note: *words in brown+italic are flashback.*
 

*

Tonight, I spread my arms and let you go as I swear
If you were going to go, then why-
Why did you test me, why do you always clash against me, why why why why

I follow my voice that is lost, as I walk I run into you and hold onto you again but
Love Love Love is gone, Love Love Love is gone, I guess it was just a dream

Burn it up, all the memories that were my life
Love is gone, Love is gone, all like dust, burn. burn. burn.
Love is gone, Love is gone, it’s all over, it’s all over now

Now I need to hold it in, I need to let you go
I stop and stop, I erase love and I erase you

Whatever, I’ll just be hurt, I’ll be cool, I’ll be more myself
Even if I secretly wander around at night looking for you
Even if I’m miserable, even if I miss you to death
I’ll just live as if you were never there to start with

I still feel you, so I tried to extend my hand to hold you but
Love Love Love is gone, Love Love Love is gone, I guess it was just a dream
Love is gone, Love is gone, it’s all over, it’s all over now

*

"I don't think I can do it. I'm not strong enough for this."

She broke down again in tears - Siwan's ommonim. My chest was being burned and stabbed yet again. I knew it. He most definitely died because of me. But why...how...I didn't remember there's any deal about killing Siwan. Nor did I make any wish to...

'Maybe if you even make a wish upon the stars, it will be granted.'

Wait. I did...did I?

I did.

Hyungjun ssi was saved. He already killed Siwan when I reached there didn't he? That's how nothing happened to Hyungjun ssi, wasn't it?

Ahh, pabo...how could it slipped your mind, your mouth? Why must Siwan die for me? This isn't fair at all. I couldn't even shed a tear anymore.

"Hyeonrin, can you...help?" She pointed to the figure laid still on the hospital bed. I nodded, and with the utmost guilt, humiliation, remorse, and fear I could no longer even express, I approached him and pulled away the covers. Staring at his clean face, his wide forehead no longer covered by his self-claimed cool hairstyles, his closed eyes that I knew, would be so bright if only it's disclosed and revealed to the world, his still sharp nose that he felt doesn't look good enough and kept complaining of, his whitened lips...

But it was his expression that had me lost to my own resolve to not cry no matter how painful it felt. His face bore a twisted look that looked like he's in pain when he died. There were some dented marks on his neck, like it's been dug by nails or something. It was his doing wasn't it? 'Siwan-ah...I'm sorry I failed you too. I didn't protect you.'

"Siwan-ah, if I fall down will you help pick me up?"

"No, stupid, pick yourself up."

"Yah, you're mean. Why can't you be like the best friend in all movies?"

"Because we're not in movies, idiot."

"Then, what if someone want to kill me, or...I fell into the sea or get caught in fire? Will you save me?"

"Tch, save yourself."

Isn't life strange? You vowed to not save my life, but you ended up doing even more than that. I may be stupid but I always knew you'd do anything and everything for me just like you always did. In fact, I survived life all these time because I had you. You always set things straight when I went crooked, pull me out when I  hid thinking that could solve all problems, knew everything when everyone else knew nothing. But now, you've left...I'm alone, what do I do? Siwan-ah, I'm scared, won't you get up? How would I seek for your forgiveness for doing this to you, if you won't get up?

"Yah, how could you do this to your friend?"

"Pabo-ya, let me ask you this, if I fell into the sea together with Seungjae hyung...who would you save?"

"Both!"

"Stupid...of course you can only save one."

"Hmm...you."

"Hah thought so...wait...really?"

"Yeah"

"But...why? I thought...you're lovesick over that guy."

"Yeah. But of course I'd save you. You're my friend. Besides, Seungjae oppa is popular. Everyone else would swarm to go save him...but you...hehe..."

"Yah!"

The memory made me smile to myself, not bothering if it's inappropriate for such expression here. I didn't keep my words. Failed to. All I could do is staring at him, lying pristinely, dead. At the sight before me, our entire memories of growing up together appeared in my eyes and ran in speed motion like a movie ending credit - the playing, scolding, teasing, shouting and fight, anger and laughter, mundane everyday conversations. I was never alone, because there's him.

But now, I'm all alone.

"Miss Shin, you're a close person to Mister Im Siwan right?"

I nodded at the policeman.

"Is there anything strange or unusual about the body's condition that you can detect?"

I ran my eyes through the body, holding my breath when I reached his dented neck.

"No, nothing's unusual."

"Hey, why are you quiet today?"

"Why do you want to meet me?" I stared at the yellowish green leaves hanging above me from the tree next to the bench we're seated on.

"Romeo...he killed somebody else again, didn't he?"

"Just...my best friend, nothing important."

"Hyeonrin ssi." He called, and maybe it was the first time he ever called me by name, since it sounded so foreign. I continued to stare at the leaves; at this time, anything is better than whatever that could remind me, of what I had done to Siwan, of anything related to Romeo. Just for today, can't I be left to forget his existence?

"Are you angry at me?"

I sighed. He wouldn't stop. Indeed I'm upset, at the whole thing, him included, but it's not like I'm not upset at myself, but being upset only make me grew tired. I can't. I just can't.

"So, did you found anything about Jisook ssi?"

It was his turn to sigh. Though I continued to refuse lookin