One.

The first time Woohyun and Sunggyu break up is in college. They fight over a movie, of all things. Only it spirals out of control until Woohyun is storming out and Sunggyu is throwing a heavy textbook after him as he left. Hindsight being 20/20, Woohyun can see how the tension had been building for months. The biting resentment when Sunggyu would (too) easily choose the bar and Junhyung or Jinki over a restaurant and Woohyun. The antagonism - how Woohyun would 'accidentally forget' to tell Sunggyu some plan, not invite him somewhere because "I just figured you wouldn't want to, Gyu-hyung." Sunggyu would respond by cutting Woohyun out a little more. And neither of them had the words to explain what was wrong and how it hurt. 

So it grows until it explodes. Woohyun spits insults that he means 100% as he voices them and wishes he could cram back down his throat as soon as they're out. He goads his boyfriend. He effortlessly brings Sunggyu from placating to arguing to barking insults and swearing he never wants to see Woohyun again. 

It's easy to avoid each other then. They don't live together. They study in the same department, but Sunggyu is nearing the end of his Music degree whilst Woohyun is only in his second year. Their schedules rarely bring them close. In fact, they know each other's schedules so well that it's a simple thing to take a different stairwell or a different exit and never risk encountering the other. They have only a few close mutual friends. Woohyun treats avoiding them as little but another sacrifice to make. He hates it, but there's nothing he can do. That's what he tells himself. 

The big problem is that, every time he takes that different route, he's reminded that he is doing so because of Sunggyu. He remembers their argument and the bitterness that had poured fourth. He also remembers the feeling of Sunggyu's fingers in his hair or Sunggyu's voice singing softly in his ear. He wonders if his ex is feeling anything like this. If Woohyun's walking with Kibum or Jaejin, they rub his back or pat his shoulder, therefore Woohyun knows all his mixed up thoughts are showing on his face. 

"It'll take time," they advise, "You just can't get over someone in a few weeks." 

Woohyun knows they're right. He's ready. He'll persevere and start a new chapter in his adult life. He is determined. That's when Sunggyu shows up outside one of his lectures. 

"Can we talk?" the older boy asks quietly, hands nervously twisting the strap of his satchel, "Please?" 

The nearly overwhelming urge to hold Sunggyu in his arms knocks Woohyun breathless. 

XXX

The weeks after Sunggyu graduates from highschool and before he enters university are very busy. There are ceremonies and a graduation ball at their highschool and seemingly 101 things to sort out for college. Woohyun doesn't really care about the details, so long as he gets to see his friends. It's not as though Sunggyu's moving far - the campus is 13 stops and two transfers away... Not that Woohyun has the route memorised or anything... But it's far enough. Sunggyu'll be living in dorms and making college friends. He'll be going to clubs and meeting people and it's obvious that he's going to forget about Woohyun. It's a fact. There's no point getting upset about a fact. This is something Woohyun tells himself. 

He also reminds himself to fully enjoy the time they have together. The movie is R-Point. Yes, Woohyun is shamelessly using the scares as an excuse to snuggle closer to his friend. Besides, he's quite sure Sunggyu enjoys feeling like the protective hyung and Woohyun's happy to accomodate. A strong wind from the north is rattling Sunggyu's bedroom window. He shivers and pulls the quilt further up over himself and Woohyun. Smiling secretly, Woohyun decides that this is one of those nights he needs to commit to memory. The canned laughter drifting up from downstairs, where Sunggyu's parents are watching variety shows. The flickering light of Sunggyu's ancient TV turning his myriad posters into ghoulish figures watching over them. Sunggyu's arm tightening around him, giving away how Sunggyu too is scared of the movie, no matter the brave front he puts on. The smell of Sunggyu's shower gel in his nose. The older boy stopped using his dad's almost a year ago. Lately, he's been using some expensive german brand that makes him smell sort of like coffee and jasmine and sort of makes Woohyun want to him. 

There's a softness pressed to his skull and words murmured into his hair. 

"This bit's bad. You should close your eyes, Woohyunnie." 

Mind struggling to compute what just happened, all Woohyun does is mutter, 

"Don't want to." 

Nor does he - although the scene turns bloody and gruesome and he suspects his heart stopped at one point. When it's over and the soldiers on screen are counting up their dead, he finally looks up at Sunggyu. 

"Did you kiss me?"

A petrified look passes across his hyung's face. It's quickly masked behind a scoff, 

"What kind of delayed reaction is that?"

Even in the dim, flickering light, Woohyun can tell Sunggyu's blushing. He holds Sunggyu's arm to pull himself up and drops a kiss on Sunggyu's cheek. When the only reaction he gets is a small, uncertain smile, he drops another on his lips. And then another. Soon, Sunggyu's arms are around him, hand at Woohyun's nape, tilting his head. Their tender kisses steal Woohyun's breath away. 

Two.

Sunggyu was so excited when he told Woohyun, it made it harder to hate him later. Shortly after graduation, he landed an internship at one of his preferred entertainment companies. Now he'll be working with their new idol group. There's a lot of hype surrounding these girls and Sunggyu's name is going to be there (amongst a lot of others) on the sleevenotes of thier debut album. His boyfriend was the happiest he'd been in months, Woohyun remembers. Sunggy's eyes pretty crescents and the apples of his cheeks tinged with red. Woohyun had kissed him hard, pushing him down on to the sofa. 

"Gyu-hyung'll do great. Figh~ting!"

Sunggyu laughed against his lips. His arms wrapped around Woohyun and held him tight, fully content to lie there with the weight of his boyfriend holding him down and Woohyun's head in the crook of his neck, happily nibbling on the tender skin. 

"My friends, please!" Junhyung's amused growl travelled from the kitchen of his and Sunggyu's tiny flat, "Respect the sanctity of the couch!"

"Sorry, Jun," Sunggyu called through giggles. 

"Yeah, sorry, Hyung," Woohyun echoed, picking himself up off of his boyfriend. Despite how nice Sunggyu looked  - on his back with his hair a mess, cheeks flushed and blooming marks on his neck - Wohyun shuffles over to allow the older boy to sit up. 

Woohyun replays that moment often in his head during the months to come. When it's always either Sunggyu's job or Woohyun's mounting college work keeping them apart. When they find time together, but Sunggyu spends almost all of it asleep on Woohyun's shoulder and claims he's too tired to contemplate doing anything or going anywhere. When Sunggyu is awake for their "dates" but receiving KaTok messages the whole time from names Woohyun doesn't recognise. Sunggyu laughs then brushes it off, not explaining the joke to Woohyun; receives a pictures and just saves it with a wry smile and zero compunction to share the circumstances with his boyfriend. 

Woohyun tells himself not to care. He already knows he needs to work on that possessive streak - call this practice. This wasn't something to get distracted from his schoolwork over. Plus, isn't it good that his boyfriend's making new friends and connections? Isn't it what they both want? 

"You're a stronger man than me," Kibum remarks one drizzley afternoon. They're sharing a in the alley behind a computer lab. Woohyun smirks. 

"This is what's called having a mature relationship," he crows. Kibum snorts and blows smoke in Woohyun's face. "Do you want to see them? The group he's working with," Woohyun asks, still grinning, "They're going to debut in two months, supposedly." (And Woohyun's praying that's when he'll get his boyfriend back). Taking his phone out of his backpocket, he shows Kibum the photos Sunggyu sent him last night of three girls in matching red dresses in the middle of a photoshoot. Sunggyu's not much of a photographer, so it's hard to get a feel for whatever look they're going for. Nonetheless, Woohyun's named the girls in his head. There's Ponytail Girl, with large eyes and a natural smile who looks like she's about to fall over in her heels. Blond Fox' demure pose, one arm behind her back, contrasts with her fierce gaze and smoky eye make-up. Lastly, Tanned Girl is who Woohyun guesses will be the visual. She looks petite and thin, but healthy. A slit in her dress shows off a smooth, olive thigh. Wavy, chestnut brown hair frames her stunning features. 

"Gosh," Kibum comments, sliding through the pictures, "Your boyfriend's been staying up nights working with these hotties? You really are a stronger man than me." 

Woohyun grimaces and smacks Kibum in the head. It takes just over one more week before he's smacking himself in the head. 

The end doesn't come because of anything Sunggyu says. It doesn't come from Woohyun losing his resolve and invading Sunggyu's privacy by checking his phone. It comes from a message sent from Sunggyu's best friend. Woohyun notices the message when he's just arrived back at his dorm form cramming in the library until late. Woohyun's eyes widen when he spots who the sender is. He and Junhyung exchanged numbers a long time ago, but he doesn't recall them ever messaging each other. 

[Talk 2 ur b/f] the subject reads. Woohyun gapes at the picture attached, abruptly falling on to his bed. The photo's blurry and dark, but still easy enough to make out. Junhyung and Sunggyu had a party at their place recently. There Sunggyu is on the couch - his newly aubern hair is easy to spot even in the crowded scene. He's not alone. A slim figure straddles his lap. Sunggyu's hands are on her arse. The way her hair falls obscures their faces, but they're clearly kissing. The more Woohyun looks - because he can't tear his eyes away, no matter how hard it is to get oxygen into his lungs right now - the more he's sure he's seen her before. In slinky heels and a tight red dress slit to the hip. Posing prettily with two colleagues. Woohyun re-reads the subject line. It's eight days of ignoring Sunggyu's calls before he takes Junhyun's advice. 

By then, it seems like it's a foregone conclusion. They don't yell. Woohyun doesn't cry, because he's done that enough already. Sunggyu mumbles apologies, rarely daring to meet Woohyun's gaze. He doesn't try to stop Woohyun from taking the few items of clothing he had left at Sunggyu's and leaving. 

Suddenly they're over. Woohyun has to remind himself a lot. If he's stuck on some new concept in his composition class, the instinct to call Sunggyu for advice has him unthinkingly reaching for his phone. When he gets his results for the semester, there's no Gyu-hyung to squeeze him tight and tell him 'well done'. During the summer, he works longer shifts at the cafe and crawls home exhausted, really missing those evenings when Sunggyu would doze off on his shoulder. This doesn't mean Woohyun isn't still angry. It's only that Sunggyu has been a presence in his life ever since Woohyun was 12 years old. He misses him. He misses him and hates him so much it still moves Woohyun to quiet tears weeks later. 

It's one summer evening, when he's dragging himself to the train after a grueling 12 hours at the cafe, that a sense of deja vu comes over him. Gripping hard on the handrail to keep himself upright, Woohyun reaches for his phone, thinking to listen to something upbeat so stop himself from sleeping and missing his stop. He sees the message sent earlier while he was working. 

[Talk 2 him plz]. 

It's Junhyung again. Woohyun didn't delete his number, although he'd toyed with deleting anything associated with Sunggyu. (That would have been almost everything, so it never would have worked). After struggling to single-handedly rescue his earphones from his backpack, Woohyun puts them in and watches the video attached. It's Sunggyu singing and strumming his guitar. He's sitting on his messy bed, filmed from behind, unaware of the camera. His singing voice alone makes Woohyun's heart shake. It feels like an eternity since he heard it. 

Woohyun roughly scrubs at his eyes. Well, that's just great. Now he's crying on a subway car packed with commuters. Maybe he can try to hate Sunggyu for this too. 

XXX

Sunggyu decides to be a gentleman at the most frustrating of times. He's not a gentleman when he's lurching around his dorm room in the afternoon, dressed in only his boxers. He's not a gentleman when he flirts lightly with Soyu or Hyorin while Woohyun's around. (Well, Woohyun also said things like "Have you lost your wings? Because I'm sure you're an angel" and also "Where am I? Take my hand. Your smile is so bright it blinded me." So, in his less hypocritical moments, he can't hold the aimless flirting against Sunggyu). He's not a gentleman when he eats all around him, slurping noisily, claiming this is how his mum raised him to show appreciation for a good meal. Sunggyu is, however, a gentleman in bed. 

He refuses to sleep with his boyfriend. In fact, they seldom go beyond kissing and cuddling. Woohyun didn't mind at first. Nevertheless, as time wore on (and he realised Sunggyu wasn't going to be swayed on this issue) it became troublesome. They're approaching two years together as a couple. Woohyun can't conceive how Sunggyu can have such concentrated will-power on this one subject, considering Woohyun has methods to pull him around on just about any other matter under the Sun. Sunggyu even told him that, if Woohyun didn't do well enough on his college entrace exams, then would simply have to wait until Woohyun had re-taken them. Woohyun groans just thinking about that conversation. Of course, part of his frustration stems from how effective Sunggyu's tactics are proving. Woohyun has never been more determinded to ace a test in his life. 

The exams come and go in a strange coffee fueled blur. When the results are released, to Woohyun's great pride (and relief) he's got into the college he wanted and the program he'd desired. There's a celebratory family dinner at an expensive barbecue restaurant with his parents, his big brother and a few aunts, uncles and cousins. Woohyun has a great time and rather basks in being the centre of attention. It's a superb meal and he's having great conversations with his cousins whom he hasn't seen in a long time. Even so, he could kiss his mum when she provides an excuse for him to "go have fun with his friends". He tries not to leave with immoderate haste. 

Tries. 

They meet in a park nearby. After a hug and a 'congratulations', Sunggyu says, all blushes, 

"Would you like to go for a drive?"

Woohyun can't help laughing at the situation. 

"Oh, Sir! Lead the way," he coos, earning a playful punch from his boyfriend. 

The drive is peaceful. Sunggyu wants to ask him about the dinner and what plans he has - about courses, accomodation, societies and the like. Woohyun obliges, enjoying the tranquility in the car and the rock music peacefully flowing from the stereo. In less than an hour, they're at the edge of town and the edge of the mountains. 

A climb up stone steps, surrounded by trees rustling and insects chirping in the darkness, leads them to a small lodge. Inside, the softly lit reception is full of natural wood and brick. There is a kind of stone waterfall in one corner, where water babbles to a clear pool connected to the outside. A pretty young receptionist dressed in traditional style, her hair in one thick braid, greets them. 

"Messrs Kim Geonam and Nam Hyoan, is it? Welcome to our hotel." 

Woohyun quirks a brow, hearing the names of two of their old teachers, but nods along with Sunggyu. 

Their room is just as beautiful. It has a high, wooden ceiling and traditional sliding doors. The wardrobe is concealed in the natural knots and grain of the wooden outside wall. Stepping out on to the verandah, they're just a short distance from the natural spa this hotel is known for. They change into robes, ready to sample the spa for themselves. Sunggyu finishes changing first and, when Woohyun looks up, he sees his boyfriend standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. Sunggyu's playing with the hem of his robe, eyes flitting between his feet and his boyfriend. 

"You do like it, don't you?"

Woohyun closes the distance between them, wrapping Sunggyu in a tight hug and nuzzling the man's pale neck. 

"I love it, Gyu," he murmurs against the sensitive skin, "You know I would have been happy with a love hotel."

Sunggyu lets out a relieved laugh. He draws Woohyun back, only to kiss him, slowly and possessively. 

"I'm not taking you to a love hotel," he mutters when they eventually part. Woohyun giggles and kisses him again, more quickly and messily this time. He's aware that Sunggyu would claim he doesn't have a romantic bone in his body. But if so, he's doing an excellent job of faking it, in Woohyun's opinion. 

"What do you say," he suggests, waggling his eyebrows, "We skip the soak and go straight to bed?" 

Sunggyu's fingers card through Woohyun's hair in a most hypnotising manner. Their foreheads touch. Their breaths mingle. Woohyun watches, heart speeding up, as Sunggyu's long eyelashes flutter. He's sure - just for a moment he's sure, Sunggyu's finally going to say 'yes'. 

Sunggyu tsks. 

"Are you crazy? This is the first time I've visited a place like this in my adult life. How can we possibly skip the spa?" 

Woohyun's still dazed whilst Sunggyu's already trotting to the door, slippers slapping against his feet as he goes. The door will lead them down a pebbled path to a secluded pool. Down the path and away from the bed and all the things Woohyun's been wanting and waiting to learn to do to his boyfriend. Why? he stops himself from whining. It shouldn't be that Sunggyu's scared - Woohyun knows he won't be Sunggyu's first. So why shouldn't they -

"Anyway, did I forget to mention?" Sunggyu remarks, stepping outside and turning back to look at Woohyun through hooded eyes, "I booked the jacuzzi. It's ours for the night. And very secluded."

At moments like this, Woohyun hates Sunggyu a little. He also likes him more than anything and wants him more than words can say.

"You're wonderful," he pronounces, bouncing after Sunggyu's retreating figure. When he catches up, Woohyun slips an arm around the small of Sunggyu's back. He feels his chest swell at the sight of the bashful smile on the older boy's lips.

Three.  

In Woohyun's last year of undergrad, they move in together. Sunggyu's earning more steadily by now. Woohyun squeezes in a few more shifts at the cafe. They put money down and move into a two bedroom flat in a decent district. There's an elementary school across the road, so the sounds of screaming children filters up to them at regular intervals. There are bakeries and restaurants - invariably run by an old woman with a perm. Their little flat looks out over a small park with a pond, a fountain and climbing frames. Woohyun feels terribly domestic and he loves it. 

They have Sunggyu's piano hauled up to the second bedroom. That becomes their music room, with their guitars, bookshelves exploding with manuscripts an old, noisy PC and a trio of angelfish which Woohyun names Dubu, Nurungie and Coco. They hold a housewarming party for all their friends. Even Bora, she of the slinky red dress and boyfriend-stealing thighs, comes over and she and Woohyun chat civilly. If he's honest, he's sure he'd get on great with her under different circumstances. Even now, he can't dislike her that much. Sunggyu's been nothing but devoted ever since that incident. Woohyun knows he won't stray. Sunggyu's his and that's for certain. 

Unlike Sunggyu, Woohyun decides to progress to a masters degree once he has his batchelors. He gets accepted to his university's Masters in Composition. Not wanting to spend longer than he needs to, Woohyun resolves that, for the next two years, his masters will rule his life. 

Which he loves. He really does. He enjoys the freedom to try new things and focus more on what he most wants to achieve. He quickly finds out that the professors he's under are more than candid. While their criticism can hurt, he appreciates it because he can see he's improving. He learns things he can teach Sunggyu and Sunggyu's work experience in turn influences Woohyun. He's busy as all hell. Sometimes it feels like a daily race. But it's a race Woohyun revels in. 

Meanwhile, his and Sunggyu's life flows on, accruing more things as they go. A new couch (that they "christen" several times over). A cupboard full of herbs and spices for when the urge to take over the kitchen overwhelms Woohyun. More CDs than they have space for. Another pair of fish (Yeol and Soo the black moor goldfish). One of Woohyun's favourite things is to curl up on the windowseat late at night with Sunggyu in his arms and Sunggyu's pretty fingers absentmindedly playing with his hair. Woohyun gazes up at what stars are visible or out across the lights of the suburbs and wonders when this will end. 

When he needs to find work experience, Sunggyu helps him out. The older man calls a few friends and, soon enough, Woohyun finds himself attached to a small company run by a man who wears pinstriped trousers and a bowtie undone around his neck. (At first, Woohyun assumed he was catching Jungyeop straight from the gym or something, and the man hadn't had time to properly tie his bowtie. After the fifth meeting, Woohyun starts to think that Jungyeop doesn't in fact know how to tie a bowtie). Woohyun's placed in an office down a quiet alley in Mapo-gu along with two pop producers, who he's embarassingly never hear of, and given few instructions by Jungyeop other than to do his best. 

I can do that, Woohyun instructs himself, I can totally do that. 

Fortunately, he's able to get along with the two producers. Which makes sense, Woohyun supposes - Sunggyu's friends responding to the same tricks Sunggyu responds to. He also makes good friends with Sojin, the singer they're working with. She's 27, tall and beautiful, with a small face, sharp eyes and thick, brown hair in a ponytail that reaches past her waist. Still, this will be her third debut under a third company. Woohyun admires her perseverance. He's determined to to make a great album for her. Although, even at her less guarded moments, even Sojin doesn't seem convinced she'll any great success. 

After two years of his masters and another 10 months of exams and interviews and editing, Woohyun's college life comes to an end. He doesn't really know what to do. He's already working as a composer and supposes he can simply keep going as he is. The work with Sojin - as well as, now, an actor who wants to try singing - is going well. Woohyun enjoys it enough. Sometimes though, that office in the narrow alley feels tiny and Woohyun's dying to push on. He tries to get his name out and find another, larger company. However, Korea's entertainment industry is flooded with people just like him, along with more established people who won't ever dream of shifting from their perch. The sheer difficulty of making a name for himself only really hits Woohyun at this stage. He ponders how much Sunggyu protected him from knowing. Did Sunggyu feel the same kind of suffocating frustration when he finished his degree and started working full time? Is that what he was feeling when he got drunk and shoved his tongue down Bora's throat? 

Although this emotion only comes over Woohyun occasionally, every time it does, it leaves him reeling. He doesn't understand himself. His job isn't bad. He must be thankful. Yet, sometimes, even in his flat that he loves, his head resting in the lap of the man he loves, it whips through his mind. He's simply not happy anymore. 

Sojin hears through her cousin about a company looking to hire some new faces. It'd be perfect for Woohyun, she tells her cousin, singing the man's praises. When he tells Woohyun everything, it's obvious that all he needs to do is say 'yes'. He wants to say 'yes'. The job is in Taiwan. The contract would be for three years. 

He debates with himself for a week. Three years is a long time. But it's not such a long contract compared to that which some places offer. Taiwan is far away and hot. But no where's that far away in this globalised world, right? Additionally, the Taiwanese probably don't think Taiwan's especially hot. Woohyun can surely adjust. Also, Chinese seems easier to learn the more he looks into it. He's already memorised how to say "Miss, another beer, please" and "Oh, My Angel, where are your wings?" More importantly, he'd miss Sunggyu. But... But nothing. He'd just miss him. Woohyun doesn't know if he'd be able to bear it. As much as he distracts himself with periferal questions, that's really the only thing making him hesitate. 

Sojin pushes him for a definitive answer. Don't let opportunities pass you by, she tells him, Some things will stay, but other things will disappear forever if you don't grab them when you have the chance. Woohyun talks to Sunggyu at their flat. When he starts, he doesn't know what he wants to say. He still hasn't made his decision, he thinks. Except that, as he speaks, it all becomes clearer. Woohyun wonders if he hadn't made his decision the moment Sojin first told him. He's just been umming and awwing, trying to justify it to his guilty self. 

"I'm gonna take it, Gyu-hyung. I'm really excited about it."

Sunggyu's beside him on the couch they bought. He's staring at his feet clad in the stripy toe-socks that Woohyun bought him some weeks ago. He doesn't say anything for a long time. 

"That's what you've been so distracted about the past few weeks," he states, voice calm and terribly quiet. Woohyun's eyes widen in surprise at his words. Past few weeks? Had he really been so innattentive? Sunggyu draws his gaze up. His eyes lock with Woohyun's. His expression is a mix of anger, fear and hurt. Mostly hurt. 

"What about us?"

Sunggyu has this way of making it so you can't look away. Woohyun can barely think. The words tumble out, 

"Shouldn't we take a break?"

Woohyun detects the minute tremble of Sunggyu's lips. Seconds of silence press down on them. Sunggyu punches his chest. 

"I don't want to take a break!" he barks. He's staring down again, fingers turning white as he clutches a couch cushion. His fringe is falling in front of his face, but Woohyun knows well that Sunggyu is trying not to cry. Sunggyu's always hated crying in front of anyone. 

"I do," Woohyun mutters. It's the first time he's acknowledged that, even to himself. 

XXX

Woohyun pours out of his lecture along with a couple of hundred other second years. Sleepily, he was thinking of nothing more than where the nearest available source of coffee might be. He feels eyes on him and glances up. There's Sunggyu, same spiky black hair, same T-shirt two sies too big. Woohyun's traipsing over to him before he knows what he's doing. 

"Can we talk?" Sunggyu asks softly, hands nervously twisting the strap of his satchel, "Please?"

The nearest available source of coffee turns out to be the expensive cafe by the theatre. Sunggyu buys them two mochas and a bagel and they sit under the posters for past shows talking for hours. Woohyun misses two tutorials and an appointment to help one of his juniors with a project. (Jiae will make him pay dearly, but Woohyun doesn't care too much). If he remembers Sunggyu's schedule correctly, the man just skipped his theatre music lecture. None of it matters. Woohyun missed Sunggyu's voice. He missed Sunggyu's laugh and his bright smile. He missed Sunggyu.

They part ways with a handshake and a promise for that Friday. Woohyun's not sure if it's a date date or a let's-be-friends date. He goes clothes shopping on Thursday anyway - no harm looking good, is there? (It had better be a date date. Even when Woohyun was a scrawney middle schooler with disastrous hair, he was never any god at being just-friends with Sunggyu).

Come Friday, Woohyun meets Sunggyu outside the dorms. They get food in an organic cafe before catching a taxi into town. Woohyun knows Sunggyu's spending money he doesn't have. But he has trouble mentioning the topic. He's not sure how close they can be. He's not sure how much he can say. It's nice talking to Sunggyu about inconsequential topics. It's awkward too. The desire to hold him hasn't gone away. The desire to kiss him and squeeze him is inescapable. Woohyun questions himself - how much is real and how much is a memory of when they were together? 

They go see a band in Hongdae. They're good and raucous. Woohyun has fun jumping around the cramped venue, letting the music drown out his thoughts for a while. After some time, the band switch it down to play a few slow numbers. Sunggyu, who'd been nearby this whole time, places a hand on Woohyun's shoulder. He leans in close to ask if Woohyun wants to depart to the bar. His scent invades Woohyun's head. Woohyun looks and he sees again the man who's always driven him crazy. Sunggyu - flushed cheeks, t-shirt clinging to his lean frame, sweat glistening on his exposed collarbone - appears confused. He tilts his head, giggling at whatever strange expression Woohyun must have been making.

The younger man takes Sunggyu's shoulders and pulls him close. One hand casually runs up and down Sunggyu's arm. Woohyun's lips brush the shell of Sunggyu's ear as he tells him,

"It's not the bar I want. Can we get out of here?"

They tumble outside, ears adjusting to the sudden drop in decibles. Their skin prickles in the fresh air. Woohyun assumes they'll stroll down the street to where it's easier to catch a taxi. However, Sunggyu drags him in a different direction at the last minute. They ramble quietly for a few minutes. After the third time their arms brush, Woohyun stops resisting and takes Sunggyu's hand in his.Shortly, they reach a playground, all peaceful at this time of night. Sunggyu scrambles up on to the jungle gym. He sits cross legged at the top of the red slide and beckons for Woohyun to join him.

There's not much space for two grown men - and Woohyun likes that all the more. Two streets away is maybe the loudest part of their city. The sound filters through to them, but here it feels impossibly secluded. The stars aren't visible. Streetlamps at each corner cast a dim light, glinting on the studs in Sunggyu's ears. The familiar warmth of the man pressed beside him is too much for Woohyun to take. He tugs at Sunggyu's t-shirt, suddenly unsure.

"Can I?"

When he gets no answer, he looks up to see Sunggyu nervously chewing his lip. The older man slips his arms around Woohyun's shoulders and holds him close. Letting out a shuddering breath, Woohyun happily wraps his own arms around Sunggyu's waist, nuzzling into the man's neck.

"I missed you so much," Sunggyu whispers.

Woohyun drops a feather light kiss to the crook of his neck. Sunggyu draws back. His fingers fidget with the fabric of Woohyun's sleeves. His eyes dart all over.

"I didn't think it would be that bad," Sunggyu continues, mumbling in a shaky voice, "I thought I'd get over you. And I thought you hated me. But I couldn't. I couldn't get away from you. You were in my head. Every day and every hour you were always coming back to me and... And I think I'm stupid. I never said. But I did. But I never said it. But I -"

Woohyun places a hand on Sunggyu's jaw to save him from his rambling. Sunggyu stares at him with wide eyes. The man's eyes are shining and Woohyun's astonished to think that Sunggyu might cry. He's only seen him cry once and that was when he was 15 and his favourite uncle passed away.

"I love you," Sunggyu blurts out. After a deep breath, he says it again, more steadily, "I love you, Woohyun. I'm sorry I didn't say it before. I'm sorry I ed up. But I do. I love you." That last one is uttered with a certain firmness that tells Woohyun that Sunggyu's bracing for rejection. At a loss, he hugs Sunggyu tightly, the impact forcing them on to the plastic floor of the jungle gym.

Why, he wonders as his legs tangle with Sunggyu's, does this feel like the first time? It can't be. He's sure he at least has said it before. He wracks his brain. He can remember joking around. He can remember lavishing praise just because Gyu-hyung bought him that present he'd wanted or helped him pass his test. He can remember saying the words in the same tone of voice he'd use to say them to Kibum or his brother or anyone else. Woohyun picks himself up, straddling Sunggyu's waist and focusing directly on the man's uncertain eyes. 

"I do too," he all but growls, "I love you."

Woohyun swoops down to kiss Sunggyu's face. Finally able to move, it seems, Sunggyu's arms yank Woohyun back down. They hold each other close. Sunggyu's legs are hanging off the slide and Woohyun's curled against him in the small space. He laughs against Sunggyu's chest, thinking what a pair they must look to anyone who should happen to wander by.

"We both ed up," Woohyun acknowledges outloud for the first time, "And I'm in love with you. I won't leave again, OK?"

Sunggyu holds him tighter, muttering nonsense into Woohyun's hair.

A return trip. 

Every year, Woohyun slips back to Korea for chuseok. He spends a beautiful week at his maternal grandparents' house in the mountains with all his family. He eats his fill, goes hiking on icy cold mornings, and watches the new year specials on TV with his grandparents' sarcastic remarks as running commentary. (When watching, he finds himself wondering which artists Sunggyu was involved with. Woohyun tells himself that this is the same as aimlessly wondering about any of his previous colleagues). He doesn't contact his old friends much, bar occasional long chats over messenger with Kibum or Dongwoo. In the first two years, Woohyun decides that's just because of chance - everyone's busy doing their own thing (and he did decide to skip the country) so it can't be helped. In the third year, he acknowledges that it's partly because of underlying guilt. In the fourth year, he admits that he misses them terribly. 

He'll also miss Taiwan terribly. Even so, he can feel that the time has come. Even when he was signing his renewed contract, he knew his time there wouldn't last forever. Maybe he'll go back and he won't be able to find a job. Maybe he'll end up washing dishes in his brother's restaurant and kipping on his sofa. It doesn't matter, he's still going back to Korea. 

Of course, Woohyun's canny enough to avoid the washing dishes and sponging off his brother route. Within a couple of weeks, someone he used to work with in that office down an alleyway is responding to one of the feelers he sent out via email. A well-known company is beginning to put together a girl band and would Woohyun like to get on board. 

He ties things up at work. He sells his beloved scooter at a cut price to a poor Korean study abroad student. He and Shujin, his on-again-off-again boyfriend, have one last romp in the backseat of Shujin's ridiculous sports car. He has a final feed of stinky tofu from the night market near his apartment. On the last night, he sits beside his bulky suitcase in his now shockingly bare apartment, drinking Taiwanese beer from the 7-11, and pens a note for his jovial landlady in neatly written Chinese. 

It all takes 3 days. He gets on a plane and he's in Incheon a couple of hours later. Everything's happened so swiftly that he's hardly had time to contemplate how he's leaving behind half a decade of his life for an uncertain promise from a man he hasn't spoken to in years and who once tried to offer him ecstasy. At arrivals, slowly pushing his cart towards the taxi rank, he's suddenly afraid he's made a bad decision. The feeling floods him and he struggles to breathe. He doesn't think he has. Not really. But what if? He should have thought this through. He should have waited a little longer. Desperately, his eyes dart around for the nearest place he can sit down. Why must he freak out now? he mentally screams at himself. Why couldn't he have got it out of his system when Shujin had been there to his brains out? 

"Woohyunnie?" 

How wonderful - now he's hearing things. Incheon airport needs more chairs. If he could just sit down for a moment he'd be fine and dandy. 

"Woohyun-ah? , Woohyun-ah! Look at me!" 

His eyes snap up. He sees Sunggyu. Which is stupid. But the more stupid thing is how he sees two Sunggyus. And they're standing at a weird angle. And neither looks like he hates Woohyun. And then all Woohyun sees is black. 

He wakes up on a warm, comfortable seat, his head on Sunggyu's shoulder. From the quantity of drool on Sunggyu's sleeve, Woohyun suspects he was out for a while. He forces himself upright, head full of fuzz, squinting in confusion at his surroundings. 

"Bus? Bus where?" he croaks, voice thick with sleep. 

"Seoul station," Sunggyu replies, rubbing Woohyun's back, "Since I didn't know what your plan was. It was either take you with me or put you in a taxi to your mum's place." 

"Ah. This is good," Woohyun slowly utters. He doesn't know what to do with himself. His muscles ache and he feels like his brain is floating in a grey haze. He's enjoying Sunggyu's backrub and has a stupid desire to put his head in his ex' lap. 

That's one for the Bad Ideas file, he supposes. 

"Do you need to go to the hospital?" Sunggyu asks, alarm evident, when the silence stretches and Woohyun is simply sitting up, waving with the motion of the vehicle, staring blankly at the front of the bus. 

"Huh?" Woohyun woozily turns to Sunggyu, "Oh, no. I'm OK." He flops back in his seat. Woohyunnie - he remembers hearing that. He can't tell if it was real or a figment. "I fainted, huh?" 

"Yeah, you did." The corner of Sunggyu's lips quirk up just a fraction. 

"Gyu-hyung saved me. My hero~," Woohyun jokes. Probably innappropriately, but he's not overly concerned by that right now. Perhaps when he wakes up more he will be. The blush arrives, swelling from Sunggyu's neck to the tips of his ears, colouring his whole face. Which, Woohyun finally notices, is slimmer, stubble on his jaw and upper lip. (A long flght, Woohyun assumes). His hair is black and almost as short as it was back in college. The lines at the corners of his eyes have deepened and his eyelashes are just as long, pretty and distracting as they ever were. 

Oh hell, Woohyun curses under his breath, recognising the feeling fluttering in his stomach. 

"Do you have anything to eat?" he says instead. 

"Oh right!" Sunggyu exclaims. He hauls an expensive looking leopard print backpack out from under the seat in front. After a moment's rummaging, he pulls out a ginseng health drink, convenience store bibimbap, a can of coffee milk, a pack of semi-sweet oreos, a bag of milk buns and two bananas. 

"You're having these whether you want them or not," he threatens, taking Woohyun's tray down and placing the ginseng drink and a banana on it, "After that you can choose." 

As Woohyun watches Sunggyu fuss, a wave of unspeakable affection washes over him. Unable to say a word and unable to look Sunggyu in the eye, Woohyun picks up the drink, fiddling with the cap just to keep his hands busy.