SOUL FOUR – JUNGKOOK

Every day after I get up from bed I do my morning exercise. 100 squats, 100 push ups, 100 sits up and almost hour of lifting dumbbells every day so my body is ing great. When I look at me in mirror I am almost shocked what I see. The abs and muscles, I am completely different person than before.

My parents were junkies and we lived in district full of ruined house with the worst people from whole Seoul. Junkies, thieves and hookers. And between them lived many kids because no one cared about safe . I was one of them, but I was lucky. I had no disease. I and another kids were just running around and shop lifting, sometimes we robbed few people who got lost in our district. Where you are growing up in such bad environment it is no wonder that soon I tried drugs for first time. I tried heroin for the first time when I was nine. I liked it because with heroin everything around looked nice and colourful, no hunger or sadness. No kids went in school, so we were just hanging out with my gang. One day we were vandalizing few buildings in centrum. We were spraying insults on the walls and rode on heroin. I was so high that I didn’t realise that boys from my gang ran away. Someone called cops and I was arrested. They dragged me to the police station and put me in cell. In middle of the night my drug withdrawal symptoms hit me like a ing truck. I was so desperate for just small piece of heroin that I begged the police men, but they let me suffer. But then Namjoon came. He was looking at me for while how I was writhing on ground of the cell and screamed for piece of my drug. Namjoon didn’t just watched me but he unlocked the cell and hugged me. I remember how I was feeling thunderstruck because of the first proof of human kindness in my life and it was nice. Then he took me to hospital and paid for my treatment.

To get rid of drugs was the hardest thing in my life. The facility where they treated me was nice and expensive for sure, but the money didn’t make it easier. For the first few weeks they held me tied to bed because the need of drugs was too much and I tried to run away few times. Namjoon introduced me to Seokjin and they offered me to live with them. I accepted the offer because I was fourteen years old boy still healing from drug addiction without family or education. And life with them is great. I have everything now and I go to school now. I want to become manga writer and I am really good at it. But still, sometimes my old life is calling me and my body screams for heroin. Namjoon checks my veins every Saturdays to make sure that I am not back in drugs. Sometimes the need of drugs makes me angry and when I am angry it isn’t nice.

And today I am angry. My teacher said that my new manga comics is stupid and looks like child drew it. I am so angry that I left before lunch and went home. I stormed inside and toss my bag in the corner. I am roaring in anger and hot tears of shame and anger are running down my cheeks. What was so wrong with my project? I worked more than two months on it! Seokjin comes to me and asked what is wrong. Seokjin and his stupid questions!

“Everything is wrong!!”

I lost my control and angrily wave my hands around. I accidentally hit Seokjin standing behind me. Seokjin has my red handprint on his cheek and I stormed out of the room. In the living room is Taehuyng, probably scared to death and hiding behind the couch. He is crying and silently whimpering and I feel like the biggest villain on planet. Namjoon drags me to my room and locked the door.

“Calm down Jungkook.”

He put his strong hands on my shoulders and squeeze.

“Take deep breaths.”

I am shaking in anger and shame. Suddenly the one idea which I hadn’t few months came back. Go and buy heroin. My skin start to itch. I am scratching my skin furiously and Namjoon knows what is going through my head.

“Kookie…”

He starts to massage my shoulders and back. I hug him tightly because he is the only thing which is holding me back from running outside to get heroin. But I wont admit it.

“You are going to stay at home for few days.”

I burst into tears and tell him about what happened.

“Oh Kookie, don’t listen him. Will you show it to me?”

I nod and calm down a bit. I go back downstairs for my backpack and see Taehyung still hiding behind the couch.

“Tae I am sorry, I will never scream or be angry around you.”

He hides even more and Seokjin pushed me away from him.

“Don’t worry Jungkook, he will calm down and then come out of there.”

I am crying again when I see the red handprint on his cheek. I hug Seokjin tightly and mumble sorry almost thousand times.

“It is okay, I am not angry.”

He is gently caressing my hair and I don’t know how could I hurt him.

Namjoon’s POV

Jungkook is angry today. I quickly get up from my work and go to find Jungkook before he can destroy something in his tantrum. He is screaming in anger and cries. Before I can get to him Seokjin is asking him what happened. Jungkook is overwhelmed and waved his hand. He is strong, so his hand caused red handprint on Seokjin’s cheek. Taehyung is scared because of the loud screaming and hides behind the couch again but now my priority is Jungkook and I won’t be able to get Taehyung out of his hiding spot. So I quickly grab Jungkook by his arm. I drag him to his room and locked the door behind us.

“Calm down Jungkook.”

I put my hands on his shoulders and squeeze to ensure him that I am here. I tell him to take deep breaths because he is shaking and I sense what is he thinking about. Drugs.

Drugs are the first thing when he needed my help. Jungkook is from poorest district of Seoul which is full of junkies, and criminals. It was usual that kids from this district tried drugs and become criminals too, no one could escape. He was arrested because of vandalism and I found him locked in cell like a wild animal. Jungkook was begging everyone for piece of heroin. I took him to hospital and paid for his treatment. I was visiting him whole treatment and it was hard to watch him and Jungkook even tried to run away but after three months he was clean. I offered him that he can live with us and that was how we got fourth son. But still I check his veins every week to make sure he isn’t back in that .

“Kookie….”

He is shaking in my embrace and I gently massage his back and shoulders. Jungkook hugs me tightly as if I am the last straw which is holding him back from his old life. It will be better for him to stay at home for next few days. He is now crying on my chest and tells me what happened. I will deal with the teacher later because in the school they know about past of my sons. I tell him to show me the manga and he goes downstairs for his backpack. I go behind him and see how he is trying to coax Taehyung but Seokjin tells him to stop. Jungkook is hugging with Seokjin so I quietly leave them alone.

The good thing is that Kookie is bonding with Taehyung and I think that it is helping to both of them. Kookie shows him TV and Taehyung sits in front of the screen for hours and Jungkook shows him everything. Cartoons, documents and variety shows. Taehyung is slowly becoming less jumpy and starts to be more confident in the house. Not confident in the right meaning of the word but we can touch him little bit and he wont flinch as much as before, he doesn’t fight during bath and sleeps in his new bedroom. Taehyung is slowly starting to heal and my only worry is the he still doesn’t speak.