The entire room was silent – silent enough to hear the moment when the pen had hit the floor after rolling off the desk.

                His father had not changed at all. His lips were still the thin lines that were pressed in judgment. He had neither gained any weight nor lost any since the last time they saw each other. The only thing that Namjoon noticed about his father was that he looked much more tired and haggard than before; the deep wrinkles framing his eyes as evidence of that.

                Namjoon had been fourteen when he left. Not a short man himself, Hong Jung Yee could now see that his son easily match his height at the present moment; or perhaps he had shrunk over the years. He recognized the intelligent bright eyes. Namjoon had inherited his own full lips but had gotten his mother’s nose. The more he looked at him, the more memories he brought back from over a decade ago.

                Namjoon could see that his father wanted to say something but his own emotions were all over the place. He his heel and blindly walked out of the room.

                Immediately, Hong Jung Yee stood up to catch his son, but a wave of weakness washed over him. The shock made him light headed and he cursed his high blood pressure for it. He sat back down on his chair and buried his head in his hands. The son he had abandoned had stood in front of him and all he could do was stare right back. He hadn’t said anything but his name.

                Nobody had since uttered a thing and Jimin walked straight into the awkward silence. He scanned the room but found no answer to his unasked question. He cleared his throat once before announcing, “Robert Viktor seems okay. He insisted that he leave immediately so Daniel went to see them out.”

                Seokjin nodded, turned and then spoke to Yoongi, “Could you find him for me?”

                Yoongi understood the subject of the sentence and he briskly exited to find Namjoon.

                “Hong Jung Yee,” Seokjin started.

                Hong Jung Yee waved his hands. He couldn’t concentrate on anything at the moment. “I’ll find you later if anything changes. Just go.”

                They all exchanged a look and then left in silence.

                After searching the premise for a while longer, they concluded that Namjoon had left. They tried to reach his cell phone but he would not answer even for Daeun. On the ride back home, her phone buzzed and she replayed Namjoon’s voice message:

                “I need some time. I’ll be back.”

                “What do you think he means by that?” Taehyung asked the group.

                Jungkook shook his head. “I’m not sure. But please tell me I’m not the only one to think that the whole thing between him and Hong Jung Yee was weird.”

                The group muttered in response.

                “Perhaps the two know each other?” Jimin commented. He had been informed of the situation he had missed.

                “Daeun?” Seokjin asked from shot gun.

                She massaged her temples. “I’m not sure. That was the first time Hong Jung Yee and he met. I don’t understand how they might know each other.” A headache had returned. She hadn’t felt this sensation in so long that it seemed worse than she remembered.

                “He’ll be okay,” Yoongi comforted her from beside. He gently patted her shoulder, “I’m sure he’ll be back soon like he said.”

                But he didn’t. Namjoon neither returned home that night nor the night after. Daeun had tried reaching his cell phone over and over but soon after, all she received was that the owner’s phone had been turned off.

                Each passing day the atmosphere in the house became much more stifling. The members eventually returned to work but the house was no longer as boisterous as it had previously been. When one returned home, they always seemed on edge and more than one argument had broken out over a small mistake. Hong Jung Yee had not reached out to them either for a while; he could also not be reached.

                With Hong Jung Yee’s additional disappearance, Daeun had given herself a vacation from work as well. Sapphire did not ask any questions after her simple phone call to put in the request and only wished that she would feel better soon.

                In the distance, a clock beeped to tell her that the hour had been reached again. Her eyes were closed but her mind was still active. Her sleeping patterns had slightly been improving such that she was able to fall asleep for a longer period of time but she still awoke early in the morning. The only upside to that was she was able to take an early morning walk to clear her head. In her wandering, she had found a small park located just behind their house and it was there she was currently walking to.

                Namjoon definitely knew Hong Jung Yee. She had read his body language that day but she could not figure out how the two knew each other. Not only had Namjoon recognized Hong Jung Yee, but Hong Jung Yee also seemed to know him. Her steps wavered as her mind wandered.

                Finally, the park came into view and in the early morning light, she saw that someone else had found her private haven.           

                He sat, feeling the heavy weight of the past few weeks on his shoulders. As the eldest of the group, the other members had always looked up to him for everything. He didn’t mind; that was his role as a leader after all.

                Seokjin didn’t need to say a thing for Daeun to guess what was going through his mind. He often tried to hide his feelings, believing that a strong leader made a strong group. But she could read people well. The burden of having to hold everybody up was taxing on the body and Seokjin was only human after all.

                The early morning slowly filled with the sounds of birds and the morning sun continued to rise, casting a soft glow across the park benches. She realized that it had rained sometime in the middle of last night as drops of water were still sprinkled over the swings. Taking a large inhale, she welcomed the calming scent of fresh rainfall and nature.

                Silence went on for a minute. “Thank you,” Seokjin abruptly spoke. 

                Daeun cocked an eyebrow. “I didn’t do anything.”

                “You are here so that I’m not alone. That’s more than enough.”

                She gave him a gentle smile.

                “Is it wrong for me to hold in all my emotions?” he asked.

                She thought deeply about his question. “No,” she replied, “But it’s unhealthy. You know, all the members appreciate you for always being their fearless leader and for being their strong pillar. But the members are also not children. They’re – we’re – here for you to fall back on too. So you don’t need to bottle up all your emotions.”

                He nodded. “I’ve been with those guys for nearly seven years now, can you believe it? I watched as each of them entered the Organization, went through orientation and then were put under my care. Many people say that blood is what ties people together. Although the members and I are not related by blood, I know I’d still do anything to protect them.”

                Pausing slightly, he turned to face Daeun.

                “I’ve known them for seven years, and I’ve known you for less. But that doesn’t place you beneath them. I consider you my family as well. Namjoon too. For the both of you, I’d protect you like my own son and daughter.”

                She chuckled. “Well, I’m extremely lucky to have such a young and good looking father.”

                “Namjoon’s going to be alright. He’ll return when he needs to.”

                “I thought I was the one here to give you consolation and advice.”

                “Seeing as how the both of us are sitting in an abandoned park at six in the morning, I’d say we both need the consolation and advice.”

                They laughed. To her, Seokjin was her safe place – an older brother that vowed to protect her. At that moment, however, she also saw him as a friend. Just someone who needed a pat on the back and a smile to tell him that he was doing alright; everything was going to be fine.

                And so that was what she did. Together they sat at the park until the sun fully rose and a new day had arrived upon them.

                Namjoon stood in the same clothes he had been wearing when he left them a couple of days ago. He had not bothered to shave and dark circles rimmed his face. Daeun immediately stood up and embraced him. She didn’t care that he smelled, she was glad to see him safe.

                After patting her back, he gently removed himself from her. The past few days had been tough. He had wandered with many thoughts in his mind. He had first continued in anger but soon, the anger was tiring. He had collapsed at the bar but after a cold splash of water on his face by the bartender, he had been ushered out. Still not ready to return, he continued walking the streets slowly sorting through his emotions. At last when things seemed to make slight sense, he had returned home.

                “Can you set up a meeting with Hong Jung Yee for me?” he asked Seokjin. The other man seemed to want to ask him something but Namjoon cut him off, “I need to meet up with him. After, I’ll explain it all to you. I swear.”

                Running his hand through his hair, Seokjin nodded. “We haven’t been able to reach him ourselves these past few days. But I’ll contact Daniel and see if I can arrange something.”

                “Just tell him it’s me,” Namjoon said with fatigue.

                Seokjin opened his mouth but Namjoon had already turned away. They all watched as he trudged into his room and closed the door behind him.

                Although he did not need to talk with anybody at the moment, he anticipated who he would need to talk to when he returned to his room.

                She was sitting on the bed, looking at something on her laptop. Upon entering, the familiar scene with her and their room made him feel calm. He threw his dirty clothes into the laundry basket and proceeded to throw a shirt over his head. His still wet hair dripped onto the new shirt and created growing circles. Walking from the dresser, he took a seat at the edge of the bed and started running a dry towel around his head.

                He waited for her to say something but she never did. Instead, she wordlessly put away her laptop and climbed up behind him. She tenderly took the towel from his hands and started drying his hair for him. It was something she often did and he missed the action. So much had happened in the past two weeks.

                “Aren’t you going to ask me where I was?” he asked faintly. Now that he finally allowed his body to rest, he could feel the fatigue build up. His eyes slowly closed under her hands.

                “Everybody’s allowed their secrets,” she replied.

                After a few more moments of running the towel through, she got off the bed and plugged in the hair dryer.

                “I can do it,” he reached towards the device.

                She deftly put it out of his reach. “No, I’ll do it for you. I can see that you’re extremely tired.”

                He reached towards it again. “But you’re still hurt. I’ll – ”

                “Namjoon.”

                He could tell by the tone of her voice that there was no point in arguing any further.

                “I’m well enough to blow dry your hair. Sit still,” she ordered him before turning the dryer on.

                His father. Never could Namjoon even begin to fathom that he was so close by. “Father”, “Dad”, “Appa”. Those were words that belonged to a past. There was still so much turmoil that rumbled within him just thinking about the man.

                He knew he was relieved to see that his father was alive – it proved that all these years he was under cover and he hadn’t simply walked out on his family. However, those words were still harboured a painful lie. Not once had Namjoon received a call or message – encrypted of whatnot – that his father was alive. Not once had the man bothered to check up on Namjoon. As an adolescent, he lost the figure he had looked up to and even until now, Namjoon wanted someone to blame.

                Thinking back to his words with Seokjin, it now seemed like a rash decision to request for a meeting with him. Namjoon didn’t know what he wanted to talk about even if the meeting went through.

                He had been so absorbed in his thoughts he hadn’t realized that Daeun had long since finished drying his hair. She was only silently watching him. She recognized the look on his face. It was one she found herself wearing – pain, confusion and fatigue.

                “Namjoon,” she gently called his name. His eyes came out from a daze and focused on her. “Remember what you said before?”

                His eyebrows ever so slightly scrunch together.

                “You told me that you’d always be here for me. You’d be there whenever I was ready. Well, I’m here for you too.” She leaned forward and hugged him.

                He did not need to speak. He only wanted to be in her embrace.

                “I’m going to bed now,” she broke off the contact first after the moment of silence, “Care to join me?” She crawled onto the bed and slipped beneath the covers.

                “You’re sleeping better now?” he alluded to her restlessness from the nights before.

                He crawled into the spot beside her and she tucked her head in the crook of his arms.

                “Better now that you’re here.”

                They both awoke when the sunlight hit their faces. It was the first time that Daeun had slept the whole night through. Namjoon stretched beside her and playfully wacked her face with his hand. She pouted at his action and earned a small bop on her nose from him. Things seemed to slowly be returning to normal.

                A light knock on their door caused the both to pause from their morning teasing.

                “Come in,” Daeun called.

                Namjoon quickly pulled a cardigan around his tank top as Seokjin entered the room. Daeun drew herself out of bed to stand and meet him.

                Seokjin put out a hand to tell her that was unnecessary. “I got a call back from Daniel. He said that Hong Jung Yee wants to meet with you too. He wanted to know if this afternoon would be alright with you.”

                The other man nodded. “I had mentioned to my manager that I could be back to work today, but I’m sure a couple of hours wouldn’t make much of a difference.”

                From his pocket, Seokjin took out a piece of paper. “That’s Hong Jung Yee’s number. I thought it might be easier if you were to directly reach out to him.”

                Namjoon thanked him for the gesture.

                “I’ll have breakfast ready in a bit,” Seokjin offered the two of them.

                “We’ll be out soon. Thanks, Oppa,” Daeun said from the side.

                Seokjin turned to leave but Namjoon stopped him halfway. “About Robert… Is he okay?”

                Namjoon’s concern startled the other two in the room. “Um, yes. He went to the hospital for a checkup I believe. Honestly, we haven’t received much information about him but he seems to be fine for the moment.”

                “That’s good,” Namjoon responded.

                “I’ll, uh, be leaving then,” Seokjin bade them farewell.

                Namjoon pulled on a pair of pants before leaving the room a few moments later. Daeun had finally gotten out of bed when she saw he was fully dressed.

                “Tell Seokjin I won’t be staying for breakfast,” he told her.

                She looked in concern at him.

                He read that off her face and patted her hand. “I want to go out for a run to clear my head a bit.”

                “Okay,” she nodded.

                He hugged her one last time before leaving the room.

                Flashing Seokjin a smile, Namjoon stuck in his headphones and exited the house. The road curved to a bend before him and he followed it mindlessly. Once he was a way from the house, he took out his headphones and paused by the curb. No music had been playing - in fact, the headphones weren’t even plugged in, but he needed to play the part of a runner. From his pocket, Namjoon produced the piece of paper that had Hong Jung Yee’s number.

                Daeun had said it herself, hadn’t she? Everybody has their own secrets.

                Hong Jung Yee picked up at the third ring. “Hello?”

                “It’s me,” Namjoon answered.

                Only his breathing could be heard over the phone. “Good morning,” greeted Hong Jung Yee.

                “Can we meet now?”

                “I thought we had set up a meeting for this afternoon?”

                “Would it be possible to meet now?”

                Namjoon heard some papers being shuffled in the background and then Hong Jung Yee whispering something. His voice was then directed back at Namjoon and gave him the address of a coffee shop.

                “I’ll be there in fifteen,” Namjoon curtly said.

                “I’ll see you there soon then… Son,” Hong Jung Yee said.

                Namjoon hung up before anything else could be added.

                “They didn’t have pancakes, but I ordered banana bread and hot chocolate,” Hong Jung Yee motioned towards the food that had been set before Namjoon’s seat, “Your favourite breakfast.”

                Namjoon stared idly at it. When his father had been at home, it was their little secret from his mother. Banana bread and hot chocolate: dessert for breakfast.

                He hadn’t had it since his father disappeared.

                “Thanks,” Namjoon said before taking a seat.

                “So, um, how’s your mother?” Hong Jung Yee started.

                Before answering, Namjoon took a small sip from the plastic cup. The sweet drink stung his throat on the way down.

                “Is she doing well?” Hong Jung Yee urged the conversation again.

                “She remarried a year after you left,” Namjoon stated. The banana bread was also absurdly sweet. What had his younger palate thought when he ate this for breakfast?

                “Oh,” Hong Jung Yee breathed. He waved a waitress over and ordered a coffee for himself.

                “Add another espresso to that, please,” Namjoon added at the end. The waitress nodded.

                “The banana bread and hot chocolate not to your taste?”

                “It’s too sweet.”

                “I guess your taste buds matured with you, huh?”

                “Yeah, something like that.”

                “Remember how it used to be our secret from your mother? Dessert for breakfast for those mornings where it’d just be us,” Hong Jung Yee chuckled.

                So his father remembered it too. Namjoon glanced at the doorway. Rather, his eyes darted everywhere in the store besides looking at the man who sat before him.

                Hong Jung Yee studied his son’s face. Besides the added physical height, Namjoon looked so drastically different. It made Hong Jung Yee’s heart feel in pain. He had missed everything in his son’s life: multiple birthdays, his graduation, his first job, his first relationship… He thought of all the missed opportunities of being in his son’s most important memories.

                Yet when Namjoon gave his hot chocolate another sip before the coffee came, Hong Jung Yee noticed that some things were still the same. His cheeks still hid the imprint of dimples and he still carried that habit of rubbing the back of his neck when things got awkward. He was doing that a lot since they both arrived. Today, he had thrown on a black hoodie over a t-shirt which he then paired with a pair of shorts and running shoes. At the study of his clothes, Hong Jung Yee remembered the bag beside his leg.

                A soft thud on the table brought Namjoon’s attention in front of him. A black shopping bag had been put on the table.

                “I saw it the other day and I thought it might suit you,” Hong Jung Yee said.

                Namjoon opened the bag and took out another black box. When he finally removed the lid, he saw a brand new navy suit with a tag from a luxury brand.

                “It’s nothing much but as they say, a smart suit makes a smart businessman,” Hong Jung Yee gave a nervous smile.

                Namjoon folded it back nicely and slipped the box into the bag. He pushed the entire package back towards Hong Jung Yee. “I work at a club,” he stated.

                “Oh,” Hong Jung Yee repeated again. He rubbed his hands together and Namjoon caught a small sigh. “What do you do?”

                “I’m a DJ.”

               “Well that’s good. You’ve always loved music since you were a child. I remember you writing musician in a creative writing project during elementary school. Take the suit anyways. It’s not tailored to my body.”

                Namjoon hesitated to do so but accepted the offer. They sat in some more awkward silence until Namjoon could no longer take it.

                Namjoon needed someone to blame for all the pain and loneliness he felt growing up.

                Hong Jung Yee had so conveniently reappeared in his life.

                “You know I’m not here to make small talk with you,” he started.

                Hong Jung Yee ran a hand through his hair. “Of course you didn’t. You wouldn’t have moved our meeting up otherwise.”

                “Then why aren’t you asking me?”

                “What do you mean? I feel like all I’ve been doing since you stepped in was ask you question. Yet, I feel like I don’t know anything about you.”

                “That’s because you don’t!” Namjoon finally exploded, “You left Mom and me nearly ten years ago. We thought you died on a mission or something! All of a sudden I meet you again last night and you’re some type of… mafia boss?!”

                His breathing rate had risen significantly and he could feel the eyes of all the other people in the cafe in his direction.

                “Why?” the question was breathed.

                Why. The question that Hong Jung Yee had often asked himself the first few years he accepted the undercover job. Even now, a decade later, he still had no answer.

                “You were obsessed, weren’t you?” Namjoon provided a start, “I saw the look in your eyes the night before you left. You returned home, wouldn’t talk to either Mom or I, but I saw it. The look of hunger and the thrill of going on a chase.”

                “And what’s wrong with that? If I am unable to catch the criminals, then who will? It’s in my job description to hunt them all down.”

                “But you had a family. You had a wife, a son. How could you choose to abandon the two of us? Is this man you’re chasing really so important that you could live without seeing us for so long?”

                “He’s done a lot of bad things to this city. I’m close to catching him. Just give me a little bit more time.”

                Namjoon leaned back in his chair. “Sure.”

                His answer took Hong Jung Yee aback.

                “You want time, right? Well you’ve already been given ten years. What’s another ten to come? Or perhaps twenty? But I’m done waiting. I stopped waiting for you years ago.”

                “Namjoon,” Hong Jung Yee pleaded as he watched his son stand up. There was a silent rage that emitted off his body and fear overtook Hong Jung Yee’s heart. It wasn’t fear from his son, but fear that if he let Namjoon walk out, he would never have the opportunity to talk nevertheless see him again. At that moment, his cell phone rang.

                “I’m busy at the moment. I’ll give you a call back,” Hong Jung Yee said quickly.

                “The Boss reached out to us,” Seokjin’s voice said on the other end, “He wants us to meet with him. Seems like Robert Viktor finally did something right.”

                From the corner of his eyes, he could see that Namjoon was packing up his stuff. If he didn’t say anything, Namjoon would definitely leave for good. Here he was again, making a choice between his family and his job.

                “I’ll meet with you later today to discuss this,” Hong Jung Yee said.

                “Aren’t you supposed to be meeting Namjoon later?”

                “I’ll call you again.”

                Namjoon gave a small bitter laugh. After all that he had said, Hong Jung Yee had made his choice clear once again.

                “That was Seokjin,” Hong Jung Yee said, trying to explain the situation, “We got some really good news. They’re going to meet Ryukwan for me.”

                Leaning close on the table, Namjoon’s next words came out nearly as a whisper. “After you left, I joined the police academy. Although you were gone, I still wanted to follow in your footsteps. But I’m glad I didn’t. You’ve become the exact type of person that you’ve been chasing your whole life. You are using people, letting them get hurt; all for what? Your personal selfish goal?”

                “It’s not like that.”

                “Tell yourself whatever will help you sleep at night.”

                Namjoon shook his head in disbelief once again. He had given his father a chance.

                “Will we be able to meet again?” Hong Jung Yee asked with desperation for the last time.

                “Like this? No. But I’ve vowed to protect Daeun so perhaps I’ll see you when I’m with her.”

                “Son, I promise we can be a family soon.”

                From the deepest part of his heart, Namjoon wanted to believe his father’s words. However, the circumstances indicated otherwise and his heart hardened once again. “A family is not something I want with you anymore.”

                With that, Namjoon leaves the restaurant with Hong Jung Yee sitting at the table alone.