It's difficult for me to sleep at night alone because I just keep on thinking about my wrong and risky decisions that I've made. It's also because I worry about my parents and me - for our future.

I'm also kind of depressed because I just had my bloodwork done and they found out that I have a high level of prolactin and low in iron. I'm currently applying for scholarships and I'm just starting to get active in school and community.

I will drop Physics 30 because even though I can handle it. There's no one that I can ask help for. There are tutors obviously but they charge $50 per hour which is expensive because it's natural for me to convert it into my previous country's currency. There are homework help in school but they teach the material differnetly to me compared to how I want them to teach it. Obviously, I'm being rude if I reject how they're teaching me becaue they're teaching it for FREE so what right do I have to complain?

A lot of bad things are happening right now since we moved here. I'll just not specify where I live right now since there should still be a boundary in sharing my information to my readers. 

Health issues.

Financial issues.

Problems both at home and school.

I'm trying to fulfill slash chase my dreams while trying to avoid the 5 regrets of dying people...

It's so difficult to balance both because it also depends on how busy people are especially my parents and they basically don't have time to give time to me. If they do have, it's being ruined by their friends who crashes onto our home and stay there not even considering that they have their own family waiting for them. I cannot just say to my parents that they're going to die soon or they dont have much time left so they should ing stop accommodating or chatting for a long time (like 4 hours because IT DOES HAPPEN - At least in my family - especially Mom) with their friends and focus on me and our bonding time. There was just so many times that I want to say it but bad thing is, humans never learn. But d*mn how truth hurts, right?

I'm currently typing this more like a personal journey of mine beause I can't sleep again. I swear. I really can't and it's been a year now maybe since I immigrated here. Everything's changed. In order to be on the Top Ten you need to join a lot of extra curricular activities, community service, and good grades. Good grades - that's all I have. Like seriously, I understand why.... but I work hard that I usually don't sleep anymore which have led me to have lots of health issues (like low iron and a high level of prolactin). But I have never received an award ONCE. NEVER. I'm used to being the Top 2 when I was in my country but here... they call me smart but I got nothing to show my parents (like an award of some sort). Another regret dying people have said is that they wish that they ahve done less. TRUE AF. Why? After 5 generations of your bloodline do you think all of them will remember how great you are? What if all your stuff gets burned, or facebook is not a thing anymore after 500 years?? Now.... You get them? I'm so dramatic because I'm 17 years old. NOPE. I think more like a 33 years old. I am now trying to live my life according to the dying people's advice and try to avoid them as much as I can. Surprisingly, they never regret NOT EARNING A LOT MONEY. NOT REGRET HOW BIG THEIR LOTS ARE. And thus, my readers, how I want to live my life. I still want a modern, a bit more than a medium-size house but not a mansion. I don't need super cars. I don't need Chanel nor Gucci. All I need is time, love, trust, sincerity, health, wisdom, and all the good things that doesn't concern money (e.g. material things is a NO NO)