CHAPTER SIX
She's her 42TRIGGER WARNING // DOMESTIC ABUSE
pls proceed with caution if you're triggered by this ily hope you're always doing great
***
i wrote most parts of this fic when i had a high fever, cold, and cough so i apologize if there are any errors..
Jihyo has always been passionate about singing. She got it from her mother who was a lounge singer when she was still alive. Her mother used to bring Jihyo with her to work when she was little. And little Jihyo would always admire her voice that sounds like a nightingale.
Being here, standing in front of the crowd with her band has always been her dream. Her father never approved of her singing, but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s inclined with music.
Growing up, she would join singing competitions and win them. Always. And she’d use the money she got from singing to buy her two younger siblings a proper meal. Her father never gave them enough money to feed themselves, so Jihyo had to step in.
Until one day, while she was singing, she saw her father staring at her, shaking, face red with anger. Jihyo’s voice cracked in the middle of singing and she ran away even though the competition wasn’t done yet.
When she got home, her father was already there waiting for her. And the first thing that greets her was his father’s leather belt on her side. She kneeled down and pleaded for mercy, saying she won’t join competitions again. But her father didn’t stop until she couldn't walk properly anymore.
For quite some time, she did give up singing. But you always get back with your roots, so here she is now. More mature. More careful. More passionate.
She’s in the middle of singing when a group of people enters the premises. The manager welcomes them and leads them to their reserved table. And then there he was, her father staring right at her. Shaking. Face red with anger. And suddenly she was a child again.
Jihyo stops singing, and everyone looks at her. Mina says something to her, but she can’t hear anything except her heart beating louder than their music on speakers.
Her face turns white and all the trauma comes back rushing to her. Everyone could hear her uneven breathing through the mic.
Jihyo leaves the stage and runs away from everyone. Jeongyeon, Momo, or Sana aren’t there tonight and she doesn’t know who to turn to for help. Outside, the cold wind slaps her face and she starts crying. She screams all her frustrations. She holds onto the wall for support when she can feel her knees giving up.She just stayed there the whole time, crying.
The walk back to her home feels too fast for her liking. When she opens their front door, her father’s waiting for her in the living room.
She cries herself to sleep with bruises forming all over her body and blown lips from her father’s punch.
The next day, she calls Mina, telling her to find another vocalist because she’s leaving.
“Forget it,” Mina says. “We’re not gonna do it if it’s not with you.”
Her sisters wake up, asking her what happened and she just dismisses them. At least, she’s grateful her father doesn’t do it to them because she doesn’t know what to do if ever. But the possibility and fear are still there. When her sisters leave for school, she stays inside her room, crying once again.
“Park Jihyo!” Jeongyeon slams the door.
“Open up!” Momo joins Jeongyeon.
“Mina told us what happened!” Sana opens the window and unlocks the door herself.
“We should turn him in to the police,” Jeongyeon removes the blanket over her.
“Jihyo,” Sana tries to touch her, but she winces. She pulls up her sleeves and sees the bruises.
“Momo get some ice and find their first aid kit.” Sana sits beside Jihyo, feeling sorry for her friend.
Momo does what she’s told and comes back with someone on her phone. “I got Mina on the phone. She says she can find you a lawyer, hyo.” She puts her on speaker.
“Jihyo, Momo told me everything. We can sue him and we’ll–”
“That’s not gonna happen.” Jihyo laughs but with no humor. “And what’s gonna happen to us without him? Starve to death?”
“Hyo,” Jeongyeon says, “This can’t go on. Please let us help you.”
“As long as he doesn’t touch my siblings then I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me.”
“Have you seen yourself? You’re our friend of course we’re gonna worry about you,” Sana says.
“I know a really good lawyer, Jihyo. And I can call him right now.” Mina says.
They recently turned eighteen. If her father indeed goes to jail, Jihyo will be left with all the responsibilities. They can’t enter the facility where Jeongyeon and Nayeon met since she’s already an adult, and they don’t accept adults.
Jihyo will be left to work for her sisters. And in a third world country, there are barely any opportunities for people like her. They would’ve been left with nothing.
So, even though she hates her father so much right now, she begs her friends.
“Don’t make us an orphan, Mina.”
Sana opens her eyes to see Dahyun sleeping on her side. A familiar warmth settles on her stomach as she sees the other girl peacefully snoring with slightly open. She couldn’t help but give her a kiss on the tip of her nose, scrunching as she did so.
There’s just too much adoration in her heart for Dahyun that she can’t help but kiss her again and again on her face. She engulfs her in a warm hug, making sure her arms and legs cover her girl’s small frame. Letting go from that hug takes a huge amount of convincing herself that she really needs to leave now even though she doesn’t want to.
It’s hard to wake up all alone in a bed after spending time with someone important to you. But being the one to leave your special someone while they’re sleeping actually big time. Sana always, always dislikes the thought of it.
Carefully, she slips off the blanket but surprise takes over when Dahyun stops her. “No,” she pulls her closer “you’re leaving already?” Dahyun rests her head on Sana’s neck.
“Dahyun,” Sana says softly. The voice at the back of her head says she should stay. “I have to.” She kisses her forehead. “There are raids today, remember?”
The other girl’s eyes fly open “Oh, right.” Dahyun gets off the bed and slips into Sana’s hoodie. “Let’s go.”
“You should sleep some more,” Sana stays in bed and pats the space beside her. “It’s okay. You don’t have to walk with me.”
“I want to,” Dahyun pulls her out of the bed. She tiptoes and steals a peck on Sana’s lips. The two chuckles.
Dahyun leads the way and never lets go of Sana’s hand. She steps up on the pavement and says “I’m taller than you now.” She laughs. Sana looks at her like she makes every single thing valuable. Dahyun had that effect on her, making her believe in the value of even the most useless things.“Why are you always doing that?”
“Doing what?”
“Staring.”
“Because you’re an art,” Sana intertwines their fingers. She doesn’t say more because people might hear and hopes that Dahyun knows exactly what she meant by that.
The other girl’s cheeks flush red. “You should see yourself in the mirror.”
“You’d still be more beautiful.”
Dahyun rolls her eyes. She groans when she sees a bus arriving at the stop. “Call me after the raids, okay?”
“I’ll call you and hang up when you fall asleep. Don’t be stubborn and don’t stay up all night trying to outsleep me, you won’t win.” The first time Sana called, Dahyun didn’t want to hang up and go to sleep before Sana. Resulting in both of them losing sleep and being inattentive in class the next day.
“Whatever you say. Just call me,” Dahyun pouts and looks like she’ll cry any minute. Her eyes turn red and her breathing gets heavier.
Sana looks around and pulls Dahyun on a corner. “Why are you crying?” she chuckles.
“I’m not!” Dahyun tries to let go of Sana’s hands, but Sana tightens her grip.
“Don’t worry, I won’t forget to call you. And we’ll see each other first thing tomorrow. I’ll go to your house before I go to school”
“But my house is in the opposite direction of your school.”
“Doesn’t matter. I don’t want you to miss me too much,” she whispers. “Wait for me tomorrow, okay?” the other girl nods.
Sana gets on the bus and watches Dahyun until she’s out of sight. She sighs heavily and plops on her seat, dreading for tomorrow to come faster so the raids will be over and more importantly so she can see Dahyun again already.
Now that they’re eighteen, she couldn’t help but think about the system. Firstly, she could not help but think about the matching system and the procedure. She thinks about how there's no way which one you’d get first: the procedure or the list. Some people get their pairings first before the procedure. Some undergo the procedure before getting their pairings.
No one knows if the date of procedure or the lists of your matches comes first. Momo would always joke that the government is a joke, and quite frankly she’s right. She’d always say flippantly that the government’s doing a fishbowl method of which comes first. At some point in life Sana believed her, and Sana wonders which one she’ll get first.
And of course, the raid itself. The raids occur every first Friday of the month, but sometimes it’s completely random. Like the night after the purge.
It’s where regulators show up and ‘raids’ the house one by one at 10pm, one hour before the curfew. During this night, private property laws don’t exist as well as their individual rights. Anyone who resists will be questioned or worse, jailed.
Sana clutches her identification documents before opening the door and exhales.
“Attention, this is a raid, everyone step out of their house and make sure you have your documents.” The speaker booms in their entire street. Hundreds of heavy boots and people getting out amplifies in her ears.
“Please do not resist and do as you are commanded,” the regulator says. The raids begin a few houses away from Sana’s. The parties of regulators move from one house to another.
In front of her, Nayeon fidgets and Sana can see her breathing is heavy. Sana smiles at her warmly, worried about her. But she can’t leave her post because she might get caught. The other girl fakes a smile at her.
Before she knows it, a regulator is at her door. “Identification number?”
“199601202904,” Sana tries not to choke on her words.
For a whole minute, Sana stands in fear while avoiding the regulator’s cold eyes. Her knees feel weak and her hands start shaking. The dog barks at her and she jumps in surprise. She’s afraid that the dog might be able to sniff what they call a disease on her and that somehow they’ll find out about Dahyun.
The other girl doesn’t have any traces in her house, and they’re careful not to imply anything during their texts and calls. In their calls they don’t say ‘I miss you’ ‘I wish you were here’ or anything of that sort. They didn’t need to voice out something they already know. Yet, she’s still scared that they might find something.
The regulator eyes her then pushes her aside. He looks around her house and starts opening all the cabinets. He looks at her mother’s room which is almost empty. Then, he moves to hers.
“199601202904 clear,” the regulator says to the radio and moves on to the next house. Sana lets out the breath she’s been holding in and tries to calm her breathing.
She sees the regulators leaving Nayeon’s house, and she immediately checks up on her friend. “You okay?” Sana leads Nayeon to her couch.
“Yeah, they just make me feel uneasy.”
“Do you want me to stay with you?”
“No, I’m fine.”
“You sure?”
“Of course, Sana.”
She doubts it, but Nayeon looks like she wants to be alone. “All right. Call me when you need anything, okay?”
The other girl walks her outside her house and says good night. Sana wishes her sweet dreams before going home and calling Dahyun until midnight.
Sana was careful not to bring up the topic of the raids. Instead she listens to Dahyun complain about how cold it was that night. She didn’t mention she wishes Sana was there, but Sana knows that because Sana wishes she was there, too.
When Sana hears the other girl’s heavy breathing, she hugs her phone and telepathically wishes her sweet dreams before hanging up.
Sana fishes out her phone and sees Dahyun calling. It’s been a long day at work, for some reason the customers kept coming in. But the whole time, Dahyun was with her, waiting to finish her shift.
She just got home, and the other girl’s already calling her. Talk about being clingy.
“You home?” Dahyun asks as soon as she answers the call.
“Yeah,” Sana sighs, laying on her sofa. She puts her arms over her eyes and her body starts feeling heavy. Being away with Dahyun makes her realize how tired she was. “How about you?”
“I’m on my balcony looking at the sky.”
“Alone?” That sounds dreamy, Sana thinks. But she wishes she was there with her.
“Unless you’re here, I have no reason to be alone,” Dahyun says and Sana reads between the lines. Her phone tells her she still has at least twenty five minutes until curfew, and an idea strikes her.
“Wait for me,” she ends the call.
She opens their backdoor and sees the bicycle she hadn’t used in ages. The tires seem okay. The chains, gears, and brakes are working perfectly fine.
Cold wind sweeps her hair and slaps her face. She pedals like there’s no tomorrow with the moon and stars being her only guide.
If she pedals fast enough to Dahyun’s house, she could have five minutes to spare before the curfew and the whole night just to themselves.
So she pedals and she pedals until she feels her heart struggling to pump blood and her temples throbbing.
When the familiar beach house appears, she sees Dahyun on the balcony waving at her. She waves back with a huge green on her face.
She puts down the bike as soon as she’s on Dahyun’s porch and runs to Dahyun’s front door. Sana sees her girl running down the stairs. A huge grin escapes her lips.
"Be careful— oof" Sana catches Dahyun when she jumps the last step and twirls around. "I missed you too." She kisses her lips and chuckles. This time they have no reason to hide affection because they have the house to themselves.
“I knew you were coming.” Dahyun giggles.
“How many minutes until curfew?” Sana asks dahyun as she wraps her hands around her waist
“Three!”
“Dammit I thought I’d have five minutes before curfew. I just wasted two minutes.”
“You’re insane!” Dahyun cups her face and they both laugh.
“Wait wait wait,” Sana pulls back and uses the collar of her shirt to wipe her sweat. She catches her breath. “I’m sorry I’m sweaty.” She chuckles.
Sana opens Dahyun’s front door and she sees her girl running down the stairs. A huge grin escapes her lips.
She closes her eyes and rests her forehead on Dahyun's. Her heart beats so loudly against her chest and it makes her smile. Holding Dahyun, kissing her. This is all she ever wants. Being with Dahyun makes her feel like the luckiest person in the entire universe.
Dahyun kisses her passionately and runs her fingers through Sana’s hair. Sana puts her hand on the small of Dahyun’s back and pulls her closer while her other arm carries her girl. Their kiss deepens, and Sana lets out a groan.
“Let’s take this upstairs,” she whispers in between their kisses. Dahyun nods, and slowly, Sana brings them to the other girl’s room.
Carefully, she puts Dahyun down and looks at her face. “You’re so beautiful,” she says, then kisses Dahyun’s neck.
A moan escapes Dahyun’s lips. Sana’s hand finds its way to Dahyun’s legs and brings it closer to her body as she grinds. Dahyun’s hand lingers on Sana’s bra, playing with its lace.
Dahyun’s other hand is tangled in Sana's hair as she explores her curves. Sana doesn’t stop Dahyun’s collar bone, hearing her favorite sound from her girl’s lips.
“Dahyun.” She kisses her again, slipping her tongue on the other girl’s throat. “We.” She pulls from the kiss. “Should.” Their lips meet again. “Stop.”
“Yeah,” Dahyun moans as Sana’s hand roams freely under her shirt.
It takes all of Sana to prevent herself from continuing. She flops herself on top of Dahyun and closes her eyes, willing herself to just stop.
The other girl inhales sharply and closes her eyes too, sharing Sana’s frustration. She wraps her arms around Sana and kisses the top of her head softly.
Sana looks at Dahyun and gives her a small smile. They stay in silence for five more minutes, just staring at each other intensely. Wanting each other.
“I like your eyes. I think they’re deeper than any trench.” Then Dahyun traces the bridge of her nose. “And your nose! It’s a perfect right triangle. Have I ever told you sometimes I think of your nose when I’m solving Pythagorean theorems?”
“What?” Sana chuckles. “Am I supposed to feel flattered?”
“It’s stupid, I know. You make me do stupid things.” Dahyun rests her forehead on Sana’s and chuckles. They look at each other’s eyes and the world becomes quiet enough for both of them to hear each other’s heart.
“You have feelings for me,” Sana says.
“I do.”
“I have feelings for you, too.” She wraps her arm around Dahyun’s waist tighter.
“I know.”
"Would you run away with me to the edge of the world?" Sana asks in a low voice.
"I would go with you anywhere," Dahyun says before leaning in for a soft kiss unlike the one they shared before.
Someone knocks on the door, taking the both of them in surprise. Dahyun immediately pushes Sana away, and she lands on her before she can process anything.
“Dahyun,” an unfamiliar male voice calls.
Sana looks at Dahyun, her eyebrows meeting halfway. It’s past curfew now, and there’s a mysterious man knocking at her door. She thought they had the whole house to themselves. Dahyun tells her to stay down and quiet. The other girl fixes her hair and shirt in an attempt to make herself look presentable.
“I’m coming in,” the boy says and opens the door.
Sana leans back, trying to hide herself. But her head hits Dahyun’s side table, so she sits up again, rubbing the back of her head.
“Hey,” the tall and handsome boy greets her.
“What are you doing here?” Dahyun creases her forehead.
“You didn’t attend the family dinner tonight.” Sana’s eyes meet the boy’s, and she swears she knew him from somewhere. “I didn’t know you were having a sleepover with a friend. I’m sorry.”
“Oh?” Dahyun looks at Sana. “Oh.” She sees Sana still rubbing her head and looks at her worriedly. Dahyun mouths her apology, and Sana smiles. She faces the man and runs her fingers through her hair. “I totally forgot about the dinner ohmygod. What did they say?”
Dahyun ate dinner with Sana during her break. Sana feels responsible for that and hopes she didn’t get her girl into huge trouble.
“Father thinks you’re going through your rebellious stage.”
That doesn’t sound good. Sana feels left out of the conversation. Who was his father? And why did he show up when it’s already past curfew? Will he stay with them tonight? Because Sana didn’t ride a bike for her dear life just for this man to spend the night with them in this house.
“I swear it just slipped my mind. I’ll call him tomorrow.”
“I can see why it slipped your mind.” His gaze meets Sana’s. “Care to introduce me?” He wiggles his eyebrow up and down while showing his dimples.
“Right.” Dahyun sighs. “Sana, this is my cousin Junmyeon. Junmyeon, she’s–” Dahyun pauses for a second not sure what to call Sana, but the girl nods telling her it’s okay “She’s my friend, Sana.”
Well that word definitely hit Sana like a sledgehammer to the gut. She tries not to get hurt, but her heart stings anyway.
“Cousin?” Junmyeon places a hand on his chest. “I am so disappointed with you. I’ve literally been here for you more than your actual brother. We even used to take a bath together—“
Dahyun covers his mouth. Junmyeon removes it while laughing. “I’m sorry.” He ruffles Dahyun’s hair. “Nice to meet you, Sana.” He smiles at her and offers his hand.
For some reason, Sana finds his smile creepy– like there’s a hidden agenda between those cute dimples. Something tells her she shouldn’t trust this man just because.
Sana accepts his hand, shaking it with the tightest grip she could. Junmyeon’s lips twitch and immediately lets go.
“I know you.” Sana squints her eyes. It just hit her then. “You’re..”
“The governor’s son,” they say in unison.
“Yeah, guilty.” Junmyeon raises both his hands and chuckles. “I guess I’m pretty famous even on your side of town.” Sana's really starting to hate those dimples.
Dahyun rolls her eyes at the last sentence and hits him jokingly. Junmyeon chuckles and raises his eyebrows at her.
“Of course we know you. We don’t live under a rock.” Sana scrunches her nose.
There are a lot of things she doesn’t know about their town, but not him. Not him especially when all the girls her age wanted to be paired with him. Tall. Handsome. Rich. The son of Governor Kim. Who wouldn’t want someone like Kim Junmyeon, right?
“Since you two looked busy.” He looks at them suspiciously. Sana immediately feels overprotective of Dahyun and wants to pull her away from him. She knows he’s her cousin and Dahyun trusts him. But Sana doesn’t. “I don’t want to interrupt whatever you’re doing. I’ll leave you two.” Junmyeon opens the door but he stops when Sana speaks.
“But it’s already after curfew,” Sana says.
Junmyeon holds the door half open and looks at Sana over his shoulder. “I am the governor’s son.” He smirks. “Rules don’t apply to me.”
Of course impunity runs in the family. Just more reason to hate him then. She wonders if Dahyun has those privileges, too. But if she did, she still wouldn’t be able to hate Dahyun because she’s a sweetheart. Unlike him.
“You sure you don’t want to stay for coffee? Tea?” Dahyun offers. Sana wishes those words didn’t escape Dahyun’s lips because it’s a terrible idea. It’s the only idea of Dahyun that she disagrees with.
“Nope.” He exhales and flashes his dimples once again. “It was nice meeting you,” Junmyeon says to Sana. “I’ll be on my way, Dahyun. Call me if you need anything.” He says before leaving.
“Well that was awkward,” Sana says while looking at Dahyun’s closed door.
“Sana, I’m so sorry I pushed you away. Ohmygod.” Dahyun rubs the back of Sana’s head.
“I’m the one who’s sorry. Did I get you in trouble?” She looks at her worriedly.
“No, it’s nothing.” Dahyun waves her hands. Sana’s eyebrows meet halfway, not sure if she should believe Dahyun. “Sana, I swear you don’t have to think about it.”
“Okay,” Sana says in a small voice. “Come. Warmth.” Sana pulls her and kisses her again.
“Do you wanna watch the stars with me?”
“Sure,” Sana lets Dahyun pull her.
She sits crossed-legged, and Dahyun sits on top of her with her arms around Sana’s neck. Sana makes sure her girl is safe in her arms and holds her like a baby. Above them, the night sky stretches out with stars reminding them that even in darkness comes hope.
“Did you know that someone’s fate is written in the stars?” Sana kisses Dahyun’s shoulder and rests her chin on it.
“Can you do that?” Dahyun looks at her, their nose brushing. “Read my future?”
“Of course. I’m good at this.” Sana smirks.
“Let’s see what you can do then.”
Sana traces the lines on Dahyun’s palm. Then, she looks at the stars above them. “Kim Dahyun.” She breathes. “You will meet someone. She’s just an average person. She’s a selfish person, a little rash and insecure, and there’s really nothing remarkable about her.”
“But she will do anything to make you smile and make you feel like the luckiest woman in the universe.” Dahyun chuckles. Sana continues reading the stars. “There will be challenges, but eventually it will be all worth it. She will take all the pain away from you and protect you from everything.”
“That sounds ideal.”
“Yeah?”
“I wouldn’t change anything about it.” Dahyun hugs her tighter, the waves echoing her pounding heart.
Silence envelopes them. After a few minutes, Sana asks the question that she’s been so curious about all this time. “Dahyun, what made you change your mind about us?”
The other girl was quiet at first, making Sana anxious about her answer. “That thing Nayeon said when we’re at the cliff. The one about Murphy's law.” Dahyun looks her in the eye. ”I thought if i’m gonna forget everything after the procedure just like what they say, then why should i keep myself from having the best thing that life gave me?”
“We could grow old together, spend a hundred years together, but if a few months is all we’ll ever have then let’s spend it with no regrets” Dahyun continues. Sana freezes in her place, completely stunned with her answer. “Anything that could go wrong will go wrong after all, right?”
Sana nods. Dahyun cups her cheeks. “You’re the opposite of Murphy’s law for me, Sana. You’re everything that went right in my life.”
Sana doesn’t know how to respond to that, so she hugs her tighter, not ever wanting to let go. “Did you know what the answer to life, the universe, and everything is?” Sana’s eyes sparkle, feeling giddy to tell the other girl about it.
“What is it?”
“Forty-two,” she answers simply.
“That doesn’t make sense.” Dahyun creases her forehead.
“Of course it does!” Sana traces the number on Dahyun’s palm. “You have to think outside the box in order to understand it.”
“Okay?” Dahyun trails, unsure of what Sana’s saying.
“In the ‘Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy’, when this super cool intelligent computer called Deep Thought was asked the question, the computer simply gave the number forty-two.” Sana explains. “That number is just a representation of whatever you want it to be. You’re the only one who knows the answer. It is what you want it to become, at least that’s how I understood it.”
“And you’re my 42,” Sana whispers in Dahyun's ears. The words came out of her lips so easily. “My answer to life.” She kisses her forehead. “The universe.” She kisses her nose. “And everything.” She kisses her lips.
Dahyun’s kiss, as usual, sets all the butterflies in her stomach free. There's something so magical about this night that makes her heart soar higher than any stars that surround them right now.
At this moment, she realizes that in love, there are always miracles. Dahyun found her broken pieces and mended them together. And through Dahyun she found the love that the rest of the world no longer believed in. Those were the miracles she found purely magical– grateful to have shared them with her shining light.
“They say there are multiple universes and lifetimes where different versions of us exist. And I swear to my heart I'll find you in every single one of them, Sana." Dahyun says, her breath hot against Sana. “Hopefully I find you where we can be with each other freely.”
"I swear to all the universe and lifetimes that I will never forget you. You're my answer to everything." Sana pulls her closer. "You’re my 42."
Junmyeon leads the way to Sana’s seat, pointing at it with his hands like a gentleman. He drove Dahyun and her to the piano recital her girl has been dreading over for days now. Sana sits beside him, and Junmyeon offers his jacket. She politely declines which she’ll regret later on because it was so cold in the auditorium.
Sana shifts on her seat and smiles to herself. She feels ecstatic and giddy now that she’ll get to see Dahyun play in front of people, and she’s sure as hell she’ll play perfectly like she always does when they’re alone.
Dahyun’s family wasn’t with them because they’re busy with their business in the U.S. They barely come home to Korea since they moved there when Dahyun was a freshman. Her family gave her a call a while ago, telling Dahyun not to embarrass them. Sana thinks it was rude of them, and to be honest she’s pissed. But Dahyun tells her not to mind them.
The other girl’s nervous and scared she’ll mess up, but Sana would always kiss her knuckles one by one and tell her how amazing she is. She’d tell her how beautiful she is and if she can't get her to believe in herself then at least believe in Sana that she’ll do more than fine.
Junmyeon tries to start a small conversation. “Are you sure you’re not cold?” Sana is, but she doesn’t say. “Are you hungry?” No, she’s not. “Do you want a drink?” Can he just shut up?
The only thing Sana says to him is “Can I have this?” while pointing at a tissue. Junmyeon nods but gives her an incredulous look. Sana ignores her and folds it into a paper crane.
One hundred seventy six.
The boy gives her all of his tissues.
One hundred seventy seven.
One hundred seventy eight.
Sana smiles to herself and carefully puts them in her pocket.
The show starts and Sana falls asleep almost immediately. Partly because she’s not into classical music. Partly because she really didn’t want to talk to Junmyeon.
It's a shame because Sana knows he's important to Dahyun's life, yet she doesn't want to be associated with him. She doesn't know why, but something in him irks Sana. Like instinctively, she knows she can't trust him.
She only wakes up from time to time to clap and make sure she’s not drooling. Beside her, Junmyeon laughs quietly while watching. She tells him to wake her up when it’s Dahyun's turn.
A soft nudge wakes her up and Sana immediately sits properly. “She’s next,” he whispers. Sana nods and slaps herself.
“She’s the best pianist in town, even with the age group three years ahead of her. Just phenomenal. Groundbreaking. Exceptional.” he claps when Dahyun’s name is called.
“I know that,” Sana says as she claps louder than the rest of them. Dahyun looks around and sees her. Sana nods to encourage her and raises her fist “Fighting” she mouths to her.
Dahyun looks pretty with her black suit, she’s the most beautiful girl in the entire world. The other girl smiles at her but it doesn’t reach her eyes. Sana’s stomach drops because she knows Dahyun’s nervous, and she can’t do anything about her nerves.
But when Dahyun plays the first note of ‘Reminiscent’ by Yiruma. It’s the only way Sana knows how to listen to that piece. She can’t imagine anyone else playing it for her. It was Dahyun’s song and no one’s stealing it away.
She delicately plays the keys while the spotlight’s on her. Sana watches the light of her life. Her umbrella during the rain. Her hope that will protect her when other people throw rocks at her.
In Sana’s mind it was only the two of them and the rest of the world’s pitch black. Nobody matters. Just Dahyun and her piano that connects the two, making Sana feel like nothing will be able to set them apart. Not even the end of the world.
Sana’s enchanted by Dahyun the whole time she’s playing. When the piece ended, Dahyun catches her breath and Sana thinks that was so hot of her.
Her palms hurt for clapping so loud, and she’s the only one who stands up. Some people look at her when she hollers, but she doesn’t care.
That’s her girl right there, and she nailed her performance. Sana knows nothing about music, but her chest is beaming with pride and joy. And for the second time she looks hot as hell with that black suit.
Dahyun smiles at her and her only. That smile. That ing smile makes Sana’s heart explode and feels like it’s gonna burst.
As always, Dahyun's the star of the show. The main event. The only thing that matters to Sana. She brought the whole place down just by her elegance and poise. Sana feels sorry to others because they don't have even the slightest chance to outshine her girl. That's how captivating Dahyun is.
It's not an exaggeration to say that Sana's feelings for Dahyun grow more and more each day. Because every day Sana finds out new things about the artistry in her physique and the dearness in her heart. Everything that's good in Dahyun is endless. As endless as Sana's patience to get to know every single thing about her, for better or worse.
"Woah," Sana exhales. "Was she always this good?" she asks Junmyeon but corrects herself even before he gets to answer. "Nevermind. Of course she's Dahyun. She's always amazing."
Dahyun is perfect.
After that, Dahyun bows to the audience and exits the stage. Sana rushes to the backstage, leaving Junmyeon alone in his seat.
Dahyun welcomes her with a big hug and Sana runs to her, almost knocking them down. When she regains balance, she lifts up Dahyun and twirls. “You were sensational,” she whispers in her ears while grinning.
There was no one in the other girl’s green room. She puts her down carefully and looks at her eyes while cupping her cheeks. “I can’t believe you did that.” She chuckles. “You were the only one I saw when you performed. How can you do that?”
"You were the only one in my mind," Dahyun whispers.
The urge to just put their lips together and hope that Dahyun captures all the words Sana can’t say with her little vocabulary was too intense. Words of affirmation aren’t enough. She wants to kiss her so bad, but they’re still in public. So that has to wait.
Instead, she holds Dahyun close to her and sways. They dance through the piece of the pianist that was next to Dahyun, and Sana has no clue what it’s called. But it’s slow and peaceful, like how the world feels when they’re together.
When it’s done, she opens her eyes and sees Dahyun staring right at her. And Sana can’t get used to her gaze; it still sends butterflies to her stomach– a whole lot of it like the first time.
Dahyun speaks softly, “Let’s get out of here.”
And how can Sana say no to that? So she says “Take me wherever you want, my Juliet.”
Dahyun wanted to go somewhere that wasn’t her house, but she didn’t know where to go. Good thing Sana has the perfect idea just for that. A change of perfect scenery for the both of them without the rest of the world to watch.
Sana pedals extra hard while Dahyun sits on the back of her bicycle, her slender arms around Sana’s waist for safety. Dahyun whimpers when she sees a hill ahead of them. Sana looks at her and smiles. “I got this.” She pats Dahyun’s head which makes the other girl pout.
After biking for what seems like eternity in Sana’s head, they finally arrive at their destination. Dahyun immediately runs towards the edge of the cliff. Sana closes her eyes and lays down on the grass. Her lungs feel like it's burning, but it’s all worth it when she hears her girl giggle.
The last time they were at the cliff, they weren’t really talking. Sana thought it was a shame because she wanted to show the secret place to Dahyun before their friends could. But being there with her now’s the only thing that matters.
“You’re the best.” Dahyun kisses her on the forehead.
Almost immediately, Sana feels the tiredness leaving her body. Her eyes are still closed when she dramatically says “Please kiss me again.”
Dahyun does what she’s told. After that she brushes their nose together, and Sana scrunches her nose. When she opens her eyes, the sun’s behind Dahyun and it creates a halo above her head. At that moment, Sana swears she’s the most breathtaking view she’s ever seen.
“You’re the most beautiful human being in the entire world and nothing can make me think otherwise.” She cups Dahyun’s cheeks to keep her head in position. The halo on her back’s still there and she takes a moment to admire her more.
“You’re just saying that because you like me.” Dahyun intertwines their fingers and lays on top of Sana. She rests her head on Sana’s chest, feeling her heartbeat.
“What?”
“Stop being such a sweet talker, Minatozaki Sana.”
Sana props her upper body with her elbows as a support, her eyes not leaving the light of her life. “I like the way you say my full name. Can I hear it again?”
Dahyun sticks her tongue out.
“Please?”
“No.”
“Ah, don’t make me do this,” Sana says in a playful tone.
“Do what?” Dahyun looks at her. Sana smirks and Dahyun gets what she’s talking about. The other girl has always been ticklish and it’s one of her weaknesses. “No.” She stands up quickly.
“Yes.” Sana springs to her feet, chasing the other girl.
Dahyun runs around in circles. “Sana stop!” She squeals when she almost gets her.
“No way.” Sana runs in the other direction, making her way into a shortcut.
“Ohmygod!” Dahyun laughs when Sana finally catches up to her and tickles sides.
When Sana thinks Dahyun has had enough she carries her with her arms and spins quickly. It’s her new favorite thing now.
They’re both laughing with not a care in the world. This time, only the trees and the sky are the witness of their true feelings. Sana finds comfort in that. In this. While she holds Dahyun so close to her.
The laughter dies down. Dahyun leans in for a kiss, tasting like vanillas and all the good things in the world. In her mind the trees stop dancing and the river stops flowing. But the sun shines brightly for the two of them, burning the unfolding scene in their memory.
Her knees feel weak, so she puts Dahyun down carefully. She cups her cheeks and deepens their kiss. Dahyun feels like a drug in her system. Once she had her, she couldn’t stop wanting her more. She feels so high she thinks the universe had conspired for this moment.
Slowly, she pulls away from Dahyun. Both their chest, pounding in delight. Sana gives her a small smile and fixes the other girl’s hair. She puts Dahyun’s head on her shoulder and kisses the top of it.
She looks up at the sky, and she wishes on all the stars and galaxies. She wishes that this moment would never end and that she gets to keep Dahyun for herself. It might seem selfish, but she’s willing to bleed herself dry for it to come true.
This romance, what she feels for the other girl, is too good to end. Why did the world forbid the only thing that makes her happy?
It’s unfair. It’s so unfair to both of them. She can’t accept this world as it is. It makes her helpless and the only thing she could do is hold her girl closer. Make sure she lets out her feelings when it’s just the two of them.
Dahyun looks at her, eyes rimmed with red. Sana smiles sadly at her and kisses both her eyelids to wipe away the forming tears.
She leads them to a tree and lays under its shade. Dahyun rests her head on Sana’s chest while they both watch the sunset. The warm rays touch their hearts, almost as if the sun’s aware of their woes– trying to remove all the trace of sadness inside of them.
They lay down quietly while Sana plays with Dahyun’s hair. “Sana,” she whispers weakly.
“Hm?”
“You’re the only right thing I know in this world.” Dahyun softly brushes Sana’s knuckles with her thumb.
“Me too, Dahyun.” Sana kisses Dahyun’s hand. “Me too.”
Her eyes feel heavy, so she closes them. The birds sing about their feelings and trees sways in celebration. The river roars as if applauding them and the wind tells them that for the first time, they’re in good hands.
When Sana opens them, it’s her favorite moon who greets her good evening. Dahyun’s peacefully sleeping on her chest. Sana doesn’t want to wake her, but she has to.
Gently, she taps Dahyun’s puffy cheeks and calls her name. The other girl still doesn’t wake up, so she kisses her. And like sleeping beauty, Dahyun wakes up, giving her a sweet smile.
“Time to go, my Juliet.” Sana whispers in her ears. Dahyun helps her stand up, and Sana kisses her as soon as she does. “Wait, I almost forgot.”
“What is it?”
“Do you know how people kept their secrets during ancient times?”
“No.” Dahyun creases her forehead.
“During ancient times, they used to carve a hole in a tree and whispered their secret on it. After that, they would cover it up with dirt and leave. That way, only the tree and the whisperer knew about the secret.”
“Where did you learn that?”
“A friend.” Sana shrugs.
“Let me guess.” Dahyun pretends to think. “Nayeon.”
Sana laughs because she actually guessed right. “I have something to show you.” She pulls Dahyun and shows her two trees with holes dug on them. She's been waiting for the perfect opportunity to show this.
“You didn’t.” Dahyun gasps.
She chuckles and nods. “This way only this tree and you would know your deepest secret.” Sana holds Dahyun’s hand. “Ready?”
“Yeah.”
“When I count to three, we’ll tell the tree our deepest secret.”
“Okay.” Dahyun straightens up.
“One, two, three…” Sana never lets go of Dahyun’s hand as the other girl says her secret to the tree.
She leans forward, entrusting her biggest secret into the tree.
“Kim Dahyun’s my forty-two.”
And almost as if nature was listening, a cold wind hugs them, sending chills down their spine. It took her years to find the answer, but Dahyun’s her forty-two. Her answer to life, the universe, and everything. Kim Dahyun's the only certain thing in this world full of uncertainties.
Dahyun gave her meaning. Gave her purpose. She opened Sana’s eyes and made her see all the good side of the world. Without her, she is nothing. The only thing Sana doesn't regret in this world is the woman standing right in front of her.
Sana finishes first and she watches her girl whispering with her eyes closed. The moon illuminates her pale skin, making her look like a ghost. A beautiful ghost.
She stares at her lips. Sana realizes those lips had the magic to give her a life worth living.
When Dahyun’s done, Sana gets a fistful of dirt and covers her tree. Dahyun does the same to hers and smiles at Sana.
She removes all the dirt from her hands and then from Dahyun’s hand. And under the moonlight, they share another kiss, sealing this moment forever in their hearts.
While she pedals their way home with Dahyun hugging her from the back, she can’t help but think she’s never been so happy in her life. There are not many good memories except the ones Dahyun gave her, and she knows nothing will ever top those memories.
She feels eternally grateful, but at the same time she feels scared that in exchange for that happiness comes a pain so great it would feel like someone ripped her world apart.
They arrive at Dahyun’s house, and Sana carries her to her room. She lays her down and kisses her goodnight. When the other girl falls asleep, she goes home alone with that lingering thought.
The next day, she wakes up extra early to spend her Saturday with her girl. She runs and almost trips on the bunch of letters waiting at her doorstep.
She takes it inside without looking, thinking it’s probably just their bills and goes on her way to meet Dahyun.
Under those bills is the list of all her matches.
Her mother saw the list and sent an acceptance letter for her without telling.
It was the best day in her mother’s life.
It was her worst.
And that was when fate stopped being so kind to them.
#
too soon?
thank you for reading #sh42x!!
comments and kudos are appreciated
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