Dad was already released from hospital when Jonghyun and I arrived home.

As I hugged him, I could clearly feel his weight loss. He seemed so fragile that if I squeezed too tightly, he might shatter into a thousand pieces. 

I wish I would never let go of him again.

I his face. In tears, I ran along every wrinkle in his face. His hair had become greyer, his eyes more tired.

My father he...he had a kind face. Dark eyes that sparkled so strongly they could brighten any dull night. He had such a sweet smile that it could blow away any kind of sadness. With him, that was where I was at home. Why did I want to leave so badly?

Since my return, I greeted him in the morning with breakfast in bed.

He wanted to oppose, wanted to protest. I shouldn't bother so much, he was fine after all. But I could see that he was relieved to be able to rest. And I was happy to be able to give him that sense of ease.

I don't know who among our staff, but every morning there was a freshly picked bunch of flowers in a vase next to his bed. I noticed the flowers right away, because Dad was never the type to get into botany. But I never saw these flowers wither, on the contrary. The water in the vase was changed with much love. Not too much and not too little was put in. The colours shone magnificently.

And often I found him in his room gazing at these delicate beauties.  

So passed the first weeks of spring which slowly turned into summer.

Jonghyun had stayed with us and helped us a lot. I had asked him if he didn't have to go back, but he always waved it off, saying that he was happy to do so.

I was grateful for his help. Of course, Dad had taught me everything he knew, but in the end he had made the big decisions. He ordered food, knew where to invest and so much more that I didn't feel ready for. He always made it look so easy, he did everything with an assurance that possessed a certain lightness. But now I had to take over all that, and I found no ease in these tasks.

It was up to me to pay our employees and the bills on time. Should we renovate and get modern equipment? Would that be profitable and attract more customers? Had I planned well and with foresight for the next few months?

Everything was my responsibility. And if I made a mistake, what then? I know Dad wouldn't have been disappointed in me, he couldn't. But I didn't even want it to come to the point where that question would be answered. The consequences in my head all ended too cruelly.

But no matter how stressful my life was. I was grateful. Grateful that Dad and I still had time together. Grateful that I had my loyal friend Jonghyun by my side. And thankful that I had so little time to think about Minho.

I had no intention of just leaving him without a word, I could only hope that our time together had shown him that he would always have a home with me.

Before I fell asleep, I looked out the window at the sea. Glittering and calm, it lay there under the stars.

But I could never think about him for too long, the days were exhausting for me and I tired quickly. Night after night I fell asleep easily, with him as my last thought and wish inside me.

It was still early as I stood outside on a warm morning, my gaze fixed on the harbour and the sea beyond. It was strange. The sight triggered all kinds of feelings in me.

I was sad because my heart longed for the little boat. It longed for Minho.

But there was also hope in me that one day I would be lucky enough to see the boat again. And this thought was stronger than any fear.

Fate had always led us to each other until then, I clung to the belief that it would never be any different.

I took one last deep breath of the warm breeze and wanted to get to work, but out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of a figure. My fingers clawed at my upper arms when I saw him.

I was grateful for all the distraction the work gave me. But I was just a coward. There was one more thing I had to do immediately. But I didn't dare call after him.

Jinki looked taller than the last time I had seen him. His face looked more grown up, more mature. The structures in it had become sharper, more sharp-edged. I wondered how he could have changed so much in just half a year.

I had often thought of him. I thought about how to explain to him that I had never written to him. What I would say to him, what words he deserved. But everything sounded so meaningless. I could never find the words to express all the remorse I felt.

Dad's and because he needed me had given me a grace period. But I hated myself for using it to avoid Jinki because I didn't dare to face him.

I couldn't help smiling a little when I looked at his clothes. His back had widened a little. He was still wearing the same sloppy jumpers from back then, but now they were a bit too tight, especially in the chest area.

He was still the same. He was still Jinki.

He didn't see me, his eyes were fixed on the beautiful bouquet of flowers in his hands.

I felt the first tear well up inside me and had to laugh at myself.

It was good that he had found someone to bring such a beautiful bouquet to. Everyone deserved Jinki more than me.

I could only hope that his current partner would not take advantage of his good nature like I did. He deserved better, so much better.

Jonghyun and I sat in the small office behind our reception and discussed the possible changes to the hotel.

It was already late, but there was always something to do.

Jonghyun was dressed smartly. He wore a dark suit that emphasised his strong build. I too had tried to put on something suitable. But my presence and that of my dad would only be representative, at least that's what I thought.

When Jonghyun moved into the hotel, we often had small parties and celebrations. They went down very well with the guests, so each time we got more daring and made each party bigger.

I looked up and a smile came to my lips as the door opened.

"You look very handsome." I said to my father.

It wasn't a lie. He was wearing an elegant navy blue shirt that accentuated his dark complexion. The smart trousers suited him very well and looked very classy. But my breath caught as my eyes fell on his belt, it was now buckled tighter. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. His arms had also become thinner. I tried not to think of my father's mortality, but his appearance reminded me all too painfully.

"I'm glad you're joining us today Taesun." Jonghyun said to him.

"What's her name if you don't mind me asking?" he threw after him.

Abruptly, my worries left me and a greater one spread through me. My head shot to Jonghyun, then to Dad. Jonghyun had hit the mark, because Dad's face was flushed red. Was Dad seeing someone?

Why didn't he tell me?

What had changed in the time I was gone?

"What...?" confused, I looked back and forth between the two of them.

"Nothing!" said Dad, pouring himself a water.

"You have a girlfriend?" I asked him. If I was trying to sound calm, I had failed miserably.

"No, I have a friend, that's all. We're not together." he tried to clarify, but somehow I couldn't believe his words from his face.

"You're very smart-looking for a simple friend to come over." Teased Jonghyun Dad, but I couldn't deny that it bothered me too.

"Who is it?" I wanted to know from Dad.

"You know I'm not supposed to get all worked up." He said with a smirk and winked at me.

My mouth was open in outrage. How could he possibly use my fear of something happening to him again against me? Anyway, my look must have been really miserable, because both men started laughing loudly and my sorrow disappeared. I joined in the laughter and couldn't help but notice that a weight fell from my shoulders. It may have been only for that brief moment, but at that moment I felt more carefree than I had in a long time.

Jonghyun let the music play. The rhythm invited us to dance and immediately put us in a good mood. Many people had already gathered in our front.

Once again, we had converted our restaurant space outside into an area of carelessness.

Some guests were already standing at the small high tables and drinking. Others were moving to the music. The warm night air wrapped the guests in a blanket of serenity.

"No alcohol! No oily food!" I said to Dad.

"Are you the father or am I?" he asked jokingly.

But his amused expression changed when he saw the concern in my gaze.

"Taemin I can take care of myself."

But his words couldn't really reassure me. It was the first time he had been to a party in weeks. I didn't know how much his heart could take. The doctor still came by weekly and assured me that he was fine and that he only had a mild heart attack - whatever that meant.

But if it wasn't that bad, why did my father seem so weak and tired to me?

I felt his hands on my shoulders and looked up at him.

"You deserve some time off too." He let his head tilt to the side and smiled at me.

"Hey." He pulled himself close to me and I hugged him as tight as I dared.

"It's all good, I'm still here." Dad gave me a kiss on the top of my head and patted my head.

"Oh no, no!" we heard Jonghyun say and let go of each other, but I have to admit I would have liked to hug him much longer.

"No moping around today!" he said.

"Oh no! No!" I then said vehemently as he came over to us with two full glasses.

"Dad can't drink!" I said taking the glasses from him, Jonghyun gave me a look that said 'Do I look like an idiot?'

The glasses in my hand I looked down at them in wonder. One was cold but the other was warm.

"Is this tea?" I asked Jonghyun, handing the glass to my father.

"You don't always have to drink tea from a mug." He said.

"Sometimes it's all about the vibe." He said with raised eyebrows.

Jonghyun's gaze drifted from me to the distance.

"Ah!" he said, raising his hands.

"Hello, good evening you two." He shouted with a wide grin.

My grip tightened around the glass in my hand. The cold glass made a stark contrast to my sweating hands.

Jinki and his mom approached us. I didn't know what I should have said. My head was empty. I couldn't prepare myself. What was I going to say to him?

"Good evening everyone." Jinki's mom greeted us all in a friendly manner.

"He...hello." Said my dad.

But I could only vaguely perceive the pleasantries being exchanged. Jinki stood in front of me and smiled at me. He had really grown a bit, I had to lift my head slightly now to look at him. I felt my breathing getting heavier as I looked at him in front of me.

"Hey." he said softly.

"Hi." I said meekly, looking down at the floor.

"I missed you."

At his words, I felt my limbs loosen. I too had missed him. I had missed his gentle smile, his sweet voice and I had missed just being near him.

"I'm going to change the music." Jonghyun said and left.

"Shall we sit somewhere quieter?" asked Dad Jinki's mom. The two of them left together.

And so we were alone together, after more than half a year. But somehow it didn't feel strange. On the contrary, Jinki was warm as always and made me feel safe.

"I missed you too." I said softly. I didn't know if I still had the right to say those words. After all, he had found someone new. Those words were no longer mine to say.

"How are you?" he asked me and held out his arm. Only hesitantly, but I hooked myself in and we walked a few steps.

Behind us, the music slowly faded. We went up to my room. It was strange to sit on my bed with Jinki. Knowing that we weren't the same now as we were then, I didn't know how to deal with it. It was strange and yet so familiar. 

"How was your trip?" Jinki wanted to know.

"I'm sorry I never wrote to you." I said, looking him in the eye. It was the least I could do, even if I would have preferred to crawl away.

"I...I wanted to write to you, but somehow...I didn't know what..." Jinki looked at me with his old familiar smile, and I realised I had been worrying for nothing.

"Taemin, I can well imagine that you were busy and didn't exactly have the time to write to me. But your dad assured me that you're okay, so you don't have to worry about me."

"You're too nice to me." I said and had to laugh slightly.

It got quiet between us again. I didn't know exactly how to address the fact that I had seen him with that beautiful bouquet. But he also looked as if he didn't know exactly what to say.

"I'm sorry about your dad. I'm glad he's okay." He said.

"Thanks. I'm glad too." I nodded slightly.

"Jinki I...ehm..." I didn't really know where to start. But I wanted everything to get back to normal between us.

"Congratulations by the way..." I said softly.

"Congratulations?" he raised his eyebrows in confusion.

"Well I...I saw you the other