Poisonous Red Wine

JinJin sat on his small bottom bunk, curled up the hello kitty blanket Sanha had gifted him last Christmas. What was he going to do? He had been counting the minutes, no the seconds praying the clock never struck eight. Don’t get him wrong, he was ready. He had been preparing and bothering over his image since early that morning. Bare feet padding around his small room until he had a mountain of clothes forming on his desk chair and a mess that might take him days to clean. He checked himself and then checked again, everything even down to his manicured finger nails was perfect. How could he not be ready to go? 

The only real problem he presently found himself struggling to escape, the real illuminating dark cloud that seemed to have made its home above his head; was that no matter how ready, or how good he looked he still did not want to go. He couldn’t find an ounce of will in his already jumbled self that voluntarily wanted to go.

He wanted to stay here on his bottom bunk, smothered up in his warm blanket and watch pirated movies on his laptop until the sun was raising, mourning over the fact that he had a zero percent chance of getting with Eunwoo. He wanted to wallow in his sadness, hold on to the agonizing sensation just a little longer. To eat half his weight in take out and junk food until he no longer felt the stinging emptiness. He’s an idiot with easily the stupidest imagination and he deserved a burning punishment for it, did'nt he. He rightfully earned the tightening strain on his sunken heart and the blatant pain in the back of his head.

He must be an undercover masochist.

Well at least he felt exceptionally better knowing that he had talked MJ out of making him wear a stupid couple shirt. It had taken a little persuasion and a free lunch to budge the other, but he felt accomplished non-the less when MJ agreed to lift the ridiculous rule, even if that fleeting accomplishment was only short lived. He couldn’t fully bask in being the one to change MJ’s stubborn mind, because soon enough the suffocating nervousness came and never left. A feverish gruesome storm was brewing within him and it brought a burrowing little insecurity with it. A feeling JinJin couldn’t quite place, let alone begin to comprehend.

JinJin didn’t know if he truly despised the party, or if he had secretly been anticipating it. He did indeed want to meet the lucky person who was his ‘supposed date’, but at the same time he wanted to run. Run before the night turned evil. Late last night he had even packed his suitcase, something he didn’t completely understand, or could account for. He looked over to his lone silver luggage, containing an considerate amount of his belongings and groaned.

He knew he was hitting boarder line insane, or as Rocky said when he came home last night, ‘bat crazy’. He was still having trouble believing that this is his pure doing and he is the sole one filling his head with crazed ideas of impending disaster. He couldn’t even establish why he was getting so worked up over every little factor that found its way into his thoughts, but he had a slight suspicion that it involved a mix of his head strong personality and a certain man named Eunwoo. He felt as if MJ in a way was mocking him with the bet, poking fun at his inability to form relationships and because of that, he felt the need to be extra. The need to prove to MJ that he could get over his unhealthy obsession with Eunwoo and be some what socially adequate again.

When’s the last time he even left the enclosure of his dorm other than to go to classes that he couldn’t find the energy to care about and the busy hell of work? When’s the last time he attempted to create any form of conversation with anyone that wasn’t MJ, Sanha, or more recently Donghyuk?

JinJin chuckled at himself in self defeat, an empty laugh that had him admitting he had hit the bottom of that barrel that bore his self respect. Was he substantially that lonely that a one night stand, felt somewhat like a good idea? Wait that wasn’t a question, he is that lonely. In what universe was agreeing to a bizarre blind date organized by MJ, even okay? And only to relieve some built up stress, that was hardly acceptable. He was absolutely reaching a new all time low in his already pathetic life.

What if this whole thing ended up being just another joke and MJ was only using him for pure sadistic entertainment? What would he do then? How would he be able to live that down?

He was furious just thinking about it and he sincerely couldn’t see himself being nice if that were to happen. Not only would he unfriend his older buddy, but consider seeing some sort of psychic black magic person to curse him. Maybe it would teach MJ a well needed and long overdue lesson. It was one thing to embarrass him, but another to bring little innocent Sanha into the mix, the kid was too chaste to be in this deranged world MJ had him call home. He knew MJ and what he was capable of doing. Really, what was MJ teaching that boy? If MJ was pranking him and Sanha had to witness it, that would only be crossing a very thick and very un-crossable black line.

JinJin could feel a new sense of uncertainty wash over him, pulling him into unexplored fears and anxieties. His head was spinning with possible what ifs. How was he going to survive a night that held endless unfixed outcomes? He wasn’t a spontaneous person, he liked knowing what he was getting into before he was placed in a dangerous situation and made an of himself. Like he always did.

He pulled the fuzzy blanket up over his head.

“Aaaaaaaaaaa Otoke.” He cried, falling flat on his back, he was successfully running himself dry. He had no more energy left to even bother with such critical things. Besides, he was starting to give himself a worsened headache and he still had at least an hour and a half till MJ came ripping him from his snug covers. So JinJin just laid there nodding in and out of sleep, trying to think about anything other than the possibilities Moonbin’s party held.

An obnoxious knocking at the door startled JinJin, effectively causing him to jump up and wack his head on the steel bars of Rocky’s bed. He laughed at his pathetic behaviour. Really, what was he going to do with himself? He thought as he rubbed at the sting the impact left. He got up fumbling out of the blanket and staggered to the door, opening it without hesitation. He didn’t even need to question who the knocking belonged to. He knew the MJ-Sanha pregame would begin at 7:30, as per MJ’s exhausting text messages the night before. It was happening regardless of his fussing.

The two pushed past the open door in a loud bustle, forcefully shoving JinJin in the process.

“Yah! What do you think this is, some free for all?” he said, turning to raise a closed fist at the intruding pair and shaking it. They genuinely were a species of their own.

“Yup” MJ cheekily said as he threw himself onto JinJin’s bed, making himself comfortable in the owner’s sheets. JinJin only wrinkled his brows, left hand still on the open doors handle and he stood there eyeing MJ. Waiting for the other to make the first move. The eldest only smiled, waving his hand for JinJin to come closer.

“Who’s ready to get wasted tonight?” the overly excited brunette cheered while pulling a red wine bottle from its confining brown paper bag.

“You’re so lame.” Sanha joked joining his boyfriend on the small bed, taking the now corked bottle from already willing hands. “You know you love me.” MJ softly murmured and lightly kissed Sanha on the cheek, eliciting a blossoming blush from the boy. JinJin clicked his tongue in their direction, closing the door.

“You guys are so gross.” He said, swatting at the two and stealing the bottle from the younger who was hesitantly sipping from it.

“Red wine MJ? Are you feeling okay?” he uttered as he sat on the floor, leaning his head on his cushioned mattress. If he was going to bare the night he might as well have fun and if that meant chugging the entire bottle, then so be it.  

“What are you trying to say? I thought I’d play it classy, anyway you two should be ing worshipping me! This was expensive.” MJ confidently stated, walloping JinJin on his already throbbing head. JinJin pouted. 

“Be thankful I always pay for you.” He continued as he briefly patted the spot he had hit, smoothing down JinJin’s freshly dyed hair. JinJin only moaned taking another sip. He was always thankful for MJ’s gifts and weird compassion, he favoured it. He needed reassurance that someone besides his mother still cared, still wanted to see him succeed. The tough love MJ conveyed was only bonus, a quirky little understanding they had that brought JinJin more pleasure than what it should have.

They sat like that, MJ laying across Sanha’s lap and JinJin leaning partially on the bed partially off twiddling his slim fingers. After half the bottle was emptied and about half an hour of dead chat, JinJin pulled on MJ’s cotton sleeve.

“What are you planning?” he asked, it was worth the question even if he knew MJ would essentially beat around the bush. The other only laughed.

“I guess you’re just going to have to find out” MJ softly said. “what can I say? I think I went pretty easy on you this time Jinwoo. Who knows, maybe you’ll actually be thanking me when the nights over.” MJ sang, gently tapping JinJin’s nose and then turning to look up at his red-haired boyfriend. “Right Sanha?” MJ sweetly asked.

Sanha only hiccupped in response and followed it by an agreeing hum. It amused JinJin seeing the boy’s over the top expressions that the buzzing swirl of the wine created and he found it undeniably cute. Sanha had always been a light weight when it came to the powerful effects of alcohol and the wine MJ had picked was far from frothy. JinJin looked back up at Sanha and smiled. The boy’s pink cheeks were puffed and he was earnestly nodding to nothing. JinJin giggled he wanted to pinch those tinted cheeks so bad.     

Much to his surprise, the answer he had received from MJ wasn’t bothering him as much he expected it to. It did little to fuel any obscure thoughts, which within its self was a relief. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was his lack of current caring; but he wasn’t as distressed about the whole ordeal that was no more than a mere hour away from happening. Well not as bad as 15 minuets ago. He surprisingly felt emotionally ready for it. Ready to play MJ and Sanha’s game. Ready to toss the dice that could either end blunderingly good, or bad for him.

The wine was clearly starting to kick in, because his sober mind was telling him to run. To grab his suitcase and get the hell out of there before he became MJ’s favourite test subject, not that he wasn't already. His inner warning signs were blaring red and screaming at him to be carful, to guard himself. But he doesn't want to hear it, doesn't want to listen anymore. Tonight, he wanted to ignore that faint alarm system in the back of his head and let what ever happened happen. A bubbling anxiousness was erupting through him, enticing him with a desire to carry on with the night. Like a sinful whisper in the dark and JinJin was being drawn to it. 

Tonight, he wanted to be more than that out casted weirdo who just so happened to be good at art and music. Because MJ and Sanha keep telling him he’s worth so much more and he’s starting to believe them.

He whished to completely forget about his mediocre, colourless existence. To for once in his life be someone, to be more than just the ditz name he had been given. To forget his school work that had to be done by Monday, his job at the small café, his moms nonstop fretting and entirely forget about the way Eunwoo had made him feel. He just didn’t want to give a anymore and he was starting to care less about the consequences of his wrong doings. He was past the point of self respect and all the pilling up stress was only promoting his actions, pushing him to do worse. He found himself more than willing to do anything, anyone and he felt disgusted by it. Maybe the aftermath of it all would matter tomorrow, but that was tomorrow and tomorrow was always a new day. Even if the whole thing ended up being just another sick joke MJ was pulling to get a kick out of his anxiety issues. He was ready to put his entire being on the line and that should have been frightening him more than what it was.

Sanha nudged JinJin’s head and brought the bottle he was sipping from to JinJin’s lips.

“Hyung, don’t worry and just have fun.” Sanha chuckled. JinJin sighed. That was easier said then done and without thinking he chugged the last quarter of the strong dark liquid. What else was there to lose? He hit rock bottom three sips ago, why should he stop now? 

The loud ringing of MJ’s phone broke the mellow silence and shook JinJin from his dreaming daze. He rolled his eyes as he listened to the two sing the cheesy ringtone that played out.

“You know you need to answer that.” He said, shaking the empty bottle at his best friends’ stupidity before carefully placing it on the ground. “Yeah, yeah.” MJ muttered, answering his piercing device.

JinJin was unbothered by MJ’s phone call and couldn’t care less about it, so he turned his attention to his own phone. He scrolled through his Facebook, looking at the recently posted pictures flooding his news feed. Holy , was all JinJin could rationalize as he browsed past Rocky’s updated pictures.

Was that a fire? Was that Eunwoo? What was going on there?

He brought the screen closer and examined the picture with strict eyes.

That was 100% Eunwoo!  

“Ok, ok children! The taxi is on the was.” MJ called out, raising his arms. “Yay” Sanha cheered with his overly excited boyfriend, as they started to roll around on the small bed. JinJin looked up at them, phone still hovering close. “Why must you two be so loud.” He whined, placing an unoccupied finger in his ear to block the noise  coming from the two who were now loudly play fighting. He had pressing matters, like who that girl was with Eunwoo and why they looked so touchy feely. He found himself with the sudden urge to know everything about that girl, it just wasn’t fair.

JinJin didn’t have time to ponder over what was currently taking place at Moonbin’s, because soon enough MJ was stealing his phone out of his hands and passing it to Sanha. “Hey!” he shrieked as he got up, stretching out his stiff and unused muscles. He turned to the deranged set laughing on his bed and gave them the best hexing look he could muster. Only to receive a cheeky simile from MJ and a sorry wave from Sanha. He scoffed.

Was this how they were going to play?  

With a huff JinJin stomped over to the wall mirror, ignoring the obvious whispers the two were sharing and checked his never changed appearance. The mirror casted the same image it had 5 hours ago, a dolled-up version of himself adorned in his expensive Capri jean shorts and favourite uni sweater. The well used pull over was lightly torn, but JinJin still loved the piece and believed it to be something along the lines of a lucky charm. He needed it, especially tonight. He straightened the collar of the confy oversized sweater. 

Even though he personally thought he looked cute, he couldn’t help but judge every aspect of himself and doubt the entirety of his selection. he's so naive. He began to pace, to wonder aimlessly around the small perimeter of his room. He could feel the worry dripping off him, filling the tight space with its eerier presence. He knew the foolish couple’s eyes were following his hectic stirring, observing as he padded back and forth. It spurted JinJin into an even greater bewilderment and as he walked about he unconsciously checked over all the appliances. He made sure everything was turned off, that he had his wallet, keys and to some extent his phone.

But with a heavy heart, JinJin continued to test his luck and his heavy steps never faltered in his attempt to delay as much time as he possibly could. He was only partially prepared, still building up and knocking down all the stiffening uneasiness. Bracing himself for what was coming next the best way he knew how. He didn’t even care about his phone, they could have it.  

“You know what I … forgot to ...uh ... take my dog for a bath.” He stuttered out, tripping over that damned mountain of his. Wow. Could he honestly not think of anything better? MJ raised his brows at him. “Are you stupid?” Stupid was an understatement. JinJin stood there shrinking into himself, frozen in the middle of the room. He surely was an idiot.   

“Hyung you don’t have a dog, or a bathtub.” Sanha said, his voice cracking as he laughed.

“Haha, I meant my cat.”  JinJin whispered, looking down and sulking in his spot. “Hyung!” Sanha shrieked, expressing his distaste for his hyung by pouting cleverly with his body and the boy’s flailing arms depicted the well rehearsed aegyo perfectly.

“You’re not getting out of this, Jinwoo.” MJ voiced, rolling his eyes and that tone meant he was not getting out of this. He witnessed the couple share a knowing glance and before he could protest, Sanha was joyfully hopping off the bed. JinJin knew what was coming next and he didn’t even have a second before Sanha was at his side, clasping desperate fingers around his left arm.

“Wait!” JinJin yelled shaking his captured limb vigorously, putting his other hand up to stop MJ who was beginning to abandon his spot on the bed. He tried to push Sanha away, but the younger boy had a surprisingly strong grasp. “No, no, no.” JinJin cried out as MJ took his right arm, causing him to scream harder. The two began pulling him towards the door and he was desperately trying to grab hold of the walls, the door, the air. Anything to keep him in his favourable dorm room.  

“JinJin you’re going to get the cops here, stop.” MJ laughed out.

Once the pair had successfully gotten him out of the door, they loosened their hold on his arms.

“Yah, I gotta lock the door. Last time I forgot to lock it Rocky complained all night about how we could have been murdered and stolen from.” JinJin uttered, locking the door. “Hurry up.” MJ whined and as soon as his key left the slot, MJ was pushing his back down the hall.  

JinJin was already tipsy as he exited the dorm building. He knew he shouldn’t have drank the last of the wine. He admitted to being a little juiced, just a little. It took a lot to get him drunk and roughly two glasses of whine, was not going to get him there. But he wouldn’t lie and say we wasn’t feeling something.

Sanha’s hand gripped strongly at his elbow and MJ had his other arm drawn close to his chest. He felt them tighten their grasps as he stumbled over a rock.

“Hyung I think you drank too much and we haven’t even arrived.”  Sanha dazedly chimed in, trying to fan him with his free hand and failing. What was Sanha talking about? The boy was done the minute MJ corked the wine bottle.

“Ani, I’m not even drunk.” JinJin argued. He was not deathly intoxicated (yet), like the two were making him out to be.

“you may not be drunk, but I can tell you’re almost there. Aigoo, what am I going to tell your date?” MJ vented, hugging JinJin's arm closer to his body. JinJin looked up, a cheeky smile decorating his rosy face.

“I have a date?” he laughed, pointing a finger at himself in shock. Maybe acting like he was wasted would get him out of going and out of potential trouble. MJ huffed.

“Ah, Myunjun hyung. I don’t think he’s going to last.” Sanha worriedly fretted, fixing JinJin’s wind blown hair. That’s the point. JinJin broke free from his friends’ tight bounds, jogging up the cemented path and only halted when he heard Sanha’s frantic calls. He spun around, chuckling.

“I’m just joking, jeez.” He giggled at the betrayal marking both their faces and snagged their hands as they approached, swinging their now joined limbs. “You guys honestly misjudge my tolerance for alcohol.” He teased.

“Um JinJin, do you even know where the taxi is?” MJ questioned as JinJin pulled the pair on an unknowing course. “Nope.” He innocently answered, directing them in another direction in the parking lot. They were zigzagging and walking circles around the stationed cars.

“Its this way.” MJ said, tugging JinJin’s arm and leading them to the front of the dormitory where the yellow taxi waited. 

“He’s definitely drunk!” he heard Sanha loudly whisper to MJ from where they were walking in front of him. He wanted to laugh, he could probably handle another bottle and still walk in a straight line. Too prove his point, he did exactly that. Minus the consumption of another bottle, he wasn’t that stupid.

Sanha and MJ stared dumbly as they focused on JinJin’s approaching frame, arms spread and slowly trekking towards them. One foot in front of the other. JinJin lifted his head in accomplishment, widely smiling at MJ who looked speechless, holding the car door open. Nothing needed to be said and JinJin didn’t demand any verbal gratification.

Despite epically proving he was sober, his young friend had still felt obligated to aid him in first. Sanha helped JinJin in and followed soon after. This left Sanha in the middle and MJ with the last least on the end. MJ briefly explained the directions to the driver and sat back, taking Sanha’s hand into his own.

“Binnie texted me and said people are already wired. I think you’ll fit in wonderfully. And I just thought I’d warn you, Eunwoo is there.” MJ said, bluntly looking past Sanha and at JinJin. A daring smirk was playing on his parted lips.

“Hyung, I think everyone is there." JinJin groaned. “Why wouldn’t Eunwoo be there? It is Moonbin’s party.” He mumbled the last part and turned his body, so he was facing the window. Why did MJ bring up Eunwoo? It outright killed whatever vibe he had going on and instead made him toss bitterly in his seat. He didn’t want to think about Eunwoo anymore, didn’t even want to acknowledge that the enticing cover boy ever existed. Tonight was suppose to be his night.

JinJin took to watching the changing lights of the city as he listened to the soft talking of Sanha and MJ’s conversation. It was so calming. Sometimes he envied their perfect relationship, swelled with a horrible longing to break them apart and even though he was certain he would never do that. He couldn’t deny that the heated feeling was there, deeply buried beneath all the love he held for the two lovers. His friends.

He wanted to say it came more from the menacing loneliness that swamped him daily then anything else, a loneliness that was slowly devouring away what was left of his surviving happiness. After his two close pals got together, he became the everlasting third wheel, became that friend and it hurt. It had always been him and MJ and Sanha, the three musketeers. But now it was MJ, Sanha and him. He continuously felt left out, because they always had each other and well … all he had was them. He had no one. No one to make him as happy as they made each other. He was all alone, so rejected that his heart ached for a blossoming romance like their own. He craved the affection they showered one another with.

JinJin faced the couple. MJ was whispering into a smiling Sanha’s ear, the innocent’s eyes were closed and his red curls were bobbing as he nodded to what ever MJ was saying. He sighed, they were perfect. Everything he personally aspired to have in a relationship. They balanced, supported and completed each other in a way JinJin could never begin to comprehend, or have.

MJ stirred, causing JinJin to panic. He absolutely did not want to get caught staring and looking so sentimental. He hurriedly shifted his eyes to the window, past MJ’s raising head and they instantly widened as the taxi came to a stop in front of Moonbin’s. The view was shocking, there was clusters of people swaying to the base of the music in the soiled front yard, music which he could hear through the restricting walls of the car.

MJ turned, following JinJin’s stunned gaze. “Oh, we’re here.” MJ beamed, opening the door to the only safe spot JinJin felt he had and joyfully stepping out. The older male gestured for the younger two to follow. This was it, wasn’t it?

Sanha and JinJin proceeded to exit the cab, taking the eldest hyung’s lead. Sanha was still persistent, demanding he help JinJin out no matter how reluctant JinJin was to accept. Sanha took his hand and supported his weight as he jumped out of the yellow heaven. Now he was stepping foot into a deadly hell and there was nothing he could to stop it, he had already tried everything. He could run, but was that worth the risk of losing?

They stood at the edge of the sidewalk, waiting for MJ to pay and JinJin swears he can feel every nervous bead of sweat that runs coldly down his neck. He can’t do this, who is he trying to fool?.

An update .... Whaaaaat 

Ah it has been awhile, hiiiiiiiiii haha. Just wanted to thank eveyone again for reading. I seriously appreciate all those who have subscribed and commented, high key love you all. In all seriousness though, I'm thinking of revising the first chapter, not sure yet, so be aware of that.

Let the fun begin 

Anyway, Happy Halloween and hopefully we'll meet again before Astro's Comeback! 

~awe ~ 

- BreakingBoundaries