염선화 FLIES ACROSS THE WORLD ❀
tw: psychological abuse and eating disorders
机不可失，时不再来
Opportunity knocks at the door only once
Opportunity knocks at the door only once
PAGE ONE
PAGE TWO
PERSONALITY TRAITS
lay your hands on the left behind, we all know how it feels to be forgotten for a while
cross your heart calm, diligent, discreet, courteous, imaginative, intuitive
diffident, obedient say you've never given up reserved, undemanding
cowardly, anxious, insecure, secretive, envious, competitive it's easier to run away
diffident, obedient say you've never given up reserved, undemanding
cowardly, anxious, insecure, secretive, envious, competitive it's easier to run away
ELABORATION
∾ I PUT YOUR TIME IN MY HEART sunhwa has always been the type to just follow orders, gratifying the other's wishes rather than her own. she barely says anything, moreover she preffers to just keep her thoughts to herself. sunhwa has a rather soft yet silvery voice, and just every single action she does is stupidly gentle, as if she was a feather, moving as the same compass as the breeze. this often leads to people rarely noticing her presence, because everything about her is just so quiet that she would probably be invisible if it wasn't for her looks, often a reason for people to turn their heads around, appreciating the beauty that is yeom sunhwa. her manners are repeteadly something people compliment, she has an amarathine perfect posture, furthemrore her tongue never lets anything imprudent slip out of her lips. as her mother liked to describe her, sunhwa is a lady, ridiculously propper on top of just perfect. she can perfectly keep a secret if the occasion comes around, maybe because she's too quiet to say anything, or maybe because she's too careful of every single one of her actions. she is a firm believer of thinking before you say or do anything, so much that she spends most of her time thinking too much, but doing scarcely anything. which is also why she hasn't fully exploded her creative nature. her head is unfailingly full of projects and ideas, but she never accomplishes them, sometimes she doesn't even try, because once again, she thinks too much, endless doubts ceaselessly surround her, keeping her from doing anything. she is quite an intutive person, being able to easily guess how other people are feeling after a small analysis of their attitudes or expressions. she loves observing people's words or actions, and yes this sounds creepy, nonetheless she likes to call it ''appreciation of the human beauty''. you wouldn't even expect that she knows so much about everyone considering her quiet nature. sunhwa works hardly on whatever project she's currently doing, which was for keeps ballet. she's an undeniable hard-worker, and her diligent self regularly got the best of her .
∾ I PUT YOUR TIME IN MY HEART sunhwa has always been the type to just follow orders, gratifying the other's wishes rather than her own. she barely says anything, moreover she preffers to just keep her thoughts to herself. sunhwa has a rather soft yet silvery voice, and just every single action she does is stupidly gentle, as if she was a feather, moving as the same compass as the breeze. this often leads to people rarely noticing her presence, because everything about her is just so quiet that she would probably be invisible if it wasn't for her looks, often a reason for people to turn their heads around, appreciating the beauty that is yeom sunhwa. her manners are repeteadly something people compliment, she has an amarathine perfect posture, furthemrore her tongue never lets anything imprudent slip out of her lips. as her mother liked to describe her, sunhwa is a lady, ridiculously propper on top of just perfect. she can perfectly keep a secret if the occasion comes around, maybe because she's too quiet to say anything, or maybe because she's too careful of every single one of her actions. she is a firm believer of thinking before you say or do anything, so much that she spends most of her time thinking too much, but doing scarcely anything. which is also why she hasn't fully exploded her creative nature. her head is unfailingly full of projects and ideas, but she never accomplishes them, sometimes she doesn't even try, because once again, she thinks too much, endless doubts ceaselessly surround her, keeping her from doing anything. she is quite an intutive person, being able to easily guess how other people are feeling after a small analysis of their attitudes or expressions. she loves observing people's words or actions, and yes this sounds creepy, nonetheless she likes to call it ''appreciation of the human beauty''. you wouldn't even expect that she knows so much about everyone considering her quiet nature. sunhwa works hardly on whatever project she's currently doing, which was for keeps ballet. she's an undeniable hard-worker, and her diligent self regularly got the best of her .
∾ I'LL GIVE SO MUCH MORE THAN I GET everytime someone started complimenting her or rambling about how awesome or how pretty she was, she'd uncesingly brush it off with an awkward smile plus a faint wave of her hands. she's just modest, you might say, but it's the way she thinks. she doesn't see herself as good or perfect, contrary to what she's been told. her insecurities including self-deprecating thoughts keep her away from fully acknowleding her talent. she's also a little bit shy, so it's just herself to just smile as wide as she can, shaking it off it off without further talking. her actions are deeply deliberated and taking decisions by herself is a concept she's pretty much unfamiliar with. her childhood consisted of doing whatever her mom told her to do without complaining. back in the day, this trait of her personality often made it easy for others around her to take advantage of her innocence, manipulating her around. in spite of that, a few years ago she realized that she should stop being so accommodating of the others. slowly, this trait is going away, even if it's still there, still haunting her from time to time, she's not the innocent litle kid she was before. sunhwa never says what she really thinks, her words are just censored versions of the stuff that sprint around her brain endlessly. hiding her real opinions or thoughts is something that she has been taught to do since she was young. she only had to please the others, so why even bother having anything to say? her opinion didn't matter, anyways. she never asks anything for people, since she knows they probably have way more important things to do than listening to her or her petty wishes. although she's in perpetuum pushing herself to achieve more things, demanding things from others just seems far from her reality. if someone offers help, she won't say no, but she probably won't be the first one to ask for it or to give signs that she needs it.
∾ I'M STILL ALIVE BUT I'M BARELY BREATHING there's a saying that the saddest people smile the brightest, and even if she doesn't smile as commonly as you would expect, this kind of applies to her. sunhwa has been raised to eternally endeavor for perfection, furthermore becoming her only goal in life. her whole existence consisted satisfying whatever her superiors wanted, emptiness soonly reaching her heart. she'd always push herself further, but whatever she did, perfection was never reached. because it was such a large concept, and to her, even something perfect could be upgraded. sunhwa felt like her efforths were never enough. whatever she did, it was always a mistake. it was never perfect. sunhwa's anxiety attacks are something yeongcheol learned to live with, since he's probably the only perso whom sunhwa would break down with. she keeps way too many secrets piled up in her heart, none of them ever making their way out of . she's always carrying a burden in her shoulders, said burden created by her own negative emotions trapped inside of her. sunhwa is too scared to do anything out of impulse, back then because she knew her mother's reactuion wouldn't be good, in the present, she just dreads the outcome that her actions would cause. moving with yeongcheol was something extremely difficult for her, and if it wasn't for his insistence, she'd probably be roaming around the streets trying to figure out what to do with her life after running away from her home. as a consequence of all that self-consciousness, sunhwa became sort of a greedy person. she feels envy of practically everything, envy of those who live without worries, envy of those who were better than dancers than her, envy of those people with a plethora of friends. it's also no secret that ballet is a competitive environment, so naturally, she grew to have this competitve side of her. although she doesn't go as far as sabotaging someone, she's still greedy and focused on winning a competition if it comes by.
BACKGROUND
am i wrong for hoping that it would come back to me?
truly enough, the start of sunhwa's life was rather generic. she was born as the first and only child of yeom jonghyun and eveline roche, who's first metting still remains a mystery to her. apparently, eveline was a french ballerina travelling with her company for a few performances in seoul, but the the story of how the actually got together was something she never wanted to have detail on. either way, they were quite the wealthy pair. jonghyun held an important place in a prestigious law firm, and eveline, though retired, belonged to a rich family. so money restrictions were unkown of. before sunhwa could even talk properly, she was already being introduced in the world of ballet. though starting real, formal classes at the age of 5, her mother always played all of her ballet recordings to her, made her listen to the whole soudntrack of the red shoes and the swan lake, alongside any other ballet masterpieces she ever came across. eveline wnated to shape sunhwa into what she had always wanted to be, but could never achieve; a world-known ballerina. at the start, she didn't have any ill intentions by making her daughter dance no matter what, but as time went by and sunhwa developed skills, she slowly became obsessed. eveline wanted her to be the best she could ever be, wanted her to be the main topic of conversation amongst the dancing commun ity, and to achieve her commitment, she thought all she had to do was guide sunhwa correctly.
truth be told, sunhwa loved ballet. her young mind loved seeing the frilly tutus and delicate dancing, thinking of them as the epitome of magic. when she started doing it, she just fell in love even more. the feeling of dancing was the closest thing she could ever get to flying, making her happier than anything else could. this way, she spent the first eleven years of her life following eveline's sweet words. her father was normally absent due to work, so his role in sunhwa's life was minimun. she wasn't hurt though, all sunhwa cared about was dancing. her mother always encouraged her, told her she was a prodigy, that she could be the best dancer south korea had ever heard off. and she believed, but when she saw the other girls in her class get complimented, she'd feel the disgusting feeling of jealousy creeping into her being. all she ever desires was to be a world-known dancer, no matter at what cost. despite being supportive, eveline always tried to coarce sunhwa into doing whatever she wanted her to. it started with petty blackmailing, but as she grew older, punishments made themselves present. fell while doing a piroutte? one day without dinner. an arabesque not perfect enough? grounded for a week. sunhwa used to think this was for her well being, and having basically no friends was never a problem for her. she had yeongcheol, which seemed more than enough. when sunhwa turned 13 and entered a prestigious ballet company, her life started to go downhill.
eveline got even greedier, and she forced perfection down sunhwa's troath. she wasn't the sweet, supportive mother that sunhwa rememer. she would yell at her for literally any small mistake, telling her horrible words she'll never want to recall again. this period of time was also when sunhwa reached puberty, resulting in her body naturally growing. she gained weight for ovious reasons, but eveline thought of this as unacceptable. she started giving less and less food to her, and she'd keep telling sunhwa she was fat, even if she was extremely underweight. this lead to sunhwa eventually developing bulimia. right after eating, she'd force a toothbrush down her troath in hopes of getting rid from all the food. eveline knew, but she didn't really care, as long as sunhwa mantained a nice figure and kept dancing. the things at the academy got even more competitive with time, and although sunhwa was known as the company's star due to her natural talent and undeniable beauty, she never felt like her effort was enough. insecurities started building up in her, and it only got worse when yeongcheol left the company. they obviously kept contact, but her only friend and partner for couple dancing was gone. it made her loneliness worse, and most of the time she just danced because it was the only thing she ever knew. her grades at school were average, so it wasn't like she excelled in anything else but dancing, although it slowly turned from her passion to her biggest fear.
the paris scholarship came to her when she was 15, and although she wnated to refuse and tell her mom she wanted to stop, she never got the guts to do it. thus, the yeom family packed their bags and moved to paris. these years were the true breakdown of yeom sunhwa, turning her into a mere shell that only existed, that forgot who she ever was. people kept telling her that she had a bright future ahead of her. a future filled with endless spotlights shining on her delicate figure, highlighting the shallow image of perfection she had strieved for so long. however, when she stood there, makeup making her skin itch and a leothard maybe too uncomfortable, sunhwa felt nothing. all the thrill dnacing gave her was gone. there was nothing left, but a growing flame of dread and loathe kept lighting inside of her, and she knew she was done. this wasn't life. this wasn't what she wanted. her childhood dream had been robbed and played with, treaten as if it was nothing but a need for recognition. after three years of emptiness, in a spurt of the moment, when the family shortly came back to korea for visiting jonghyun's family, sunhwa left, nothing but a pitiful note stained with tears left in her desk. when jonghyun and eveline noticed the ausence at the morning, the latter was fuming. she couldn't believe her own daughter had backstabbed her in such a way. she thought about looking for her and forcing her onto dancing again, but she decided it was pointless. she preferred to pretend sunhwa never existed rather than having such a disgrace in her own roof. and so she did.
sunhwa looked for yeongcheol, her legs almost giving up due to all the adrenaline she released after three years in pure submission- she barely found the place. it was around 3 am when min sungyeol heard the frantic knocking on the door, and when he opened it, the last thing he expected was to see a crying sunhwa muttering a few words before collapsing. barely catching the girl, sungyeol yelled yeongcheol's name as loudly as he could, hoping that his son would respond to the call. he descended through the dtairs, sleepily rubbing his eyes, but any ounce of sleepiness within his being was soon replaced with fear as soon as he saw sunhwa's lifeless-looking body. they took her to the nearest hospital they could find, where they told them sunhwa had fainted from exhaustion, but she also had a severe case of desnutrition. after insanely worrying for the rest of the night, sunhwa woke up at around 9 am. as soon as she saw the concerned looks of her best friend and his father, she broke down in silent sobs. she was only able to talk after half an hour, after a short hugging session with yeongcheol and the doctor updating her on her situation. after being left alone with the father and son, she started explaining everything. eventually, after insisting she'd stop bothering them after leaving the hospital, they arrived to the conclussion that sunhwa could start living with them. though she felt like a burden, yeongcheol and sungyeol were way too stubborn and didn't want to leave her alone, for obvious reasons. for the last two years, she'd been receiving psychological help, gradually getting better. the first months were hard, but yeongcheol and his father were the biggest blessing she could ever come across. they were nice and supportive, and didn't force her on anything. jonghyun searched for her, and tried to convince her to come back, but sunhwa refused. there was no way she'd ever return to that hell hole, also knowing that her mother would never forgive her. however, jonghyun's fatherly side came out for the first time in the 18 years of sunhwa's life, and decided that he'll start giving her money every month, as some sort of pocket money. sunhwa didn't want to accept it at first, but she knew her father didn't do the main damage on her person, so the least she could do in return for going away is calming her father's conscience by accepting his money.
LIFE TODAY
sunhwa is currently living with yeongcheol and his father. although they don't ask her for money, she has a job in order to pay for anything else she'd like to buy besides food and hygiene products. her father is kind enough to send her money every month as well, which she saves in her bank account in hopes of collecting money in order to go back to school one day. she works at a library near her house, where she normally spends her days arranging books and receiving returned books. it's a quiet and peaceful job that she loves, even if sometimes she gets tired from having to order so many books. still, she's been living a calm life ever since she left her family. anxiety attacks come back from time to time, and sometimes she still struggles to finish her lunch, but slowly, she's recovering. lately, yeongcheol has been trying to help her make friends, and that's how she met the globetrotters and their plan. she fell in love with the idea, and although she's quite new in the group and doens't trust everyone fully, she wants to believe she'll be okay. amongst the interests she'd been trying to gather in order to forget about ballet, she started reading a lot of books, and she wanted to experience the same things the characters did when they werewith their friends. sunhwa hopes the globetrotters will be the end of her search, that maybe, just maybe, she'll be able to find the lost child who loved cookies and enjoyed twirling around in pretty dresses.
TRIVIA
∾ she adores reading. yeongcheol thought it'd be nice if she picked another hobby after she left ballet, and he reccommeded reading due to the extense collection of books his father likes to brag about. she even got her work at the library thanks to sungyeol, as his friend is the owner of it, and he kindly accepted sunhwa after hearing her story.
∾ when yeongcheol's at school and sungyeol's at work, sunhwa likes to go out to han river and walk, listening to music on her cellphone (a blue iphone 5s, which she bought with her first paychecks). sometimes she sings softly, and yeongcheoln tells her she has a nice voice, but she doesn't quite believe so.
∾ her taste in music had been reduced to exclussively ballet and classical music for her whole life, but now she's being exposed to yeongcheol's tastes, which include classic rock, musical comedies and kpop, from time to time. her music library is literally all of the music yeongcheol hasbeen hoarding throughout his life. she really loves musicals, her favorite one so far being mamma mia.
∾ lukewarm tea and coffee are the two main things that calm her down whenever she's feeling overwhelmed, along yeongcheol's singing.
∾ she's been picking up an interest in writing. rather than writing stories, she writes about how she feels and how she used to feel, basically a journal but with no real dates placed at the start of every page. sometimes she shows little snippets to yeongcheol and sungyeol, but it's mostly private.
∾ observing people in the library is probably her favorite way of killing time when she'd bored at work. it's not as creepy as it sounds, really, she just enjoys wondering what their lives are like.
∾ when she watches tv she normally opts for singing and music showsm such as immortal songs, king of masked singer and obviously the mainstream music shows where idols perform at. she gets really excited about them.
∾ yeongcheol got her to lotte once, and since then, sunhwa fell in love with amusement parks and basically forces him to take her to them at least once a month. they have a nice ambience full of happiness, and it makes sunhwa feel thrilled. the rides give her an adrenaline similar to the one she used to feel while dancing. also, yeongcheol is kind of a scaredy cat and makes the most hilarious faces while accompanying her
∾ tba
∾ she adores reading. yeongcheol thought it'd be nice if she picked another hobby after she left ballet, and he reccommeded reading due to the extense collection of books his father likes to brag about. she even got her work at the library thanks to sungyeol, as his friend is the owner of it, and he kindly accepted sunhwa after hearing her story.
∾ when yeongcheol's at school and sungyeol's at work, sunhwa likes to go out to han river and walk, listening to music on her cellphone (a blue iphone 5s, which she bought with her first paychecks). sometimes she sings softly, and yeongcheoln tells her she has a nice voice, but she doesn't quite believe so.
∾ her taste in music had been reduced to exclussively ballet and classical music for her whole life, but now she's being exposed to yeongcheol's tastes, which include classic rock, musical comedies and kpop, from time to time. her music library is literally all of the music yeongcheol hasbeen hoarding throughout his life. she really loves musicals, her favorite one so far being mamma mia.
∾ lukewarm tea and coffee are the two main things that calm her down whenever she's feeling overwhelmed, along yeongcheol's singing.
∾ she's been picking up an interest in writing. rather than writing stories, she writes about how she feels and how she used to feel, basically a journal but with no real dates placed at the start of every page. sometimes she shows little snippets to yeongcheol and sungyeol, but it's mostly private.
∾ observing people in the library is probably her favorite way of killing time when she'd bored at work. it's not as creepy as it sounds, really, she just enjoys wondering what their lives are like.
∾ when she watches tv she normally opts for singing and music showsm such as immortal songs, king of masked singer and obviously the mainstream music shows where idols perform at. she gets really excited about them.
∾ yeongcheol got her to lotte once, and since then, sunhwa fell in love with amusement parks and basically forces him to take her to them at least once a month. they have a nice ambience full of happiness, and it makes sunhwa feel thrilled. the rides give her an adrenaline similar to the one she used to feel while dancing. also, yeongcheol is kind of a scaredy cat and makes the most hilarious faces while accompanying her
∾ tba
PAGE THREE
RELATIONSHIPS
∾ MIN YEONGCHEOL ∾ NOVEMBER 20, 1997 ∾ KIND, SENSITIVE, SELFLESS ∾
honestly speaking, yeongcheol is all sunhwa had for a long time. they met when sunhwa was waiting for her mother to pick her up when she was around 8. she normally stayed there to watch her, but something came up and had to pick her up after the class instead. either way, she was there, alone, waiting. he approached her, and though sunhwa struggled to talk with him, they soon enhanced into a nice conversation. through the rest of his years in the academy, he always tried to talk nwith her whenever they had a few breaks. slowly, they built a friendhsip where they could trust each other, and yeongcheol was her main support through her hardships. sunhwa is deeply grateful to him and his father, and she really doesn't know where she'd be if not for them. yeongcheol is always trying to heal sunhwa, and although thy might tease each other from time to time, the love between them is stupidly pure, and the few people who have taken a gaze at their friendship would label it as pure and wholesome. yeongcheol's always there to help her and calm her down, and sunhwa has always tried to support him when he's having a hard time at school. formalities between them are basically unexistant between them, as yeongcheol is younger than her but still treats sunhwa as if they were the same age. still, she doesn't really mind.
INTERACTIONS WITH THE OTHER GLOBETROTTERS [a/n: if she gets chosen i'll write the whole thing, but for now, i'll just give a simple overview]
sunhwa really loves the fact that they accepted her into the group despite not knowing her fully. she hopes she'll be able to trust them and find new friends besides yeoncheol, his father and the old lady who comes to the library to talk to her about latin american literature. sometimes she feels awkward among them because of her naturally introverted and reserved self, but if yeongcheol likes these people, then it's for a reason.
MOTIVE BEHIND LEAVING although sunhwa's life has been nothing but calm in the last two years, there's smething missing. there's something she wants to find out. she wants to discover a new passions, learn things, see the world through sunhwa's eyes, and not through the yes of the aspiring dancer. her goal is to finally enjoy all that was taken away from her through her whole life, and find people who she can trust so that her discomfort and slight phobia of others can be finally, if not errased, calmed. though she'd afraid of leaving her current stability, she knows she has to take risks in order to improve. she can't stay in a safe space for the rest of her life. the word ''adventure'' sounds exaggerated to her, but she wishes that she'll be able to have new experiences, slowly breaking her shell.
PAIR ME UP? yes, heteroual [please give my baby some love<3]
PAGE FOUR
Comments