugged him, something that wasn’t planned and even I was surprised about. I had never been that worried before about another person, nor had I ever hugged someone like that either. But it had come so naturally to me that I hadn’t even thought twice about doing it. Only when Ren asked for me to do it again did I realize what strange a thing it was that I had done. And I had did it again. Why? Because he asked… What was going on with me? Maybe Dambi’s words had some truth in them. I was acting a lot riskier than normal these days and Ren seemed to be the cause of it. To go along with Jason’s plans all for Ren’s sake was a crazy thing to do just for a friend… but in my eyes, I didn’t see it that way. I treasured Ren’s place in my life. Dambi was right; before him, I was a completely different person. I never went outside, I never smiled or laughed the way I did now… and it was all because of him. But did I like him in that way?

Ren suddenly reached forward and placed his hand on my chest and over my own racing heart, taking me by surprise. He was silent for a moment before his eyes widened in shock as he felt my heartbeat. Feeling ashamed and embarrassed for getting caught and not knowing what to do, I panicked.

“I-I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s going on right now, but I have to go n-now!” I stuttered as I slid out from underneath him and stood up. I rushed to collect my shoes then practically tore the door off its hinges trying to get out fast enough. I fled from Ren’s apartment and practically ran the entire length back to my own in record breaking time.

By the time I entered my apartment I was dripping with sweat. I tore off both my hoodie and my shirt and sat in front of my box fan sitting in the corner of my living room on the floor to cool myself down. I closed my eyes. My heart was still racing over what had just happened and I grew warmer just thinking about it. I had to take a moment to collect my thoughts and finally ask myself the question that Dambi had thrown at me. What exactly were my feelings towards Ren? All of this time, this closeness I shared with Ren… I had believed it was only possible because we were friends. When Ren told me he was gay, it didn’t bother me. I had thought to myself ‘as long as he doesn’t like me,’ not because I was homophobic, but because I wasn’t the best person in the world to fall for. And besides, I believed it wasn’t possible for him to do so anyways. But then what was this…? The way Ren was acting lately… I had never personally experienced it, but I had seen it in dramas and movies when someone liked another person… Ren… liked me?

I desperately waved my hands in front of my face to aid my fan. When it didn’t work, I rolled onto my side and covered my burning face with both hands in frustration with myself. I wasn’t sure how I felt. It was true he made me feel… different… but I… I didn’t know. It wasn’t something I could answer right at this moment. I had so much else going on right now, trying to understand my own feelings about someone else only added more stress to my life. I wanted to handle this situation with Jason and finally take a stance for once. I didn’t want to continue to be walked over for the rest of my life. House of Kim was my company- only I could do something about it. And I just wasn’t ready to consider the possibility of being in a relationship. It had taken this long to even make a new friend. I was still learning the ropes of it all.

I stood up and walked down the hall, entering the bathroom where I the shower and completely undressed. I stood directly underneath the warm running water, letting my hair cover my eyes as I stared at my toes. I realized that I was socially awkward and unexperienced in life and it really bugged me. It prevented me from living normally and kept me from doing the things I wanted to do. Why? Because I was scared. I was scared of what everyone would think of me. The bullying that I had experienced all those years ago stayed with me for the rest of my life. It wasn’t something easy that I could just recover from. It made me feel small, insignificant and disgusting and it made me think that was the way everyone else viewed me too. It made me think I wasn’t good enough to have the things that everyone else had- friends, or even love too. But Ren was slowly changing all of that… and forcing me to take a look at our relationship.

After I finished washing, I stepped out of the shower stall and wrapped a towel around my waist as I stopped in front of the mirror above the sink. I wiped the fog from the glass and stared at my reflection while I thought about Ren. Dambi had asked me why I didn’t want for Ren to meet Baekho. My logical answer was that I didn’t want him spending more time with him over me… but now I had to delve even deeper and think of the reason why. Why did it bother me so much if Ren found Baekho cooler? I was sure 99% of the people on this planet were much cooler than I was, but I didn’t feel half as intimidated when he talked to them over Baekho. It stemmed further than Baekho taking on my identity- I was afraid of Ren falling for him. He was everything that Ren could possibly ever want- he was tall, handsome, built, mysterious… and the designer of his favorite brand. But Kim Baekho was nothing but a lie, someone I wanted to protect him from. I was sure Baekho himself wasn’t a bad guy, but after finding out the other day that he had a deep interest in Ren too… I felt uneasy. Was it because I suddenly had competition over Ren’s heart? I froze when that thought occurred to me; was I interested in Ren’s heart?

I took another towel and threw it over my head, blocking my reflection from my sight. The thought of Ren meeting with Baekho still continued to worry me. I was being ridiculous, wasn’t I? Ren had met Baekho several times between then and now, and yet he still behaved that way with me today… Did that mean he… he liked me over ‘Mr. Kim’? Why? I wasn’t the dreamy type. I was the awkward type, the shy, quiet type that nobody wanted… Maybe that wasn’t true after all. I took the towel and started wildly scrubbing my hair dry while my face turned red. Get these thoughts out of your head, JR. You have too much to do than think about if you like someone. Get your priorities in order first before you think about possibly returning the same feelings. Besides, it’s not like you even know how to in the first place. And it wouldn’t be fair to him. I probably couldn’t give him all of the things he might expect from me… but… it wasn’t like I didn’t want to. Did this mean that I really did like Ren?

I sighed then exited the bathroom, stepping into my bedroom to change into a clean pair of boxers. I slid on a pair of black and white striped Adidas sweatpants and threw on a white shirt. I sat down on the foot of my bed and stared vacantly into space. My heart was racing like it did when Ren had asked me that very question. I didn’t know what to do. According to my heart, all signs were pointing towards the possibility of me liking Ren. What wasn’t there to like about him? The fact that he was hardworking and honest, he was friendly and funny, the fact that continued to stand up for me… I felt guilty. Ren was all of these great things, but what was I? A coward. I couldn’t even tell him who I really was. I was lying to him. A person like me didn’t deserve someone like Ren. He deserved to like someone better… but that someone just couldn’t be Baekho.

I pursed my lips together as I thought about Dambi’s idea. If I were to go through with it, my identity would eventually be revealed and then Ren would know. However, if I didn’t strike back and let Jason walk all over me, he would never know and I never would be able to tell him, meaning I wouldn’t have the confidence to ever go to him. But if I did do it, and if Ren eventually forgave me for lying, I possibly could. I wouldn’t feel so ashamed of myself. I would try all of the things that a normal couple did with him, despite being terribly awkward an inexperienced… because I found myself suddenly wanting to do those things with him. There wasn’t a day that Ren didn’t cross my mind. Even after Jason had turned against me and told me to just die, I had to restrain myself from crying about it to Ren even though I really wanted to be comforted by him at that moment. Instead I had distanced myself from him and dealt with it on my own, turning to Dambi for comfort even though it wasn’t the same. I knew this feeling but it never really connected with me until now: I liked Ren. Dambi, who had been my only friend since high school, had never managed to have the same effect on me that Ren, someone who had recently just stumbled into my life, did. The fact that Ren was another man surprisingly didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would. When I saw Ren, I didn’t notice things like gender. I saw him as a free spirit and that’s what I liked and envied about him the most. If liking Ren suddenly made me gay, then… maybe I really was.

It was strange. To be so easily able to accept that fact about me, I mean. I had spent most of my life worrying what other people thought about me because I was a guy that designed fashion. People called me ‘gay’ or ‘queer’ and even beat me up over it. But the thought of actually might being what I was told to fear… it didn’t seem that scary. Back then I had no idea if I was gay or not. I didn’t find an interest in anyone. I was always doodling in my notebooks. But now that I was starting to actually take a look and think about it, it made me realize that the worst has already been done to me. What more was there to fear? Going to the person that likes you back would be a welcoming feeling, not frightening. And if it were Ren that I’d be going to, I knew there was nothing to be afraid of. But… I just couldn’t do it now. First I had to take care of my own problems and come clean about who I really was. It would be a lengthy process to take before I could accept Ren’s feelings, but it would be for the better. I couldn’t lie to him anymore, nor the world. It was time I stopped feeling ashamed of myself and start feeling proud. I wanted to be able to hold my head up high and take credit for my own work, regardless of what other people thought of me. Even if this transition towards a better me was terrifying, I wanted to do it. All of those things had happened long ago and I needed to move on. I just hoped that Ren would be willing to wait for me. But in the meantime, what else could I do for him?

My thoughts went back to Aron and when he apologized for all of the things he had said to me. It was shocking. I hadn’t been expecting to hear an apology out of him today, or ever, for that matter. For as long as I could remember, Aron had always mocked me, whether we were at a fashion show or whenever I was around Jason. Back when we were supposed ‘friends,’ Jason would invite me out to his several parties he would throw for his models. I had only been to a couple before I stopped going altogether, mostly because of Aron who would verbally attack me. It became so hard on me that I started to avoid him at all costs. I had managed to build a scary image of Aron inside of my head. But when he apologized and thanked me for driving him home today, that rough image I had of him shattered, especially when I noticed that he and Ren had managed to put their differences aside and become friends. If someone like Ren, who initially didn’t even like Aron, was able to become his friend, then maybe I had been wrong about him. I suddenly recalled overhearing how down and depressed Aron was over not making the cut and Ren trying to cheer him up and help solve his problem- a problem that I had caused. I had seen both Minhyun and Aron walk the runway and neither of them were bad, in fact, they were at the top of their game. But it had always been their personalities that pushed me away from them. However, even Ren seemed to be upset that neither one of them had been picked to join him. I pursed my lips together then stood, slowly making my way back over towards the living room where I had left my phone inside of my hoodie. I removed it then scrolled through my contacts before pausing and staring at Jason’s number for several seconds, hesitantly calling him. Jason picked up on the first ring, almost as if he had been waiting for me to call him.

“What do you want?” Jason bitterly asked. “Are you calling to make my job that much harder on me? It’s become a nightmare because of you.”

“Can you honestly say that you don’t deserve it?” I asked, feeling offended that he had the audacity to say those words to me when in reality it was the other way around.

“What did you just say to me?!” Jason asked in disbelief. I paused, starting to feel a bit intimidated by his strong personality. No don’t falter, JR. Stand up for yourself.

“Ask me nicely.” I demanded.

Jason scoffed. “I beg your pardon?”

“You want Minhyun and Aron back in the lineup, don’t you? It would make your job less stressful too. Just set aside your pride and ask me nicely and I might consider it.” I warned.

“Hey, Kim Jonghyun, who do you suddenly think you are to be making all the calls now?!”

“Do you want my help with the collaboration or not?”

Jason hissed. “Oh, you’re so annoying! Why can’t I just be done with you already?!”

“Do you want your top models back or not?”

“Of course I want them back!”

“Then I’m waiting.” I replied, beginning to think that this wasn’t going to work. After the stunts Jason had pulled on me lately, he would never agree to-

“…Please.” Jason suddenly muttered, making me pause.

“Please what?”

“Please return my models back to me…” He continued to mutter through clenched teeth. I figured that this would be as good as it got with Jason. I knew that if I asked for him to do it again in a nicer fashion that I ran the risk of him hanging up the phone on me. I would have to be satisfied with his first and last attempt.

“Notify Baekho. Put them back in the show.” I murmured back to him, not giving him a chance to reply before hanging up on him. I placed my phone down on my small coffee table and blankly stared off into the empty kitchen, my mind processing what I had just done. I had gone back on my word about not letting Minhyun or Aron in the show, not for their sake, but for Ren’s. I knew that putting them back in wouldn’t hurt the collaboration image, rather, it would further it and probably make it that much more successful. But I wasn’t doing this for the success or for the fame. I was doing it for one last grand finale for House of Kim before I shut it down with my own two hands. If putting them back in the show would make Ren happy and make my last show under the House of Kim label memorable, then it was worth it. At the moment, this was all I could do for anyone for now…