The toughest part for all of the members was to see Baekhyun break apart. Chanyeol’s sudden and tragic death had been hard on them all, but when the worst shock was over they had to see something that was maybe even worse.

“Baekhyun-ah… are you okay?” Zitao asked during the first evening since Chanyeol’s passing that all eleven of them had gotten out of bed and managed to drag themselves to K’s dorm to have dinner together. Baekhyun didn’t even look up at the sound of his voice, but merely continued to shove his food around. “Please, Baekhyunnie.”

Baekhyun kept his silence until eventually they gave up.

Neither of them had seen Baekhyun cry even once since it had happened. He spent most of his time sleeping and when he had to pull himself out of the bedroom he went on about his business with a blank face and dead eyes. It was frightening to say the least, especially considering how lively and happy Baekhyun had been just two months prior.

But all things have a breaking point.

It had been nearly three and a half months since Chanyeol’s death, and the other members were trying to patch themselves and each other up to the best of their abilities. It wasn’t easy, and most of their “self-designated therapy” consisted of sleeping and spending time with each other. The only one who never joined them was Baekhyun.

This particular evening all of them had gathered in K’s dorm and decided to watch a movie. Baekhyun went to bed without even saying goodnight while the rest of them were trying to fit themselves on the couch and in the two armchairs that were available. It was not an easy feat, considering they were ten grown men, but eventually they managed.

Halfway through the movie, their attention was stolen by a scream that definitely did not come from the TV. Zitao was the first to react as he bolted up from his place on the couch and almost tripped over the blanket that tangled around his feet. “Baekhyun,” he said as he set off for Baekhyun’s room.

Baekhyun had woken himself up with his yell. He couldn’t get the images from the dream he’d had out of his head, and he was only vaguely aware of Zitao bursting into the room.

“Chanyeol,” he got out between sobs, “Chanyeol, Chanyeol, Chanyeol.”

He felt his chest as the images continued to flash through his mind; there was Chanyeol and his carefree smile, he was running towards Baekhyun with that stupid smile on his face. Baekhyun, who realized what was about to happen, tried to yell out a warning – but it was too late.

He screamed again as he remembered, so vividly, how the car had collided with Chanyeol’s body. The horrible sound of the brakes, and the surprised look on Chanyeol’s face and the blood, the blood.

He cried harder as he felt his chest constrict. “Ch-Chanyeol,” he gasped, rocking back and forth with his hands over his face, “pl-please, Chanyeol…”

It was all too easy to remember how he’d stared at Chanyeol’s unmoving body, covered in blood. The driver had panicked, but at least he hadn’t continued driving. Baekhyun had just been numb. But then he heard the sirens and started to take in the situation – lying on the ground, completely bloody and not very likely to survive was Chanyeol, his Chanyeol.

“Baekhyun!” Yifan’s voice was the first to reach Baekhyun’s ears as he was forced to lie on his back again. He struggled against the hands on his chest, screaming out as he kicked his legs and flailed his arms around, trying to get free. He had to get up and get to Chanyeol – it couldn’t have happened. If Yifan would just let go of him he could make his way to the other side of the room, where Chanyeol would be sleeping safe and sound in his bed.

“Breathe, Baekhyun,” another voice said, and Baekhyun was suddenly aware of how his head was swimming with the lack of air. Finally, finally the thoughts and memories began to fade – but the horrible feeling was still there.

His whole body was covered in sweat and his chest was heaving too quickly as he took quick, shallow breaths. He didn’t fight when Yifan instead wrapped his hands around his chest and brought him into his lap, rocking him back and forth and hushing gently in his ear.

“Breathe, Baek,” he murmured, “just breathe. Close your eyes and listen to me.”

Baekhyun did his best to do as he was told – he closed his eyes and listened to Yifan as the older told him to just breathe. It took a minute, but eventually he was breathing evenly again.

He pushed weakly at Yifan’s chest, “I’m going to vomit,” he muttered in a thick voice, and Yifan helped him to make sure he didn’t get any on himself or the bed. He couldn’t even bring himself to care about the fact that someone would have to clean it up, he just dried his mouth with a bit of his shirt and curled back into Yifan’s embrace as he continued to cry.

“It’ll be okay,” Yifan whispered in his ear as he rocked him back and forth, “everything will be fine.”

Baekhyun wasn’t sure he agreed, but he was too tired to say anything. Instead he just pressed himself closer to Yifan, not caring that he was acting like a child – he just needed someone close. He cried harder when he felt someone who was undoubtedly Zitao join the hug, and clenched a bit of the younger’s pajama shirt in his hand.

“I’m so tired,” he whimpered through his sobs. “So tired.”