I was once told that everyone in this world has a specific person that their soul is destined for. This kindred spirit will make you feel complete even when you think that you don’t need someone to complete you. They will complete your sentences, know your thoughts and feelings, and love you entirely through your good and bad times. They will be everything you will ever need—even if you didn’t know that you needed more.

                Fortunately, I was lucky enough to find that person my soul was destined for. Yet, I had no idea that such luck would only last so long. I was so engrossed in the happiness that was brought to me for those few years that I had no idea that the other half of my soul would suddenly die. I thought that we would grow old together, so the idea of death never once crossed my path. But when it was expressed to me that she was dying, I realized that no one explained to me what would happen to the healthy one that is forced to stay behind. I wasn’t prepared to face this problem.

And neither was she.

                From what I remember, our life together was purely unforgettable. When we first met, her personality was a little shocking and hard to swallow. She was stubborn and slightly on the selfish side. Everything that she had was handed to her on a silver platter and she knew it. While I had to work hard, she received and easy ride and no matter what she was interested in, she would change it in an instant.

                At first, I never believed that I would get along with such a character. Actually, I was one hundred percent positive that she would always get on my nerves. Sure, it was like playing with fire whenever I was around her, but I couldn’t stop myself. I fell hard, and I never stopped falling.

                When I found out that she fell for me as well, I was overcome with so much joy that I felt like I was on cloud nine. This feeling continued as our relationship took flight and we flourished in our knowledge toward each other. In what seemed like no time at all, we knew almost everything about each other. We knew where our safe grounds were and where it was dangerous to step on; we knew each other’s passions and inspirations; and, we loved each other with all of our hearts.

                However, our happiness was short lived. In the beginning, she tried to hide the news from me, but I quickly caught on. And when she announced that she had figured out that the disease that took her mother’s life was taking a hold of her as well, it nearly killed me. I never believed that such a thing existed, and I thought that she was simply playing with me. But her state of being gradually grew worse. She began to forget things here and there, for her mind was deteriorating faster than someone that was simply growing old. At such information, I grew scared and incompetent. Questions such as what was happening to her, why couldn’t the doctors save her and what would I do without her began to form in my mind. And like our usual connection, she too started to have the same questions.

                No one could answer our questions, though, and she ended up in the hospital before we knew it. There, we were forced to wait it out as she deteriorated until there wasn’t anything left to deteriorate. Unable to do a single thing, days passed and she continued to forget until it was impossible for her to remember a single aspect about her life when she was awake. It was a headache for her to be pestered about what she knew, and it was torture for me to know that the one I loved so much was gone. Her personality, our history, her history, her life, they were all gone. All that was left behind was her constant sleeping face.

                Nevertheless, I couldn’t leave her side. Every time I gaze upon her peaceful face, a deep pain and misery swirl inside of me until it’s so unbearable that I have to leave her presence for a little bit here and there. If only she could wake up one day and remember everything. If only she could wake up and tell me that she loves me and that everything was merely a nightmare I was having.

                That’s merely wishful thinking. I want a miracle, but I know that she’s too far gone for one. All I can do now is remember our past together and hope that today won’t be the day that she chooses to leave me to this cruel fate.

~<3~

                Sounds crashed into my ears as consciousness finally swept over me once more. Groggily, I blinked and waited for my vision to focus. But it didn’t. There was still a blurry manifestation to everything as my gaze skipped from one place to another. Even after I pressed my palms to my eyes for a few seconds, it refused to clear. Maybe it was time to get checked for glasses, which was odd. I had perfect vision, didn’t I? Was it finally time for my sight to go bad? Was I a late bloomer for eye problems?

                “She’s awake!” someone’s voice hissed, breaking my stream of thought. Craning my head, I noticed a familiar boy standing at the entrance of the room, grinning my way as a couple of other faces peaked inside. With the blurry vision, I couldn’t see his facial features, but I knew who he was. Happiness. Or that’s what I thought of him. He was always smiling everywhere he went, and would make others smile in return. I knew that he was extremely important to me, but for some strange reason, I couldn’t remember why. Truthfully, I couldn’t remember anything else aside from this exact moment. I didn’t care though. What’s the point of caring for the past?

                As I started to fall back into my thoughts, everything out once more before re-appearing to reveal someone new sitting before me. At first, I could see his kind face as clear as day, and I knew exactly who it was. It was the boy we—the trainees—called our leader. He took direction and led everyone else to do the correct—and sometimes wrong—things. He was someone everyone cared for, and I wanted to get to know him on a personal level. However, the moment I opened my mouth to say something, his face started to slip away along with my knowledge as to who he was. His exact identity tucked deep inside the space that was considered my mind and I was unable to recall who this black-hole faced boy was as he sat in front of me.

                “What happened?” I questioned without realizing my mouth and voice were moving. I wasn’t even thinking about talking, so why was I now? How could I even talk to such a black space?

                “Hae Eun…” the boy’s voice floated past the hole as if I was watching a life size censored video. The sound of his voice instantly struck a chord in my heart and feelings washed over me, forcing memories to rush to the front of my head. This faceless boy in front of me was someone I considered to be safe yet untouchable. I knew that he would be able to pull me out of the fear that swallowed me whole as I was growing up, but I knew that I could never get close to him no matter how hard I tried. So I simply ignored him. But why was he sitting in front of me now of all times? Why was he awkwardly saying my name? Was it because I could remember his name? Was it because I was constantly blacking out? Why?

                “Hae Eun-ah, listen to me!” the same voice pleaded as my vision strangely skipped to another scene. What was going on? Unable to piece anything together, I surveyed my surroundings. It was the one coffee shop that I vowed to go to the instant I had enough money to go. But why was I here? Why was I with the same black-hole faced boy? Shocked, I continued to stare at the place, trying to piece the broken puzzle back together. But from what it seemed like, I was given pieces from different puzzles to solve them. “Please…” his voice pleaded once more, breaking me out of my stupor. I then felt his warm hand wrap around my chin and gingerly guide me to face him one more. Gritting my teeth at the uncomfortable feeling that swelled inside of me as I stared at the blackness, I waited for him to speak. “I love you,” he declared. At once, my heart jolted and I felt like what I had heard wasn’t real. Was I dreaming? Before I could respond to his statement, though, my world was swallowed by the never-ending shadows.