SEOUL

만약 인생을 다시 산다면 당신을 더 빨리 찾을 겁니다.

If I were to live my life again, I’d find you sooner.

Tap. Tap.

For a reason, this was the first destination I came to. An old stone bridge that took its name after King Charles IV. It was morning and the view seemed to be what you would describe heaven like; it was as beautiful as dream and more. With the calm river and the cruises and the old-fashioned statues, all under the glow of morning sunlight.

Enter. Tap.

Charles Bridge was one of the oldest building in Prague as well as the oldest bridge. Unlike his cousin, Judith Bridge, Charles Bridge had survived many floods, thanks to the eggyolk the builders had mixed with the -

Okay that sounds like a page from Wikipedia. Deletedeletedelete.

Tap.

I closed my eyes, and secretly loving the morning air, somehow chill and tasted like rain last night. When I open my eyes back, though, I felt like I was Alice, getting lost in a land of fairies.

And... it was thrilling too, knowing I was breathing the same chill air with him.

Tap. Tap.

There was this reason I came to Prague. He was wearing black cap and denim jacket, and black Balenciaga sneakers. He got the most weird and beautiful smile in the world, and I caught myself never regretting this short trip here—

Baekhyun sips his coffee quietly for the nth time without taking his eyes off the screen of his laptop. His slender fingers resume dancing furiously on the white keyboard, as if afraid things that are going on in his head would puffed into air and disappear if he doesn’t pour them into writing quick enough. Tens of photographs scattered on the table, almost leaving no space on the wooden surface. The same pictures also appear on his laptop’s screen, trapped in between Baekhyun’s puke of words.

These past few weeks, a little over a month, Baekhyun hadn’t been able to update his blog. It is a personal blog Baekhyun has been managing for over three years. He writes about anything; from some experiences he’d like to share, review of some unique and heavenly dishes, places he had visited, and sometimes even his personal feelings. He has a plenty enough of readers by now who would drop comments here and there, mostly compliment but some are teasing him. They are nice. Baekhyun would always smile while replying to those comments. And in those moments, for once, he feels like he’s no different from others. From people who can speak.

Baekhyun pushes up his reading glasses that fell down to his nose. His eyes dominantly reviewing what he just typed for the past couple of hours. He would retype here and there, fixing the typo or editing few sentences. In less than ten minutes, a smile gazes upon his lips. All is good, except the last paragraphs. The last personal sentences that make him bite his lips, debating between Baekhyuns in his head whether or not he really should post those.

 —-because at the end of the trip, Reason noticed me. He offered me his warm hands and asked for my name, which I failed to answer because I was so nervous >,< not that he would understand shaky hands speak anyway.

Reason smiled to me, and that is all matter. Reason wants to see me again, and I want too… I really want to see him again.

After a long moment of hesitation, the male whose hair just dyed honey color decides to just screw with it and clicks the post button there. When it is successfully posted, he slumped his back against the couch he was sitting, finally realizes how his back screaming for rest.

His small eyes, touched by thin eyeliner flicker from his laptop screen to the mess on his table through the round specs. His second latte that morning remained half of the cup, the plate of cupcakes the shapes of LINE sticker faces mostly empty but for a remaining Brown cupcake smiling at him. And then, of course, the most noticeable ones as they’re scattered everywhere. Baekhyun collects them all into a pile and looks at the pictures again one by one.

The picture on the first front of his pile is of a Baroque statue, Baekhyun remembers it was also the first picture he took on his first day in Prague. Then in row there are two pictures of Vltava River with cruises on its calm water, taken within the same half of hour with the statue. The others were a picture of Old Town’s tower, some more pictures of both people and sites: Old Town Square, Kinsky Palace, the street, the buildings, and many, many pictures of a man. A certain tall man with jet black hair styled up and smile so bright Baekhyun wonders why hasn’t he on television yet, modelling for some toothpaste commercial.

He likes to wear the same outfit. Black shirt, a denim jacket and black cap, the first time Baekhyun saw him. He wore them again when he saw him in Old Town Square. But even so, Baekhyun couldn’t blame the cap, or the seemingly unwashed jacket, and obviously not the shirt, he still could rob many hearts with or without him changing clothes. Just to his unfortunate, Baekhyun mostly could only get some snaps of his back, or faraway side profile; half shy and half fear of the prospect of getting caught. He dreams one day he could watch him up close without running away, smiling to him with that rich grin of his.

Only dream, his mind seems to whisper. And dreams bond to disappeared, forgotten the moment you wake up. And Baekhyun is wondering whether he already awake now or still holding into the dream.

That guy supposed to be his future husband, Baekhyun sighs. He still remembers he couldn’t help but blushing the moment his father told him about the marriage.

“You’re going to marry Chanyeol. That Chanyeol you used to play with when you were little.”

Baekhyun’s first reaction was to shot the old small man a glare before running for the comfort of his room, just to hide his face which was as red as angry Mr. Krab.

That night, Baekhyun could not sleep. He tossed around and bit his lips hard he was surprised it wasn’t bleeding. Chanyeol… Chanyeol… Chanyeol was all in his thoughts. He remembered Chanyeol, he remembered him well, knew him well in his memories just like the back of his hand. The lanky teenager who was taller than he have to even in his 15th years old. Baekhyun was the same age yet he was small, lonely and had no friends. He didn’t go to school, not after constant bullies he always got since he was kindergarten to elementary. So, when Chanyeol popped up in front of his door with a white rose on his hand aiming for Baekhyun and smiled so wide it hurt, the smaller couldn’t help but found his first love right there and then.

Even after ten years, his feeling never changes. Chanyeol was his first and only crush. Even they had only spent ten days together and never once met again, even a horrible feeling of Chanyeol’s reaction to meet him later kept eating him up, Baekhyun couldn’t help but… but smiling all the night.

Yet that day when they were supposed to meet, he waited and waited and waited, purposely losing his rest after the long flight, hoping against hope he would see him there in the café he had chosen around the neighbourhood of Sinsa-dong. The same café he is now. But until nightfall and he must remove himself out, that certain tall giant never come.

Another appointment was arranged one week later. Still, he didn’t come. Nor did he in the grand party Baekhyun’s father have thrown for the anniversary of his company. All his business partners were invited. Baekhyun was shy, always been shy. But he came that night only to meet Chanyeol’s parents cooing after him. But not the giant himself. It was as if he purposely retreats himself from being in Baekhyun’s presence.

Baekhyun can’t blame him though. Their meeting, however are arranged by their parents, their marriage, if that possible. And who would accept arranged marriage nowadays? He probably also had known by now about his disability and steps back earlier than Baekhyun would have thought.

He has a boyfriend too, Baekhyun reflects. Automatically he heaves another deep sigh and leans his head against the shoulder of a fluffy Brown Bear plushie in size bigger than him who is sitting just at the edge of the couch. The plushie gives no sign of annoyance, however, being squished between Baekhyun and the wall.

Oh Sehun, a beautiful tall man, Baekhyun keeps musing in not so pleasant way, with flawless skin and face so handsome and elegant. To top it all, he is a model too. International model adored by many men. Baekhyun can’t even compare himself to his toe.

A flash of camera snapped at his direction pulls Baekhyun back to reality. He snaps his head to the source of the interruption to see a familiar face. His fast heart rate calms down beat by beat immediately.

“You’re daydreaming,” the newcomer said while he spread ten fingers then made a motion of pulling something out of his head using index finger.

How long has he been here? Baekhyun wonders.

Do Kyungsoo is already sitting across his table. When and how, Baekhyun has no clue. He points at the man as small as him (if not smaller) and touches his temple using his thumb with pinky out trying to ask how long the other had been sitting there which was only responded by the very short-haired male with a shrug.

“Long enough to witness the frown on your face, and that pout” he said at least after taking a bite of the remaining cupcake on Baekhyun’s plate.

For Baekhyun, Kyungsoo is his only friend. They met at a bookstore, almost reaching for the same book of Speak & Hear, a collection of real-life stories from people who couldn’t do what the title suggested. Kyungsoo was showing high interested to people like him. He knew sign language almost as good as Baekhyun and soon, the two became inseparable. Maybe that explains why Baekhyun doesn’t try to smack the other’s hand away from his cake. Or maybe because he just has no more energy to.

“Is it that Chanyeol dude again?”

Baekhyun chokes on his saliva. Do Kyungsoo has a weird six sense of knowing things. He always has his way even when Baekhyun doesn’t want him to.

“I told you to move on,” he continues, not minding the irritation and flinch Baekhyun is showing to hear the same advice again. “—and take my offer, you know.”

Baekhyun’s lips automatically turn into a pout. Since a week ago, Kyungsoo has insisted Baekhyun should move on and go on a date. As if it was that easy. When a ten year gap of time couldn’t, why Kyungsoo thinks a month could change his mind now?

He was about to ask Kyungsoo the question as the said male moves to sit on a vacant space next to him, the camera of his phone now angling for both of their faces.

“Baek, let’s take a selca.”

Baekhyun frowns. Do Kyungsoo taking a selca is almost as impossible as Mongryong can speak English, or Spanish, or Japanese. Yet when he sees the screen of the latter’s phone already counts down to snap pictures, Baekhyun can’t help but smile his bestest smile.

The honey-haired talks with his hands again, making a digging motion and a gesture of playing with phone screen. He has meant to ask if Kyungsoo just bought new phone but he doubts the other catches the glimpse of his question at all, judging by how focus he looks examining the pictures they just took.

“Uh, oh, nope,” Kyungsoo replies after almost a minute. He doesn’t seem to have ever look up from his phone at all.

What’s the occasion then? Baekhyun presses again.

A shrug. Baekhyun waits patiently but nothing more of appropriate answer to come making his frown is getting visible. He was about to demand for answer when Kyungsoo holds up his camera again to Baekhyun’s face.

“Smile, Baek,” he orders.

What?

Baekhyun wants to shot him a glare but the camera is before him and there is no way he will let himself look ugly on Kyungsoo’s phone (the later might use it to blackmail him someday, Baekhyun convinced), so holds up two fingers and tries to be appear cute. A smile on Kyungsoo’s lips confirm Baekhyun enough that he didn’t fail, at least not that much.

Okay so what was that for—

Of course. At the least Baekhyun let out a huff of annoyance and slaps his hands on his thighs. Of course Kyungsoo wouldn’t hear him out again. The guy already is busy with his phone again, typing something away. He giggles silently and as Baekhyun tries to peek, Kyungsoo is way quicker to hide it.

“What?”

Are you seeing someone? With a wiggle of eyebrow as his index making circle up. He snaps his fingers more than necessa