I must have dozed off because when I woke up, the sun was already shining right into the bedroom and right on top of me. I winced and got up, knowing for sure that my eyes were super swollen. Then I realized that the sun wasn’t the only thing that woke me up. Harsh knocking on my door also had woken me up. 

I groggily stood up and staggered towards my front door, rubbing my eyes with the back if my hand. I opened the door and revealed my parents. I sighed and opened the door wider, letting them in. Both my mom and dad stormed into the apartment and I closed the door behind them. 

“How do you explain this?” my mom said, throwing the day’s newspaper at my feet. 

My eyebrows furrowed and I bent down picking up the tabloid, seeing the front page article, “Drug dealing hit man shot and missing…” My chest tightened seeing as things couldn’t get any worse. I quickly skimmed through the article seeing that the journalist did mention Yongguk’s full name and mentioning which area he lived in. 

“What else do you want me to say?” I sighed. “It’s clear.”

My dad looked cross, as he was about to open his mouth to speak, there was another knock on my door. I turned around immediately, hoping that it was Yongguk. I quickly made my way to the door and with shaky hands, opened the door. I held my breath but deflated when I saw Daehyun waiting in front of my door. 

“Daehyun.” I said. “What are you doing here?” 

“Uh…” he said sheepishly. “I just wanted to check if your arms was okay from last night. Look, I’m sorry if I was-“

“Daehyun-ssi?” I heard my mom call.

My mom walked out to us and invited Daehyun in on her own. After a few formal greetings, Daehyun finally grasp onto the situation that I was in. Seeing the tabloid in my hand, my parents, obviously fuming and my eyes swollen.

“Is this a bad time?” Daehyun asked. “I can come back-“

“We were just talking to our daughter about this article.” my dad looked at the tabloid. “Did you know that she was seeing that good for nothing, gang bastard?”

“Dad!” I immediately looked up from the floor. 

Daehyun held onto my hand and tried reassuring me that it was okay but I felt nothing. It wasn’t the same warmth as Yongguk. No one could ever comfort me like he did.

“No, sir.” Daehyun sighed. “I didn’t know, but please-“ 

“Did you know that he was a drug dealer? Or even worst a hit man?” my mom said over the top of Daehyun to me. 

I looked at the ground and nodded. After that I felt my mom’s footsteps approaching me and was immediately followed by a slap to my left cheek. My head whipped the the side and my head instinctively came up to my burning cheek. Tears began forming in my eyes, although I had told myself not to go weak in front of my parents.

“You are an idiot.” my mom raised her voice. “I raised you differently. He was a street gang drug dealer. He didn’t have a proper job, no proper education. I don’t understand why you’d-“

“It’s because I love him, mom.” I said, finally snapping. “I love him. I couldn’t ever live without him. He gave me the love and attention that I never ever received from you two. I don’t want you talking so ill of my boyfriend.” 

My mom’s palm raised again, I winced and waited for the next collision but felt nothing. I looked up and saw that Daehyun had gently blocked her hit for me, gripping onto my mom’s wrist.

“Please ma’am.” Daehyun sighed. “I know this all seems like a mess, but I don’t think that you should hurt her.” 

My mom roughly yanked her hand away and straightened her blouse. She looked at me with despiteful eyes and turned to my dad and looking at the door, hinting that it was their cue to leave. 

“We’ll leave it to you to sort out the matters, Daehyun-ssi.” my mom said, raising her head and walking out the door with my dad. 

When the door finally slammed, I collapsed to the floor and began sobbing. I wanted to hate my parents to much but I couldn’t. It wasn’t right. But with them coming in like that they didn’t bother checking my bullet wound, asking if I was alright. I was pretty sure that they were only angry because their reputation could be ruined with a daughter that dated a street gang member, not because they genuinely gave a .

“Hey.” Daehyun said, squatting next to me. “Don’t cry. Everything will be alright.”

I felt him bring an arm around my shaking frame and brought me into his chest. I shrunk into his body and rested my face in his chest, still sobbing. I didn’t know how long I was in his arms for but it wasn’t until he began singing to me that I hushed down. 

“You’ll be alright.” Daehyun whispered. “I actually came by to give you some news.”

I looked up at him and waited for him to speak. 

“We’re carrying out a search for Yongguk.” Daehyun said. “This morning, we found some blood stains in an alley only about two miles from the scene. It could be Yongguk’s, we’re currently testing it out.”

I looked at him with hope simmering in the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t be more ecstatic. He could be alive. To me, it didn’t matter, him being arrested was so much better than him not being found at all. 

“Daehyun, please find him.” I said, grasping onto his hand.

Daehyun nodded and rubbed my shoulders, bringing me back into his chest.

Months went by and I continued to live through each day as it was. My bullet wound began to heal up but would throb if I used my arm too much.  I went to school and sat in the lectures but nothing mattered. The empty hole in my heart seemed to have widened as time went on without Yongguk. My grades were falling but I had no motivation to keep on going with my studies.

Although the times were dark, I was grateful that Daehyun was around. He came by every two days or so to visit me. He usually came with food and stayed at my house until I had finished what he’s bought. He’d talk to me about his day at work and I’d listen, sometimes saying a few things but nothing too deep. Behind those smiles and laughs, I knew that Daehyun was worried and also hurt that I hadn’t yet come back to my senses. 

Late at night, I’d find myself snuggling into Yongguk’s pillow or sometimes I’d clutch his t-shirt to my chest and silently sob until the sun rose. The apartment became strangely cold and our bed also became strangely cold. As the months went by, Yongguk’s scent began to fade from our apartment. That was when I felt more hopeless than ever. If he had been gone that long, did that mean that he couldn’t be found? Was he really gone?

“How’s the search going?” I asked Daehyun when he was over for dinner one night. “Have you found anything?” 

“We’ve got no news.” Daehyun sighed. “It is unusual to have no evidence of him. But I promise you that I’ll keep looking.”

I nodded and continued to mindlessly munch on the fried rice that Daehyun had bought. Dinner had just finished when there was a knock on the door. My ears perked up and I hopefully gazed in its direction. Ever since Yongguk left, ever door knock was a flicker of hope. 

“I’ll clean up.” Daehyun said.

I jogged to the door and quickly opened up, sighing when my parents and Daehyun’s dad was at the door way. I bowed and gave a formal greeting to Mr.Jung, inviting him into the apartment. I looked at my parents once and walked back in, helping Daehyun with the dishes. 

“Sorry if it’s a little messy, Mr.Jung.” I said, grabbing some things off the floor. “Please, take a seat.”

“Oh no worries, dear.” he chuckled heartily, settling next to my parents on my worn out couch.

“Oh hey, dad.” Daehyun called from the sink. 

After Daehyun and I had finished cleaning up the dishes and set everything away, we glanced nervously at each other and approached the adults by the couch. They were chatting loudly by hushed down as we arrived. I sat down on the couch opposite to the parents and Daehyun settled next to me.

“So,” I started off. “What brings you guys here?” 

“Well, darling.” My mom said, resting a hand on my dad’s lap. “We and Mr.Jung have been thinking, maybe you guys should get married.”

“Yes.” Mr.Jung smiled. “You guys have been getting along quite well and you guys aren’t gonna get any younger.” 

“W-what?” I said, nearly inaudibly. 

My chest began to hurt and I felt emotional, wanting to burst up into tears at how inconsiderate my parents could have been. It had only been about two months since Yongguk went missing but they expect me to move on from three years of love just like that? But then again, my chest was also hurting at the fact that it was Daehyun. I had always thought I would be getting married to Yongguk and no one else. 

“What?” Daehyun questioned. “We can’t. We haven’t even known each other . We really can’t.” 

Suddenly I had a strong desire for my pain to ease. I wanted to feel no more pain in my heart. The pain had become too much to handle. I wanted to feel healed for once, so I got up from the couch and looked at our parents.

“Sure.” I said. “Let’s do it.”