Hirano Erie rose up from her chair as soon as she heard the door open. She bowed ninety degrees while greeting the woman before her with ”Good afternoon, Bae-sajangnim.”

Bae Oksun laughed good-naturedly at the impeccable etiquette, “Good afternoon, it’s nice to see you. Sit down, dear, no need to be so formal.” She took a seat in the opposite chair of Erie which gave the younger woman a moment to muster her. The CEO wore thick eyeliner and a bold red lipstick coupled with a chiffon blouse with a colourful basquiat-esque pattern. It was clearly expensive and Erie had a feeling it was probably from one of those small designer brands whose name no one had heard of but whose prices doubled Gucci’s. Even though Erie preferred something less flashy for herself, she could  admit that she liked her CEO's fashion style. Bae Oksun's posture was good and her eyes were friendly and alert which showed some capability as a business woman.

“Have you taken a look at the menu, Erie? The hors d’Oeuvres are fantastic.”   Erie was surprised at the use of her first name but saw it as a good sign.
"I haven't, I wanted to wait until you arrive, Sajangnim. Perhaps you can recommend something to me?" she asked. It was the safe option, this way she wouldn't be considered greedy if her choice ended up too expensive and wouldn't be considered gluttonous if it ended up having more calories than her diet permitted. Which was probably everything on the menu.

On Bae Oksun’s suggestion she ended up taking the baked oysters with bacon and a Sauvignon Blanc while Oksun decided to go for Chardonnay and squid sashimi. September, her CEO explained, was the start of Oyster season so Erie simply had to try them now as their taste would be richer and brinier then before. Once they ordered, Bae Oksun started to ask her about her training.

The manager assigned to their project group had told her about the CEO’s request to meet her this afternoon. It was the reason she was sitting in an upscale restaurant in Gangnam opposite the founder of Arthouse Media instead of joining the others in dance class. She had seen CEO Bae a few times during training and exchanged some sentences but never like this, all alone without at least half a dozen other people around.

At first Erie grew increasingly impatient as her CEO asked her questions she perceived as small talk. She had been sure that there was a special reason her CEO asked her for the meet up and one thing was certain by now, it wasn’t going to be bad news - if Bae Oksun wanted her to leave the group, she wouldn’t have to go to these lengths. But Erie didn’t feel bold enough to ask and the more they started talking about practice, Erie realized that maybe this was the sole reason after all. Maybe Bae Oksun tried to become closer to one of the girls she plans on debuting and if that was the case, Erie was grateful about the opportunity to sit down face to face with the enterpreneur.

So Erie told her about their practice, how they kept steadily improving, unwavering in their dedication. She talked about their vocal harmonies and their endurances. Their main vocal had recently expanded her supported range until B4 and their rapper came up with really witty wordplay. Their dancer was recently praised for her self-made choreographies and the group itself got along well. Her CEO seemed interested, asking questions about each member and their team dynamics.

Finally their food arrived. The oysters tasted great, it was the first time she tried them in  combination with bacon and she marvelled at the way these two flavours fit unexpectedly well together. She tried to make out the spices of the seasoning. It had been a while since Erie had last cooked a proper meal but once she'll have the time, she could try to replicate it. A part of her lamented the fact that Bae Oksun didn't recommend the sashimi though - it was her favorite dish after all and the presentation on her CEO's plate looked lovely. Sushi from such an upscale place was probably amazing. Erie knew that her parents would have sent her the money to try if she asked them to but she didn’t want to spend theirs so frivolously while having no income of her own. Albeit, she realized with a pleasant feeling, that might change in the near future.

“You’re probably asking yourself why I decided to meet you here today, am I right?” CEO Bae’s voice interrupted her musings and Erie focused her gaze back to her. Luckily she didn’t startle easily.

“I must say, I thought you had asked me here to predate you about the training process, Bae-sajangnim.” A little too late she registered her vocabulary mistake - she had meant to say update but confused the words. Erie directed a bright smile at her superior, hoping to distract her from the mishap and told herself to focus - she was a direct representative of all trainees now, she could do better than that.

Luckily, Bae Oksun chose not to comment on it. “Well, that is certainly true but it’s not the only reason. You see, I’ve been getting weekly trainee reports on your group and Hirano Erie, you are a trainee whose progress I’m especially proud of.”

What a relief! Warmth flooded through Erie and it was hard to not avert her gaze at the unexpected compliments.

“Strong candidate for a lead vocalist position, strong candidate for a lead dancer position, hardworking, clear-headed, on decent terms with everyone, negociates during fights, I must say, it’s JYP’s loss.”

“You’re too kind”, Erie deflected and she felt her head turning red under all that praise. Bae Oksun made a dismissive movement with her arm, “No, I’m just honest. I think you are a wonderful addition to the team. You’ve exceeded all expectations and I’m sure you will be a great leader to the project group.”

A leader? To be honest, Erie had thought about the possibility before. She considered herself capable enough to take on that role but at the same time she assumed that as the only Non-Korean in the project group and a not quite fluent Korean speaker the position would ultimately be passed to someone else. Therefore the announcement took her by surprise. She blinked a few times to gather her bearings and formulate a response, “Thank you for having trust in me. I assure you I will do my absolute best in order to do our group justice and show you that your faith has not been misplaced.”

“That’s the spirit! To the project group and to your leadership.” Bae Oksun lifted her wine glass to a cheer and Erie quickly followed, clicking their glasses together. The following sips tasted rich and flavorful, a sweet promise of something greater.
 

-
 

“Sooo? What did you do this afternoon after you abandoned us?” asked Youngsook as soon as Erie stepped back into the dorms. Despite only having two glasses of wine, she felt oddly lightheaded, a mix of having near to none experience with alcohol and the near-empty stomach of a trainee diet. You didn’t have the chance to get wasted when you trained since the age of sixteen.

“Any new information about our debut?”, Boni chimed in, her face bright with hope.

“Let me take off my shoes first”, Erie protested but she didn’t try to stop the way her expression morphed into a smile. They didn’t have a living room so Erie went to her room and plopped down on her bunk bed as all the girls gathered around her. Boni, who slept in the other bedroom, made herself comfortable on Nabi's bed. She looked like she owned the place while Nabi who sat with her knees against her chest and hunched shoulders gave off the impression of a guest that didn’t want to take up too much space. Seyoung, who also slept in the other room, chose to have a bit more modesty and leaned against the doorframe. Youngsook and Jinah nervously sat down on either side of her, the former tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear and the latter hugging Erie’s pillow. Even Sodam, who was listening to music when she entered the room, removed her earbuds and sat up in her upper bunk.

Erie didn't beat around the bush. “We went to a posh restaurant and ordered appetizers and wine. She wanted to know everything about our training and told me that I’ll be the leader of our group.”


Jinah embraced her in a tight hug, “Congratulations, Erie!” Boni cheered too and pumped her fist in the air. Seyoung started clapping, she didn't look unhappy at not being chosen as leader despite being the oldest girl among them. Erie presumed she was secretly happy about not being burdened with that responsibility. Youngsook on the other hand looked a little crestfallen but Erie understood, after all she considered her a strong contender for the spot herself.

“You know what that means?” asked Seyoung the group and Nabi nodded, “plans of our debut are getting more concrete.” She high-fived the hand that Boni offered with a soft smile.

“Exactly. Keep it up and we might swap the studio for a real stage in 2020!” Youngsook exclaimed, her quick disappointment already forgotten, “wait, girls, I think this warrants a real cheer.” Boni’s grin widened as she jumped up from the bed and quickly went to the kitchen to retrieve a bottle, Youngsook in tow with six mismatched glasses.

Of course they weren’t crazy enough to smuggle actual alcohol into the dorms where minors lived but Erie knew about the bottle of apple juice hidden among the cleaning utensils. A little act of rebellion against strict diets and constant monitoring, the kind that wouldn’t get them in too much trouble but made them feel a little braver for the defiance. Youngsook handed out the cups while Boni poured the alcohol into them.

“Why did you put so little in mine?” whined Jinah and Boni rolled her eyes. “Don’t be such a baby” she retorted but filled up her cup a second time nonetheless. When everyone had something in their glass, Seyoung turned to Erie. “As our new leader, I think you should be the one to make our toast.”

Six pairs of eyes turned expectantly towards her and Erie her lips. “Alright. Let’s all work hard so that we can debut together. Cheers to the seven of us!”

“To Us!”, echoed the others and Jinah threw in, “and to our new leader.”
They stood up, or, in Sodam’s case, leaned forward from their upper bunk to clink their glasses together. Boni cheered and Seyoung embraced Jinah in a bear hug. To Erie, that moment felt magical. Although just by a little, it felt like they were inching towards the right direction, slowly moving towards the place they've been navigating towards for months. It was the most optimistic they’ve been ever since they were put together in the project group and she wanted to burn the picture of it into her retinas, capture it forever. Needless to say, out of the two toasts today, this was the better one, even though it was made with cheap juice instead of white wine. What mattered was how filled with laughter and a purer, prettier energy. She felt like the world was full of possibilities.

-

Unfortunately, the happiness wasn’t about to last. Just six weeks later, their performance took a nosedive. First it was the flu, infecting them one after another. Being around each other 24/7, they couldn’t protect themselves from transmission and took turns showing up at the practice rooms coughing and with a stuffy nose. Then it was Jinah’s knee acting up once again after practicing a particularly strenuous choreography. Nabi zoned out during their vocal evaluation, missing her cue and both Youngsook and Sodam were reprimanded for the nasality of their high notes.
 

At some point in November Bae Oksun asked her to join her for lunch in her office. Again, she asked her questions on their training progress but at this time, Erie felt a little bit more on edge, despite CEO Bae’s friendly eyes and kind tone.

“I’ve been told some of your colleagues have recently struggled with dancing practice. The advanced choreographies seem to be too difficult. How would you evaluate that situation?”

Erie took a moment to think of an appropriate answer. “I would say that our team has a lot of strong dancers. Youngsook, Nabi and Sodam all have skills of a main and I’m rather strong in that department too. Because of that, our trainers have been teaching us harder choreographies which…”, she paused, unsure which word to use to not make it sound so harsh or throw the struggling non-dancers under the bus, “are a little difficult to keep up with. But I assure you, all of us are trying their best and will show improvements once we recover from the flu.”

“So you say that the three others are facing difficulties to match the four of you?”, Bae Oksun raised an inquisitive brow, “what if the upcoming group focuses a lot on dance?”

“They are temporarily struggling, yes, but they are working on it. They will adapt”, Erie replied with a steady voice. What was up with Bae’s questions? She knew that her demeanour was self-assured enough but she wished she had the eloquence of a native speaker to defend her argument. It was difficult in that foreign language.

“I’m  a bit concerned. I’ve read that Jinah had struggled with knee pain in the last few weeks. It’s not the first time that happened, according to your instructors she had the same issue last spring. Did you know about that?”

It was true that Jinah had chronic pain in her knee and their current choreography worsened it. It had a lot of squatting movements, they were dropping down to their knees and all those hours of practice each week took a toll on their bodies. Erie contemplated. If Bae Oksun cared about her opinion, maybe Erie could do something to help her teammate. “I think she’d be fine if we could adjust the choreography a little to put less strain on her knees, maybe split up in different groups for some part of it. Youngsook could make the changes in the choreography, it wouldn't take her long.” Bae Oksun nodded but didn’t say anything to her suggestion. She asked a few more questions before dismissing her. Erie went back to practice, feeling strange about the interaction.

–

Jinah was swapped for another girl one week later. The new girl was just like her; a main vocalist, the youngest among them, chubby face, would fit a cute concept. But there was one important difference - she did not have chronic knee pain.

Bae Oksun must have thought a change in line-up was an easier solution than a change in choreography.

Erie knew it was stupid to resent the new girl for it so she didn’t. She hadn’t felt any ill will towards the ITZY members when she had been passed over and she sure wouldn’t start feeling anything unwarranted now. It was not Somang’s fault that she replaced Jinah. But of course they missed her, Erie had trained for less than a year under Arthouse but Jinah had been by her side since Day One, a trainee of almost six years despite her young age. For five days, Seyoung's eyes were bloodshot in the mornings until on the fifth day, Erie took her aside and told her she had to reserve her energy for practice or she'd end up the same. It was harsh but Erie knew it was the truth and when Seyoung joined them in the kitchen on the sixth day, her face looked the normal kind of puffy you'd get from sleep.

Somang started her training only after they'd formed the project group therefore none of them knew her. But they were friendly, showing her around the dorms and explaining their schedule to her. The girl seemed oblivious to the sullen mood the change in line up had caused and didn't even notice that Nabi called her by the wrong name twice on accident. She tried her best, always eager to impress and even though Erie found her over-confident attitude a tad exhausting, she couldn’t deny that the younger girl worked very hard to earn her place among them.

But the dynamics still changed. Of course they all knew that they could’ve been replaced at any time but before, that was not on the forefront of their minds. The evening with the apple juice brought a sense of camaraderie, despite the period of sickness that followed, their team dynamics had improved that time. Now that progress seemed to be undone by the proof of how precarious their debut was. A tension hung in the air and the members started to be more curt with each other, prone to spacing out or stingy with giving feedback. For a while, no one wanted to be the weakest performer during the evaluation lest they were the next to go. So the months dragged forward, Christmas passed in a blur of practicing and only one free afternoon, New Year's Eve was spent in the studio. 2020 arrived with a whimper instead a bang and their debut didn't seem to inch any closer.