Diary Entry 7.
Chasing the Wind
Love. Romance. Companionship. Why are people so obsessed with these? Why are people so obsessed in finding love? Why are people so obsessed in finding that one person? I don’t understand. I do not understand. I am unable to understand. Why go through that risk? Why take that gamble? Why? Why dare people willingly risk everything, defy logic, deny rationality for love? For romance? Is finding that one person really so important? So satisfying? I don’t understand. I do not understand. I am unable to understand.
Or am I simply unwilling to understand? I am a coward after all. A coward who fears connecting with people. A coward who is scared of exposing and expressing emotions. And yet I’ve done it. I found you, I let my guard down.
By letting myself feel more, express more, I have become weaker to temptation. I am losing self-control. I am losing rationality. I am allowing myself to doubt my decisions and beliefs. I am questioning my ideals. You have made me wonder whether I am actually worth loving, whether I just need to try a bit harder, whether I should give love a try, try gambling, try the lottery. But I can’t. But I shouldn’t. Too risky. Too damn risky. Gaining more would only mean I have more to lose. I should not aim for more. I should just accept what I have now. I should always expect the worst. I should not be positive and optimistic. After all, nothing ever ends well. But you, you are making
Comments