I can't breathe.

I was like drowning in a sea when I felt someone pulled me up.

It was that KPOP girl.

"Are you okay?" she asked. "You were staring at my poster for a long time. Is something wrong?"

"I-I was staring at the what?" I asked, still confused.

"At the poster, you were absent minded a while ago and your eyes are fixed on him" she replied as she points the boy who stares at the lollipop.

"Ohh.." I sighed "Maybe I was just tired."

I gave her a faint smile to calm her down.

When she seemed satisfied about my answer, she pulled the poster away and she walked back to her desk.

Suddenly she stopped walking and turned to me,

"His name is Kim Kibum or more known as Key. He is a member of a group named SHINee. Just so you know" she said with a smile

"Shiny? You mean, shiny? A thing that shines?" I asked.

"Yes that's how you pronounce it but their group name is spelled as S-H-I-N- double E"

I just nodded as a sign of approvement. I don't know how to feel about that.

Did she think that I am a fan of this Shiny thing or something? But going back, why on earth am I asking about these things?

"Waste of time." I said as I scan my half-completed portfolio.

 Classes are over and it's time to hit my office in the organization room. This place is like my second home. In here, I can relax and talk freely with my co-members and juniors and forget about the stress in school. I was about to go to my desk when our organization adviser called me.

I went to her desk and asked what does she need.

"Come, sit." she said.

Confused, I obeyed her and sit on a chair in front of her desk. 

My face is calm but my feelings aren't.

" Did I do something bad or what?" I thought.

Before I can widen my imagination, she brought out a short brown envelope from her drawer. I tried to check where the envelope came from.

But what I saw was a character full of lines and mostly, circles.

KOREA is the first country that crossed my mind. What on earth is this?

She took out a piece of paper and a few pamphlets from the envelope. 

" I know you have the capacity for this program" our adviser said.

"Huh?" I asked, puzzled.

"I would like you to consider on acccepting this invitation as an exchange student" she told me

"Why me?" I asked.

"Isn't it obvious? It's because you are the most capable person to do this."

"But---"

" No buts, just please consider this offer. Now if I may excuse myself, I have lots of paperwork to do."

I sighed.

I went back to my desk and browsed the application form and some pamphlets. 

I learned that the program came from a University in Korea and I'll be staying there in my second trimester. There's no problem with me going there, but will my parents allow me? Gosh, this day has been so stressful and now even in my relaxation zone became stressful as well. I got my bag and dashed my way out. School's been very harsh on me today,

I badly need a break.

On my way out, I saw the bulletin board near our classroom, the one that I saw in my peripheral vision this morning. I walked closer and finally, I was able to see what that poster is all about: 

It's the exchange student program in Korea.

"So this is what I saw this morning" I sighed.

This day has been one of the worst days of my university life... weird dreams, annoying classmates, stressful noises, deadlines to meet, portfolios to finish. This I cannot tolerate.

Not to mention that it's raining.

I opened my bag to look for my umbrella

but I found nothing.

I sighed.

"Very good indeed, what a very lucky day."

I came home at around 7pm, just in time for dinner, I changed my clothes, dried my hair and went downstairs to join my parents for dinner.

I was just near the cupboard before the door to the dining room when I heard my parents quarreling. 

It is always like this.

Same scenario,

same issues..

it's all the same for the past three years...

Both of my parents are very focused in their careers, I remembered, before, when my mother used to leave me in a nursery in order before going to work, and in the evening, my father fetches me and brings me home. There's even a point wherein I will be the last kid inside the nursery and still my father hasn't come, so the staff don't have a choice but take me home by themselves.

In those times, I just want to cry because I feel that all children of my age are being taken care of by their parents but me, despite having nice clothes and toys, is being taken care of by someone who is not even related to me by blood.

Sometimes, I just wanna cry because it's as if 80% of their day is devoted to work and the remaining is for resting and picking me up from the nursery. 

I was deeply hurt in my childhood days but as I grow older, I became stronger in facing these kinds of situations...

I am no longer hurt,

because I am already numb.

I went to the dining table acting like as if nothing happened; I ate dinner as usual.

"How's school?" my mom asked

"Mm- it's okay"

There was silence.

I was about to finish my bowl of stew when my father turned to me and asked,

"Well it's not that I am putting a pressure on you..."

I was like, "Uh-oh, I know where this is going..."

"Aren't you really interested on taking Music? Just make it as your---"

I interrupted my dad.

" Dad, how many times are we going to talk about this issue?"

" Sorry kid but I just want--"

"You just want the best for me?! Did you even asked yourselves if I am happy with what you want me to be?"

I am about to cry.

"Ever since I started school, I have no plan but make you proud of me. I am studying very hard for the past years in order to make you happy and proud. I followed everything from the choice of high school till the choice of university. But dad, please--" I am trembling.

"--please at least let me choose what I really want this time. Just for this time."

My parents aren't responding

"I have been following all of your orders for all these years, but I guess you should let me follow my own plan this time."

Still, they are not responding.

"This i cannot tolerate" I said firmly.

I put down my spoon and ran towards my room. My tears fell uncontrollably.

I saw the envelope that our adviser gave me this afternoon, I looked at it with very determined eyes.

" I have enough of this. I am going." I told myself.

The night is long for a girl like me who is crying. I've been crying my hearts out to free those hard feelings that I have been keeping in my heart for a very long time. I want to stop, but my heart won't allow it. It's about time to take off the heavy burden in my heart.

And before I knew it, I fell asleep with tears still pouring from my eyes.

*****************

It was all white and the environment is crowded with people whose faces I cannot clearly see.

I can hear a voice of a woman; sounds like it's coming from a speaker somewhere.

Everyone's rushing and tugging a thing in their hands.

I can see children running.

I can hear voices from different people. There was even a sound of a screeching cart.

I was walking and observing the place, trying to figure out where exactly am I.

I was in the middle of my observation when I realized that this ain't the wedding scene that I have been dreaming for five days.

"Is this another dream?" I asked myself

I was quite happy because I know that my dream is not a premonition given that this dream is a different one.

But the question is still: "Where am I?"

I continued to walk and observe the environment when a kid bumped me. It was so strong that my smartphone that I have been holding since the start of my dream slipped my hand. 

I was about to get my smartphone when I realized that the kid dropped something.

It was his plane ticket.

Panickly, I picked it up and ran towards the kid.

"Man, the kid is too fast" I thought, as I ran towards the kid.

I've been running so fast in curves and passing through a lot of people when I suddenly crashed into someone.

Both of us fell.

I thought "So is this my unlucky dream?! I thought the heavens just gave me an unlucky day??"

I was rubbing my head, when the person I bumped with extended his hand to me. 

With the shape of this hand, I know that the person that I bumped is a man. 

"Now what?" I sighed as I asked myself.

I got his hand and he helped me get up. I was fixing my clothes when I said,

"Well, sorry for bumping---"

I stopped talking. 

My heart fluttered for no reason. It's as if it stopped from beating.

My eyes widened when I saw who that man is.

I cannot believe it.

Wearing a cream-colored suit and a thin-striped sweatshirt inside adorned with huge pink spheres.

"I know I've seen him before" I thought

I gathered my memories for a while,

and in a snap of a finger I remembered who he is....

It's the lollipop boy from the Kpop poster.