Hello, hello

I know, you know, the world knows, the galaxy knows and the entire universe knows how many times I've said this, but this time it's for real: I WILL stop posting fanfics on this site. It's definitive.

I've thought a lot about this in the last few days and I've come to the conclusion that my career as a writer requires a lot of work and I won't be able to pay attention to my fanfics anymore. You know how I love writing and how I dedicated the last ten years to EunHae and - some of you don't even know - I dedicated twelve years to Super Junior. Of all the things I've done in the last twelve years, I only regret getting into fights because they screwed up my mental health and sometimes even my physical health when it wasn't necessary .

anyway, I still love Super Junior, I still love D&E and wow, the universe knows that if one day Hyukjae and Donghae decide that they are going to get married, adopt a puppy and have a little son named Arrow, I will be the person who will most support them - but if guys end up marrying women or not getting married at all, I'll support them too. But recently, I turned 30 and I want to live the next forty years of my life doing other things. Of course, it was never Super Junior's fault. They never asked me, they never held me here and said I had to tie myself to them and not live a life.

The thing is that I have a lot of mental problems and I need to solve them. the fandom hasn't been good to me for years, the fanwars haven't been pleasant at all since the day I discovered k-pop. and I want to live a life away from all that. I've been pushing myself too hard to deliver good work to you, but I feel like I've failed you too much in this. Anyone who has been with me since 2013 must have seen that I have evolved at least a little in my writing and many other things. Whoever came later and continued following me must also have seen some progress. but as a writer, I want more. I CRAVE more. and I can't have that here. Of course it's my fault because I could be writing whatever I wanted, but I still have that thing of wanting everyone's approval - something I'm working on in therapy - and I have to change little by little.

I love each and every one of you who was part of my life as HyukjaesJellyBean. truly, I love you all. you gave me strength, you made me laugh with your crazy and funny comments, you made me think with your opinions that gave me ideas on how to proceed with fanfics that I didn't even know how to finish. Man... You have been my friends for all these years and I want you to know that I appreciate every kind word, every critical comment and every detail that I could never have thought of. because without you, I really wouldn't have even made it through 2017. You were those friends I never had during my childhood and adolescence, the support network I had in difficult times - and I had a lot. I could thank each one personally, but the truth is that I can only do this the only way I know how: by writing.

As soon as I finish updating It Feels so Nice, I'll update Muse. This will be my last fanfic on this site because I discontinued the others. I'm sorry and I want to apologize to those of you who waited for the updates I promised. The problem is that adult life combined with capitalism really took a heavy toll on me and I had to make a choice.

I won't promise that I'll come back because it's not easy for me. Saying goodbye has never been easy because fanfics have been part of my life since I was 14 years old. Writing has always been important to me and now I'm here saying goodbye to something that started as a hobby and is turning into a full-time job.

If you want to send messages to me on this site, I will receive them and respond because I always love reading the messages. If you guys want to ask about the Leading Us sequel I promised, I'll still write it, but it will take a while and I won't promise a date to publish it on my website (you can find my website here: https://hyukhaeklover.wordpress.com/)

I didn't want to write this big text - in my country, we say we're going to watch the film when people write a big text -, but I thought it was important to write to you because you were really part of my life and I'm going to take each of you with me in the my heart and in my mind.

Thank you so much for everything, guys. I love you to infinity and beyond ❤

see you ^^

Samantha :)