I ran over to bus stop station nearby as I saw just now when we were on way to the club. I sat on the bench over there. I just need a deep breath and relax. Its just a normal confusion so are them. Maybe I need a few steps back, so everybody will look clearly about their feelings? Ugh I just don’t know, why do I feel like this. Not losing both. I started to like Hanbin I don’t know as what, I clearly like Nam Joon because he is my brother? AM I BEING SELFISH? I mummers myself.

Suddenly, I heard someone coughed behind my back. I thought it was Nam Joon because he always did that. I did not look back, like I said I wont give any hopes or what to them. Let them know how they felt and let myself know what I feel. This time I just wish I don’t have to go through this. I just wish I don’t have to be here right now. Then the bus came, I hurried myself to go on.

As I walk he snatch my wrist and he pays for two to the bus driver. I just look him from the back and it was Hanbin and he pull me to the end of the bus. Both of us sat together over there.  I pulled my hand from him roughly, “ouch, it hurts” I hold my wrist and look at him angrily. He just look at me and I look away. I look outside as I watched him looking at me through the reflection bus window. He wont stop looking at me neither talk to me. Like I wanted but it’s suffocating.  I look at him “what do you want?*sigh” “you” I just look at him, his eyes his nose his mouth I just “I think we need break, you don’t know how you feel, Im not the girl that you’re looking for, I- I just” He shush me and put his finger on my lips . I took his hand and I hold his hand tightly “I’m afraid I disappoint you, I like to be friend with you but having relationship more than that. It’s not me that I could handle these stuff. I really like you Hanbin like I really do but I don’t want to hurt neither both of you. If I hurt one of you guys, it can hurt me too cause I care bout you even I juust knew you Hanbin.”

After I said from the bottom of my heart he did not said anything yet he push the buttons to stop and ask me to follow him while he holds my hand. I did not nod or shook my head but I just followed him without force. As fas as I know, I’ve been here once. I just couldn’t remember. He points his finger to a grandmother who sells rice cakes “The first time I saw you, when you bought a lot of rice cakes from her. Barely people buy from her but you bought every piece of it. I just wonder why.” I look at him and her a few times I just couldn’t remember. “After you left, I look at the grandmother she was very happy and I never see her smiling like that. So I followed you, I thought you have a lot of family members. Yet you gave the rice cakes to the needy, kids and you left one for yourself. When you were about to eat it you saw a boy wondering around. You ask him does he want the rice cake. He nod and you gave him the last piece , then you send him to his parents.”