“Don’t you have something better to do, Yuri-ah?” I jumped a bit after a long blank stare at the road from my office’s window. The coffee cup was still on my hand with its steam coming out, spreading the strong aroma.  “I thought you’re working on the closing report.”

“Half way done, need a quick break though. How’s yours?”

“Same. I’m tired…” A sigh. “And hungry, that’s for sure. I can even clear up the new buffet restaurant next to our office.”

I smiled and turned my head to the latter. “Bottomless pit. Do I have to start my lecture on the calories and stuff?”

My workmate slash best friend from the college year held up her hands, “Nope, thank you, ma’am. We’re doing just fine.” She grinned for a second before her face showed some anxiety. “Are you okay today?”

I pat her shoulder and sipped my coffee. “Been telling you I’m fine so far.”

“You know that I know you too well to even notice that you’re practically shut down today. It’s about her, isn’t it?”

“Nothing Sooyoung-ah. I’m fine. Don’t worry. I was just a bit… overwhelmed with this closing thingy.”

My tall friend scoffed. “You know that I would never buy that excuse, right? Spill! Or I’ll drag you to another restaurant hopping session with me and you’ll be the one who’s paying.”

I chuckled on the threat. “Seriously, I’ve been doing it for more than 4 years now, Sooyoung-ah. Anyway…” I took a deep breath before turning my heels towards my cubicle again. “There’s really nothing to worry about. I’m fine. Told you I was just tired.” I tried to reassure her with a smile. I know that she wouldn’t trust it, but I just didn’t really want to talk what had had happened last night.

That just made me thinks of her again.

I took out my phone and quickly opened the inbox. I reread those two yet flinching pain sentences she had sent me last night. The more I went through it, the more I felt the guilt surging up my body, the more I felt hurt, crazily stinging hurt, the more I felt how I missed her.

“Tell you what, I’m buying you dinner tonight, just promise me you spill everything by then.” I was about to refuse the offer but then Sooyoung said. “No room for discussion plus, it’s the shikshin who’s buying you dinner. You should accept the rare occasion.”

I smiled. “Okay. I’ll make the reservation then.” I grinned.

“Darn it, there goes salary of the month.”

A little late of the dinner time later

“I thought you’d make the reservation on some pricey place.” We just arrived at the restaurant I used to spend my lunchtime with my friends back in the college. “Whew, the whiff of the fries. Gotta wash my hair tonight.”

I chuckled. “Omoni!” I hugged the familiar old woman standing near the cashier.

“Omo omo! Yuri-ah, nice to see you here.” She smiled.

“I brought the shikshin.” I grinned and pointed at the standing Sooyoung near the food pictures on the wall.

“Omo omo! Sooyoung-ah!” The lady hugged Sooyoung as well. “What you guys want to eat? It’s on the house.” Told you we used to hang out here before, she was practically our second mom. She fed us great food.

“Don’t omoni. Sooyoung will take advantage of that.”

A harsh pat landed on my back. “I want unagi Omoni. Oh, and samgyetang! Oh samgyeopsal looks good too.”

The owner laughed. “I see I see. It’s just the two of you? No one else? What’s that girl name again, Yuri-ah? The one you used to bring here? Soo…yeon?”

I gulped. “Yeah, Sooyeon.” I’m surprised that it’s still hurt to simply say her name. I sighed. “She’s… busy with her college omoni.”

“Oh, okay. Well then, food will be here soon. Prepare your tummies.” She ruffled our hairs.

“What was that?”

“What was what?”

“She knew about you and Sica?”

I poured the tea on our cups and served one for Sooyoung. “Nah, I used to bring her here frequently for lunch when you guys were busy with your other classes that I didn’t take and Sic—she’s close to omoni.”

Sooyoung nodded. “So?”

“So?” I raised my brow.

“Spill. I know something’s been bothering you and I know that it would only be her. So?”

“She texted me.”

“About?”

“She said she misses me and she begged me to comeback to her.”

“Then?”

I shrugged. “Just that.”

Sooyoung scoffed. “Just that? And you were acting like some sort of zombie all day just because of that?” She shook her head. “You still love her, don’t you Yuri-ah?” I didn’t say anything. “It’s pretty obvious you know. You were so… high and radiating, I’d rather say amusingly hyperactive, when she was with you and now you are this Yuri. The bored, blank, uptight account manager, Kwon Yuri.” She paused. “Why don’t you come back to her? Wait, why did you even break up with her in the first place?”

I exhaled. “Told you I couldn’t do it anymore with her.”

Sooyoung rolled her eyes; I know that she knew that it wasn’t just because I gave up, although I never told her the exact reason why. “But you still love her?”

“It’s safe to say that we are both trying to move on th-”

“That it ended up failing miserably.” The waiter finally came with samgyetang and unagi, and also a set of samgyeopsal. “It hurts to see you like this, Yuri-ah. Heck even Juhyun told me about it.” I scooped some rice and made a wrap of samgyeopsal while listening to my best friend. “Why didn’t you try to fight for you both?”

“Told you I couldn’t do-“

Sooyoung cut me off. “Fine, be it.” My shikshin friend finally dug in. “If you want her to let you go, then let her go, Yuri-ah.”

I flinched. Somehow, Sooyoung’s words hurt me, jabbed me right in the place. Let her go.

I shifted my position to see her. She’s been mute all day. She only answered my questions without the needs of adding some details to it and it was somehow hurting me. I know that there was something wrong, but I didn’t want to pry. I didn’t want to be a nosy girlfriend on a very bad day for my girlfriend. She looked at me. “What?” She smiled.

“What what?” I brushed her bangs to get clearer view of her face.

“You’ve been staring at me for the past minutes, Seobang.” She snuggled and rested her head on my chest.

I softly kissed her head. “Nothing, you’re just beautiful.” She pinched my waist. “Ow yah! I was telling the truth Sica!” She sighed. Oh well, I think I should be a nosy girlfriend today. “Are you okay?”

It took a second before she nodded. “Yep.”

“I know it’s not. Something happened?” She tightened the grip on my waist. “Sica?” I rubbed her back.

“He… called me yesterday.” She softly said. I clenched my jaws when I heard she mentioned him in this conversation. Wait, I was the one who asked her about it anyway.

“And?”

“I’m sorry Seobang.” She buried her head on my chest. I took a deep breath and let it out. I know her too well to get what she meant by her sorry. Apparently, I know where I stand in her heart. But I’ve fallen for her too deep to even care that it hurt me so bad.

“It’s okay.” Oh no believe me it’s so not okay, but I can’t do anything much on it, can I? I kept rubbing her back, trying to soothe her.

“It’s not that I don’t love you.” She sniffed. “I do love you.”

“I know.” I kissed her head.

“But it’s still… I don’t know.” She wiped her tears and looked up. “Is this counted as cheating?”

Now I have to chuckle on that question. I tapped her nose. “It depends on how you define what cheating is. Well for me…” I took a deep breath once again before trying to convince her that I’m okay and I’m willing to wait for her to finally let me in. “… I know your condition, so it’s not considered as cheating. If you want him to let you go, then let him go, Sica.” And let me in fully.

I don’t know that words can bite back in the . If I want her to let me go then I have to let her go. I should, shouldn’t I? I’ve had come to the decision to break this whole thing up that also means I’m ready to let her go, right?

Am I ready?