--Baekhyun

After we called it quits we tried to be civil but living away from home is difficult especially when you don't have anywhere to go aside from this place my now ex-boyfriend share. It’s just that we don’t feel the same anymore probably with the limited time we are able to spend together because of the demands of our work. We live in a small apartment that is enough to house us two. I work in a coffee shop while Chanyeol teaches at a school specializing in music.

It has been 2 weeks since we broken up and we haven't had the proper talk on who will stay in the house well I guess tonight is that night It is 6pm and anytime now Chanyeol will arrive and I decided we need to have the talk

As the door opens I see a tired Chanyeol

"Hey" I tried to greet him cooly

"Hey Baek" he greets

"Uhm" I tried to start the conversation again, you can't blame me it's really awakward conversing with your (ex) boyfriend of 3 years

"What's it Baek?"

“About the house”

“What about it”

“Well you know with our set-up”

“Oh you mean our break-up”

“Yeah that, I am just curious as to who’ll keep this apartment” I said, he became silent for a while

“Baek you know my family is not in the city and the only reason why I went here was because I was with you, I don’t have anyone to go if ever I leave this apartment”

well for a fact we live in the same city before, Bucheon.

“Same goes with me Yeol, I don’t have any place to go in the city and I can’t drive back and forth to Bucheon, everyday just to go to work I’ll just waste 2 and half hours driving”

“Then why don’t we just stay here togethere?” he suggested

“uhm, I don’t know Yeol, with our situation right now isn’t it awkward?” Though the suggestion is the most sound as of now there are still hesitations for me

“I know this will be awkward but just think of me as your new roommate”

“Well then okay but how about the bills for the house?”

“Still the same 50/50, and for the groceries we’ll just do it alternately I do it this week then you do it the next week”

“Well okay fair enough” I smiled

The conversation has ended and he was about to go to his room when I called for his attention

“Yeol!” I half shouted

“hmm” he hummed

“can you do me a favor?” I asked

“yeah what is it?”

“If ever you meet someone you know, for the time being can you not bring that person home yet, I don’t know it’s just awkward” I am really embarrassed so I looked on the floor after I said it

“yeah sure, no worries, and it will be prolly be weird for him to know that we still live together “ and entered his room, I entered mine as well

As I lay in my bed I realized I can’t imagine seeing Chanyeol bringing someone home it tugs a part of my heart

For the next 5 months we were able to live together in a civil manner, I must admit there’s this empty feeling but it just so happened that on the last 6 months of our relationship everything was kinda based on a routine messages and calls has also lessened even our late night conversations was stopped we just lived together but we failed to communicate that’s why maybe we decided to just stop. We tried to save that 3 year relationship but it we’ll always go back with that routine we just grew tired of it. However I really can’t deny that I still love that stupid giant. Hell I still love him so much

Everything was fine, I was still adjusting with our new situation but all in all it was fine not until the conversation I had with him during dinner the other night

We were eating silently until Chanyeol decided to break the silence

“Hey Baek”

“hmm”

“I just want to know if it’s okay to uhm” he stutters

“what is it Yeol?”

“I know I promised you that I’ll not bring anyone for a time being but I am just kinda trying my luck” oh I think I know where this conversation will go

“Oh you bringing someone home? Yeah what is it?” I tried to stay calm but I just feel my heart breaking

“It’s just that I met this guy 2 weeks ago in school and we kinda clicked he wanted to spend the night here tomorrow if it’s okay with you?”

“Yeah sure it’s fine it has been almost half a year so no worries bring him here tomorrow, I’ll also be out tomorrow my friend in the shop invited me to go to a newly opened bar in town” I lied I already rejected Yixing’s offer but I just don’t want to see him with someone else right now

“Oh that’s great I hope you come early tomorrow so you could meet him” his face is screaming happiness and it really hurts am I the only one hurting. I stood up and started washing my dishes I didn’t want him to see me like this, in pain, jealous and hurt.

“Yeah I’ll try but you know Yixing with parties”

“Oh Yixing the high-looking guy” Chanyeol whispered the last part so I wasn’t able to hear it I started walking towards my room

“Night Chanyeol” I said

“Night”

And that night I cried myself to sleep, life is so unfair

 

--- Chanyeol

I was so excited to tell Kyungsoo the good news that he can spend the night at home. We met in school I was tasked to teach the piano while he’s in the voice department. He really is a good singer. But Baekhyun is still the best

I called him early in the morning

“Hey Kyung morning!”

“Hey giant what’s up”

“Ohhh nothing I just have some good news for you”

“What is it?”

“Well you can stay the night here and we can watch some movies you know”

“Oh that’s great thanks Channie!”

“yeah sure! See you in school”

I am really excited to spend the night with him

--- After school we decided to drop by the grocery to buy some snacks so we could eat something while we binge watch movies by 6 pm we reached home it was quiet since Baekhyun was out

“Hey Chan where’s your roommate?”

“Baekyun? He’s out he said he’ll go to the newly opened bar in town”

“Oh okay”

“Kyung, can you set up the sala, I’ll just toss this popcorn in the microwave”

“Oh yeah sure”

--- We are already on our third movie it’s already past midnight and Baekhyun is still not home I am worried for that guy he really has a low tolerance with alcohol

I noticed that Kyungsoo is almost half asleep with his eyes trying to keep up with the movie but later lost and went to dreamland. I stared at his face for a couple of minutes he’s really cute his big round eyes, his heart shaped lips, his tiny nose. I started caressing his face I really like him but I don’t know something is missing. I carried him in my room so he could sleep comfortably I went back to the sala to fix our mess when the doorbell rang

I opened it to see a drunk Baekhyun being assited by Yixing

“Hey Chanyeol” Yixing greeted

“Oh hey, what happened?” I looked at Baekhyun

“Ah Baek decided to drink a lot tonight he said he wanted to celebrate, I am not sure with what we’re celebrating but whenever I tried to stop him he just goes wild” Yixing explain

“stubborn Baekhyun as usual” I commented

“Yeah, can I bring him to his room?” He asked

“Yeah sure” I am hesitant but who am I to stop him right, I am now his ex-boyfriend

I followed Yixing he placed Baekhyun carefully in his bed he also asked for some towel and warm water, I gave it to him and when he’s about to change Baek’s clothes I interrupted

“Yixing” I don’t know what to say but I just had to

“hmmm” he replied

“You can go now I know you’re tired with taking care of Baekhyun I’ll be the one changing his clothes don’t worry”

“Oh okay, night Chanyeol”

“mmm yeah” I replied, I ushered him out of the house

I went back to Baekhyun’s room he’s sleeping soundly so I just changed his shirt and removed his pants thank god he was wearing boxers that day. I traced his face this is more familiar than with Kyungsoo his eyes, his thin lips, his nose everything is just so perfect I planted a kiss on his forehead “I miss you Baek” he was sleeping but somehow he managed to smile. I was about to go when he held my hand I looked at his direction and when I saw his face it was screaming hurt and sadness

“Chanyeol, I love you” I wasn’t able to hear the last part he was mumbling it, I just rubbed his hand to calm him and find my way out. I went back to check on Kyungsoo he’s awake sitting in my bed, it was strange seeing someone other than Baekhyun sit there

“Hey” I said approaching him

“Your roommate arrived?”

“Yeah he was really drunk”

“Chan I wanted to tell you something”

“what is it?”

“I like you Chanyeol” he confessed, I was shocked and happy

“I like you too Kyung” I said

“Really?”

“Really, really” I replied and he bear hugged me

“Omg I really can’t believe this so are we like exclusively dating?” He asked

“Well whatever you like to call it” I said

“Okay then! Now let’s go to sleep, I am really tired” he said excitedly

“Okay good night Kyung”

“Good night giant” Giant,  only he calls me that

--- Next morning

“Giant wake up”

“Later babe” ugh Baekhyun why do you have to be up early

“Babe? That’s sweet but Chan wake up, I need to go home now” huh? I open my eyes and see Kyungsoo

“Kyung?”

“yeah are you surprised”

“no no it was just uhh nevermind”

“okay but I really have to go home now”

“okay I’ll send you home”

we went out of my room I saw Baekhyun in the kitchen trying to make some tea. He hears the door from my room open and saw me and Kyungsoo going out

“Hey, Good morning!” he greeted

“Oh you must be Baekhyun, I am Kyungsoo by the way”

“Uhm yeah nice to meet you, sorry I wasn’t able to make some breakfast my hangover really ”

“No worries, I also have to go home now”

“Oh already? It was nice to meet you though” Baekhyun says

Kyungsoo smiled I checked if Baekhyun was really okay, he looks tired and pale

--- It has been a month since Kyungsoo and I started dating, and also a month since I last had a normal conversation with Baekhyun I just never had a hold of him, he goes out of the house early and when I reach home he’s already asleep. He also had this habit of going to bars with Yixing on either Friday or Saturday.

Today is Saturday and it mean Baekhyun will be out tonight it’s already 1 am and he’s still not home 30 minutes had passed when the doorbell rang it was a drunk Baekhyun with a tired Yixing

“Hey Chan, can you please take him as much as I want to nurse him I am almost late with my flight, Sorry” he said, He gave me Baekhyun but before that he kissed his forehead. What the ?

“Ok no worries” I reached for Baekhyun and guided him inside, I brought him in his room as I was about to get some warm water he suddenly started drunk talking

“Chanyeol” I looked since he called me, he was looking at me tears flowing in his eyes

“hey Baek, why are you crying?”

“I hate you Chanyeol! I really do!” he went near me and started throwing punches in my chest, I was confused I was about to say something when he started talking again

“I hate you! You idiot! How can you move on so easily, how can you bring him home, in this house where your ex-boyfriend lives!? How come I am the only one hurting and you already have someone! It hurts, it ing hurts me to see you with someone else. I know our relationship was very boring and routine based heck that was even the reason why we broken up but I never thought of you having someone else! It really hurts Chan, It hurts me that I still love you, and you don’t” He was crying, I was shocked I thought he was fine with it, I was really confused

I nursed him after he had calmed down I went to my own room still trying to internalize the confession I got from Baekhyun

--- It was already 2 pm when I woke up the next day I immediately went to Baekhyun’s room to check on him but he was nowhere to be found, his bed is fixed which is very unlikely of him. His vanity mirror is empty. I was nervous since I have an idea on what’s happening I opened his closet and my hunch was confirmed he left. I went downstairs to check if he was just throwing a prank on me but a note on the refrigerator caught my attention

 

Hey Chanyeol,

                   By the time your reading this I am probably out of the house. It’s so stupid of me to confess to you like that last night. I know I don’t have any right anymore and we made a deal to be civil with each other but I just can’t. I am sorry I did not meant any harm with your relationship with Kyungsoo. This just all on me, it was so selfish of me to keep you when in the first place I did not try hard enough to save our relationship. I am really sorry. I decided to leave the house since it will be difficult for us. I just also realized that the reason why I was having a hard time moving on since I get to see you every day and it’s difficult to just go on with the day feeling so empty without you being clingy. This is for the best believe me. I am sorry, I really am

Good bye Chanyeol, until we meet again

                                                                                                                                                                Love,
                                                                                                                                                                   Baekhyun

I felt empty knowing that my confidant just left me. I know it was difficult living in the same roof with your ex-boyfriend but I thought it will be different for us seeing how cool he acts for the past months I just didn’t know he was bottling this kind of feeling

 

--- It has been 2 weeks since Baek left the house, Kyungsoo and I are still dating but I don’t know maybe I was just used to seeing Baekhyun in the house that him leaving made a hole in my heart

“Hey Chanyeol are you really okay? You’ve been like this for the past 2 weeks” Kyungsoo worriedly asked

“Yeah I am fine”

“Is this about Baekhyun leaving the house?”

“I guess? Hey Kyung I have to tell you something” I guess I have to let this all out. I also don’t want to keep a secret from him anymore

“Yeah?”

“It’s that Baekhyun, my roommate was also my uhmm you know my” I keep on stuttering

“Your ex” he finished the sentence for me. I was shocked

“How’d you know?”

“Remember when I first slept in your house I saw this picture frame inside your room with him I thought it was just a friendly photograph but something was telling it was different. I let it pass the first time but when we started dating and sleep overs became a routine for us I once sneaked out of the room and went to the sala I saw this cabinet with photo albums I thought it was just you and Baek’s baby pictures or what but everything in there was you together so I realized you were ex-lovers I did not bring the topic anymore since I don’t see any problem with you living together. I was just waiting for you to explain it. But ever since Baekhyun left the house I realized something was wrong” there were already tears in his eyes

“I am sorry. Before we met we have talked things out that we’ll stay civil. About the house it’s just that our hometown is away from the city and we don’t have anyone to go to if ever we leave that house”

“You still love him”

“Not anymore, Kyung” I said but I can’t even force myself to believe what I just had said

“Pabo, I was not asking you. I am telling you that you still love him”

“huh?”

“You see Chan you lived together for god knows how long it just probably you were used to living together and seeing each other often that somehow you forgot each other’s worth. You got used to the feeling that you took it for granted. But in reality you still love him. It was just hidden but it was never gone you loved him and you still do”

I was silent for a while trying to understand what Kyungsoo had just said maybe he was right, maybe we took everything for granted

“I am sorry” I bowed. I can’t lie to him anymore it’s true that I still love Baekhyun. Being away from him in 2 weeks made me realize some things but I was just too scared to admit and this conversation with Kyungsoo was just a knock on my head

“You don’t have to. I was kind of expecting this anyway. I tried but I just can’t do it, snatching you from the person you really love. I am sorry I made it difficult for the two of you”

“Hey you don’t have to say sorry. I am sorry you have to do this just for me to realize my feelings”

“No worries. I hope you’ll be together again” I hope so too

With one final hug we said our good byes

“thank you Kyungsoo, so much and I really am sorry”

“I know you tried but don’t worry I’ll get over this” he smiled and walked away

I let another 2 weeks pass I just really need to make sure of everything I am feeling I don’t want to hurt anyone again. When I was sure that I still love Baekhyun I came running to the coffee shop where he’s working. It was already late and the coffee shop has no customers I saw Baekhyun in the counter, alone

I pushed the door open

“Good Eve—oh hey Chanyeol” he smiled

“Hey Baekhyun” I smiled

“So what do you like to order”

“I came here to talk to you”

“Uhm can it wait? It’s already 8 pm I’ll just go change and close the shop”

“Oh okay” I said well at least I can prepare my speech, he gave me coffee which I think is a bad thing as it made my heart race more

After about 15 minutes he was all set to go

“So what is it you want to talk about?” he asked

This is it Chanyeol

“Baek. I missed you! Heck I miss seeing you in the house” I confessed

“Chan”

“I know everything was a mess. I even made it more difficult when I brought Kyungsoo in the picture but when you left the house you brought half of my heart I don’t know Baek I thought I was ready living in my world without you but I was wrong every time I do something I always consider your preferences and what nots. I am sorry it was kinda late when I realized everything”

“So?” he asked coldly. It made me more nervous and the weather was not a help since the Winter breeze has already started

“Can you live with me again? Can you come back home? To us? I swear I’ll fix everything”

Silence I was nervous that I’ll be rejected but when he smiled I knew there’s still a chance

“Oh you stupid giant!” he said and grabbed my neck to kiss me

It was soft, it was gently, it was calm

“You’ll always be my home, Yeol”