The plain hours I spent sitting in this chair doing nothing at all seem to never end. It is not the first time I am in this kind of place, although; I am starting to feel doubtful about whether this might actually be a place or not. The smoggy air that floats above me is nothing even close to being defined as helpful either. Moreover, the only sympthom this dull atmosphere brings me is the sudden urge to fall into a deep and calming slumber. One that could easily last for a few days, at least. And this is what I intend to do – place my body into a more comfortable position and relieve all the stress I was pushed under the past crazy hours. I used to think the days that bought me into this kind of unbearable mess were difficult; but it was honestly nothing to be compared to this void emotion. This overwhelming feeling that is so hard to get rid of. Somehow, I feel relieved. Yet, there is still something completely unknown that holds onto me as I step forward. But I only briefly refuse to look back. As if that mysterious yet strong touch would be responsible of my return. In fact, I am only frightened of that thing that hides behind this gentle contact which stops me from moving forward. Despite my thoughtless mind, I cannot make the same mistake again. Because I widely know the second time it happens it won’t be a mistake anymore – it will be my choice.

I find it hard to close my tired and puffy eyes because I widely know that as soon as I do so, those memories I tried my best to keep far away would flash in a short yet heavy second. The feeling bought along with it wouldn’t make as much of a difference as long as I am kept into this montionless little world of mine without being able to lightly come to a stop. The next thing I know, is that I am woken up by the brightly sunlight that is peeking from the open window like it would speak to me and smoothly brush away everything that has been on my mind. I often wonder how am I able to survive it? The question I am being asked by every single person that still remained around me. I do not answer; instead, I just shrug and release a deep sigh while turning my attention on a random, worthless thing – anything that would make them leave me at peace for last. It is a question I would not be able to find the answer to even myself; so I just kept quiet. The once determinated me abruptly turned into hollow pieces. Although, I know I am able to pick them up one by one, I do not do it just yet. Despite the long, voiceless and my most awkward emotions, I do not want to leave it away. As much as I think about it, I feel it as a well-deserved break – something I was longing for a long time ago and now that is finally here, I sense that it was all I ever wanted. A little something called peace. Who said you won’t regain your composture after being broken down to a level you never believed you would reach in a short matter of time? It is a plain lie. A lie I was strongly feeding myself. But, as soon as I saw the bright light that awaits for me, I knew it was just the rest my shaky heart was waiting for until it is completely healed and thirsty for the new faithful adventures that would come after; because the upcoming nights would not be as lonely anymore – it would be full of grace and understanding, lively and healthy, enthusiastic and courageous. Living with no regrets. There were so many useless things I wanted to do before.

A cheerful voice echoes around me and I search for the only people that cared for my existence meanwhile I was closing myself in my dark, old-fashioned and dusty room while resting my fountain of thoughts. Happiness is the awesome feeling that runs across my face as I sit in the middle of my good friend’s room sharing all the stories that bought us up to this day and even glacing far away from it. Why would I have to choose between black and white when they would easily and charmingly blend well together giving birth to another fair land I would like follow bindely like a lost puppy. Furthermore, the night and skipping hours of precious sleep never felt this good. Laughing the pain away made it all worth it; realizing that I am worth it, as well as the moments of peace that made me feel it all when I needed it the most. I slowly fade away in my own thoughts again, without make it too much obvious and covering it with a wide and happy smile while being able to hear the resonant laughs that fill my heart in the background. I am just taking my time to be thankful for such a beautiful day and take a sip of my untouched milk-tea. I close my eyes for a second and I can smell the fresh atmosphere in the air, a relaxing sigh slowly following after. We all agreed to play random games, just for tonight. After long debates and enough frustration, Spin the Bottle was the winner just to complete the main purpose of the night - entertainment. As it turned out, the first spinned bottle landed in front of an already sleepy Seungri, who was tugging harshly rather than softly at Youngbae's arm. 

"And, as for maknae…” Seunghyun suddenly stands up and hushes over to Seungri’s side which startles him a bit. “You will just have to be obey, got it?” He just blinks and nods his head at Seunghyun, slightly taken aback by his enthusiastic self. I just laugh at the view and question myself how could I stay away from such a delightful place all this time and be a prisioner of my own mind. My thoughts are interrupted by Seungri’s loud yell. “Hyung! Nobody gets kissed by the person who spun the bottle!” At this point, I cannot help my amuzement in and just laugh at them. I softly cover my mouth and keep watching them until they are out of my sight. 

“Hormones!” Daesung shakes his head from left to right in laughter, after the two Seunghyuns left the room. I just have to perfectly agree. I involuntary find my lips curl into another weak but steady smile. Who knew my mood could swing like this before? “Who’s spinning it now?” He speaks again while scanning each one of us with a smirk placed on his lips and a pleading vibe too visible in his eyes.

“I don’t think anyone is risking it after what just happened.” Jiyong finally says after a long deathly silence. “I wouldn’t, anyways.” he shrugs and purses his lips before slipping one of his hands casually into his jeans pocket in search for his phone.

“Oy, hyung! Don’t be such a party ruiner. We haven’t done this in a long time already.” Daesung hisses keeping his frosted eyes fixed on Jiyong’s bitter expression, as a sign that neither of them will be backing away too soon.

 “I don’t want an unfortunate event to mark my whole life, thank you.” Jiyong exclaimes and puffs his cheeks. “Just continue, though. Go on!” He montiones, at the end, his fingers playing circles at the more interesting phone light.

“Ah, seriously spoiling our mood!” Youngbae faintly gasps, joining their plain, without any common sense conversation; then turns his soft gaze on me with concerned eyes.“I’m sorry, ____-ah. Let’s just the rest of us continue, don’t mind him.”

At this very moment, I feel exactly their pressure; deep down inside every single one of them as Youngbae speaks to me. I feel it is all my fault for making them dead worried for me all this time; but at the same time, I am happy to be so lucky and surrounded by such wonderful human beings. I simply smile and pat on his shoulder to assure him they were giving me the time of my life, once again. 

"Don’t apologize for such a thing. I actually didn’t have such a glorious time in a long time.”

“I know!” he rapidly cuts me off. “We didn't mean to ruin the fun.” Youngbae weary adds and searches for Jiyong’s glance who is busily staring down at his shakly long fingers with his phone in hand. 

Jiyong still didn’t answer, nor move an inch. It was like he mysteriously took the position I left a while ago and just entered his own thoughtless world. His dull stare was obviously out of his character, which made everyone question his tense persona at once. It almost made me feel rather guilty than happy at this strained moment as I feel like I took away most of their energy and waste it around vastly, like an errant child. I bow my head down and bite one my lower bit at the attempt to keep away my blurry vision to let out what is alively hidded behind it. Deep in concentration, I could barely feel when Daesung scurried to my left side by squeezing my hand with his sweaty but warm palms. Caught. I was caught, again. 

“You cannot imagine how happy you made us tonight for being able to go back to your old self. Thank you for not giving up on us, on the world and most importantly – on you.” He finishes while hugging on my arm and moving a stair of hair behind my ear in order to clear my vision. With a simple nod, I let out everything I hid in the back of my swollen eyes, finally being able to pur my soul out. Above all, I still had a heavy heart and a slight damaged feeling in the pit of my stomach which almost made me grab my waist in protest. The tight hold makes me feel comfort, calm. They just assure me everything is going to be okay and I silently approve, shurgging and nodding my head in underdstanding. I want to. Especially, I need it. In the same way, I definitely want them to feel relieved and be flooded with just enchanting happiness instead of just concern over their old lost friend; although my hope was long lost and shattered into million of pieces I would not ever dare to pick up. Moreover, I suggest if we could still continue the game even without the presence of Jiyong who is now blankly staring at me. Something coldly strange made its way down my spine but I just shake it off as soon as I spot Seungri followed by Seunghyun a few steps away and then joining the dizzy atmosphere we were swinging in just moments ago. 

“Freedom!” Seungri exclaims and starts to jump around the room excitedly while clapping his hands together in apparent joy. “I can’t believe I made it out alive. Phew.” He continues letting out a loud gasp and touches his chest dramatically.

“Drama queen.” Seunghyun simply scoffs and takes the sit he had left behind moments before. He looks his usual self. “How dare you complain?”

“Hyung~~~” Seungri disperately protests, nodding his head left and right. “You almost crashed the car. You must never let Seunghyun hyung drive again.” 

“What did you do to him?” Youngbae asks with an eyebrow raised.

“Me? Are you going against me right now?” Seunghyun responds, narrowing his eyes in disbelief. “I just took him for a drive, and bought him clothes. How come I did something to him?“

“Clothes? He bought me pajamas. And then he made me talk to strangers on the street and everyone looked at me like I was crazy while I was buying him food.” Seungri puffs his lips at the fresh memory. “Plus, look at my hair!” He points out and sighs on the moment he fell down and makes contact with the wooden floor.

 “I-it’s curly?” I speak and gasp. I cannot say it out loud as his yelling is the only sound that can be heard in the whole discret room, but he really looks cute. Something just fits him so right with curls and pajamas. Maybe the image, in fact.

“Yah!” Seunghyun soflty nods his head towards Seungri, poking maknae’s arm with a pout. “Are you mad?”

“What do you think, eh? Ah!” Seungri yells all of a sudden and rolls his eyes before popping back on the floor and grabbing at his hair.

“Aw. Do you want a kiss? C’mon here!”

“Hyung!” Seungri screams, covering his eyes and hides behind Daesung who is now shoving him off for ruining his brand new clothes. The room comes to a quiet place as soon as Seunghyun starts to spin the bottle again. Everyone quickly turns their figures awkwardly on him, even the unamuzed Jiyong.

“What?” he looks up, looking vaguely amazed. “Is the game over already?”

“It seems like it.” I mumble and turn my gaze on Jiyong who is still eying me with his lips pursed. It was something misty hidden in the back of his eyes and behind his homely look that never seemed to fade away; not even for a nearly poisoned instance. Especially the deep fuzzy glance that forces me to inevitably stare the same way back at  him with nothing but a likewise façade. It is like something might roll out of his tongue at any tense minute that combined our bewildered expresions together. 

“Woah! Already? Let’s play another round then.” Seunghyun says with a wink while tugging on my arm lightly. Oh, no! “____-ah, you go now.”

“M-me?” I snap out of my thoughts and turn around to meet his deep gaze. I already knew I cannot possibly win this. “A-are you serious?” I blink my eyes at him and then look away, still waiting for his answer. 

“Of course I'm serious. Isn’t this your night? Go, Go!”

I reach shakily for the bottle and take a hold of it. The coldness hits me as I hesitate in which direction I should go with first. A sticky sensation is stuck right in the back of my throat as an advertisment of an upcoming event that would be as well followed by rough concequences. I gulp harshly and close my eyes as thight as I possibly can. I decide to go with whatever my sixth sense will lead me to. Under certain circumstances my own self is not aware of, the place becomes quiet as a sign that the bottle came to a stop and it is already pointing at someone. However, as I am about to open my eyes, a voice stops me right on time.

“Rather than knowing who the bottle it pointing at, why won’t you just say what your wish is first?”

I title my head to the side and just take my time to think about it. To put it simply, I still haven’t thought about something – anything, I could get from either of them. What to do? No matter how much I force my blank mind to come up with any idea, something makes it hard enough to concentrate upon a simple plan. On the other hand, they just bought the cheerful me back to life. Shouldn’t I turn their favor back?

“I… just want to make someone’s wish come true, instead.” I softly whisper and open my eyes. As soon as my blurry vision clears, I see the person the bottle is leading my eye-sight to and I just freeze on the spot chewing on my lower lip nervously with eyes popped out.

“So, Kwon Jiyong. Are you ready for your dream come true?”