hi everyone! please welcome Sherry, another reviewer, and Vivien, the new graphic designer to our shop! ^^

Review: Love behind the scene
Author: Junhwa
Reviewed on: 120430 by jaeholly

Character Development 

I seriously suggest you to have a character description. Not many people know exo and their personalities well. And even in stories, they may have different personalities and it is very hard to see the characters' personality unless you read the story hard and thorough enough.  

[5/15]

Plot

I will just be blunt, your story is really boring and expected. I mean, falling in love with an idol because you are their housekeeper? The story is just so common. And seriously, using for this is just weird. You can just use female and have normal relationships. I do not know how others feel about this. I am just giving my opinion.

Although, not marking on originality, the plot is still boring. I do not find anything that interest me, just how you express the feelings of the characters.

[9/25]

Conventions

Your writing style is kind of strange. I think the way you phrase your sentence is awkward. I absolutely dislike the way you write the conversations. Why must you use parenthases for the actions? I think you should say it out in full sentence an use proper punctuation.I know English is not your first language, but I think you need to brush up on it. In this case, you should practice more and then write a story. If not, your story will not gain much attention. Also, do not use the dash too often. It makes your story so messy. Overall, you need to revise on your conversation writing. If you want me to point out your mistakes, I suggest you do not leave your story on the 'disallow text selection' mode. If not, it is very difficult for me to point it out for you. Maybe you can ask someone to edit your story or proofread it before you post. However, try to get your English correct first before writing a story.  

[8/15]

Originality

Your story is not original at all. I have read this type of stories a lot of times before; being a 'housekeeper/maid' in an idols' dorm. Too overused. It does not mean that using a new boy band with the common ideas mean your story is original. Taking care of idols is so common and it will not make your story stand out unless you have exceptional writing skills. I suggest you think of something more special. I believe many readers here have found many identical plots and are completely sick of it. Thus, this will not make your story any different and interest readers.

[0/15]

Extras

Firstly, the title should be 'Love Behind The Scenes' instead of 'Love behind the scene'. The title should always have the first letter of each word capitalized. It makes everything much neater. Next, it is 'behind the scenes' not 'behind the scene'; grammatical error. Also, Your story has only 2 chapters so I cannot tell you whether it really suits your story since the story have not even went to the . I just find 'Love behind the scene' boring? Maybe even overused.

Secondly, you poster is not bad but I suggest you include the OC in the poster. He is one of the main characters, anyway.

Lastly, your description and foreword. I do not know why I am so particular about this. I just find that the description should be the story and the foreword should be the author's note. I do not get why writers tries to write additional bits of their story in the foreword. Okay, it is acceptable but why not just start a chapter titled: 'Prologue'. Everything will be so organized. You do not even have a proper foreword. If you want to start saying you are a person, you should write everything in her point of view. Not that you cannot change the person's point of view but you start in the foreword saying you are Jae Min, why did it become third person in the story? And why must you write HR* and then write *Human Resource below? Why can't you just put 'Human Resource' in that sentence? All in all, your description is poor and it did not interest me. Your description is so simple. 'A collection'? Your story certainly is not a collection. Do not use random words you are not sure of.

[2/10]

Pace

The pacing is good. Since you only have two chapters, your pacing is still okay. Somehow, I feel that you should write more before asking for a request. I mean, how am I suppose to know how well-paced your story is with only two chapters when obviously your story is going to be way longer. It does not even have a real solid plot yet!

[10/10]

Meaning

There is no special message you carry in your story. Perhaps it's because your story is not complete yet, however, for now, I cannot see any meaning in your story.

[1/10]

Overall

You wanted your review harsh. Usually, my standard for reviewing is also like that. I hope you would not get so sad over this review because I viewed one of the reviews that was done for your story and you scored quite high. Anyway, I did not review chapter 3 onwards because when the request came in, there was only 2. I helped you a little poster (that was not there when you sent in your request) and changed the review a little. Sorry for the late review! You can PM me if you have any questions.

[35/100]

Marie's Notes;

Thank you Sherry for the review! ^^;
And thank you Junhwa for requesting :)
Personally I really rather like your title, and I may actually read this story myself. It seems quite interesting and original. ^^ If you have any more questions, you may PM jaeholly or myself. Please remember to credit the reviewer and the shop, which I am sure you will. And come again for another review!