It's Saturday evening, and Jiwon was definitely fine.

He's fine, he thought to himself, as his eyes once again scanned his wardrobe.

No, but what the hell was wrong with him? He never even cared this much about what he wore for TV appearances. He would just wear whatever his stylist gave him, or any hoodie and baseball cap he had. But here he was, staring carefully at every piece of clothing in his wardrobe for the fifth time so that he could find a good outfit.

But why was he taking this so seriously anyway? It wasn't a date. Or was it?

Jiwon covered his face in his hands and fought the urge to let out a frustrated scream. He was at the verge of a mental breakdown just to figure out what to wear. Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

Loathe as he was to admit it, he needed help. A lot of it. And definitely not from s. Idols from other groups always raved about how they stood by each other through tough times, but not Sechskies. They instead raved about the fights and arguments they had. In a way, they were more like brothers than friends. Actual brothers who loved to piss off each other as much as they actually loved each other. But there was no way in hell Jiwon would ever come to them for romantic advice. They would never let him live it down. Suwon and his cheap mouth would spread the news all over Seoul by midnight. And imagine if they had found out that it was Dara. Jiwon shook his head. He would rather jump off the nearest cliff before they found out about it.

He sighed deeply, all his other options were exhausted at this point, except for one name in his head.

He opened his phone, scrolled down the contact list until he found the name he was looking for, and pressed the call button

The call was connected quickly. “Jiwon-a?” The voice on the other end said.

“Soogeun-hyung. Can I talk to you for a bit?”

“Yes, of course,” Soogeun said, “Is it serious?”

Jiwon scratched the back of his head with his free hand, “Kind of, I suppose. I need an advice. Do you have some time?”

“Sure, let me just move to my own bedroom for a bit.” Soogeun said. Jiwon could hear the sound of his feet shuffling on the floor, then a faint woman’s voice on the background saying something, followed by Soogeun’s answer to the woman, “It’s Jiwon-ie, Yeobo, he wants to talk to me for a while.”

“Ah, I see,” the woman’s voice appeared again, then the creak of a door swinging, and the clicking sound of it being shut.

Soogeun’s voice said, more clearly now, “Okay, go on.”

“So, uh,” Jiwon paused. He wasn’t sure how he could explain the situation. Should he start from the very beginning? Which was, at what point, exactly? He also didn’t know. He finally settled on the simplest explanation he could think of, “I’m going for a dinner.”

He probably should not disclose too much information about Dara to Soogeun. After all, his beloved big brother could read him like an open book. They weren’t nicknamed the ‘past-life couple’ for nothing. Soogeun was probably one of the few people could guess who she was correctly, which was why he had to be even more subtle.

“With someone,” Jiwon continued. But was that too vague?

“With a woman,” he corrected and cringed. Now it sounded strange.

He began to explain again, “She’s –”, and he paused, trying to find the words to describe their relationship. She was no longer just a fan to him, no longer just a hoobae to him, no longer just a little sister that he found cute, no longer just a close friend, even. Despite his best efforts to keep her within those definitions, she had somehow broken free and became someone else to him, something more to him.

His silence lasted long enough that Soogeun had begun chuckling on the other hand. “I presume this is somewhere along the line of ‘it’s complicated’?”

“I suppose,” Jiwon heaved a sigh.

Soogeun’s chuckling started again, “Jiwon-a, I think that you think too much sometimes, and that’s why it’s complicated. It doesn’t have to be.”

“How so?”

“Let me make this easy for you. Answer me these questions, honestly.”

“Alright.”

“Does she like you?”

‘Sandara has a crush on someone for 22 years!’ the MC announced.

‘He has a tsundere charm, but in real life he’s very kind,’ she said, her cheeks reddening in front of all the cameras and staff.

‘I like you,’ she said, her hand gripping the front of his shirt, when she was half-conscious and they were alone in her apartment. ‘I like you not only as the Sechskies leader Eun Jiwon. I like you as a man.’

‘Oppa, you’re the best!’ she said, in his arms, with cheeks flushed from excitement and eyes bright with admiration.

“I suppose,” Jiwon admitted, “She said so. A few times.”

“Okay, good,” Soogeun answered, “Then, do you like her back?”

In Jiwon’s mind, the image of Dara standing in front of his waiting room door after the concert appeared. He closed his eyes and he was back at that moment, with her in his arms. He could smell the scent of her vanilla shampoo, feel the ghost of her right hand rubbing his back gently, sense his pulse thundering in his bones, and feel the gentle, aching warmth in his chest that he had not felt in almost a decade.

“Jiwon-a,” Soogeun’s voice brought him back to reality, “Be honest with yourself.”

“Maybe I do? A little bit?” Jiwon pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned, “I don’t know!”

“What do you mean you don’t know? Don’t you think you should know before you ask her out to dinner?”

“Hyung!” Jiwon protested, “It’s just a dinner. It’s not a date.”

“Does she think this is a date?”

Jiwon paused. Look, when he blurted out asking her for dinner, he wasn't exactly thinking what it meant, or rather, he wasn't thinking at all because of her.

“Do you want it to be a date?” Soogeun asked again.

Soogeun’s words conjured an image in Jiwon’s head of himself sitting face to face with Dara at the table, with his hand reaching out across the table to hold hers. She looked at him, smiling and -

What the hell was he thinking?

Jiwon shook his head, willing the image to disappear. “Jiwon-a, pull yourself together,” he murmured to himself.

“Huh? What was that?” Soogeun said.

“Nothing, Hyung!” Jiwon quickly answered.

Soogeun laughed from the other end, “Ya, Eun Jiwon, you do need to pull yourself together and figure out the answers to those questions before you go and meet her? Got that?”

“But Soogeun hyung - “

“No buts! Good luck on your dinner, Jiwon-a!”

Click.

Jiwon sighed deeply, “Ah, that hyung, really.”

He had called Soogeun for answers, and yet he received more questions instead.

Do you like her back?

Do you want it to be a date?

It's a bad idea, Jiwon thought. He shouldn't like her romantically. He shouldn't want it to be a date. It'll end badly anyway. She could do so, so much better than him. Look at her. She’s the Sandara Park.

But his heart, his weak and stupid heart, couldn't lie to himself. Ever since that night at the concert, Jiwon could not keep her off his mind: her vanilla scent, her sweet smile, the feel of her body in his arms, her gentle hand rubbing his back. He felt like he had reverted into his teenage hormonal self back in Hawaii. Ridiculous. He was over forty, for god's sake. But somehow she made him feel like he was seventeen again, hopeless, tongue-tied, with a cocktail of hope and despair brewing in his stomach.

Soogeun was right, he had to figure this out and straighten things out with her, before the two of them could get hurt.

Jiwon glanced at the clock. T minus four hours. He should be able to figure it out by then, shouldn't he?

---

Dara walked through the restaurant hallways following the instructions Jiwon sent her to the private room. He said that he had reserved one so that they could be away from prying eyes. After climbing the stairs to the second floor and a series of turns, she arrived in front of an oak door, with a sign on it showing ‘Room 42’.

She took a deep breath to steel herself, smoothened her white floral dress and pushed the door open. The deep breath she took was still not enough to prepare her for the visual assault that was Eun Jiwon today. He let his short bangs fall and cover his forehead, and he wore a simple white T-shirt combined with a dark navy denim jacket that he rolled to his elbows, paired with a pair of black trousers and white sneakers.

If Jiwon was charismatic and hot on the concert, today he looked sweet and cute instead. (A boyfriend look, Dara’s brain helpfully supplied. Traitor.) Despite the stark difference, both looks still managed to induce heart palpitations in Dara.

He stood up when she entered the room and gave her a warm smile, waving at her, “Dara-ya, annyeong.”

She couldn't help but smile back. “Oppa, annyeong.”

As she began to walk to the table, he went over to the empty seat to pull it out. “There you go,” he said, “I’ve ordered the food before you came here.”

His hand on the chair lingered until she had sat down. She could once again detect the familiar whiff of sandalwood she had begun to associate with his presence.

Jiwon returned to his seat in front of her. “You look pretty.”

Dara’s heart skipped a beat. She tucked some strands of hair behind her ear. “Thank you, Oppa. You look good too. You look cute.”

“Cute? People don't usually say that to me anymore.”

“They're just wrong. I think you're still so cute, Oppa.”

If anything, Jiwon looked even younger as time passed. And he usually acted like a naughty but cute elementary school student. She often found herself filled with the urge to squish his cheeks or pat his head when she watched him.

Jiwon laughed, lifting his right hand to hide his bunny teeth. “Well, thank you. You're very cute too, but I bet you hear that all the time.”

“It's nicer to hear it from you,” she admitted.

“Is that so? I should say it more often then.”

“I’d like that,” Dara said. She caught his eye and he chuckled, cheeks reddening.

“I invited you here to thank you for, well, everything. Coming to the concert, giving me the snacks. The ramyeon and fruit didn’t even make it home. I finished it all in the car on the way,” he grinned, eyes brightening.

Dara giggled, “I picked up that trick after spending one too many nights staying up in the hotel cooking ramyeon for the 2NE1 girls, Oppa.”

“They must be very grateful to you. Also, thanks for the flower wreath. I really like the message,” Jiwon began to sing while bobbing his head along, “Eh eh eh eh eh eh ~ I’m on fire.”

Dara laughed at his antics and felt a wide smile spreading on her face. See? She was totally right. Jiwon oppa was super cute.

“I’m really glad you liked it. Also, I haven’t gotten the chance to thank you yet, for that time when I was sick. Thank you for the food, Oppa, and also for taking care of me.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“No, really. I was pretty much delirious that day and it was already so late. But you came all the way and took such good care of me. You’re really a kind man.”

Since Jiwon debuted, he had always been uncomfortable with compliments. In videos of fan-meetings or other events, he often reacted to his fans’ declaration of admiration by shrinking away shyly. And now, true to his reputation, he was looking away from Dara’s eyes, squirming in his seat.

Dara continued, “I don’t remember much of that night, to be honest. But I remember that you’re kind.”

Jiwon raised his eyebrow, “Wait, you don’t remember?”

“I remember only bits and pieces, and it’s all jumbled up in my head. That fever really did a number on me. I remember the jjampong, I remember you feeding my cats, I remember that I was telling you something, then crying, and then you said something like, ‘Ask me tomorrow.’ But I really can’t recall what I’m supposed to ask and - ”

“Oh,” Jiwon said, eyes widening.

“What’s wrong, Oppa?”

“You - forgot about that part? I had no idea. I thought that you just, well, didn’t want to ask.”

“No, I really forgot about that entire part, probably because I was too busy crying. The next thing I remembered was that I was lying down in my bed and you were - ” Dara averted her gaze from his and felt her cheeks burn, “I’m so sorry, that must have been uncomfortable for you, Oppa.”

“No, it’s okay. You were sick, Dara.”

“What was it, Oppa, the question that I was supposed to ask?”

“Oh, um. It was - it was -” he stuttered, then cleared his throat, “It was ‘do you like me?’ ”

Silence. Dara immediately drifted her eyes downcast, looking at her own palm which had begun to sweat. She wanted to scream out loud at her past self, because what was she doing?

“I told you that you’d forget my answer at that time anyway,” Jiwon continued to explain, “Hence, ask me tomorrow.”

“Sorry, Oppa,” Dara said, still looking down at her clasped hands, “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Don’t be sorry about that.”

“I must have annoyed you so much with all my - “

Jiwon cut her off, “It’s not that. You should.”

Dara looked up, meeting his gaze with confusion, “What?”

“You should ask me that question.”

She felt her heart leap to . Suddenly, she wished that she could drink that cough syrup right now because how on earth had her delirious self muster enough courage to ask Jiwon that question. Unfortunately, no cough syrup was in sight, and so Dara took a deep breath, plucked her courage, and dove to the deep end.

“Do you like me?” she asked.

Jiwon released his own bated breath, then with a hint of a smile, he opened his mouth.

“Yes, I like you.”

Dara’s heart skipped a beat.

“But I think that I should also be honest to you. After the divorce, I just don’t have the confidence to handle a relationship anymore. I’m terrified of it now, I think. It wouldn’t be fair to you either. I'm really sorry, but I don’t think that we should date,” Jiwon said.

“Oh,” Dara’s voice came out only as a whisper.

Jiwon added immediately, “It's not you. Trust me. You're great. You're wonderful.”

This was it. The end of her burgeoning feelings for him. Even though she thought that she had somehow managed to hit the target at her last shot, it still wasn't enough. Dara’s heart sank and she fought the urge to run away and cry.

Jiwon’s earlier words echoed in her ears. The way that he had said it, like he had meant absolutely every word. She could detect the hurt lying underneath his words, the scars of his divorce. It must have hurt him deeply enough that even almost a decade later, he still had not felt ready for a relationship.

But his later words.

You're wonderful.

No one had ever called Dara that before, except her own mother. She could detect the gentleness, the awe, the warmth in his voice when he breathed out that word.

And the way he had looked at her, the tenderness as if he was looking at something so precious, and the despair as if he could ruin this treasure if he reached out and touch it.

But she's stronger, Dara thought. She won't break. She's not afraid.

She picked up her resolve and steel herself again, one more time. “Do you want to give it a try?”

“Try?” His eyes darted around, confused, but she thought that she could see a spark in there. A spark of hope.

“We can, perhaps, try first. Give us a try. For a set period of time, to see how it goes,” said Dara.

“You mean like a probation?”

She nodded. “And then at the end of the period, we'll decide whether to continue or not. Whatever the decision is, there'll be no hard feelings between us.”

He scratched his ears, “But I don’t know how to do this, anymore. Dating. I’ve been so out of practice.”

“Don’t worry, Oppa. We can take things slowly.” Dara said, trying to reassure him.

Jiwon stewed on it in silence, leaving Dara to wait for his response. The wait was excruciating. Dara’s heart was thumping loudly in her chest as she prayed that he would agree to the idea. Sure, it wasn’t exactly an official relationship, but it was a chance.

He finally opened his mouth. Dara in a breath.

“Okay,” he said, “Then how long do you think this probation period should be?”

She considered it for a moment, “What do you think of six months? We'll have enough time to get to know each other, but it's also not too long.”

---

Dara’s suggestion about the probation period still hung in the air between them as Jiwon quietly took his time to think about it.

After Soogeun’s phone call, Jiwon had taken almost an hour to sit alone on his bed, unravelling the mess of his thoughts to figure out the answers to the questions.

I do like her, Jiwon had thought, I want it to be a date.

But he also knew himself, knew that the scars on his heart were still there. So he had come to the dinner with a resolve to be absolutely honest with her, about his feelings and also his fear. He had expected her to walk away, like all other women would do.

And yet, she had asked him to try with her instead.

She was brave, he realized. She had been so, so brave. All this time. She had been brave when asked him to shoot that Youtube video with her. She had been brave when she confessed about her crush on him in front of all the cameras in Hunmanjeongeum. She had been brave when she came to his solo concert. She had been brave when she was half-awake, asking him that “Do you like me?” question for the first time. She had been brave when he told her to ask him again and she did exactly that. She had been brave just now when she asked him to give them a try.

Shouldn’t he be brave for her too?

“Sure,” Jiwon finally said.

Dara was now looking at him, waiting for him to do something. He was at loss to what to do next. Should he reach out and hug her? Would that be too forward, after they agreed to take things slowly? And besides, why was this dining table so wide that he would have to stand up to do that?

He stood up, and Dara’s eyes widened. He must have surprised her. So he promptly decided to switch plans, and instead of hugging her, he just raised his hand and offered it to her. Like a handshake.

Dara stared at him like he had just grown two heads.

No, but what the hell? Jiwon internally yelled at himself, Pull yourself together, Eun Jiwon!

His cheeks were burning in embarrassment. He was about to retract his hand when she stood up in response, and took his hand in hers.

And she shook it. And she smiled at him.

Jiwon felt it again, his chest filling with tenderness and warmth. His heart was racing fast and loud enough that he could almost hear the thumps himself. Before he realized what he was doing, he had clasped her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the back of her hand, then placing their joined hand on his cheek.

Dara’s smile grew wider, her smiling eyes narrowed into two crescent moons, as she his cheek gently with her thumb.

Jiwon tried to put whatever he was feeling to words, to tell her, somehow, how he was feeling. But he could find no words that could quite fit. All the words he knew were too small to contain all that he was feeling, the contradiction of it, the joy and the despair, the relief and the anxiety, the excitement and the fear.

“Thank you,” he said, finally.

“Thank you too, Oppa.”

She dropped her hand from his cheek a few moments later. The two of them only looked at each other with smiles on their faces. Jiwon was quite sure they must have looked a bit silly at the moment.

“Should we, like, sit down?” He asked.

Dara giggled, realizing that they had been standing up all this while, “We should.”

Moments after he two of them had settled comfortably to their seats, the waiters entered the room, bringing them the meats they had ordered. They watched in silence as the plates of meat began to fill their table, along with two bottles of beer. When Jiwon looked up, he noticed that Dara was watching him. Instead of turning away, her grin just grew wider when he caught her eye.

“Enjoy your meal,” the waiter said, finally leaving the room.

Just after the door clicked closed, both Jiwon and Dara looked at each other and promptly burst out laughing, like two mischievous students sitting at the back of the classroom together.

Jiwon watched Dara’s laughing face, mesmerized. She’s beautiful. And now, he would actually get a chance to see more of those smiles and hear more of the tinkling sound of her laughs.

He made a silent promise to himself, that in this next six months, he would make her smile more often, he would make her laugh more often. He would spend every single day of this next six months by her side as best as he could. And if the universe was kind to him, he would hopefully get to extend their time together.

And he would be brave. For her. This next six months, he would make every day count.

---

The used plates of meat were stacked on a neat pile the side, along with two empty bottles of beer. Dara felt a whoop of surprise and pride at herself for managing to eat more than her usual portion. That was mostly due to Jiwon though, who kept on grilling and cutting the meat and putting them to her plate. Try as she might, she could not resist him. Not with his puppy dog gaze watching for her reaction carefully every time she ate, and his triumphant grin when she declared that she liked it. This grin would then be followed by him putting even more meat to her plate. And so the cycle continued.

Dara glanced at the clock on the wall, almost 8:30 PM. “Oppa, should we get going now?”

Jiwon looked up at the clock. “Oh, sure. But wait a bit.”

“Hm? What for, Oppa?”

“I, uh,” Jiwon stuttered, “I have something for you. Give me a second.”

Jiwon’s hand disappeared underneath the table, his body bending slightly to the side in order to lower his head enough to look.

“Got it!” he said. “Here. For you.”

Dara blinked. There was a bouquet of flowers in his hands. A bright combination of daisy and sunflowers, with baby breaths in between.

“I don't know which flowers you like, sorry about that. So I just guessed. I'm sorry if you don't like it. Would you have liked roses instead? Maybe I -”

“Oppa,” Dara cut him off before he could continue to blabber on. His face had turned redder. She took the flowers from his hands. “The flowers are very beautiful. I love it. Thank you, Oppa.”

“I'm glad you like it.”

His relieved smile was so gentle, so genuine, so adorable that Dara had to mentally stop herself from throwing her arms around him and kissing his lips. Is this how it's going to be from now on, Jiwon driving her mad with each small action he does?

She glanced at the bouquet in her arms. The sunflowers with their bright petals were looking at her, just like how she always only looked at him. She smiled, running her fingers on the yellow petals, “You managed to pick my favorite flower.”

“Sunflowers, huh?” he chuckled, “It does suit you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, well,” Jiwon paused, rubbing his ears, “Sunflowers are bright. And pretty. They reminded me of you. So I chose them.”

He shook his head. “Sorry. I know it's silly.”

“It's not silly. It's sweet,” Dara said. She moved the flowers to her left hand and used her right to give him a side embrace and rub his back. “Oppa, you’re so sweet. Thank you.”

Jiwon’s flush turned a shade deeper. He averted his gaze from hers to the floor beside him, and patted her head, ”It's nothing.”

The two of them stood there in silence for a moment, just looking at each other, as she held the bouquet of beautiful flowers in her hands. It wasn't an awkward silence, but rather a quiet, comfortable moment where they could just be there, together.

Jiwon finally gestured to the door, “Lets head back. I'll drive you home.”

Dara smiled, taking his hand in hers, “Let's go.”

They walked together in the restaurant hallway, her left hand holding the flower bouquet and her right hand clasped with his tightly. It really was a date, Dara thought, smiling to herself. A date with Jiwon. And she would have six more months of it. Six months with Jiwon by her side. And if it all goes well, hopefully that six months would turn into a year, two years, five years, ten years, and then forever. But she shouldn’t think too much ahead. Baby steps, she reminded herself, baby steps.

This next six months, she would make every single day count.

---

A/N: Yet another chapter spinning out of my control and ending up as almost 4500 words lol. Apologies if you were expecting a kiss, you'll have to wait (checks notes) a couple more chapters for that. This is a slooooooow burn, remember?

Next chapter: Here comes the tooth-rotting, toe-curling fluffy sweetness of a new relationship.