I want her to know

I'm in love

That's my only dream

 

Everyday, you receives a letter from an anonymous sender. If not on your desk, it will be on your locker. It says how much you mean to the sender and some poems too. Sometimes, its a song with a reason why he dedicated it to you. You wonder who was it, but you never really wanted to make it a bid deal.

 

"Hey!" Myungsoo greeted you as he reached his sit beside you on the bench.

 

You are reading a new letter that was written in a silk like paper with scent. "What's up?" you replied to the guy beside you who obviously sneaking a look upon the letter you are holding. "You want to read it?"

 

He immediately evade your direction and looked at front of him, "Of course not."

 

You smiled, "You want to read it don't you?"

 

"I don't! Why would I?"

 

"You're so obvious little liar!"

 

"Fine! I want to know who's that poor guy that fell in love with you. He's a very unlucky one. Who on earth will fell for you?"

 

"What!?" you slap him repeatedly on his forearm.

 

"Aw! Aw! Hey! Stop it! It hurts!"

 

"How come you can say it to your bestfriend huh?!"

 

"That's it, you're my bestfriend and I know what kind of girl you are."

 

"Tsh..."

 

He smirked.

 

"Stop it!" and you slapped him again.

 

He run away and made you come after him. It became a running game for both of you. It always end that way whenever you and Myungsoo come to reached for each other.

 

You and Myungsoo grew up together. You already knew almost everything about each other. He used to have sleepover on your house without any malice. You are very welcome to his family too, but no matter what other says, you only see him as Myungsoo, your bestfriend, not Myungsoo, the man who can be in love with you or to any other girl.

 

"So I heard, you are dating a certain girl from the lower year." you said to Myungsoo as both of you are sitting on the cafeteria. 

 

"That was just a rumor."

 

"Really?" you pouted to disappointment.

 

"What are you pouting at?" he then throw a crumpled tissue on you.

 

"Aw! You're so cross. Chill down. I'm just asking you. Tsh... tell me, have you ever been in love in your life? You have never introduce anyone to me since birth."

 

He just shut his mouth and looked at you without any meaning. He looks lost with your question.

 

"Hey! Why did you shut up so suddenly?"

 

"Ya! Stop bugging me up about it!" he then stands up and left you alone. As he walked far from you he whispered annoyingly to himself, "Numb!"

 

As I want to say it

I can't start

When you see each other

Please just tell her

 

"Myungsoo, how long can you go on living as a bestfriend huh?" his father said as they both sitting down on the couch.

 

"What do you mean?" Myungsoo asked innocently.

 

"You brat! As if me and your mother didn't know about how you feel towards your bestfriend."

 

"Appa..."

 

"Your card bill arrived this morning. You keep sending cakes and flowers to her without your name. What are you? A shadow?"

 

"Appa, that's the only thing I can do for her. I can't tell her how much I love her. I'm afraid that she might go away."

 

"How will you know if you will not tell her how you feel? You're such a big coward."

 

"No! I'm just afraid of how she would react."

 

"Thinking ahead of her is like saying you give up on chasing your love."

 

"I don't know. I felt its better this way."

 

"Remember Myungsoo, you're graduating from higschool. You will not be here for college. Prepare yourself to lose her if you don't make a move."

 

You found Myungsoo on his locker banging his head.

 

"Are you having a headache or you want to have an headache?" you said as greeting to your bestfriend as you lay your back on the other locker door.

 

"Ahh..." he answered in stressed.

 

"Myungsoo, what's happening?"

 

"If I go and leave you, will you find me?"

 

"It depends on where are you going?"

 

"Can you please straight up your answer? Is it a yes or a no?"

 

"Maybe yes."

 

"What maybe? Won't you miss your bestfriend?"

 

"As if you are my boyfriend."

 

"That's it!" Myungsoo banged his back on the locker that it almost fell and you actually stands straight and watch him go, as in walking out.

 

You didn't get to see him before the class started. You are in different sections so you wouldn't get to see him in your class. Through the whole day, you never get to see the Myungsoo you always mingled with every breaktime, lunch time and after school. He's not in the playground where both of you used to go and play. You didn't find him at the park or in the bench where both of you used to seat.

 

All day, you didn't see him. You get a new letter with a white from your anonymous admirer saying...

 

I might not get the chance to be your love. I might not be the one who won your heart, but at least I've tried. I maybe a shadow who used to chased you, but I'm the shadow who woukd never leave you. I love you and that's what I know from the first day I have met you.

 

You might not love me the way I love you, but at least I thank you for giving me chance to celebrate my love though I'm faraway. This will be the last time I will send you this kind of letter. I promise, I won't bother you anymore.

 

Again, I love you.

 

Please just tell her

I love her

Doesn't matter if

She loved another

Please tell her

Don't worry

I'm not expecting

I know it's impossible

I can't change it

Though, Please just tell her

 

You are now a little lost. Your bestfriend cannot be found, cannot be reach, cannot be seen. The secret admirer that can always gives you smiles and chills to his romanticism, now give up. You are lying on your bed wondering what's happening.

 

"What's happening? It gets boring without Myungsoo. I even get worried without that secret admirer. It felt like I'm going to lose the man I don't really know. If only Myungsoo were here, maybe he can help me figure it out."

 

You then stands up and open your laptop. You logged in and found nobody's online. Then as you will about to click the sign out button, a direct message comes in. It was an unknown username, AnonymousLover.

 

AnonymousLover: hi

 

You: hi

 

AnonymousLover: glad to see you online. how are you?

 

You: fine. who are you?

 

AL: I'm your admirer.

 

Y: how did you know my id?

 

al: i know almost everything about you.

 

y: what are you? a stalker?

 

al: im not. im a friend you didnt notice all your life.

 

y: friend? i don't have a friend who will like me.

 

al: why do you say so?

 

y: because im not attractive enough for them.

 

 

For some reason you don't know, you and the anonymous admirer of yours had a fun conversation all night. You didn't know why, but it felt like you already known him all your life. You enjoyed being in that little online chat with him that you even went to school smiling.

 

As you are walking at the building hallway you suddenly bumped into a tall guy, which is Myungsoo who you didn't notice because you are so busy thinking about the internet conversation you've had.

 

"Aw!" you shouted.

 

"Are you okay?" Myungsoo's holding you in your both arms to make you stand still.

 

"Myu- Myungsoo?"

 

"Yes. Why?" He then let go of you.

 

"Why did I just see you today? Where were you yesterday?"

 

"I went home early. I'm not really feeling well."

 

"Why didn't you tell me so I can take care of you?" you suddenly landed your hand in his forehead.

 

"What are you doing?"

 

"Trying to see if you are fine now." and you put down your hand.

 

"You seemed so happy today?"

 

"Yep!"

 

"Why?"

 

"Because of the secret admirer."

 

Myungsoo's eyebrows curled a bit like he is wondering why, "Why are you smiling because of him? Did he sends you another gift?"

 

"No. He just made me laugh all night."

 

Myungsoo suddenly smile.

 

"Why? Why are you smiling like that now?"

 

"Nothing. It seems that his strategies are working. Because you are smiling right now."

 

"Want to have a sleep over tonight? I want you to meet him at least even just for the online chatting chance."

 

"Huh? Uh- ah, maybe next time."

 

"Why? Don't you always like to meet him and embarrass me in front of him?"

 

"Yes. But he's just dating you online so there's no reason or no way I could do that to you. I think I have to go." and he turned his back walking faraway from you.

 

"Hey! Wait!"

 

"After class!" he answered with such a big smile while he's not facing you. Myungsoo felt winning this day knowing he made you happy last night.

 

From then, everynight you always get to talk to your secret admirer. It felt you're getting closer to him suddenly, but it also felt you are losing your bestfriend. Everyday, he will went home earlier than you without even saying goodbye.

 

Every morning, you can see him, but everytime you come to meet him, he is just asking about your secret admirer. It seems that you are in the edge of choosing between reality and a dream. Honestly, your admirer is such a great romanticist, that even Myungsoo is being so cool whenever you are telling him what you've had last night.

 

"Mungsoo, what's happening with you?"

 

"What?"

 

"You keep asking me about how I feel about the admirer, but you didn't really getting to know him. It felt that you are already in his side so suddenly."

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"Do you know the secret admirer?"

 

"No." Myungsoo answered straight but his heart is pounding so hard. Bullets of sweats are falling from his face.

 

"Then why do it seems that you are already giving me away to that man?"

 

"But he can make you smile. Isn't it what you used to tell me everyday?"

 

"But that's because he's the only one whom I can talk to because you're nowhere to be found! It felt like you are evading since I have told you that he made me laugh the first time. Myungsoo..."

 

He just looked at you and smile a bit, "The graduation day is just a week away. My father already got a ticket for me to study abroad. It just made me happy to see that you already found a new friend when I'm gone."

 

"That's it? You are giving me away because you are studying out of this country? That's so unreasonable! We can do what that anonymous guy and I were doing."

 

"But doesn't like to have chat with me over the internet right? But he made you do it, and he makes you happy."

 

You slapped him with tears in your eyes.

 

He just looked at you with wonders.

 

"I don't want to see you again! I don't care if you get out of the country and never go back!" you runaway and leave him alone in the bench.

 

Myungsoo just stood up but he cannot make even just a step.

 

You cry harder when the night comes. It hurts for you to know that he is giving you away without a proper explanation. He is giving you to someone both of you didn't know.

 

A week pass by, and you really don't see Myungsoo even just to greet him at the graduation. You greeted his parent because they do so, and they gave you a gift.

 

I wish she'll know

I'm happy too

Though my heart is hurting

I can't think of any easy way

When you see her

Please tell her

 

"Myungsoo, what happened?" his father asked as they were inside the car.

 

"Nothing."

 

"Did you tell her how you feel?"

 

"How could I tell her? She's mad at me?"

 

"Why?"

 

"Because I told her that I'm happy she found a new friend over her secret admirer."

 

His father slap him at his head, "Babo!"

 

"Aw! Appa that hurts!"

 

"I'm going to kill you with your stupidity!"

 

"She already slapped me. Do you have to do it again to your son?"

 

"Haist... you are no brainer. How can you say that to her? It can make her felt that you are giving her away to someone she didn't really know."

 

"But appa, that secret admirer is me. So there's no point of that giving away plot!"

 

"Tsk... tsk... you are really a poor guy. Does. she rven know that it was you? Of course not! That's why she felt so bad! Babo!"

 

Myungsoo didn't replied because it finally sinked in to him.

 

The day of his flight comes. He is trying to contact you but you are not picking up. You know his flight schedule, but your anger and you pride is eating you. You don't want to send him away with smiles.

 

He then comes to your house, but you were at the bathroom, that's why he just left a letter and a box to your mother.

 

"Honey, are you done bathing?"

 

"Not yet omma! Why?"

 

"Myungsoo left a box and a letter for you."

 

You suddenly gets out of the bathroom at soon as you heard it.

 

"Eh? I thought you were not yet finish."

 

"Uhm..." you smiled.

 

"He said he had a flight today. Why didn't you come to send him a goodluck?"

 

You shook your head.

 

"Okay." then your mother opened the bedroom door to get out, but as she continued to get out she get back a little to tell you, "By the way, before I forgot, he told me to please tell you that he loves you." she smiled and get out.

 

You get frozen with what you have heard. The letter is opened in front of you, but you didn't read it yet. Then you turned your sight on the paper, it says...

 

Thank you for reading this letter at least. I know what I have done wrong. I've hurt you for I gave you away to that secret admirer of yours. What I wanted to say is, I'm him, and he is me. Yes, we were one and the same person. I'm sorry. I just love you from afar. Though I'm with you, you are still far away. The only thing that I can be close to you is by being a secret admirer.

 

After reading the letter, you opened the box. There, you have found the letter you have send as answered to the secret admirer. The printed pages of your chats towards him.

 

You're tears fell down on your face, but with joy in your heart. "Foolish Myungsoo." you whispered to yourself. You then reached out for your phone and dialled his number.

 

Myungsoo is still at the airport when his phone rang. He did answer it as soon as he saw your name on it, "Hello!? Glad you call." his excited tone.

 

"Babo! Better get back here in whole after your studies. If not, I'll kill you!"

 

Myungsoo's tears fell down and smiled, "I will."

 

"Goodluck. I will be waiting."

 

"I'll be back."

 

 

Song Name: Pakisabi Na Lang (Translated)

Singer: Aiza Seguerra

Song Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIdqdIA__Lk