"Sunbae. You're not a monster. And I wouldn't run away from you even if you were."

"Sungyeol-ah," Myungsoo breathed, his voice quivering. 

"I forgive you," Sungyeol said, his arms still wrapped around the older. 

Myungsoo abruptly rose from the chair then, forcing Sungyeol to let go. The black-haired boy looked at the younger with a frown. "Why?" he demanded. "How can you forgive me? After all I've done to you." 

"Because I li-" Sungyeol started, but stopped himself before he had finished his sentence. Because I like you. He couldn't bring himself to say it. It was too embarrassing. Myungsoo stared at him with probing eyes, willing him to speak up. When Sungyeol kept his mouth closed, Myungsoo seemed to find an explanation himself. 

"You're in shock. You can't think straight right now," Myungsoo nodded to himself. "When you go home and think things over, you're going to realize how big of a monster I am. That's reasonable. Of course. You can take your time. Think things over. I won't run away. You can punish me when you're ready." The older sounded as if he was trying to brace himself for the coming blow. 

"Sunbae..." Sungyeol said, feeling at a loss. How could he comfort the older? 

"I will talk to Yeonju again," Myungsoo continued. "I'll tell her that I didn't mean those threats, that she doesn't have to stay away from you."

"No," Sungyeol blurted out. "Sunbae, you don't have to do that." 

"Of course I have to," Myungsoo shot back. "The person you like, it's her, isn't it? I can help you. I will help you." The older looked down at the floor with forlorn eyes. "I'll make up for the horrible things I've done to you. I'll make you happy, even if it means I'll be miserable." 

"Helping me get together with Yeonju won't make me happy," Sungyeol whispered. 

"Whyever not?" Myungsoo demanded, raising his head to meet Sungyeol's gaze. Sungyeol looked away hurriedly, too embarrassed to face the person he was so head over heels in love with. 

"Because the person I like isn't Yeonju." 

"It... isn't...?" the older stuttered, clearly taken off guard. "Then who is it?" 

Sungyeol just shook his head silently. 

"You... you won't tell me..." Myungsoo said, sadness tinting his voice. "That makes sense, of course it does. I keep demanding too much. I'm sorry." 

Sungyeol felt at a loss for words. He didn't know what to do. Silently he stole a glance at the boy standing in front of him. Myungsoo was looking at the wall, his hand brushing through his hair in agitation. The older had never looked smaller than right now, never more uncomfortable in his own skin. It appeared as if he was trying to keep his calm, but was very much failing. 

"Maybe that's what my punishment should be. Your silence." Myungsoo smiled bitterly. "I guess I deserve that much. Nothing would hurt more than never hearing your voice again." 

Sungyeol felt so overwhelmed by the older boy's continuous confessions that he couldn't bring himself to say a single word. 

"But will you let me hear your voice one last time before you punish me with your silence?" Myungsoo pleaded, bringing his eyes to the younger. "Will you say my name one last time?" 

"Sunbae..." Sungyeol breathed, filled with unexplainable emotions. 

 Myungsoo's eyes softened. "Thank you." 

Author's Note: Hello everyone. I'm sorry for the very long absence. I know it must be very frustrating when the chapters are released so randomly. Please forgive me. Honestly I've been having a very hard time this past half year. You see, my dad past away last Christmas (specifically a day after Christmas Day) from cancer, and it was a huge shock to me and I really didn't handle it too well. Even though my dad had had cancer for a very long time (15 years on and off), he always seemed to keep it in check until I was suddenly told a couple of days before Christmas that he only had a month left to live. As it turned out, he only had four days left to live. I was there in the hospital room when he passed away, so I am grateful that I could be there during his last moments, but it was really hard for me, and I struggled a lot after that. The covid situation didn't make it much better since my city was in a total lockdown and so I couldn't see anyone and since I'm living alone at a student housing because of uni, I couldn't even see my family who lives far away. So I was extremely lonely and unbearably sad because of my dad and I wasn't able to focus on school (and it didn't make it easier that all the classes were online) and so I ended up not even taking the exams... I guess it all became too much and I just kind of broke down.

Basically 2021 has been the worst year of my life so far. I have never felt more alone in my life. So that is why I haven't even touched this story (or any other story for that matter). I just didn't have the energy or motivation to do anything at all. 

I'm sorry for the long rant and that I'm sounding so depressing and negative. I'm doing okay really, a lot better than before, and I have finally accepted that my dad passed away, and though it still hurts a lot sometimes, it's a lot more bearable now than it was half a year ago. I wouldn't say I am extremely happy, but I'm okay, and I think things are slowly getting better. 

Sorry again for this lengthy pessimistic rambling... Hope you all forgive me for not being super positive and bubbly... 

Thank you all for always being so patient with me <3 and thank you for reading <3