The Exhaustion
Fire & Ice | Moonsun | WheebyulBae Joohyun. The girl who would’ve made Yongsun and Moonbyul’s duo a trio, only if she’s not too busy chasing her dreams and making a statement; making her voice heard - both literally and figuratively – with her band.
Yongsun was pretty sure Moonbyul wanted to join her band at one point but Yongsun was so threatened that Moonbyul would love singing more than cheering that she convinced Byul to just focus on the Rainbow Bridge Vixens.
It was totally not because she wanted Moonbyul to spend most of her time with Yongsun. Of course not.
“Yongsun, just let it go.” Joohyun replied after her friend barged into her room and complained about how horrible Jung Wheein is.
“Let it go?” Yongsun asked incredulously, as if it was the most ridiculous thing she's ever heard. “What’s so special about that Wheein anyways?” she spat with venom.
Joohyun just shrugged. “Why don’t you ask Moonbyul? She’s the one who looks so enamored with the girl.” she said, teasingly.
Yongsun was so offended by her friend’s statement that she almost wanted to stop the girl mid-sentence. “I told you, we’re in a fight.” The cheerleader reminded her friend.
“You’re not in a fight, Yongsun. You’re in denial.” Joohyun remarked, aware of the feelings her friend thought she kept well hidden inside.
“And what do you mean by that?” Yongsun questioned, arching an eyebrow.
“Oh dear, you can fool yourself but not me.” The leader of the Red Velvet said vaguely.
Yongsun furrowed her eyebrows. “I’m not jealous.” She might’ve easily admitted it to Moonbyul but she won’t tell that to anyone else; not even Joohyun. At least not out loud. “If that’s what you’re implying.”
But luckily, Yongsun didn’t have to. Because Joohyun just knows. She doesn’t need verbal confirmation. She’d seen it so many times, that any denial just won’t do anymore.
Bae Joohyun stood up from her bed. “Oh no. You’re not jealous. You’re furious, not at Wheein, but at yourself. Because you had Moonbyul, all for yourself but you denied yourself that privilege because you were scared.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Yongsun said, crossing her arms defensively. But of course, she did. She wasn’t scared of Moonbyul’s feelings. She wasn’t scared of what she was feeling. But she was scared of what those feelings meant. She still is.
“Moonbyul told me about her feelings for you.” Joohyun disclosed with a smile that showeed her perfect teeth.
“Like hatred?” Yongsun commented.
“She loved you.” Joohyun simply stated. “But you already know that. And you laughed it off and forced her to push it aside because you made her feel as though it didn’t mean anything to you.” She paused for effect, and maybe to see her friend’s reaction. “And unfortunately for you; she believed it.”
“Don’t be overly dramatic, Joohyun. We both know we love each other as friends. We still do.” Yongsun countered, rolling her eyes.
Joohyun sighed. “You’re not convincing anyone, Ms. KimYongsun.” Rolling her eyes. Her friend needs some tough love because honestly, it's all Yongsun knows. Otherwise, she won’t acknowledge it as love.
“You love her, Yongsun. And I’m not sure in what way, but anyone with eyes can see that it isn’t just friendship.”
“Now you either tell me the truth, or you it up and just accept that Moonbyul likes Jung Wheein.”
Yongsun huffed in the air and crossed her arms defensively, as if it could shield her from Joohyun’s inquisitive stare.
“I was just so scared of telling her that I’m in love with her.” Yongsun confessed. She was no longer wearing a façade. “Because what if, I’m only good enough for her when she’s drunk. It definitely looked that way.”
Joohyun can see how scared Yongsun is. And she understands. Yongsun wasn’t afraid of telling Moonbyul that she loves her. She’s just afraid of the aftermath.
The last time Yongsun let someone completely in, was Yobghee. And she’s gone now. Yongsun’s scared that Moonbyul would stay longer in her mind than in her life. That’s what Yonghee did.
And she’s frustrated that she’s forced to deal with all of her feelings now; when she’s not yet ready.
“Yongsun. Everybody knows that the things you say when you’re drunk are the things you mostly think about when you’re sober.” Joohyun pointed out.
“Apparently, not everybody knows that.” Yongusn shook her head. "I didn’t know that. Besides, she had no problem saying it to Wheein; that she likes her.”
“It was different with you Yongsun. With you, she has everything to lose. You’re her best friend.” Joohyun reasoned.
Yongsun felt a tug in her heartstrings. But she didn’t think much of it.
“Not for long, probably.” She whispered.
---------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------
“Wheein, can we talk?” Moonbyl asked, her eyes pleading -- Moonbyul never pleads.
“Moonbyul, I’m tired, okay?” the exhaustion was visible in her eyes; her eyes were still a bit puffy from crying all night.
“Wheein, please. I know that I’ve been a terrible person. But trust me, my intentions for you were true. I really like you.”
“Please stop saying that you like me as an apology for the things that you know I can’t easily forgive you for.” Wheein wanted to sound angry but it came off as a plead. She just wants everything to stop. Moonbyul. Her feelings. Her pain.
“But it’s true.” Moonbyul insisted. Because her words are all she can offer right now. Because Wheein wants the truth and she truly
Comments