The unbearable cold breeze that floats proudly above my already frozen frame almost makes it impossible for me to reach my hollow destination. The helpful odd movements of my limbs that follow an invisible route instinctively keeps me away from getting completely lost in this strange feeling. I was already embraced by a slight panic in the back of my head minutes ago. I cling into the voiceless encouraging thoughts and refuse to mentally slap myself for the thousandth time because yes, I was being such an obedient fool once again. Why in the entire world-of-art would I accept this kind of meeting, in the first place? When I exactly knew beforehand the shameless way it was going to end. End. What was I really hoping for this yet another time, I do not know. Hope. I strongly thought I was done feeding myself hopeless lies. As I make my way throughout the never-ending hallways I spot an empty bench not too far away from the supposed meeting spot. As I already expected, he is nowhere in sight, so I make my way towards the lonely bench that was eagerly waiting in front of my trembling figure. At least you look friendly. I take a sit, breething deeply and clapping my hands together at the attempt to bring back the warm sensation back into my body. As the windy air continues to move across my skin coming out as fumy impressive waves out of my nose, a new wave of unknown pain rushes through my montionless body, starting from my head and spreading back down to my toes.

End of story.

Hence, the endless deep sea of shiny stars that fragily dance in the night sky is my only relaxation box. It keeps me far enough from collapsing right on the same spot. I am almost sure I can shortly make a hobby out of it meanwhile I stand here every single minute of my life. But then again, I convince myself I should assume the result of my own acts and stand still for another who-knows-how-many-more minutes. Hours? Somehow, he does it all the time; purposely or not, the cherry is slowly being added to the top and I do not know for how long I am going to keep my cool figure on. It is not like he will ever show remorse or a single slight hint that he is sorry. I snort out a sudden laugh and figure out he would not know how to even spell it. What would you expect, Ms. I-refuse-to-be-normal? Perhaps that is what the real world looks like, and it is his. In fact, not too many words were spoken between the two of us ever since that one night which eventually lead both of us into this weary position. I would say he is rather annoyed with my presence everytime; but at the same time, he does not try to hide the extreme burden and makes it more obvious as time goes by. Make someone’s wish come true – who said is was going to be an easy task, anyways? Although this may be true, I doubt I could accomplish it without a single push coming from his own desire of succeeding. I snap out of my thoughts rather suddenly when I feel a presence looking down at me. The darkest orbs I have ever crossed looks with. Somehow, this is not leading to a very romantic setting and I am forced to look down and steady my breathing rythym the moment he narrows his dark eyes and puffs his cheeks with air before taking a sit beside me. I do not even bother to check the time; I know he will always arrive later than the night before. I just stare stare at the view in front of me without acknowledging his existence that would usually put up a fight of arguments I knew I was going to end up losing. So, I decide to keep my eyes glued elsewhere; anywhere – in fact –  I can find a more lively atmosphere in. I swift my gaze upon hearing small giggles only to find a couple enjoying their time together by reading each other what seemed like poetry.

“Aw~ So sweet. Ready for the next one? But I guess we're both hungry at this point. Let’s eat some spaghetti!”

The girl looks up when he takes her petite hand in his, leaving a short peck after. “Spaghetti?” 

“Aham,” he taps her nose before laughing and grabbing her hand more thightly in his. “Have you ever seen The Lady and the Tramp?” he sings, seeing the blushing girl in front of him and swinging her from left to right before taking a step forward at the moment they fade away laughing in sink.

I laugh inwardly at the thought and let a small giggle escape my dry lips. Somehow, all of those little chessy sayings sounded surprisingly sweet now. I title my head to the left with a soft smile and see Jiyong looking back at me. Right before our eyes can make a slightly better contact, he takes his gaze away staring still at the front while awkwardly biting on his lower lip. My lips curl down and my brows furrow when the reality hits me with full force – I almost forgot his own presence. 

“Hey!” he says silently, barely audible. Is he initiating a conversation? He’s here, isn’t he? “Sorry, I was late. Again.”

“It’s alright.” I respond with an unwelcomed sigh. “Shouldn’t I be used to it already?”

“Ah, you could say that.” he nods, looking down at his hands and holding back a tint of laugher into his deep voice. I find myself staring and it feels unnerving. Maybe it is only the air keeping me from moving. Yeah, there. “You think I’m doing this on purpose, right?”

“Well, aren’t you?”

At that, Jiyong's look is finally meeting my emotionless frozen expression: seriously poker-faced. I know it has to be the air. Yeah, there. “I’m actually surprised you still wait for me everytime. Aren’t you getting tired someday?”

“Who knows? Maybe I already am.”

I sigh and look away at the people rushing by in a slow montion. In other words, I can assure I was already too tired of his helpless game. For that matter, it happened shortly after my mouth muttered those words which brought me into here now.  “I just wanted to show how to keep a promise. Unlike someone.”

He replies with a scoff and shakes his head in an inquiring manner. He thinks it’s funny. “Who said I promised something to you?”

“Who said I was talking about you?”

“Ooh. You most definitely were.”

“Right,” I chuckle into the piercing air, my voice a soft echo. “So, I knew you wouldn’t care much about it anyways but I still wanted to help you out somehow.  I don’t even know why, if you ask me. We weren’t in that type of a close friendship before either; but I saw something different...“ I bite on my lip and decide to stop my rant. What was I saying, anyway? Letting out a small laugh I realize this hasn’t been entertaining but just purely tiresome. And then a sudden urge of being somewhere I have never been before hit me with a strong power. “but I see there’s not too much I can actually do here because you clearly don’t care at all and since you are making it much more obvious—“

“How do you know I don’t care?” He cuts me off immediately, scooting closer to me on the bench.

“W-what?” I stutter taken aback by his comment and glare at him through confused eyes. Does he really have the nerve?

“Just answer.” Yes. He does have it. 

“I just know. Stop acting like you actually do now, though. I think we would do the both of us a favor if we would stop meeti--“

“You bet I don’t?” he interrupts me again, furrowing his brows as if searching deep behind my dazed eyes in hopes he would be able to find a gleaming road that could lead him to the proper answer. “You really bet I don’t care at all?”

I don’t answer. Instead, I choose to just stare blankly back at him as if I am waiting for him to continue. However, his mouth doesn’t seem to let out anything besides the air his cheeks are puffing every now and then.

“It’s okay, Jiyong. Really, think of it as if it never happened.” I adds, breaking the silence that was softly surrounding us and filling the frozen air. When I think I have had enough, I finally stand up from the mute spot I thoughtlessly tried to reach every single night before. Then suddenly I remember, “Ah~ right, probably it never really happened for you.” I let out a final bitter laugh and bow my head down when I feel an odd sensation rushing through my whole body making me feel sightly dizzy. “Sorry for making you lose your time without a purpose.”

While ready to take my first step forward, I feel a hand hold onto my wrist and I turn around to find Jiyong pursing his lips shortly followed by a narrow and deep glare until he finally sneers. “Hah! I knew you’d give up sooner or later.”

“It was the event you were waiting for, isn’t it? Well, now you—“

“Now what? I should just deal with it, right? Everyone’s good at saying it, but what about feelings?” he hisses, still holding down onto my wrist, adding a little too much pressure. Was he becoming angry all of a sudden? Why do I have the feeling this is all about something else? The thought of it scares me but not nearly as much as his actual look I am tortured by.

I try to gain back my composture for more than a minute in order to be able to finally mutter an answer, while also surpressing my shivering voice. “W-what is even wrong with you? Seriously, what’s gotten into y-you?”  Slowly and without realizing it, my vision is already getting blurry from second to second when he closes the distance between us even more; enough for me to feel his rough breath rustle across the surface of my own skin.

With his head reaching down even lower, the look on his face is screaming anguish. “Maybe I just like being on my own. You… you don’t even know me.”

“That is what I was trying to tell you. How could I even be close to know you? All the thoughts you have been hiding; why act or deny them when they are wanting to be told?” I ask, almost voiceless  and with obvious shock at his sudden change of act. 

“Didn’t you know we live in a world full of people pretending something they are not?” he grumbles, looking vastly without having a fixed target; as staring but at the same moment seeing anything next to nothing. “Why is that people want to change whatever image they see? How about learning how to accept it?”

“Isn’t accepting the way you are the most important than accepting the way people think of you?” I shoot back trying to read his expression. And in that moment, it sends million of shivers down and up my spine until it sharply hits my heavy brain as if I was calling for help. Or a wake-up-call. Therefore, I feel a breathtaking agony and a new frightening sensation is slowly being remplaced by a simple weakening vibe.

I look up, startled by Jiyong's bitter scoff, who is also shaking his head in mock disgust. “Haven’t you ever wondered why do we always want everything we can’t have? And how many difficulties you will eventually endure during the entire process? Is it that easy, you think?”

“Even when I am hurting, I don’t need it to be easy.” I take my hand off of his grip and sigh deeply in order to clear my own thoughts properly. “I just want it to be worth it.”

“Don’t… Don’t you think you need to open your heart to someone, or at least to you.” I finally spit hesitantly after a long minute. Looking back at him, I clear my throat and take the best decision: My only choice is to get lost in the dark.