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Review: I'm Your.. WHAT? MAID?!
Author: stephaniesiska
Reviewed on: 120511 by Marie

♦ Character Development /15

There are many characters, so it can be difficult to develop them all with unique personalities. However, you don’t do a bad job of it. I especially enjoyed the fact that you were able to make their personalities much like their real personalities. My favorite character in your story is Taeyang, simply because you write him well, and in a very cute manner. Some of the things the characters say are very unrealistic, and I couldn’t imagine real men in their twenties saying things like that. Try to consider their maturity when writing.

[11/15]

♦ Plot /25

I don’t really know where the plot to this story is going. I’m still unsure whether the story will be about Daesung and Yue or Seungri and Yue, and I’m especially confused about Hyun Bin’s importance in the whole affair. Maybe once you finish it will all make sense, but try to establish your plot early on. You don’t want it to just be a string of pointless events.

[15/25]

♦ Originality /15

The storyline is fairly common. I have seen many instances where the main character works for an idol, and many where the main character lives in the idol’s home. This story was nothing new to me. However, I will commend you on the plots inside the story. For example, not many stories include a romance with Daesung, or at least not many that I have seen. And a lot of the things that happen are uncommon, but still, some are very conventional and it becomes boring. You don’t want the reader to avoid your story because they’ve read one like it before. Try to be as creative as you can. Don’t just draw from dramas or other stories, but try to think about events in your own life for inspiration, or even random things you come up with on your own.

[5/15]

♦ Conventions /15

I’m going to be honest; your English is poor. I understand you are not a native speaker though, so I’m not going to antagonize you here and tell you every sentence that is wrong. Your story is on “Disallow Text Selection” so I can’t list mistakes here without it being very tedious, so if you want an in depth analysis of your writing conventions, you’ll have to allow text selection first, and then ask me via PM.

Mostly what I saw was incorrect verb tenses, incorrect distinctions between singular and plural forms of word, and pronoun discrepancies. These can all be fixed by continuing to study the English language. Your vocabulary is surprisingly well developed for someone who doesn’t speak English as their first language, so I am impressed. Continue to read and write and it will be even better, to where you can manipulate words in such a way that the reader will feel differently about what is said.

Another thing: Never change point of view after many chapters. Your story starts in third person, then suddenly has different points of view. Don’t do this! Keep it consistent and stick with one. It makes you sound like a better writer. And never address the reader or say things such as “Did you read that?” because it makes the “story” become just words. Make the reader feel like they aren’t just reading the words, but actually involved in them.

Overall, just keep working and practicing your English, and requesting reviews or even someone to edit your story, and your English will improve greatly. Don’t give up or anything, because the more you use the language, the more natural it will become.

[4/15]

♦ Extras /10

Poster: I like your poster and it goes quite well with your story. Very cute!

Font: Never bold or italicize dialogue. It makes the whole story look unprofessional, and it will make some readers skip over other things, because it distracts the eyes. So while you write this:

“Hyun Bin oppa! Where you go?” Yue still follow Hyun Bin from behind.

The reader will only truly see this:

“Hyun Bin Oppa! Where you go?”

Description/Forward: Your introduction makes the reader interested, but it isn’t necessary to make LEE SEUNG HYUN so large and flashy. Again, this will distract the reader, and it might even make them see that word before the rest of your story, so it isn’t much of a surprise when they read it in context. In the description, I would advise against using the color blue as highlighting. Personally, I think it’s a pain to look at.

Background: I would never use a photo with people in your background. However, if you must, the photo you used fits well with the story. Still, I advise using a solid color or pattern so your story looks neat.

Title: Your title is very catchy, but not unique. Also, don’t capitalize whole words in the title. “I’m Your.. WHAT? MAID?!” should be “I’m Your…Maid?” This way, it sounds more concise and less like you’re shouting at the reader.

Chapter Titles: Your titles fit the chapters well, but are, again, slightly unprofessional. Even the first chapter title “Seungri – You = Worst (?)” is kind of childish. Not to mention, the (?) puzzled me. What is the question mark for? Is it part of the title? If so, why are there parentheses? These are things the reader will notice while they read. Your titles get better as you go along, but you can always go back and change some if you don’t like them later. Simple titles such as the one you used for Chapter 10 “Dangerous” prompt curiosity for the reader, while still pertaining to the chapter as a whole.

[9/15]

♦ Meaning /10

For me, the story isn’t really something I would spazz about because it’s so cute, or cry because it’s sad. I’m not sure what you are trying to achieve, or where the plot is going. Make sure you as the author know where your story is going. If you aren’t sure what certain events in the story mean, the reader won’t either. Always keep that in mind while writing.

You do a good job of keeping the reader interested, but don’t rely on that. Keep the plot going, instead of just including cute moments and instances to make your plot. This may not make sense, so let me explain. Try to think about the point in your story, and what the overall purpose it is, and base the events in the fic on that. Don’t do the opposite. You shouldn’t use the events to make your plot. If you begin to do this, your entire story will be so much more effective, and have a bigger impact on the reader.

[3/10]

♦ Pace /10

The pace from chapter to chapter is good. I like how quickly/slowly it moves. But your story jumps around often. First she seems to like Seungri, then Daesung, then Taeyang….it’s just very confusing. Also, in the beginning, when she sits on the dog, it is highly unreasonable for Seungri to make her become his maid. Even if he would, the way it happened was very abrupt. I suggest lengthening that chapter and adding other things that further led to her becoming a maid. That way, it won’t seem so sudden. Overall, your pace needs some work but isn’t bad. Good job!

[6/10]

♦ Overall [53/100]

I like this story. It is interesting, fun, and cute. There are some things that make it difficult to read, but if you ignore those, the story is quite nice. I think things to focus on in the future would be your grammar, obviously, and making things realistic and original. When you write, instead of considering what you would like to happen in, for example, a drama, think about things that actually do happen. Obviously, a lot of stories on this website are unrealistic, but you can make the plot something totally crazy while still being realistic about individual events. Try to think of something totally unique, and I have no doubt that your stories in the future will gain a lot of attention and love. Keep writing and thank you for requesting! Sorry if this review is lacking, I am quite busy and you didn’t allow text selection. Remember to credit!

-Marie