“  F  I  N  A  L  ”

2013 September 06

I'm finally here.

I was never a person who regretted much in life. I was a risk-taker -- a fact very well known by my family and friends -- but even the wrong risks seemed right for me. I never thought that I would go this far, though. However, this was a whole new level of gambling. I mean, it's my entire life. Why don't we start at the beginning? (By that, I mean give or take 6 months ago.)

There I was, a fresh-faced 19 year old with dreams of being a baker. It was a natural gift, and one that I was glad to receive. I was supposed to be a near-perfect person, destined for success. Compared to my friends and cousins, I was a star to my family. High grades, attractive, fairly good at everything she tried. Being an only child with parents who both worked 9-5 jobs, I grew up mostly independent. Believe me, they may have been busy, but I grew up in a happy and loving family. We weren't rich, but that was because I was a first generation Korean-American. They migrated here before I was born so that I could carry out a happy and successful life.

Growing up, they made sure that I kept my East Asian roots intact. We were a Korean-speaking household for the most part. I kept my Korean name in school, too -- I still thank God it isn't one that's hard to pronounce. However, my parents saw one downside to my love for their country and culture: my undying love for the music.

Yes, I do mean k-pop. All aspects of it are so interesting. For about 4 years, it was all that I would listen to. On April 8, 2012, my life changed forever. I discovered a group that had debuted that exact day, and I fell in love. No, I'm not exaggerating, or at least I hope I'm not. My eyes found a certain brown-haired, tan-skinned boy, and my heart skipped a beat.

That second, I realized that Kim Jongin would change my life forever.

It was all I could think about. Compared to him, everyone seemed so average. The way he moved was so beautiful and inspiring. I was never into the arts -- but it didn't take an expert to know that he was better than almost everyone I had seen before.

Fast forward to about 11 months later, and a lightbulb goes off in my head. I have one of my new crazy plans. I want to move to Korea to live out my dream. I tell my parents, and of course they are both surprised.  Mom says no -- she always does -- she says that she and my dad didn't move all the way to another continent for me to go back to where everything didn't work out for them. My dad is reluctant, but supportive. They try to sway me out of it with reason, because I have received numerous scholarships from culinary colleges. I end up forcing them to say yes when I'm offered a full scholarship to a prestigious school for bakers in Korea, save up all my allowance, and buy my own apartment near the Hongdae area.

That brings us to where I am now: the country where all my dreams lie now. Compared to the bustling streets of Seoul, New York seems like a cluttered mess. This is definitely where I want to be. I had it all planned out, which is very unlike me: I would graduate, work a few jobs until I had enough money, and put up my own small café in one of the more popular areas.

I just hope all of this works out.

                                  2013 October 04

It has been almost a month since I moved to Seoul. I've never been one to save money, because my parents often gave me an allowance and I could always convince them to buy me what I wanted if need be. Now it's different. Gone are the monthly deposits into my bank account and the shopping sprees that happened every so often. I can barely afford substantial food, and the fact that my parents aren't here to help me when I need them is finally sinking in.

I need to get a job.

                                  2013 October 10

I have always been told that I am a picky person.

You would think that in my desperation, I would take any lowly job I could find, so long as it earns me a few extra pennies at the end of the day. No way -- I went out and found myself a job that would bring me closer to the reason why I came to this city in the first place: I got a job at Kamong Café, the little coffee shop that Kim Jongin's older sisters put up. I was lucky enough to have caught sight of the "help wanted" sign at the right time. It was small and very discreet, but my sharp eyes saw it and I grabbed the chance.

It wasn't too difficult to get the job, either. They asked me what I had to offer, and I said I knew my way around the kitchen, and that my fluency in the English language would help them properly communicate with the foreign fans who came in to have a drink. They hired me on the spot.

                                  2013 October 28

It has been over half a month since I started working part-time at Kamong from Mondays through Wednesdays, and Fridays through Saturdays. Still no signs of Jongin. I've met his elder sister, the one who is only a partial shop owner, so that must mean I'm a step closer, right? The only thing I've received aside from a good pay is a ton of questions from female customers asking me how I got the job. When I tell them the truth about how it was luck, 80% of them just snort in disbelief and walk away.

The good thing about this job is the money they pay me. It is a fairly successful café (no surprise there!), so it earns a lot, and so do I. It's a bit much if you ask me, because all I do is chat up customers while taking their orders and making them. However, it does get me enough money to buy the things I want, baking ingredients included. I now practice my baking as much as I did back in the United States, which is a huge plus. My friends from the cafe, Girin and Yoora, love them and ask for extras. I bring them things to try at least thrice a week.

 2013 October 31

Today was Halloween, and we were all required to dress up at the café and bring treats for little kids who plan on passing by for the annual trick-or-treat. I decided to bring some of my classic bat-shaped cookies made by, of course, yours truly. I never thought I would get complimented by someone who was indirectly famous, but I gained that recognition when Jongin's eldest sister, the main owner of Kamong, dropped by with her two year old daughter, Rahee. She took a bite from one of the cookies and said that they were heavenly. She also gave me feedback that just made my heartbeat quicken.

"These cookies are great; I'm sure my sister and brother would love them!"

She said that Jongin -- MY Jongin; the love of my life and the reason why I scrapped my old life and started anew -- would love them. Never have I felt so good in my life.

She told me that I should bring some from time to time to sell as part of the café menu.

      2013 November 11

I am the luckiest girl alive.

When I say that, I mean it both literally and sarcastically. I wasn't planning on bringing some of my new cookies to the café today, but because Girin begged me to, I did, which I'm thankful for, by the way. Why? Because it FINALLY happened! Sure, it was a bit awkward and my (future) husband was a bit suspicious, but I did it! I talked to THE Kim Jongin, my heart and my soul. It happened quickly and I acted on impulse, but I think he'll remember me because of it.

It was just a normal day at work: fans coming in and out, ordering what was deemed Jongin's favorite drink. Girin was unsurprisingly eating some of the prepackaged chocolate-caramel and walnut cookies I brought as extras from my last school project, promising to pay for them later, when she got rich. The only notable change was that Jungah, Kai's sister and my boss, was sick. I was assigned to man the register and serve drinks.

It was midway through the afternoon, and the sun was just starting to set, when it happened. The boy I knew I was in love with walked through the café door. Do you know those slow-mo moments they have in movies when something really important happens? Well, I can now say that they do exist in reality. Everything was going fine until I noticed that he looked extremely tired. Aside from that, the fans present in the café wouldn't stop screaming. He looked distressed and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

"One Mint Choco Kamongccini, please," he muttered under his breath. "With an extra shot of espresso."

I nodded and wrote the order and he gave me the money. I couldn't help but notice the bags under his eyes looking puffier than usual. He must be staying late at the company. I'm about to hand him his order, when I spot an unopened package of the cookies I brought earlier (thank the heavens that my lovely friends didn't devour EVERYTHING). I think for a split second, before deciding to add it in for free. I hand it to him with the drink, and he looks up at me suspiciously.

"We don't serve cookies at this café. Also, I didn't pay for that." He raises a brow at me.

Oh, . He talked to me. What do I do? .

"Y-You do now. Your sister, sh-she said that I should sell some here because she found them good."

"Why should I take them from you, a person I don't know, when my sister isn't even here to justify your statement?"

"Not ALL your fans are stir-crazy, mind you." I say before I can stop myself. That was so rude, but the words in my head just keep leaving my mouth. "I might just be a nice person giving you cookies to ease your tired mind. Is there anything wrong with that?"

I leave before he replied to prevent any more slip-ups. I try to pretend that nothing happened, and that I DIDN'T just act very rudely to the man who I claim to love with my whole heart, but my clammy hands and stuttering make it clear that I'm just putting up a front.

I don't see him leave, but five minutes later, when I've gathered enough courage to face the many fans who are glaring at me, I don't see him in the premises.

I sigh and think, goodbye to my job; it was going so well.

     2013 December 14

Oddly enough, I didn't lose my job. In fact, I even received good feedback from Jungah -- who I have grown pretty close to -- the week after. I guess Jongin didn't bring it up, thankfully. I'm currently on a break from my shift, because I work a standard 9-5 job on Saturdays. There really is nothing to write about, but I am so bored that I have turned to journal-writing. Yoora is telling me about her boyfriend and about how he bought her a cute little stuffed animal at Lotte World yesterday after work. I wish I knew what it felt like to have a boyfriend...

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Okay, scratch what I just said about it being an uneventful day (I knew I shouldn't have written in pen!). He's here. I am praying to God that he doesn't remember me as the rude girl who gave him cookies and we can start anew. It's unfortunate that I was promoted to cashier manning AND drink serving recently, because that means that we'll HAVE to talk to each other.

Everything went fine so far; he orders his usual drink and I think he's about to go and wait for his drink when he stops and takes a good look at me.

"You're the one who gave me free cookies, aren't you?"

I freeze like a rock, and now the girl discreetly trying to take photos of Jongin seems a lot more interesting than the Adonis that is asking me a question.

"Thank you for those, and I'm sorry for being rude last month, by the way. I hope we can be friends, because your cookies were absolutely and most definitely the greatest chocolate-caramel and walnut cookies I've ever had." He gives me a smile and goes to sit at an empty two-seater table.

My frozen body thaws and I let out a sigh of relief, before glancing at the boy who just complimented me and my baking skills.

HOLY ; THE LOVE OF MY LIFE JUST TOLD ME THAT MY COOKIES ARE THE BEST HE'S TASTED. HOLY !

I'm glad that bringing cookies is a regular thing now, because I throw in a pack of s'mores cookies along with his Kamongccini.

"For free?" He asks when he goes to pick up his order.

I nod and give him a small, thankful smile.

"You should smile bigger; it looks better on you. Thanks for the cookies!" He says with a huge, heart stopping grin, and he's out the door before I can even say, "You're welcome."

I swear, my heart skipped a beat when he smiled at me.

 2014 January 14

It's a new year. My grades have gotten better and my teachers loved what I made for my practical term exam last month. I've been serving a few more of my latest recipes at the café, and the customers love them. They mostly get sold out, so Girin tries to take some in the morning, before anyone else can. It amuses me, so I just let her.

It's Jongin's birthday today, and the café is more crowded than ever. I can't even believe they all fit in this tiny room. I have spent the past half-month or so improving the recipe of my exam last month. I can now say that I have achieved near-perfect brownies. About Jongin, his and my relationship has now escalated to the "friend" level. I never thought this would happen to me, but it did. I give him a package of whatever I dessert I whipped up to bring, and he gives me feedback -- always good -- along with one of his boyish and heart stopping smiles.

He told me that he would be coming in the afternoon to pick his sister up for a family dinner, so I decided to take a later shift to give him my gift for his birthday.

----- 

He loves them, and he gave me a pat on the head, telling me that it's awesome to finally have a fan who can be treated like a friend.

. I think I'm starting to like this guy -- not an admiration type of like, but the like-like type. .

 2014 February 2

Happy twentieth birthday to me.

That's right, I'm a day older than I was yesterday. Like every year, I am first greeted by my parents, who talk to m