Putting on a shiny lipstick, I smack my lips making it spread even more; covering the edges. I check my appearance, a sleeveless mid length floral dress and flat sandals. My plans for today was shopping, shopping and more shopping. But what I was most excited for was seeing Sunshine again. We agreed to have lunch together and she volunteered to show me around the area which I was grateful for. This was my first time travelling to a foreign country alone. Whenever I travel I mostly go with the members especially Momo, sometimes with my family or even my managers. But this time I wanted to go alone. Honestly I was scared but after the first step in Hawaii, it felt like I could finally breathe.

 

 

 

It was going well until yesterday I had a anxiety attack in public.

 

 

 

…..

 

 

 

Sana was at a cafe drinking her honey grapefruit black tea with a slice of cheesecake and some bread she forgot the name of but it was yummy. The ambience was relaxing and calm.  When she finally thought she could loosen up and have a peace of mind, she notice a man entering the cafe, he was wearing black jacket and a cap. Her hand starts to shake and her mind goes haywire. The man was approaching her table, she couldn’t look at him. She swallows the lump on . Trying to calm herself down, she closes her eyes. Holding her breath, she felt his presence pass her. The man passed her table. Relief washes all over her body. She smiled weakly, her tears starting to flow. Trying to calm herself down she drinks what’s left of her tea. She’s fine, she’s okay.

 

 

 

“Young lady, are you okay?” An old woman seated next to her table asked.

 

 

 

“uh- I’m, yes I’m fine.” She smiles at the woman.

 

“Honey you’re crying. Do you need anything?” her tone full of concern.

 

 

 

Crying?

 

 

 

She feels water falling from her eyes. Catching her tears with her palms, realization struck her.

 

 

 

i’m- I’m still not okay..

 

 

 

She gathers her things and leaves the cafe in a rush. She needed to get to her hotel room. Just when she exits the cafe it suddenly rained.  With her head bent down, she let the rain embrace her. The people in the cafe looked at her through the glass with pity. She wished the rain would wash away her pain and take away her tears. Walking aimlessly she asked herself when.

 

 

 

When will she finally be happy again?

 

 

 

When will she forget?

 

 

 

When will she face her members again?

 

 

 

When will she tell her mom I’m okay without lying?

 

 

 

When will she…

 

 

 

 

 

 

….be okay?

 

 

 

 

She begged, with all her heart, she begged to God and all the deities out there to make her better. To make her alright again. Even if it’s not now, she hoped soon. Just once she wanted all the pain and suffering to be gone. She couldn’t endure her emotions anymore, she wanted to open up her chest and throw away the heavy feeling, step on it, and bury it deep into the ground. She was disappointed in herself, how long will she be like this?

 

 

 

 

 Just when she thought her day couldn’t get any worst,she slipped on the wet concrete. Her knee stinging from pain. She cursed under her breath. Did someone put a curse on her or was she always this unfortunate?

 

 

 

I guess my prayers were ignored…

 

 

 

 

 Suddenly the rain stopped pouring on her.

 

 

 

“You should’ve watched the weather forecast.”

 

 

 

She was about to cry again when that comment made her stop on her tracks. Laughing at the random and unnecessary comment, her heart lightens somehow. At this rate she was questioning her sanity. She saw legs kneeling before her, looking up she saw eyes, shining of the morning twilight.

 

Taking her hand, suddenly she felt like everything was going to be alright.

 

 

 

I guess God was listening after all…

 

 

 

…...

 

 

 

 

Checking her appearance in the mirror for the last time, she grabs her sling bag and leaves her room. She enters the elevator, enjoying the music. It was different from yesterday’s elevator music. Her phone dinged signaling a text, it was Nayeon. She was reminding her to get her snacks and souvenirs. She replies.

 

 

 

okay unnie

 

 

Wha…are you in a good mood?

 

 

Eh..why?

 

 

You’re using kekeke again after a long time

 

 

I am? Oh

 

 

Its good, you’re doing good sana-ya

 

 

 

She knew what Nayeon meant. She was glad, she was glad her members were always there to support her. Though there were matters she’d rather keep to herself, it became her nature to depend on the members through the good times and bad times. They were her family and her family would wait for her for as long as she needed.

 

 

The elevator door opens and her eyes immediately search for a tall, medium haired girl. When she found nothing, she sits on the lounge sofa and wait patiently for Rona. She took out her big sunglasses from her bag and put it on. There were probably no fans around here but she couldn’t be too careful. Well honestly if fans spotted her, the sunglasses wouldn’t help at all. Speaking of fans, its been a long time since she posted on Instagram. She knew onces were missing her and are worried after what happened. Thinking of surprising them, she posted 2 selcas and a pic of a latte art she bought a few days ago. After seconds the post accumulated a hundred thousand likes, she reads the comments and felt emotional when she saw most of the comments were saying “OnceAlwaysHereForSana”. She takes deep breaths trying not to cry.

 

 

 

“You’re crying again..”

 

 

 

She looks up to the voice and sees the one she’s been waiting for. She sniffs and wipes away a tear.

 

 

 

“No, I’m not. There was something in my eye.”

 

 

 

“Sure.” She sarcastically said.

 

 

 

Rona was wearing an all white outfit, a white tank top inserted into her white high waisted jeans which accentuated her height and skin tone. Her hair flowing freely on her shoulders. It was simple yet all eyes were on her.

 

 

 

“You look pretty and cool!” Sana excitedly said.

 

“ah- thanks. You look pretty in the dress.” Rona avoids Sana’s eyes, flustered. She usually doesn’t stutter but the girl caught her off guard with the compliment and Sana was looking extra lovely today with her dress.

 

 

“Thanks! Dahyun bought this dress for me.” They start walking to the exit.

 

 

 

“Dahyun?”

 

 

 

“Umh. She’s my friend.” She smiles. Rona nodded in response.

 

 

 

“Where do you wanna go first?”

 

 

 

“Mall, shopping first.” Her eyes sparkle at the thought of shopping. A smile creeps its way on Rona’s mouth at the sight.

 

 

 

“Okay lets take the bus.”

 

 

 

…..

 

 

 

“Whice one looks better?” Sana asks while holding two dresses. One a mint blue and the other pink with white flowers.

 

 

 

“The pink one.” Rona was a very decisive person when it came to style and anything artsy. She knew what looked good and what didn’t. Sana admired that about her because when it came to choosing items, she would take almost hours deciding. She would either need a second opinion or it ended with not buying the item.

 

 

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