"Myung, are you okay?"  Sungyeol asked, putting a hand on his shoulder. Count on Sungyeol to know right away when something's wrong with Kim Myungsoo.

He'd usually nod and say he's fine and shrug him off. That's what he'd usually do if it were anyone else. But it's Sungyeol.

"Not really."

"What happened?" He asked.

Myungsoo heard Hyukjae and Jungsoo come in the room and after a few seconds of staring at them.

"What happened?" They both asked at the same time, flopping down on the couch.

"Do you guys think I have a good future ahead of me?" Myungsoo asked quietly. They all stared at him like he were an alien. The thing is, ever since they met, they were never truly bothered about their futures. What always mattered to them what right now. The present. They had fun, they enjoyed, they lived. Despite all the they have to go through, they live in right now. Always have. But ever since senior year started, it had always been there in the back of Myungsoo's mind. After high school, after college.. where the hell am I going?

"Are you really worrying about this right now?" Sungyeol asked.

Myungsoo sighed. He was scared. Scared as . Scared of the future, scared of leaving high school, scared of college, scared of losing Eunjae.. Just scared of growing up. Scared of change. 

"Come on, man. Don't stress over college." Hyukjae said rubbing his arms. "It's not as scary as you think."

"Because you're smart." Myungsoo said. "I know you're just like the rest of us, known as a neighborhood thug and a troublemaker. But you're smart and talented--"

"And so are you." Hyukjae said. 

"No, I'm not." He said.

"Yes. Yes, you are." Jungsoo said. "Look.. God, I can't believe I'm about to say this. I know how scary growing up can be. How scary it is to have to learn how to make it out there all on your own. It's different when you're off in college. But don't be scared."

"I'm just--" He tried to start. "My girlfriend. Eunjae, she's so smart and responsible. She's always lived independently and I know myself that I need her so much more than she needs me. She saved me.. not the other way around. She's always done so well in school and though I'm not failing, I just feel so useless in comparison to her. Like I don't even deserve her. And college is coming and of course, she's going to get accepted in all these prestigious colleges and I'm just-- I'm just gonna be here. In this practice room for the rest of my life." 

"Myung, listen to me." Hyukjae said gripping his shoulders. "Do you hear yourself? Get a hold of yourself. You sound so much gayer than me. I do agree that Eunjae is smart and probably will get accepted in all these prestigious universities. But just because she's smart, that doesn't make you dumber than her and any less of a person than she is. She loves you, we all know that. So whatever happened, just fix it. Stop being so scared."

With those words, Myungsoo got his jacket and ran towards the door. He's been doing a lot of running these days. 

"Myung, wait!" Jungsoo screamed and he looked back.

"The results." He said. Myungsoo's eyes widened and he saw he was holding a white envelope in his hand. "It's why I came.. Haven't you seen yours?"

He gulped. "Y-yeol, have you seen yours?"

"Since two days ago. I passed all the schools I took an exam for. Even SMT. I'm not sure which school I'm going to though." He said which made Myungsoo even more nervous. 

"." Myungsoo said quietly.

"You're not as dumb as you make yourself out to be. You're smart too, Myungsoo. You work hard." Sungyeol said. "Wanna open it?"

"Not really." Myungsoo said.

"Oh, come on. Stop being so sc--"

"Yeah, alright, I get it. That's the third time today that I've heard that." 

Jungsoo handed him the envelopes and cautiously with shaking hands, he opened the first one and unfolded the paper inside.

"Holy ." Myungsoo said. "Holy ."

Sungyeol grabbed the paper from his hands. "Holy , indeed."

Jungsoo and Hyukjae looked as well. "Woooh!"

"I ing did it!" Myungsoo screamed in celebration, jumping up and down throwing all the papers in his hands in the air while fist pumping. They all huddled in a circle and started jumping together.

"Congratulaaaations, congratulaaaations!" They all sang.

He wasn't sure which school Eunjae was going to but , he ing passed all these prestigious ing universities including SMT ing Boarding School.

"Myung.. go fix things with Eunjae. She'll be so happy for you." Jungsoo said ruffling his hair and Sungyeol's too. "So proud of you two right now, smart bastards."

"Go fix things with Eunjae and we'll start practicing for the rock festival. Who knows, maybe we can be rockstars too." Jungsoo chuckled.

"Yes!" Myungsoo screamed before rushing out the door, bringing his test results with him. The whole time he ran, he was smiling. He was pretty sure he looked like that cartoon named Thomas The Train. But who cares when he knows that he has hope for a future? 

He reached Eunjae's apartment and ran up the stairs. 

Whenever he watched dramas or movies, there are always these questions in his head like;

Why do they keep on running? Can't they take a taxi or something?

Why does he insist on running when he knows how far it is? Also, can't he just call her?

Why does he have to run up so many steps? Isn't there an elevator in that place?

Today, he's come to realize, when you're in a rush, and you're in this weird frenzy, hazy, baked like a cake state, you're not going to make much sense anymore. So being in that state, he ran up 8058485808580508804505 flights of stairs and reached her front door, panting and sweating through his white shirt.

He took a few deep breaths and knocked on her door. 

After a few knocks, she opened the door and he saw how puffy her eyes were and how blank she still looked. She raised her eyebrows at him.

"Please, please hear me out." He said.

"It's late, Myung." She said.

"Please listen to me!" Myungsoo screamed desperately.

She looked a bit shocked for a moment but then leaned against the door, a sign that she was willing to listen.

"I'm sorry that I was with that girl. Jae-In.. I used to have a slight crush on her back then and it just so happened that I saw her again on the way to meet you and--"

"Myung.."

"Hear me out."

"Myung, I'm not mad at you." She said.

"Please-- what?" He asked.

"I didn't leave because I was mad at you. I'm mad at me. I'm mad at college."

He blinked a few times at her, trying to understand what she was trying to say. "What do you mean?"

"Myung, we're going to be in different colleges. We'll take different courses and we-- we have different futures ahead of us. You know that."

"No, I don't know that. Well, yeah, maybe we will go to different colleges and maybe we will have different jobs and have a different course from each other. Can't we still love each other even then?"

"It's not that simple." She said simply, blinking back tears.

"What makes it so hard?" He asked.

"Because I'm scared that while we're apart, we'll end up doing things that will hurt each other. We'll be to busy to meet up or talk, meet other people, never have enough time. There'll be this huge distance between us and I'm scared of that. I'm scared that college will change us. Scared of being away from you."

"You don't have to be away from me, Eunjae." He said, rubbing his thumb against her cheek.

"You don't understand. I know you're scared too. I don't want--"

"Eunjae.. people always tell you Don't be afraid. It's all I heard from my friends today. Don't be so scared, Myung. And now that I'm here with you, I'm starting to realize that that's just plain bull. Don't be scared. It's like saying Don't move out of the way when a car is coming at you or Don't get out of the house when there's a fire or Don't flinch when someone points a gun at you. Don't be human. I'm scared, you're scared, everyone in this whole god damn world is scared. Because that's the point. What people should say, what I should be telling myself, what I should be telling you is.. It's okay to be afraid. Do it anyway. I love you anyway."

By this point, she stared at him  and he was scared of what she was gonna say. He felt warmth and he felt her. He felt scared but that's okay.

"I got a scholarship to SMT Boarding School. In Seoul. Miles and miles and miles.. away from you." She said softly.

He smiled at her and kissed her forehead. "You won't be that many miles away from me, you idiot." 

She looked up at him with glistening eyes. 

He help up his results and she took them and as she read, her face just glowed and the most high pitched sound he has ever heard came out of and he laughed and she threw her hands around him and they both started screaming and she started crying and he started laughing hysterically and he thought, god, I love her.

Who is Eunjae, really?

She's not just a name, or a height, or a weight.

She's not just a gender.

She's not just an age or a number.

She's not where she's from.

She's not just my girlfriend.

She is the way she laughs and the way she sounds when she's happy.

She is the songs she sings whenever she's in the shower.

She is the way she walks and the way she thumbs through her hair.

She is how she goes to school extremely early and how she loves patbingsoo.

She is what she likes to eat for breakfast and for our midnight snacks together.

She is the look on her face when she's determined to solve a rubix cube.

She is what kind of music she listens to and how beautiful she looks when she sleeps.

She is a million things but everyone chooses to see a few things that she is not.

She is not where she is from.

She is where she's going, and I'd like to go there too.