~*~

 

You cannot erase the past; you must let it go.

You cannot change yesterday; you must accept the lessons learned.

You cannot stop time or stand still in a world racing around in circles;

you must dance with the wind and sing with the songs that are playing.

Let whatever mistakes you have made remain in the shadows of times gone by,

and let love be the answer to the mysteries of life.

 

 

~*~

 

 

   “Kyuhyun is cold like snow”

 

   Since long ago, at Jaejoong’s…or Father’s orders, I would erase anyone’s memories…to protect the secret of our family. Even though I knew it would hurt others…when I erased their friend’s memories. That’s why, “Kyuhyun is cold like snow.” That time, Jaejoong said those words.

 

   I wonder if they’re true…

 

----

 

   “Kyuhyun-ssi!”

 

   I looked behind me to see the friend of my cousin Kibum, Lee Donghae.

 

   “Thank goodness, I thought it wasn’t you,” Donghae said, slightly panting from running after me. “I was wondering what I would do if I was mistaken,” Donghae said, smiling at me.

 

   Donghae-yah…

 

   “Happy New Year!” Donghae smiled widely as he greeted a slightly dazed me.

 

   “Uhm…Happy New Year too,” I said, slightly disoriented from getting suddenly pulled out from my reminiscing.

 

   Donghae gave a sigh of relief. “For a moment there I wasn’t sure who it was. Because your hair’s gotten longer, but you look handsome,” he said, his face once again broke into a never-ending smile.

 

   “With both the end of the year and the beginning of the year I’ve been very busy, I’ll have a haircut as soon as possible,” I explained monotonously, starting to walk again.

   Donghae fell in beside me. He looked up curiously at my unemotional face. Since the first time my cousin Kibum had introduced his classmate Donghae to me, he has always looked at me curiously. I caught him asking Kibum once, asking why I always look cold and emotionless. Kibum just looked sad and simply said, “Kyuhyun-hyung was not like that before…but something happened that made him change.” I knew he didn’t stopped there, but I also knew Kibum wouldn’t say anything further than what he already said.

 

   “By the way, are you all by yourself?” I suddenly asked, breaking the silence.

 

   “Yes! I went with a friend to visit a temple and am going home now,” Donghae answered. “Are you going to buy something?” he asked back.

 

   “No…I just wanted to get a little air outside, away from my official duties,” I replied easily.Being a doctor sure can be hectic sometimes, I thought to myself.

 

   “You’re really busy aren’t you?” Donghae asked curiously.

 

   “Ah!” Donghae exclaimed in delight when snow started to fall. We both stopped in our tracks and looked upward. It was such a beautiful sight; bits of snow were swirling around, everything was covered in white, giving them an image of pureness and gentleness.

 

   My heart gave a painful clench, remembering the past I so wanted to forget.

 

   “It’s snow…so that’s why it’s so cold today,” Donghae said happily, catching bits of snow with his hands, oblivious at the look of utter pain on my face.

 

   Donghae walked around when he stepped on a stone and tripped. He’s about to fall down when I caught him and clutched him tightly to my chest, falling down with him in the process.

 

   Donghae heard a loud poof and braced himself for what he was about to see. He knew about my family secret. The truth is, we turn into an animal whenever someone embraces us. Donghae knew it when he hugged Kibum and he turned into a cat right in front of his eyes. He freaked out but Kibum, who fortunately could speak even in an animal form, quickly explained to him about our family curse.

 

   This was the first time he would get to see my animal form, so it’s understandable that he was slightly nervous. He turned around to see my clothes on the ground, with me twitching underneath it.

 

   “Kyu-Kyuhyun-ssi?” Donghae called out.

 

   I didn’t reply because I felt woozy and my head’s aching, like I was about to pass out. When I didn’t answer back, he got worried and quickly removed the clothes. That’s when he saw my animal form……a turtle.

 

   Donghae’s eyes widened and in a full panic mode in a span of one second. “WATER!!! I NEED WATER!!! FRESH WATER…NO, SALT WATER!!! WHICH IS IT, KYUHYUN-SSI?!”

 

   Ah…Donghae’s reaction…is the same as him. That guy…Jongwoon…

 

   And as I closed my eyes…the memory of the past rolled inside my mind…

 

----

 

   “It’s very nice to meet you. I’m Kim Jongwoon,” said a small and petite guy with raven black hair and eyes that were dark as night, while giving me a 90 degrees bow.

 

   “Starting today, I will be assisting you. I will do my best!” Jongwoon said cheerfully. I only spared him a quick glance then went back to what I was doing.

 

   “But I wonder why even though we live in the same village we’ve never spoken to each other. It’s strange, right?” Jongwoon mused aloud, not minding that I was not paying him any attention.

 

   “But Kyuhyun-ssi is very handsome so he’s really popular,”

 

   “So without delay, we should start working,” I said as soon as Jongwoon had stopped speaking. I wanted to get to work immediately just to stop his endless chatter but stopped when I noticed that Jongwoon wasn’t listening.

 

   “It’s snowing! I was hoping it would snow,” Jongwoon exclaimed happily, looking out of the window.

 

   I didn’t know what to say at that one.

 

   “That’s right!” Jongwoon perked up and faced me. “Can I ask you a question?” Then without waiting for an answer, he launched his question, “What does snow become when it melts?”

 

   I felt insulted. Does he think I’m some kind of idiot? “It will become water, of course,” I said nonchalantly, getting back to my work.

 

   “Wrong…it becomes spring.”

 

   That got my attention. I stopped what I was doing and looked curiously at Jongwoon’s face.

 

   “I like spring the best!” Jongwoon said, showing me the most beautiful smile I had ever seen in my life.

 

   In this world that is so cold…how can he still smile as if everything he sees is beautiful?

 

----

 

   As days began to turn into months…and months turned into years, I found myself falling deeper and deeper into this beautiful person who came into my life unexpectedly. I had already dedicated my life to my job and protecting my family’s secret that I had absolutely no time for inconsequential things like love…or so I thought until Jongwoon came into my life and proved me wrong.

 

   That guy was my…’spring’. Closeted inside the darkness of the family’s curse, I didn’t notice I had become as cold as ‘snow’. Then he was the fresh and beautiful ‘spring’.

 

   It was inevitable…I love him.

 

   I thought as me and Jongwoon shared a sweet, but very passionate kiss. I had no idea what heaven feels like…but with Jongwoon’s lips pressed against mine, and his scent intoxicating my senses, awakening every fiber of my body…I at least knew how heaven must taste like.

 

   And so, inevitably…the secret was exposed.

 

----

 

   Jongwoon looked blankly at the turtle lying on the floor where I was seated a while ago. Then he freaked out.

 

   “WATER!!! NO, FRESH WATER…NO, SALT WATER!!! WHICH ONE?! WHAT DO I DO KHYUHUNIE??!!”

 

   A few minutes later…

 

   “I just have one thing to say…a land turtle would die if you put it in a bathtub,” I said quietly as I let Jongwoon dry my hair.

 

   Jongwoon gave an abashed laugh. “That’s what I thought. I was just surprised.”

 

   Then he became solemn. “But now…I finally know the reason. I have always wondered why you never embraced me. It was because of this, right? You didn’t want anyone to find out, right? That’s why you distanced yourself from others, right? And from the person you love…most of all.”

 

   I just watched silently as tears started to fall from his eyes. I was locked in my place, unable to say anything…unable to do anything. My heart was tearing into pieces watching him cry, but the terrible fear inside me prevented me from moving. I was scared…scared to lose him, yet at the same time, I knew I wouldn’t stop him from leaving if that’s what he wanted to do. Because meeting him was already enough…wanting him to stay was too much.

 

   I’m happy… that I met you Jongwoon.

 

   I looked down. Bracing myself for the inevitable goodbye I knew was about to come. I was taken aback at the next words that came out of his mouth.

 

   “But…you don’t have to be afraid anymore. I won’t reject you. I’m glad…that I met you Kyuhyun. That I was able to love you…is a great blessing for me. I want to be by your side,” Jongwoon said with tears at the corner of his eyes?) his eyes, looking at me with so much love that I felt I didn’t deserve.

 

   Unconsciously, and without meaning to…my tears fell.

 

   For the first time since I was born, I felt like I had been forgiven. I felt as if I had been rescued. The freezing snow had been melted by the spring breeze.

 

   Inside of me…the tears stopped.

 

----

 

   After that, for almost two months, my life…was like a happy dream. It was as if twenty-seven years of good luck were condensed together.

 

   We smiled and laughed.

 

   Even now…that smiling face pierces my heart.

 

   The end of the dream was…when we asked the head of my family, Jaejoong to permit us to marry.

 

   That day…became…

 

   “Hold on! Calm down! Stop!!” my cousin Leeteuk tried to calm an enraged Jaejoong.

 

   Things happened very fast. The next thing I knew, a vase came flying in my direction thrown by Jaejoong and hit my left eye that  instantly bleeds, and Jongwoon was crouched down in front of me, looking so horrified, just silently staring at me.

 

   “WHAT’S WITH YOU!!!” Jaejoong shouted.

 

   “Jongwoon-ssi, hurry! Kyuhyun is…” Leeteuk said, trying to wake Jongwoon up from his horrified trance…but to no avail, Jongwoon still continued looking stupefied at me. Face frozen in silent horror.

 

   “HOW COULD I GIVE KYUHYUN TO YOU??? WHAT SORT OF TRICK YOU’RE TRYING TO PULL??? YOU CAN’T EVEN GET RID OF THE CURSE!!! YOU AREN’T NEEDED!!! YOU AREN’T NEEDED!!!

 

   “Jaejoong, stop!” Leeteuk shouted, trying to stop Jaejoong, but his efforts were all in vain, Jaejoong was unstoppable.

 

   “IF KYUHYUN’S EYE BECOMES BLIND, IT’S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!!! IT’S YOUR FAULT!!! IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!!! IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!!! IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!!! IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!!!

 

   And as I finally looked at Jongwoon, with blood endlessly pouring from my left eye, he began to cry…

 

----

 

   No matter what we said…

 

   No matter what we did…

 

   He just kept on crying…and began to crumble…like a battered rose.

 

   Her heat…was sick.

 

   Things are changing…and change is never easy, you fight to hold on, and you fight to let go.

 

   “At times like this, isn’t it your duty to use your suppression technique? You should erase his memory. You’re the only one who can do that,” Jaejoong said. More calm now than he was the last time I saw him.

 

   “Right now, he’s sad because of his memories of you, of your love together. Isn’t it your duty to save him from that sadness? In reality, he really wants to be release from those memories. He wants to forget..”

 

   “To forget you…”

 

----

 

Wish I could be the one
The one who could give you love
The kind of love you really need
Wish I could say to you
That I’ll always stay with you
But baby that’s not true

 

   “If we…hadn’t met, then maybe…that would be better…hadn’t met, then maybe…that would be better” Jongwoon mumbled repeatedly, slumped in front of me.

 

   Jongwoon sought me out. He wanted…me to erase his memories…and even though it pained me very much I still agreed.

 

   Anything…just to make you happy. Because our relationship was like a broken glass…sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt our self putting it back together.

 

   He wishes to forget…

 

   Is this…retribution?

 

   Even if it hurts others…even if it makes them sad…if it was an order, then I would erase the memories of the people around them.

 

   Is this retribution for that?

 

   I thought as I crouched down in front of him, putting my hand in on his head.

 

You need someone
Willing to give their heart and soul to you
Promise you forever,
Baby that’s something I can’t do

 

   Could it be that this man’s most important moments…his most important memories…will be erased by this hand?

 

   I took a deep breath…and prepared to do it, but before I did he spoke out loud.

 

   “Hey…to protect you…I failed…to protect you…I’m sorry. I’m sorry…I’m so sorry. Kyuhyun…”

 

   My heart felt like something was squeezing it.

 

   The one who should apologize…is me. I was the one who couldn’t protect you. But you thought about me until the end. This is the proof of the depth of this guy’s love.

 

   For the sake of this guy…so that he won’t be ill…so that he won’t be sad.

 

   Then he fell down…and that’s the end of everything…my everything. Tomorrow, when he woke up, he wouldn’t remember me anymore. He would be free from pain…free from suffering…free from tears. He could finally smile again.

 

Oh I could say that I’ll be all you need
But that would be a lie
I know I’d only hurt you
I know I’d only make you cry
I’m not the one you’re needing
I love you, goodbye…

 

   “Thank you…Jongwoon. Soon…everything will be alright…soon…you won’t be sad anymore.” I said softly, as tears finally made its way out of my eyes, continuously falling…never stopping.

 

   Please God. Somehow, let this guy…meet someone that can make him happy this time.

 

   This is my prayer. Even if my life became unmelted snow, even if I die, it doesn’t matter.

 

   Please…somehow…

 

Oh I don’t wanna leave you
Baby it tears me up inside
I’ll never be the one you needing
I love you, goodbye…

 

----

 

 

   “There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.”

 

----

 

   “Kyuhyun-ssi?”

 

   I slowly opened my eyes to see Donghae looking worriedly at me.

 

   “It’s cold,” was the first thing I said.

 

   “Ah…I’m sorry, I brought you here because there are no people here and waited for you to transform back. I couldn’t risk going home because you might transform on the way so…” Donghae trailed off, suddenly feeling awkward.

 

   “I’ll go and bring some warm drinks,” Donghae said, running quickly away.

 

   I was left alone with my thoughts…

 

   It’s been a while…since I had a dream about Jongwoon.

 

   But now…why now? Is it because of this snow?

 

   “Is that so? It’s been decided? Congratulations Jongwoon!”

 

   I looked up to see a group of friends passing me by…and one of them was Jongwoon…looking as handsome as he did before…like the day I first met him.

 

   “It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, so I was wondering why you would suddenly return to Seoul.”

 

   “After this…are you going to consult your parents about the ceremony?”

 

   “Why didn’t you bring your future husband with you? I wanted to see him.”

 

   And then I heard it…that husky voice I haven’t heard for a long time…the voice I have sorely missed through all this time…

 

   “He’s really busy with work…but the wedding will be held here so you’ll meet him there.”

 

   “Tell me, what kind of man is he?”

 

   “An honest man, when we’re together it’s so peaceful. But, in terms of looks, Kyuhyun-ssi is more handsome,” he said with a small laugh.

 

   Ah, he said it…

 

   “But my longing for him…turned out to be only unrequited love. Today will be the first time in a long time that I’ll return to my old village. I’m not sure how to greet Kyuhyuh-ssi,” Jongwoon said with a gentle smile on his face.

 

   “You’re not going to have an affair or anything?”

 

   “Of course not! I now have a passionate love inside of me,” he said indignantly, and laughed along with his friends.

 

   I followed them with my eyes until they slowly vanished from my sight.

 

   It’s been two years since I saw that guy. His smile is the same as before…

 

   I see…he is happy. This way…

 

   I’m glad.

 

   My face unconsciously lit up with a gentle smile.

 

   “Congratulations,” I softly said.

 

   I looked up at the beautiful sky…and remembered my most favorite passage from my favorite book…

 

“Don't cry when the sun is gone,
because the tears won't let you see the stars.”

 

 

~*~

 

 

We can never turn back the pages of time, though we may wish to relive a happy moment, or say goodbye just one last time, we never can, because the sands of time continue to fall, and we can’t turn the hourglass over.

 

 

~Fin~

 

 

A/N: When I was writing this, I was like :D…but when I finished writing it and re-read it, I became like this 0_0

 

WTH!! This story is utter nonsense T.T This is supposed to be my Christmas/New Year’s fic. Uhm…yeah, I know a happy occasion needs a happy fic, but don’t blame me if all I can think of is angst!! And that made me realized I haven’t wrote a fic that has a happy ending yet…I’m such a miserable old girl T.T

 

And sorry if I made Jaejoong a sick bastard. I don’t even know why I choose him in the first place..xDD!!

 

Anyway, this is my first try in Fantasy…and I’ll never try it again..xDD!! Comments please!!! I badly needed it J

 

Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year everyone!!!