“Ok, but this time Daehyun and Youngjae will do the ending instead.”

The words from the choreographer muffled the practice room with dead silence. Each member responded with a different expression. Their leader was holding back a wide gummy smile. Himchan, arms crossed, pursed his lips with interest. The maknaes broke the silence with incoherent schoolboy giggles. Despite their own smiles, the two singers themselves didn’t utter a thing.

The boys shuffled back into their positions from the last verse of Crash and quickly returned to dancing. It was up until the last point where things faltered. Daehyun approached Youngjae, water bottle mic in his left hand, eyes on the tiled floor, ready to take the other’s hand. The second Daehyun’s palm brushed against his thumb, Youngjae broke into a frenzy of laughter. This of course made the whole room laugh in unison.

“Youngjae!” Daehyun cried out in frustration, stepping back from the younger singer. His face washed over with silly embarrassment, which he tried to cover with his hand.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Youngjae repeated over and over between giggles. He didn’t realize how much the gesture would make him so skittish. And react so violently too.

Himchan made a long sigh next to them.

“...Come on now. Just do it naturally. Like me and Bang.” Himchan raised his eyebrows slyly to Yongguk to which the leader scoffed and shook his head quietly.

“What is so natural about this?” Youngjae murmured out loud.  Daehyun heard this and softly chuckled.

“You don’t wan’t to hold my hand, Youngjae?”

A lump formed in Youngjae’s throat.

 “...It’s not that,” he replied.

“Then stop being a baby.” Daehyun dully said.

“Ok fine,” he mimicked. Youngjae returned to his spot. Daehyun shook out his hand to loosen out some tension as he returned to his spot as well. The lump in Youngjae’s throat lingered. He was a bit perplexed at how calm Daehyun seemed to be about the whole situation. Not that this was a big deal, but it was the first time they were doing something like this on stage. He couldn’t help but feel a little bit anxious.

Daehyun however was equally as nervous about the contact as Youngjae was. He didn’t want to show it, but there was an uneasiness he felt throughout his body. Sure, he had done things far from mentionable on stage before, but this was different. They had to perform it in front of all those people. It was bad enough they had to change concepts and adjust to all the cuteness and skinship. It had brought the singer to awkward states at times. But despite the challenge, he was getting used to it. Although, this move in particular was beginning to rattle him. Maybe because it was with Youngjae. Of all people. And that realization was dawning on him. But he couldn’t let the group down. And he didn’t want Youngjae to let him down as well.    

Breaking the two boys out of thought, the backtrack played once again. On cue the members performed the routine effortlessly. Then came the ending.

Following the beat, the singers slowly walked up to each other. It was a clean start, but their hands met in one of the most awkward of fashions. It was similar to that of two strangers shifting around, trying to walk past each other on a sidewalk.

Very quickly Daehyun clasped his hand around Youngjae’s, to cease the failure of the moment. But it didn’t stop the younger singer from letting out a choked laugh. And just as quickly Daehyun let go of him. The room filled with giddy noise once again. The choreographer stepped into the group once everyone had settled down.

“Ok, that’s enough for today. You two can work out the ending later.” Youngjae and Daehyun both glanced at each other apprehensively. The rest of the group nodded in unison and said their regards, then exited the practice room. Everyone left except for the two singers, who were alone by themselves. They both knew what the other was thinking.

“What are we going to do?” inquired the younger, eyes wide with distress, yet face contorted with humor. Daehyun swallowed in what little hope he had left.

“....Should we practice?..”

Youngjae’s face lit up into a helpless smile at the statement; his chubby cheeks defining themselves in the fluorescent light as he shied away from a reply. He couldn’t come to terms on why he was so embarrassed about it. And neither did Daehyun.  

Hiding back all emotion, the older casually took ahold of his hand. Youngjae swore his heart beat a bit faster from the gentle contact. He could feel a knot in his stomach form as Daehyun brought their hands up as planned in the choreography. Thoughts began to stream throughout the younger singer’s mind.  

How...

How are you doing this so calmly?

What happened to earlier?

Daehyun cracked a tiny smirk at the way Youngjae was blanking out. He too was surprised at how relaxed he was now. Probably because the others weren’t around to see. After what seemed like an eternity of seconds, Youngjae cleared his throat.

“....It...it doesn’t feel right.”

Daehyun pouted.

“What are you talking about?”

“I mean....I guess it feels off.”

Youngjae wasn’t sure how to explain it. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be feeling actually.

“Should we lock fingers?..”

“I--”

Daehyun closed his fingers around Youngjae’s and gave his hand a light squeeze. Youngjae suppressed a meep that wanted to escape from his mouth.

“...Is that better?”

Actually yes.

“Um. A little bit?” Youngjae peered down at the pair of hands and felt the knot in his stomach tighten. It was unusual. Youngjae always clasped his hands with his left thumb over his right. But here, Daehyun’s right thumb was over his left. It felt really foreign to him. But for some reason it felt better. Because for some reason it felt more like Daehyun holding his hand and not someone else. It was one of those little things that Youngjae didn’t want his brain to think about.

“Are you more comfortable then?” Daehyun asked, who noticed how much Youngjae was spacing out.

 “Ahhh...I guess so.” The younger replied in a teasing manner which made the older grin. Daehyun pulled him in a little closer. He stared into his eyes rather intuitively which made Youngjae’s face a tad solemn.  

“Don’t mess this up.” He threatened.

“Don’t worry, I won’t,” Youngjae nagged. Daehyun chuckled.

“Ok then.”

Liar.

Daehyun began to lead Youngjae towards the exit. The younger felt a rapid rush of anxiety as they were still holding hands.

“W-what are you doing??”

“This is the only way we’re going to get more comfortable.” Daehyun said to the singer behind him as they stepped closer and closer to the door. Youngjae went from somewhat content to dramatically worried so fast it scared him. Daehyun even swayed their arms in time to their footsteps.

You sick bastard, Youngjae thought to himself.

They entered the hallway which was empty, but it didn’t stop Youngjae’s body from feeling like complete jello. Instinctively, he tried to pull away from the hold. Daehyun only latched on to him with more force.

“It’s the only way!” Daehyun laughed. He tugged him closer, highly amused.

“Daehyun!” Youngjae uttered out. They kept pulling and pushing each other until a staff member appeared at the end of the hall. Alarmed, both singers stepped back against the wall to let her pass by, hands respectfully to themselves as they bowed. A minute passed before she was gone. And once she was, they turned to each other.

“How are we going to do this if you keep that up?”

“But you let go too!”

“.....Shut up.”

Youngjae brushed his fingers through his fuzzy hair before slapping his hand on his thigh feebly. Daehyun soundlessly made odd expressions with his lips. It was going to be a long day.
 

They practiced over the hours. When nobody else was watching. Since that was when they were most agreeable. Over and over they practiced that last move. Daehyun wanted the feeling to be become as mundane as possible. He wanted it to be as if it were routine. He wanted it to be this monotonous thing that they could care less about because it was insignificant.

But it never really did. Not even as Youngjae held up a decent poker face despite the butterflies that wouldn’t go away. Not even as Daehyun tried to ignore the younger’s growing nerves after each attempt. Even at stage rehearsal where the two executed the move flawlessly several times, the feelings couldn’t be shaken away.

“So you guys did fix the ending?” Himchan called out to the two singers behind the stage. Everyone was dressed up and ready to perform soon.

They both replied a confident, “Yeah.”

“Good,” he said mildly before walking over to Yongguk. Both singers could sense the barren lie they gave following him.

The stage started. The six performed to the absolute best of their abilities as was expected of themselves. Everyone delivered their lines cleanly and danced in their dorky manner to the cheerful song. Just briefly they had forgotten all of their worries prior to the stage. The fans were loving every bit of it. It was the magic that a song like Crash could do. But then came the ending.

Daehyun stepped back behind the others and towards Youngjae.

. Oh ok he’s coming over.

The two looked out into the crowd.

Ok damn just please don’t lose it, Youngjae.

Swiftly, the two took each other’s hands and locked them together effortlessly. Their palms were warm from performing. And that tingling sensation came back to the two, only heightened. Youngjae held onto his hand a bit firmer while still being tender to the older’s delicate fingers. This one felt special. It was Daehyun whose stomach did knots. He wanted to stay there for a little longer. Youngjae wanted to drop from the overload of sensations. But they had a stage to end.

Youngjae bit down on his lip. Daehyun’s chest expanded from his heavy breathing. They both looked into camera and held the pose for a few seconds and smiled, their fans’ screams ringing through the air. Then almost immediately, everyone darted off stage for the next performers. The short-lived gesture they were dreading was successful.   

Overall the boys were pretty satisfied with the show that night. The two singers didn’t mention anything since they were basically hit by a truck of adrenaline and left to pick up after themselves in the aftermath. It was until they were alone backstage where Daehyun could confront the younger safely.  

“See that wasn’t so bad right? Aish. Why did you have to make a big deal out of it.”

Youngjae glared at him.

“You were the one making a big deal out of it!” he spluttered. It was over. It was all over. He didn’t have to worry about getting distracted by the feelings churning inside him. He could safely go about the days without thinking about Jung Daehyun and how they held hands together that night. Because deep inside, he might have liked it more than what he bargained for.  

Youngjae nudged the older on his shoulder in annoyance. Daehyun could only air out what was supposed to be a laugh to his childish attack. He didn’t want to admit it. He did go a little overboard. But with Youngjae, he always went a little overboard with everything. He exhaled and glimpsed at the younger, who was clearly confounded in some kind of sad mental battle over the whole thing. It was then at that moment he wanted to take his hand again. Just to remind himself how it felt like. He reached out towards him.  

Yongguk suddenly appeared into the room.

“Nice work guys!”

Daehyun’s hand retreated.

“Oh thanks hyung,” Youngjae said rather blissfully.

“So you guys are ok with doing that ending again right?”

“What?” they blurted out together.

“Yeah, you know next time?” he said slowly.

There’s going to be a next time?

From outside of the room Jongup and Zelo could be heard shouting, “Hyung! HYUNG!”

“We’re grouping back again soon, so don’t run off anywhere,” Yongguk told the two before attending to the maknaes.

Daehyun shifted his focus to Youngjae who stood mouth agape at the news. The thought of holding hands again was complete murder. The worst of the matter was that he was actually looking forward to it. Daehyun picked up the younger’s distress but couldn’t form the right words to say. Probably because he was busy enjoying the irony of the situation. Or maybe because he couldn’t stop thinking of earlier. Before they knew it, they ended up laughing out their frustration like little kids.

“This calls for more practice.”

A/N: Um yeah, just a lot of overall feelings from that particular stage. Just wanted to get them out :/
Drawing~