you:

 

I stood outside my ward it was a bit chilly and I was cold. I smiled at the familiar sight of Onew. Only this time, he looked worried sick, and frantic, when he looked around trying to find my ward. Our eyes met. I think my heart just stopped beating for a second. His face grew tense upon seeing me, he ran full speed in my direction, dodging the nurses, and small objects in his way like nothing.

 

His body rammed into mine as he pulled me into a warm embrace, placing one hand around my back, while the other embraced my head. My head was on his chest. I could feel his heart beating from all the running. Or was it from the running? I secretly smiled to myself, I liked having the delusions of thinking about stuff like this, my limp arms responded back to his hug. I looked up, to see once again the y collarbone. I maintained a poker face. Sensing my hug back, he began to hold me tighter, squeezing all the cold out of my but at the same time, I tried to ignore the pain in my side until it was almost unbearable.

 

"o-ow" I softly signaled for Onew to let go, by tapping on his shoulders at the same time.

 

We pulled apart, I could finally breathe, and I hadn’t realized how tight he had been holding me. I looked at him. His eyes were watery. He cared. So much. About me?

 

"Ya bhabo ya!! You had me worried to death, I ran out in the middle of my summer class as soon as Sarah sent me the Text! And why don’t you keep in contact?!" Onew rambled and nagged.

 

I gave him a reassuring smile but he was still fuming. "I’m fine geez; I’m almost done healing anyways"

 

"Aiiiish!! This is so irritating! Do you remember the faces of the people who attacked you? He inquired with 100%seriousness.

 

I did, but I shook my head because I felt I knew the measures he was going to go through to get those men back.

 

"Shoot!! That’s not fair!" Onew said, still not calming down from the news.

 

"Calm down geez, it’s all over and done with”, I said trying to get him to relax.

 

"Calm down? How can I when-" Onew broke off

 

"When what?" I asked

 

"Never mind, it’s nothing" he said taking a deep breath. He had turned back to his cheery self.

 

So I have all day. And you have nothing to do" he said with a mischievous glint in his eye.

 

"You’re seriously not thinking about getting me out of here are you? Cause technically, that’s not allowed, and goes against the hospital rules" I said with a smile.

 

"Mmmyyeeeah but you want to don’t you?" he inquired gleefully

 

I chuckled and nodded my head it had been a while since I had gotten some fresh air.

 

"But what about this?"

 

I inquired, holding up the hospital patient clothes. I was also quite a sight, I had a bandage on my side, and a couple light bruises still lingered on my face from where I was beaten.

 

"Well let’s give you a makeover then! Let’s go!!" and with that he grabbed my hand, and we escaped out the window, during lunch time when a lot of the people in my ward were in the swimming pool for exercising their muscles to prevent arthritis from worsening.

 

I jumped out and was nearly blinded by the sun. It felt good to be able to breathe fresh air again. We ran around to all the shops, first going to this salon that I didn’t know.

 

I had never really been to a salon before, so I was new to the tweezing and the plucking, heat, and the prickly bushes. After about half an hour, they picked out this really cute blue dress, that was casual yet not too casual, it felt amazing, I looked in the mirror, and gasped at what I saw. I was a completely different person!

 

I walked out into the lounge, to see Onew sitting there, impatiently, shaking his leg, and reading a music magazine.

 

I cleared my throat to tell him I was here.

 

He looked up and shot up, dropping his magazine.

 

"y-you look sooo.......... UGLY!!" He said twisting his face.

I fell off my heals with surprise. "ya!"

 

I said I was hoping more of a kind "you look so gorgeous line " but what?!! Ugly??!!

 

"Ya!!!wBWO??!! UGLY?!!" I stated as my attitude changed to a gangster one. I couldn’t believe it! I picked up a nearby magazine rolled it up and hit Onew on the side, hard.

 

He was laughing so hard with tears in his eyes now, "Owww" he said, still giggling at his joke.

 

"I’m just kidding calm down, you look beautiful okay?? but I don’t think we’ll be able to have as much fun with you having a dress on." he said still trying to stifle his laughter.

 

I looked down at the dress, and frowned. he was telling the truth plus, it wasn’t like we were going on a date either.

 

"True, I’ll go ask them if they have a pair of jeans and a comfortable shirt that I can wear instead of this" I stated.

 

Onew nodded, still smiling, as I walked back to the stylists and requested for a change of clothes. when I came back, Sarah was there, hitting Onew on the sides.

 

"YA! what the heck!! she still needs to heal! What if something happens to her again!!" she complained smacking Onew on his arm, as he rubbed it in extreme pain.

 

I started laughing at the two, and Sarah saw me. uh-oh! I bent down and tried to disappear, hoping that she would forget... I don’t know what I was thinking.

 

"STOP right there _____!"

 

I froze, and slowly bent back up, and gave my widest smile.

 

"heh" I fake laughed, and my smile melted away under her intense "I-can't believe you did this" stare

 

"Okay okay I’m sorry, but hey I’m 2 days from being released, and I couldn’t stand it anymore. so asked Onew to bring me out for a fresh air."

 

I reasoned.

 

Sarah gave me a long and hard stare, but finally sighed, "fine then, you two go play, but be very careful, and the doctors will be coming to give your meds at the  hospital before nine, so make sure you go back before then" she stated with a soft smile and began to walk away.

"where do you think you’re going?" me and Onew inquired in harmony with a sheepish grin on our faces.

 

Sarah looked at us confused, "what didn’t you two want to play, I have work to do, and have to set up our forms and everything when school starts in a week" she said.

 

"aiii, we can do that later" I said

 

"plus what do you think I called you here for, I sure as heck wasn’t going to hang out with this little damaged froggy alone" he said giving me a sarcastically- nasty glance.

 

"Tttoo inne!!!! ~ WAA!! I should just kill you on the spot" I said giving him a glare back

 

"See, that’s why you need to be here, so another person doesn’t get injured when something goes off track" Onew said pointing at me.

I strengthened my glare and fired lasers out of my eyes as I watched him shrink away.

 

Sarah laughed, "okay okay fine".

 

Just like that we all took off to do the number one thing that me and Sarah both wanted to do: Go to a norebang, karaoke room, and sing until we couldn’t speak anymore. After a couple hours, we left and started outside, to do some street shopping. as me and Sarah looked at a jewelry stand filled with rings, headbands and cell phone charms, I picked out a really cool looking cellphone charm while Sarah got a ring.

we walked on ahead only to see a ddokbokki shop. We were so fascinated as we had only seen them in shows and dramas, but to be finally here like this, I went up and asked for 3 servings and paid the young ajjumma.

 

Sarah had gotten us seats on a wooden bench near a park only a few feet away. I got there and shared the delicious food. I looked around but couldn’t see Onew anywhere.

 

"Where is he?" I asked her with a mouth full of food

 

"aiiigoooooo," Sarah said in disgust as she helped me wipe the spicy sauce off of my face.

 

"Dunnow, he was lingering back at the stands he would be back soon. mmm, look here he comes. he sat down next to us, and

I inquired him about where he went but he just said that he had something to do, and avoided my question. we finished our ddokbokki, it was getting late and almost close to nine. so Onew and Sarah hurried me back to the hospital after I put on my robe again.

 

I lay down in bed after receiving my meds from the doctor who looked at me as if I had done something fishy but I gave her a wide smile complete with teeth and eye smile. She smirked and continued to scribble on her bored.

 

I laid there thinking about how awesome my day had been. I wish everyday was like this, just sitting with friends, having fun. but I felt an empty presence in the room. I looked over, only to see that the boy had disappeared, the quiet creepy one. But why did I notice this, when he seemed invisible to others? Was it because of his looks? Could be, he was quite cute, but then again, I don't feel that way toward him it was as if I had already known him for a very long time.

 

---

 

Kris:

I was allowed to leave the hospital after having been there for a while. .

 

"Don’t forget to take your medicine and meditate every day. also, don’t go too hard on yourself and don’t make too many sudden moves". the doctor warned me before I left with Jong suk.

 

I went back to my bed to collect my things before getting in the taxi, my water bottle, and sketchbook that Jong suk had brought from my house carefully avoiding my father so that I wouldn’t have been bored over here. I looked at the bed next to mine, she wasn’t there. I was a bit disappointed but got over it when I realized that I was going to my best friend’s house for a looong sleepover.

In the taxi, I smirked, when thinking about the doctor’s comment: there were actually people who didn’t know me in real life that cared about me. It made me feel good. even though to others, I’m viewed as a gangster, as someone who is out there to hurt others, there are people who don’t judge others on the outside.

 

I looked at the worried Jong suk.

 

"are you okay? did anything happen while you were in the hospital?" he inquired a bit worried

"no, why?" “I asked

 

"-because you’re smiling at me and it’s starting to creep me out"

 

I laughed at this, "sorry man, it just that there was this one g-" I stopped, I don’t know why, but I suddenly felt warm inside.

 

""there was a who??" Jong suk asked me with a really curious look on his face.

 

"anyah, never mind" I started, looking away and widening my smile.

 

"solma, yojja??" Jongsuk correctly guessed.

 

The whole time I couldn’t help but make myself curious about the events of a couple nights ago, when the she had caused my heart to race. I darted my eyes to avoid looking at Jongsuk.

 

"manne!!" he said excited.

 

"Waa!! your popularity is no joke!! you're flirting even in that condition of your is a hospital too??"

 

"anyah, imma!!" I said a bit annoyed.

 

"Ya! you’ve changed now, you used to only think about how society and how you were going to spend the rest of your life, but now you think about girls too??" Jongsuk teased with grin.

 

I just gave up, shook my head and looked out the window at the passing Han river.

 

"oodi gha??" I asked,

 

"Quenchana!! "Jonsuk said, " I thought you might have liked some fresh air on your day out of that prison. I know how active you are, so I thought we’d go look around a bit. I thought we could go to a place with more peace and quiet and roaming ability, take a jog on this riverfront and meet me back in an hour. I have some work to take care of."

 

"You should have said that sooner", I said, "don’t make excuses next time".

 

Jongsuk grinned, "just go take a jog."

I began running. I thought of the times, when my mother had played with me when I was very little, I didn’t really have memories of my own mother, so Jongsuk's family took me into their family- in a way- , and his mother was like mine all the same. But still, I couldn’t call her my mother because she was Jong suks and it would not have been fair. I took a deep breath as I began to choke up.

I diverted my mind from my mother, and tried to focus back on my memories.

That _____ girl was the first crack on the eggshell that was keeping my memories away from me. I felt connected to her, but then again if we had known each other, then she would have called me by my name, and greeted me or at the very least given me a dirty look. But I still remembered the innocent smile and wave that she had done to acknowledge me, but I was too dumbfounded to reply. I remembered how she got along with the other ajummas, the way she slept, although it was funny, it looked so comfortable. She made me just want to squeeze her with her adorableness, aaadnd WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!!

 

I began to run even faster to clear my heads of such thoughts. I went up to a nearby shop, and bought water, which I used to splash myself, awake from my trance. But once again when I made my way back I couldn’t help but think of her again…

 

I wondered what sorts of burdens she carried. Like me, everyone has burdens that they're afraid to expose. By her bright expressions, I couldn’t see through to her. This was new. I’m usually able to sense people's thoughts or fears or their darkest secrets, (to you twilight fans, no I don’t sparkle like a fairy or have random tendencies/urges to people's blood) … I just had my way like that, and I guess that's why people disliked me, they didn’t like to see themselves exposed in front of a person they barely knew. Maybe she would dislike me too.

 

 

URRGG!! I had to stop thinking about her. I arrived back at the spot where Jongsuk had dropped me off.

“Has he abandoned me or what” I mumbled to myself.

 

I sat down on the grass and looked out onto the ocean. What if there were people out there who were in love but there was a huge gap between them? I mean like what if they knew each other and fell for each other’s personalities, but had never even seen each other’s faces before. Water is so lonely. Despite having millions of other molecules just like it beside itself, it has no one that it can talk to, because the others are always in a rush, and so therefore, it gets pulled along into the rush too, and before it knows it, its lost all sense of opinion, and uniqueness, and is simply now a part of the heard that gathers one by one until finally consumed and put to office by a human. Only to be able to, once again, press buttons and split until it is used up. I have never seen a molecule that does not jump on the arc during the storm, and decides to face the problem at hand instead of runaway cowardly.  

 

That’s how today’s kids are. They have so much going on around them that they are unable to see life and briefly glance at it as they transform into humanoid robots, they get thrown on the bandwagon or become outcasts of society.

 

Society…

 

-flashback-

 

Wham! I was on my knees accepting blows from my father without a word.

 

“you little ! Why do you have to move on?! Huh??!1 why couldn’t you ask your mom to stay! She would have listened to

 

you!” my father screamed as he continued to slap me across the face.

 

I sat there tearing up, but hung my head low. I will not cry. I will not cry.

 

-end-

 

I remember that day. It was days of innocence, the days when all kids cared about was what video games would be out next, and what flavor candy they should get when they went to candy shops.  However, I didn’t really remember having such times; I had grown up too quickly. Ever since the incident in which my mother died I could never look at myself the same way again.

 

It was outside our house…

 

Several people watched my father beat me up. I watched them shake their heads, and continue on, but not a single one of them ran up to me and tried to stop my father.

 

That’s when I felt the pang of want.

 

The need for love.

 

The need for the warmth of a loved one’s arms to envelop me, giving me a place of love to drown in, someplace secure.

I needed someone, to go to when I felt bad, who would sit and listen, and put a comforting arm around me and tell me everything was going to be okay.

 

Because I had never heard those words “everything will be okay, don’t worry” come out of anyone’s mouth.

 

Because I couldn’t come near people.

 

Because I couldn’t trust them.

 

How could I?

 

 But that kind of love was nonexistent now. All that was important was looks, education, and money. I had two out of the three qualities, but it was easy to have a balance of those three. Since all could be altered at one point or another, fake or real.

 

Gone were the times when saying “I do” actually meant “I love you I want to stay with you forever, through thick and thin”

 

Gone were the times when “let’s fix this” was said and attempted more than “let’s divorce”.

 

Gone were the times, when writing letters to loved ones was much more secretive and suspenseful.

 

Gone were the times when dating someone, was actually a promise instead of an experiment.

 

Gone were the times, when children would learn about love from a happy elderly couple.

 

These are the times where kids saw their parents argue everyday over pesky, trivial matters.

 

These are the times where dating lasted for less than a couple days.

 

These are the times, were short phone calls, expressed emotions as long as they lasted.

 

These are the times when “I love you”, is equivalent to a hello and a thank you.

 

*beep beep* I snapped out of my thoughts and headed towards the taxi, smiling. I got in, and made my way to my new home like most kids have to do between alternating months or weeks or even days. This is how it felt to have a confused heart about who to love.

I continued to stare out the window. School was going to start, there would be new kids. I wonder if any of them think the same way as I do, I wonder if they are that molecule that I’ve been searching for my entire life.