Your hands shake uncontrollably as you hold the little, white stick. Your grasp on it is so unsteady that you almost drop it into the trashcan as you set it on the countertop.

“Please don’t be positive…” you whisper to yourself as you grip the edge of the counter top. Your voice is just as shaky as your hands and your knuckles are starting to turn white at how tight your grip is. Your stomach is churning and your heart is thundering in your chest. As you watch the clock, waiting for the results to appear, you feel like the hands are moving slower than ever.

After what seems like an eternity of waiting, the time finally passes. The results should be available now. Your breath quickens as you shut your eyes.

What if it’s positive?

“Please don’t be positive…” you murmur again, on the verge of tears.

It can’t be positive. You’re still in college. You’re already struggling to pay your school fees and rent and another mouth to feed, much less a baby, is going to be much more than just a simple problem. Not to mention your boyfriend Kris, who is also the leader of boy band EXO-M. A baby isn’t what either of you need right now.

But when you open your eyes and take a glance at the pregnancy stick, there are two lines on it.

Positive.

A blanket of dread washes over you as your mind comes to a sudden halt. You’re pregnant.

You’re shaking even more than you were before you saw the results when your phone vibrates on the bathroom countertop.

Kris

You ignore the call, throwing the stick in the trash and grabbing your phone before you walk out and slump onto your bed.

What are you supposed to? Raise the baby? Get rid of it?

The thought crosses your mind faster than you’d like it to. You contemplate the idea for a few seconds before tears start running down your cheeks. You’re terrified, but how would you be able to live with the guilt of getting an abortion? You immediately reject the idea, unconsciously apologizing to the baby that it even came up.

Nonetheless, raising a baby will be difficult. You’ll have to quit school, at least for a little while. Your mom is going to hate you. Do you know how hard this is going to be— doing the same thing I did? you can practically hear her words echoing in your ears already.

And Kris.

You don’t want to mess things up for him. You can already see the article titles now. ‘EXO-M Leader Kris Knocks Up Secret Girlfriend!’ You don’t want to throw away all that he and the other EXO boys have worked for. They don’t deserve to have all of their hard work thrown away for this. You know that Kris’ job means everything to him and you don’t want to destroy his dreams.

What seems like years later, your phone rings a second time. You lift your head up from underneath your pillow and see that Kris is calling again. It’s 1 in the morning and you two are scheduled for a phone date. It’s not much, but it was Kris’ idea to start setting up little phone dates or chats with you. In the midst of all of his schedules, he still wanted to make time for you.

“…Hello?” you croak as you pick up the phone. Your voice is hoarse and quiet.

“Babe?” Kris replies. “Are you okay?” he asks, immediately sensing that something’s wrong.

“Um…” Your eyes burn at the concern evident in his voice. You’re about to make up a lie, but Kris can see right through you.

“Something’s wrong,” he interrupts. “You’ve been crying,” When you don’t reply, Kris knows that he’s right. “I’ll be over in a few,” he says and before you can even think to protest, he hangs up.

About ten minutes later, you hear the doorbell ring. You drag yourself out of bed, trudging to the door, and then opening it. Kris is there, standing in front of you, looking more perfect than ever. His sandy blonde hair isn’t styled and it’s down, how you like it most. It’s late so he’s already showered and he’s wearing just a white t-shirt and grey sweat pants. Deep bags are lined underneath his eyes and the sight of them fills your eyes with tears again.

“Babe,” Kris coos, pushing you inside softly and closing the door behind him. He slips off his shoes as he pulls you into a warm hug. “You know I hate it when you cry,” he continues as he your back softly. “What’s wrong?”

You can’t answer. All that’s coming out of your mouth at this point are sobs. You’re scared. What’s going to happen? What are you going to do? What is Kris going to do? You haven’t even entertained the thought of having a family—not until you’re out of college at least.

You hear Kris sigh as he hugs you tighter. He leads you two towards the couch and a few moments later, he sits you both down on it, his arms still securely wrapped around you. And as you cry, he just holds you.

When you finally manage to calm down a few minutes later, you reluctantly pull away from Kris. You can’t bring yourself to meet his gaze and decide to stare at the floor instead. He’s here now and you have to tell him but that doesn’t change the fact that you don’t want to.

“Promise not to hate me okay?” you whisper quietly as his career comes to mind again.

“_____, look at me,” Kris says as his pointer finger slips underneath your chin, raising your face up. “I promise I won’t hate you no matter what’s wrong. Now are you going to tell me or not?”

You stare into your boyfriend’s eyes for a moment, nothing but dread filling your body. His eyes are drowned with concern and worry and you can’t bear to look at them anymore so you close your eyes.

“I’m pregnant…” you mouth the words.

There’s a short silence before Kris abruptly pulls you into his chest. Your eyes flutter open at the sudden action.

“I’m sorry,” you say immediately. Your voice is shaky again and the tears that didn’t quite go away threaten to fall again. “I didn’t want to mess anything up for you.”

Kris pulls away, his hands holding onto your shoulders firmly. “Why are you apologizing?” his eyebrows pull together. He wipes at the tears that are starting to spill from your eyes again. “I thought you were about to tell me that you cheated on me or something baby,” he says with a small smile tugging at his lips. “It’s not your fault. Don’t cry.”

“No,” you tell him, shaking your head. You don’t know whether you should be glad or worried that Kris isn’t more concerned.

“No what?” he replies. “I’ve told you before haven’t I? I said it when I debuted. I said it when EXO-M went to China for the first time. I said it when our schedule filled up like crazy. And I’m going to say it again now. As long as we have each other, then we’ll get through this.”

“Kris…”

“I love you more than anything and I’m not ever going to give you up. Now you’re carrying my baby in there right?” Kris pokes at your stomach.

You nod slowly.

“Then why are you crying? You’ll make the baby sad,” Kris smiles adoringly at you. “Don’t cry okay?”

Relief floods you and you feel more tears spring to your eyes.

“Babe,” Kris groans.

“I know,” you hiccup with a small laugh. “You hate it when I cry.”

He nods. “So stop,”

“I can’t,” you push his shoulder lightly. “I thought you were going to leave me or something. I don’t know. This is a big deal Kris. I don’t want it to ruin your future.”

“You are my future,” Kris interrupts you as he places a kiss on your lips. “Got that?” he adds as he presses his forehead against yours.

You nod again. “I love you,” you say after a moment, never meaning the words more than you do in this moment.

“I love you too,” Kris replies, smiling. He wraps his arms around you again and lies down on the couch, pulling you on top of him. “I already told Chen and the others I would be back in the morning so let’s sleep now okay?”

“Okay,” you agree.

“Practice was killer today,” Kris continues. “I’m exhausted.”

“That’s what I mean,” you tell him, trying to sit up but failing when his arms hold you down. “You’re always going to be tired and it’s going to get hard when the baby actually comes.”

“So you’re saying you’d rather raise a baby alone?”

“…No…”

Kris heaves a sigh of relief at your answer. “Then let me be with you okay?”

“Okay…”

“We’ll get through it. I promise.”

You nod as your close your eyes and relax into his embrace. You didn’t realize it, but you’re pretty worn out yourself. The crying must’ve taken a toll on you.

“I love you,” you hear Kris whisper into your ear just as he falls asleep.

You know that you’re going to be stressed and tested over and over again, but everything’s going to be okay. A small smile spreads across your lips and as you drift into sleep in Kris’ arms and his words echo in your ears. We’ll get through it. I promise.