“ .    .    .  Chebal say something? “ hyeon sitting a meter or two away from jae asked clenching her fingers .  Sitting at the pavement next to the car they have wasted a good hour hour or two . His eyes still staring out into the distance he was looking at when he heard her voice . He has sat down when his knees giving out the moment his brain took in what she said. Not even a word or a sigh heard from him .  .  It didn't look like jae was even breathing as he just sat there , frozen just like the statue in the middle of the fountain his staring at. 

  Terrified     .   .  Anxious .   .  but a bit relieved hyeon has sat down on the pavement giving him his space as she sat a little far away on his right . His first reaction was one she expected but the longer his silence lasted her nerves started kicking in . Her brain as usual going through million thoughts to try and come up with what jae is thinking about . 

     “ .   .   .  Jae, please say something “ she asked again clenching her finger even tighter .   .    .   Her short sleeves were enough to reach her hand and be used to distract her tension so it's her fingers that she plays with to stop her nervous from acting up. 

        She has stole a couple of glances his way to see if he even heard what she said but from the looks of it jae doesn't even look like he is here right now .   .   .  He looks so thought less like everything in his head has disappeared into thin air . Just blank. 

         “ .   .    .  I know this is huge .   . “ hyeon sending her worry filled eye to the floor went on talking . She has sat there asking him to say anything but getting no reply she has figured it would be less terrified and nerve racking to talk then to just quietly sit there and wait for what. She had thought just saying the word would be the most excruciating thing to do but sitting here .  .   Waiting for his reaction is way more terrifying than even telling him that she loved him . 

     “ .   .   .  You have a lot of obligations and a lot of things to think about “ folding her arms tightly she went on . Even Though she had thought having a baby would be messing her life up for the man next to her , who is considering getting the ceo position of jk , the news is like rocking his world upside down . He has so much more to loss than her because of the baby. There is also his parents , who she is not convinced won't sit quietly when they find out . Just the thought of his dad finding out has kept hyeon up for most nights as she contemplated whether to tell him or not.  

      “ .   .    .   You have way more to risk “

     “ .    .     .  And “ she halted not knowing how to even phrase what she is thinking of saying. Even Though both had the same part in the crime it was hyeon who felt like she was the sole criminal and the one to be punished for it .  Even from the moment she heard of the news she has been blaming herself for all of it . A huge self resentment is what has hold her from telling jae too . There was a huge part of her that was convinced that she is messing jaes life up . With the life she is carrying .  .  she has convinced herself that she will definitely  be holding jae back. 

   “   .    .   .  I know this is huge .   .  “ she bite her lips , rather than the one with the anxiety problem sitting next to her all clam it seems to be hyeon that looks like she has minutes before she loss it. 

  “ .   .    .   It's gonna flip your life upside down “ more of a whisper to herself than jae.

      “ .   .   .  It's a human  .   .     .  A human you have to take care of “ 

“ .   .    .  Like a living and breathing thing that will depend on you for everything “ her arms loosening their tight fold as the words she speaks out going back to her head and once again registering the fact that she now has a life inside of her . She has missed when jaes hands moved from his side to brushing his hair back and staying on his neck .his eyes that didn't look like they have even blinked for hours finally did. 

      “ .   .     .  How can  

   “ .    .     .  You have to raise it 

“ .   .     .  How are you gonna do that ?” she was asking her self and with no answer to her own question she went silent .   .  The cold air that waves in sideways pushed by the strong wind being the only thing that can be heard as both sat there deadly quiet.

  “ .   .    .  Your life is messy enough for one”   she whispered .

      As if this was the first time she heard the words coming from the doctor hyeon’s mind went all out as she starts thinking about what kind of responsibility is waiting for her. 

     With her upbringing .   .   With all the harsh things she has lived past .    .     . She is now more crucial than ever that the heavens have sent the kid for more punishment rather than an indication for good things to come. Married to a great doctor or human rights activist with a house in the suburbs and a stable job is what she has always imagined would come first before she even thought of a baby. But has life ever given her any of her dreams ? .   .    .  No matter how much she has run around trying to make everything right it seems like there is a person sitting upstairs waiting and watching carefully to her and adding more queues when ever she feels at ease.

     “ .    .     .  I don't know what to do “ she whispered out as a lonely tear started rolling down her right cheek . She has acted like she got it all together if front of everyone that knows her .  .  .  From the hospital visit with mrs jung to all the dietary shoppings he did with jessica , she has tried to convince all she got this but now .   .   . Now sitting next to the only person who might be able to understand a fraction of what she is feeling she doesn't want to pretend . It didn't feel right to even put a front in front of jae . 

       “ .    .     .   I don't even know how to take care of the girls let alone a baby “ another tear down her cheek. She hasn't  noticed how much emotional she is becoming .   .   .  All the stress and emotions topped by all the hormones it's a quick trip from a single tear to bawling down . 

      “ .    .     .  This is not right “ she adding as her right hand went up brushing her quiet tears . 

    “ .   .    .   This is too much and .   . Sigh “ she swallowed her cries. 

“ .    .    . And i will understand if you .   .   “ 

     “ .   .   .  If you don't want  to .    .      .  Want to be part of it “ her words attacking her own heart she whispered out . Just the thought of it was painful enough and jaes silence didn't help out either as she didn't even hear a sigh coming from his direction as she said those words . 

    “ .   .    .    You have much to loss “ she raised her left hand she needed it to wipe the tears before they startling falling down as she looked up closing her eye for a second and brushing all the tears that slid down side ways . 

        “ .    .     .  I don't want to 

“ .    .    give you more burden “ she opened her eyes sending her hands back into a tight fold. These were the worlds she has wasted weeks on just thinking about how to even phrase. 

    “ .   .    .   Whatever you decide 

“ .   .    .  Whatever you wanna do .   .   It’s ok “ she added unlike her words the voice she accompanied it with didn't sound like she was ok with it though. She was not even a bit ok with it .   .  No matter how much she has been lectured that she could do it alone and she doesn't need jae . Her heart knows she won't be ok with any of it if jae doesn't want any part of it . 

     “ .     .    . It will be ok “ she said again immediately gasping startled when jae stood up . Her heart that jumped a beat was on teh edge as scared to even look up hyeon kept her eye on the floor next to her shoes as jae took a step or two to the car in front and then stopped.  Her whole body begging to cry it out she held herself tightly