Kibum is sixteen when he falls for his thirty two-year-old teacher.

He doesn't know how or when or why, it just is. He doesn't get to saying it out loud, simply mouthing the words I love you over and over again in the mirror, to the point where it starts to become a curse or spell of some sort, and no sound ever comes out. Jinwoon laughs at his infatuation and mocks him saying, "Aw, does Kibummie have a widdle crush on sungsaenim?" and Kibum shoves him indignantly as Jinwoon chortles away.

He stares unflinchingly at Jonghyun's every moment and savours it with his eyes, tasting it with his soul. And then he proceeds to lock away those memories in the remote corners of his heart.

"That's disgusting, hyung," Minho says dryly as Kibum confesses the secret adoration he holds for the resident music teacher. Kibum pulls a face, but he doesn't say anything because it's true, isn't it? The sixteen-year difference, on top with the fact that he was twice his age was a replusive thought by itself. In the end, he finally gives a stiff nod and mumbles, "I know."

"I think I like you, sungsaenim," Kibum says casually one day after class, like his whole heart was not put on the line, like it was no big deal.

Jonghyun's reaction is priceless, he fumbles with the scores before dropping all eight of them, and Kibum catches every piece suavely. He grasps around the table clumsily and tries to put on his glasses but miserably failing, ending off with a choked up "Excuse me?"

If Kibum is shaking inside, he doesn't show it, and simply gives a relaxed exterior before shrugging. "We could go on a date, just to test things out," he continues with the same air of carelessness. "But it's cool if you don't want to."

Jonghyun has never had anyone come up so strongly onto him before, and the stoned look on his face is starting to irritate Kibum. "I -but -we can't, Kibum-ah," he finally manages to say, giving Kibum a helpless look. "This is strictly a teacher-student relationship -"

Kibum pulls Jonghyun's tie and mashes their lips together, forcefully, and it's a sloppery mess, they have their tongues all over and Kibum bites, he bites hard on Jonghyun's lip and draws blood out of it, slams him against the wall before giving him one last soul searching kiss.

"You want this," he snarls, loosening his tight grip on both of Jonghyun's shoulders. "Don't pretend you don't." He turns around and stalks off before slamming the lecture room hall's door on him.

Jonghyun is dazed, cheeks flushed and lip cut. He slumps against the wall, sliding down slowly to a sitting position. His hair is mussled and tie undone, shirt missing a few buttons of its own from Kibum's clawing. His fingers ghost over the bleeding cut that Kibum made moments ago, and sighs.

Yes, I want this, I really do.

Jinki never lies to Kibum, no matter what. You simply do not lie to Kim Kibum. He comes with a body built lie detector that has yet to fail him in his sixteen years of life. It doesn't help that Kibum has known him for 1) forever, and 2) Jinki cannot lie. Well, at least, not convincingly.

He bares his soul and wears his heart out on his sleeve (only for Kibum, it's always for him), but he laughs at the sheer irony of this because Kibum lies to him more than anybody else. He avoids it and talks around it and spins layers and layers of an intricate web that is so thick that no more lies could be spunned anymore.

So when Kibum comes home looking like his non-existent dog just died and a trembling mess, Jinki knows that everything about him screams wrong. He stops heisitantly at the fence which seperated his house from his, and calls out, "Are you okay?" No response. Tries again, "Did something happen with the Dino-sungsaenim?"

Kibum is wearing the absolute look of terror, and Jinki swears he sees him freeze for a second before slipping on a mask. "No, everything's fine," he says, with the air of casualness he always coats over his words. "I'm feeling a little tired, and I'm going to rest now."

And even though Kibum looks ed, royally, Jinki nods and says, "Okay."

He accepts everything that Kibum is willing to tell him, because Kibum's existence itself is the truth.

Oh, and 3), Jinki is in love with him.

Jonghyun watches as Jinki trips over himself trying to please Kibum. Kibum doesn't even spare him a glance when he dumps his chemistry books onto him and says, "Bring that to my locker." Jinki is eager to please and runs off immediately, knocking into people and walls alike.

That poor boy

, Jonghyun secretly thinks. Out loud he says, "I don't think you should treat him like that."

Kibum looks up, tilts his head to the side and shrugs. "What's the big deal?" He double clicks his pen and continues doodling on his history notes. "He likes being used."

"It's cruel," Jonghyun mutters under his breath. Not that Kibum cares. "You know he likes you, right?"

"Yeah."

"Do you even like him?"

"No."

"At the very least, is he your friend?"

"No."

"Then what is he?"

"Just somebody I happen to know."

Jonghyun gives Kibum a strange look he can't decipher, and he finally stops writing and looks at him. The sound of the fans whirls around in a buzz above them. "Don't worry, sungsaenim," Kibum says, with a charming smile. "You're the only one for me."

Jonghyun wonders how many others before him have heard the same words, and decides not to wonder about it before he sinks further into despair.

Kibum leans over the teacher's desk and hooks a finger on Jonghyun's tie. "Don't think so much, love," he murmurs enticingly, pulls him closer and skillfuly steals a kiss.

Jonghyun melts into it and all the pity he felt for Jinki is forgotten.

Jinki thinks it's unfair, really because Jonghyun hyung already has everything. He has a charming smile and puppy eyes that girls go for, a loving picture perfect family, wonderful on the social scene, and Kim Kibum.

On the other hand, there is Jinki, with the awkward teeth and eyes too small, nose weirdly shaped that no girl in her right mind would find attractive, an alcoholic dad and mom he hasn't seen for the past decade, two friends, and no Kim Kibum.

(Technically his two friends don't even count, because Minho sits beside him for every class so that makes him a friend by default, and Jinki thinks that even as neighbours Kibum doesn't think much of him as a friend.)

He thinks it's unfair that Jonghyun has everything, yet he still has to take away the only thing that Jinki has ever loved.

He hates Jonghyun hyung, (except that he doesn't really hate him, just the fact that Kim Kibum is his).

One fine day Kibum is struck with an epiphany, and he stays back and waits for the other students to clear out before marching in front of an expectant Jonghyun and asks, "Is there anything in the world you want? More than anything else?"

Jonghyun blinks, once, twice, before shrugging it off. "Having a lambourgini would be nice," he says offhandedly.

Kibum narrows his eyes. "But would you trade us for that? Or anything else?" He presses, and Jonghyun gets it.

There is nothing else in the world I would rather have than you

, Jonghyun whispers, and it is a song that lingers in Kibum's ears for the moments to come.

Kibum takes a deep breath.

It doesn't take much and he crashes-

-effortlessly.

It has been barely two weeks and the fall is deep, and even without anybody telling him Jonghyun knows their relationship is dysfunctional, weird, ed up and missing a few screws. Unofficial, there yet not there. It was a sort of unspoken thing that needed no words for it to be tangible, he knew it was there, he could feel it, yet was at a loss for what to do about it.

For some reason he feels obligated to do something for this non-relationship to carry on, but his romanticism that flowed naturally seem to elude him.

In the end, Jonghyun hands him an old notebook he kept for lyric writing but never got around to writing any lyrics in it, and Kibum laughs and accepts it with affection adorning his eyes. There is only a short paragraph of words enscripted on the back of the book, and it says;

I love you

for all you are

for all you have been

and all you've yet to be.

Jonghyun doesn't tell him how the sunset streaking on his skin makes him look so beautiful, or how the light that bathes him gives him an afterglow, and he glows, Kibum glows, and that was when Jonghyun realises that ah, maybe this could be love.

Jinki is a fragile person.

He has a tremendous amount of courage but a gentle heart that breaks easy. He is not strong and his heart is a glass ornament that cracks and chips off a little everyday, and the fact that Kibum is oblivious (or uncaring) of this doesn't help much, either.

Jinki watches them across the courtyard, and even though he sees the fleeting brushes between the both of them, even though his heart breaksbreaksbreaks and his guts feel like they have just been punched out by a professional wrestler, he doesn't say anything, chooses to look down and walk away.

Jinki is a fragile person with a delicate heart, he is not strong nor was he weak, but at the end of his sight he sees Kibum leaning in towards Jonghyun, and that's when his glass heart finally crumbles and all that's left in its place is dust.

Kibum calls Minho at three in the morning and gushes of today's events, not stopping to even catch his breath. Minho stays silent throughout. "It's nice to hear about your love life, hyung," he finally says, tone dripping with sarcasm. "But what about Jinki hyung?"

The silence is heavy, until Kibum finds his voice again to break it. "What does Jinki have to do with this?"

Minho hangs up.

Another week passes by and fleeting brushes turn into lingering touch, a quick glance around the room turns into affectionate gaze, and it is finally made official when Jonghyun takes Kibum to The Fountain (legend has it that couples who go there last forever, or as long as they could be) at a park across the street under the pretense of tutoring, pulls out a lone rose and says, "Will you go out with me?"

Kibum squeals and almost cries from the overwhelming happiness, and jumps into Jonghyun's arms without a moment of heisitation. "OF COURSE I WILL," he screams, not caring that the other people in the park were shooting him weird looks. "You beautiful beautiful man," and grabs his face and dives in for a kiss.

Jonghyun is flustered, and half-heartedly hisses at him. "Yah," he says, reluctantly shoving Kibum off his shoulders. "Do you want to get me fired?"

Kibum gives him a -eating grin, a smile so charming that it makes all of Jonghyun's inner inhibitions melt away. "There is only me and you in the world, and no one else. I could care less for what anyone else thinks of this!" he shouts fervently, cheeks red, eyes lighted with joy, and his voice is one that echoes across the park and what seemed to be the entire universe.

And looking at this side of Kibum, how could Jonghyun possibly refuse?

This time round, it is Jonghyun who pulls Kibum's hands closer, and pushes him onto the grass and kisses him hard.

"He loves me," Jinki mumbles, swinging on the swing at the backyard of his house, plucking off a petal of his pink daisy. "He loves me not." Pluck. "He loves me." Pluck. "He loves me not."

At this moment, he hears the front porch creak and keys jingle, his heart speeds up as he plucks off the last petal. "He loves me," Jinki breathes, and gets up to walk over to the gate. It feels like he just became the world's richest man, like Kim Kibum was destined to be his. He walks over cautiously and sure enough, is met with the sight of the boy of his dreams.

"Hey," he says bashfully, shy, dropping hs hands to the side and trying not to sweat too much in his palms.

"Hey," Kibum echoes him, before shutting the gate behind him. He slips off his sneakers roughly, and Jinki is entranced simply by the movement of his feet. Kibum looks warily at him. "So, uh, did you want anything?" he asks cautiously, liftng his pair of sneakers, ready to enter his house.

"Um," and that's all he manages, Jinki is at a loss for words. I just wanted to see your face, but he can't very well say those thoughts out, could he?

"Huh, what's that?"

Jinki snaps out of his perpetual daze, and his line of sight follows what Kibum points to. They land back to his hands, where there is a single stalk of what was left of the pink daisy he plucked earlier.

"Um, th-this is, um," Jinki stutters, and it could have been a cute sight if it wasn't Kibum he was talking to. Kibum simply rolls his eyes and says, "That's one ugly flower, with only one petal left on the stem," and turns around and shuts the door behind him with a strong click, leaving Jinki, mouth opened in a pretty 'o' shape.

"Oh," he says, and it sounds cold even to him. Sure enough, there is another petal left, and it is withered at the edges from the harsh wild winds. He plucks off the last petal automatically, mechanically, and just a little, it stings.

"He loves me not," he softly says, and the petaless stem falls through his grasp and lands on the ground.

Jinki tries really hard.

He tries hard, he really does, he tries until there's nothing left for him to try anymore and he thinks he's tired, it's tiring, trying is tiring, Kibum is tiring, he doesn't want to be a part of this anymore and he wants to run far, run far, far away from Kibum, away from his lethal words and killer face, away from him, oh doesn't he see that Jinki is in love with him?

Kibum stares really hard at the locker and wills the thorns that came in the form of red paint to go away.

It's nothing new. He is used to this. The word written in blood red that came in caps, dripping down reeking of freshness all the way to the ground smudging his new pair of Vans. It's blotchy and the stains course through the cloth, spreading like wildfire. "," he mutters under his breath, and kicks the locker close violently, groaning when it simply made his shoes worse.

''I heard he slept with five hundred guys from college and made a tape out of it.''

Hah. That's just stupid. Kibum got his first kiss just a while back, for god's sake. He hasn't been furthur with anyone other than Jonghyun. It's not like you get to experiment much around such a homophobic crowd.

"He would sleep with anything and anyone. He's such a ."

Shut up. shut up shut up shut up shut up--

"I heard that he even had the guts to hit on Choi Minho."

"Oh my god, that Choi Minho from the soccer team? How shameless.

It's stupid. It's nothing new. Kibum knows that. They were just a couple of stupid people with stupid thoughts and perspectives following the stupid mainstream crowd just being goddamn stupid in general, but then why, oh why, why does it hurt so much?

He blinks fast the tears away, and is about to turn away when he is stopped by Minho.

Minho's with his team mates. They make crude gestures and circles , flipping the middle finger in his face. " it, !" and they burst out howling in chortles and blowing wolf whistles. One guy backs off, putting his hands up in surrender. "Wouldn't want to catch the queer, do we now?" he sniggers, and the other boys join in the mockery.

That's stupid. You can't catch the queer.

Of course he doesn't say a word, instead looks away and hugs his books tighter, and stiffly walks away.

The same guy who flipped him off grabs a fistful of his hair, and slams Kibum's face into the locker, smearing red paint all over his bruised cheeks. Kibum chokes, and another bot of laughter erupts. "You think you're better than everyone, don't you?" he snarls and gives a nasty sneer. "Little ."

And throughout it all, Minho never said a thing.

This is more than Kibum can take, and he blacks out on the floor.

Kibum wakes up to washed out walls of white and the whirling sound of the ceiling fan. His sight is blurry and he blinks groggily, head aching from the impact before.

"Are you okay?"

Jonghyun sits in a chair next to the infirmary bed, slicing the skin of the apple off in a slip shod way. His cuts are uneven and choppy, and this makes Kibum want to grab the goddamn knife from him and cut the apple himself.

"I'm fine."

Slip, slip.

"Want some apples?"

Kibum cringes at the sight of the apple, disfigured beyond recognition.

"Nah, I'm good."

Jonghyun continues slicing the apple absent-mindedly, choppy and unshaven pieces dropping onto the plate in plonks. He eyes the apple with a pensive look, and his head towards Kibum.

"Hey, Kibummie?"

"Yeah?"

"I think we should break up."

in the midst of i love yous and i wish i could be with you forever but i can'ts, kibum secretly knows that this is for the best.

The weather today was chilly, with a hint of mint and spice in the air. Kibum rubs his hands together and huffs his breath at his cotton mittens. Minho walks down across the street with both hands in his coat, and they make eye contact for a whole minute which felt like eternity before Kibum broke the ice (literally), flinging pebbles under his bench at Minho's direction. "Hey hot stuff."

To his credit, Minho doesn't even blink. He stares straight at Kibum unflinchingly, and queries with nothing but pure curiosity. "Your boy toy not here today?"

"We broke up."

"Oh." A pause, then, "Jinki hyung?"

"Jinki's off limits."

"Why?"

"He's a part of my life I don't want to taint."

Minho looks slightly suprised at this. "So you do care. You're not that bad, hey."

Kibum gives a harsh laugh, what difference does this make now? Jonghyun is gone and Jinki is almost gone and Minho was never there from the start, or why would he have simply stood and watched while Kibum was getting beaten up? Was this how his life was supposed to be? Hopeless skies against grey tomorrows without anything or anyone simply because?

In the end, Kibum decides that maybe this was how it was meant to be, but that doesn't make the empty gaps any less colder.