Eun Jiwon looked outside his company's car's window. His manager, Simon was driving them to the nearest jjajangmyeon place. That day in Seoul was no different from any other day, busy and hectic as usual. He made a quick glance at his side window and he could see a pair of eyes kept staring at him. The car was unusually quiet today ever since they finished filming Video Star with Mino and Jihoon. He had a good time filming today with his group member and the juniors that he cheered a lot. After the filming, Jang Suwon tagged along to go for dinner together, which was quite unusual for him to willingly follow Jiwon out. Suwon that he knew for more than twenty-four years now would rather eat alone by himself rather than joining him. 

Jiwon could not stand being stared at. Seeing Suwon smiling irritated him even more. 

"What?" Jiwon's voice finally broke the silence. 

Suwon chuckled. "What's with you today, Hyung?" he asked. 

Jiwon knew exactly what Suwon meant. He did act a little unusual today. He may be shy with the females outside his circle, but he was even shyer when one of the MCs expressed her interest in him publicly to the national TV. This was not his first day in a variety show. In fact, he had been in the industry for more than twenty years. His experience however did not give any advantage to him. He was unable to hide his shyness in front of the camera. He was taken aback by her brave words: "I wish Jiwon oppa will make a lot of mistakes," she said. "Because that's how the true feeling will come out." which gained a huge response from the MCs and the guests. He just faked a laugh pretending to be unbothered. 

"Hyung, you like her, right?" Jang Suwon was definitely testing his patience. 

"This bastard. Yah, if you keep saying things like this I swear today you will not eat jjajangmyeon but my shoes!" Jiwon could not help but to get angry with Suwon. He will not let Suwon used this issue to tease or ridicule him in any way. 'This bastard needs to be taught his place.'

As expected, Suwon was not taking his warning seriously. He kept on mocking him on the way he covered his face after the staring contest, how he could not keep his eye straight for ten seconds and that he was so different from the hyung he knew. The last thing Suwon knew, he was being head locked by Jiwon. Jiwon certainly meant his words. 

*****

Jiwon returned to his house with Lucy greeting him at the door. The white pomeranian had been his company for quite a few years now. "Lucy yaaaa~" Lucy barked and jumped around as she saw Jiwon. Seeing Lucy after hectic filming was definitely a cure. He especially needed Lucy's comfort on that day. He felt reenergized at an instant.

He recalled how quick he was to acknowledge that he used to go for a 'date' with one of the MCs without having to be prompted. He still remembered every single detail about the date and the fluttering feelings he had on that day. He remembered how thankful he was when he received the game console from her but Jiwon certainly was not good with words. He was totally grateful but he did not know how to express it. At a stage, he tried to brush away the feelings, thinking that she might just like him as an idol, just like the other Yellowkies. He thought he should not be swayed by her thoughtful gift. He chose to be occupied with his works, that time passed by that he finally forgot to do so. 

He the shower to wash off his tiredness. Unconsciously, his lips curled into a smile. He flashed to the moment when the female MC confidently shouted "Auto-matic" in her Filipino slang. She was effortlessly cute and that what made him drowned to her. 

He touched his bare chest to feel his heart. It was beating so fast just like when their hands touched during the staring game. He grabbed her hands into his without realizing that he was caressing her little hands slowly with his thumbs thinking it could help her calm. He remembered clearly that moment because he was so electrified by the touch. It was totally not the first time that he played this game. He knew exactly how it felt to touch the opposite gender, but today his heart and brain suddenly chose not to work together, playing war games among themselves. He wondered why he was so affected by the touch that he lost his focus during the staring game. He was too shy to look directly into her eyes. At times, his eyes wavered to her lips, her red cherry lips that he wished to know more about. 'Stop it, Jiwon.' He suddenly felt conscious and embarrassed by his own thoughts. She is the hoobae that he respected a lot in the company and that fact will never change. He quickly ran his eyes away admitting his defeat. Jiwon was the first one to look away which Suwon did not miss his chance to mock him by his reenactment with Park Narae. Mino, on the other hand, did not do any help when he whined, asking Jiwon to focus. 

Jiwon touched his heart hoping that it would slow down. His heart was beating so fast that it felt like he just completed a hundred metres laps in less than one minute. 

"What is this weird feeling?"

*****

"Jiwon, let's eat."

Jiwon went to the dining table preparing himself to sit. His hands were busy arranging the utensils on the tables. His mother went to his house today. She would come to visit him at least once a week to prepare him with his meal since he lived alone. He was happy this way, having his mother around. For him, his mother is the only woman in his life, whom he would care for with his dearest heart. He just loved his mother so much that he had never thought of living away from her. Never in his life. 

Her mom sat down in front of him as she finished preparing his meal. Looking at how her now 44-year-old little child showing his huge appetite made her heart full. She looked at his face carefully, trying to read his mind. 'Is it okay if I talk about this?'  She wondered. The last time that she brought up this topic, Jiwon was totally against the idea. Jiwon was a good son. Although Jiwon had never raised his voice to her, as his mother, she knew him inside out. That topic was taboo for him.

It has been almost nine years since his divorce. Some people were not aware that he used to be married before. Some knew about the divorce and blamed him as the cause of his failed marriage. They blamed his addiction to the game as the cause and how he was so immature just like his nickname 'Eun Choding'. But deep inside her heart, she believed that it was not Jiwon's fault alone. Marriage is a two-way relationship where both parties have their equal share in it. She knew how Jiwon used to love her ex-wife so much that he decided to close his heart, not letting any woman come through. He vowed that he will not hurt anyone anymore. She was happy that Jiwon and her ex-daughter-in-law maintained a good relationship until now but Soo Yeon had now moved on with her life. She was married to a businessman and had a little family of theirs. Even though Jiwon had never talked about it but as a mother, she knew deep inside he might still be affected by it. 

"Jiwon, omma watched the episode of you guesting Video Star." She began the topic, carefully reading Jiwon's face again to get his reaction. Jiwon was still like that, remained unbothered. He maintained his straight face as his hand was busy feeding his empty stomach.

"Yea, isn't Mino so funny? He was such a weird guy. How come he did not get any dizzy after the spin," Jiwon exclaimed, he remembered how Mino still able to maintain his composure after making twenty-five elephant spins. 'This guy is crazy, really.' Just like in New Journey To The West, Mino never failed to surprise him with his antics. He was one of his closest junior whom he considered his friend and brother outside the working hour. 

"Yea, omma saw it." She paused. "The female MC is so pretty, isn't she?"

Jiwon paused. He knew exactly where this conversation was going. 

"Who? Kim Sook noona?" 

Jiwon's mom knew he would pretend not to understand. She was so happy when the female MC expressed her interest to him directly. She knew that was not the first time the young lady talked about her feelings, being persistent about her crush. Her son really needed someone who was straightforward and not beating around the bush since Jiwon was not good at expressing his feelings. She did not know her personally yet, but one thing for sure, she had good feelings about her. She knew the young lady used to be in 2NE1, one of the famous girl groups when Jiwon was not promoting with Sechskies. She also knew that Jiwon used to be a fan of 2NE1.

"I mean the girl with the green dress. What's her name again?"

"Sandara," he answered it short.

"Who?"

"Sandara Park. We called her Dara, she was one of my labelmates." Jiwon was referring to her as his junior in YG Entertainment. 

"She is pretty, isn't she?" Jiwon just nodded and continued to eat.  "And she likes you too?"

Jiwon was choked. His mom quickly handed him a glass of water to drink. 

"Mom, why are you saying this?"

"Nothing. I just like her." Jiwon's mom smiled.

She recalled how her son was so shy that he blushed when he was making eye contacts with Dara. His son who was usually calm and well-composed became so panic during the broadcast. She knew he can be shy sometimes, but Jiwon would usually be quick to straighten things out if it was bothering him. But with Dara, he was lenient. She could see her son reacted differently to her as if there was something between them, especially when Jiwon said he was being careful with Dara because he did not want to make any mistake with her. She knew Jiwon for the longest time. She could see how happy he was around her, but Jiwon was being Jiwon. He was not sure if he should go further with his feelings.  

"No, it was just that, as your mother, I want you to be happy." She paused. "I am getting old, Jiwon. I am not getting any younger. Omma do not know how long am I going to live in this world to care for you. It will be nice to have someone to take good care of you when I am gone, right?"

Jiwon's face changed. He definitely hated it when his mother spoke about 'leaving' him. "Omma, you know I don't like to hear you talk about this right? Please, don't think about that. You will live longer. You will live until 200 years old with me." He whined.

Jiwon might look like a grown-up man but deep inside he was just like a little child.