Yongguk: Chapter 10
Ephemeral
You stare at the veins of wood on the table, tracing the impossible lines with your eyes before you collect your used utensils and throw them in the trash. After giving a curt nod to the employee at the register, you walk out of the shop and back into the city. You see Himchan a distance away, his shoulders hunched as he braces the wind, but you make no move to approach him.
Instead, you decide to take a walk around the city. You block your ears from absorbing the jumble of sounds and focus on the things you see, things that had always been there but had failed to capture your attention. You want to look at the city with a different perspective. The way Yongguk describes it makes it seem as if anything could happen here. And maybe it could. It just hadn't occurred to you before.
What does he see? You wonder. What does Yongguk see? How does he look at the world when he knows he won't be in it for much longer? What does he think, and how does he feel? In a way, that must be freeing, and you're almost envious of him for it. Knowing that you have little time left to live ... it encourages one to do things he wouldn't normally do.
Yongguk lives life so spontaneously. You had thought he was strange and bizarre, but that was before you had known about his sickness. Now, he just seems young to you. Too young ... too young to die.
But what ... does he see? You lift your head up to gaze at the puffy white clouds hanging in the blue expanse, rays of sunlight briefly streaking through them. Buildings block the majority of the sky, and the bustle going on around you distracts you from completely admiring the view. Still. Maybe this isn't the kind of thing Yongguk sees. Maybe what he sees isn't something visible.
You turn around to take in your surroundings. You try to remember what you had felt when you were with Yongguk last night, walking around the city with nothing but time pulling you back. That moment, that feeling ... that must be what he senses, all the time. He probably is painfully aware of how short time is, of how there's just not enough of it, of how it passes by too, too fast.
Everything. Everything in this world is just so ... fragile.
You pull out your phone to check the clock when you realize that it's already been an hour since you've left the bakery. Surprised at how long you had spent aimlessly traveling the city, you wonder whether Yongguk is awake by now. He had given you permission to call him, and you want to take advantage of that offer. You hesitate at first, but then you reason that you shouldn't be. Yongguk won't judge you for it. He doesn't have time to.
"He ... llo?" Yongguk groggily murmurs, picking up your call after the second ring. His voice is lower and raspier than usual, and it makes you smile.
"Yongguk. It's me." You look around you, taking the moment in. "I'm in the city."
"It's early," he says, but you can hear the sounds of him getting out of bed.
"I know. I just ... felt like being here, for some reason. I ... ran into Himchan."
A pause. " ... you did? In the city? At ... 6am?"
Perplexed, you ask, "Is that weird?"
"Himchan lives far from here," he explains. "The fact that he's in the city ... and at that early a time ... but I guess he came here soon after he called me." He laughs, the sound pleasing to your ears. "I'm guessing he'll probably be crashing at my place later. That guy. Can't leave me alone."
"He loves you," you blurt out. Where had those words come from? You half expect Yongguk to laugh again, but instead he just agrees with you.
"I know," Yongguk says quietly. "It just makes it harder." He lets the silence engulf the conversation for a few seconds before he says, "Listen, I'll be right there. We could go to the park. If you're not busy?"
"I'm never busy."
"Then I'll be there. Wait for me. Okay?"
"I will," you say, making a move to hang up, but before you can, his voice cuts in.
"By the way ... tha
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