My blurred vision was here once again. This time, though, it was so overwhelming that my head was beginning to pound. Why haven’t I gone to get my eyes checked just yet? Why am I torturing myself this way? It made no sense.

                Also, the black hole faced boy that sent my heart into a frantic mess was nowhere to be seen. Actually, I wasn’t even in the coffee shop. I was alone in the apartment that I shared with my best friend. But, she was gone as well. The place was empty and my heart was yearning for some kind of interaction.

                Biting my lip, I rushed over to the front door and unlocked it. But each time I unlocked it and moved to turn the knob, the door would lock again. My breath froze in the base of my throat at the sight and I frantically tried to outsmart it, but no matter how hard I tried, it would lock before I had a chance to open it up. Realizing that I was stuck, my mind began to race, trying to find a solution which led me to run to the nearest window. Yet I was reminded once again after looking out that my friend and I lived on the fourth floor. Slamming my palm on the clear glass in frustration, I fell to the floor, my vision tunneling until I completely out.

                “Hae Eun-ah,” the black-hole faced male called out, freeing me of the shadows that grasped my mind. The thought of someone finally coming to save me made my heart soar. Wasting no time at all, I jumped up and rushed to the weird door. “Hae Eun-ah, open up!” he called, his voice laced with excitement. Smiling at the glorious sound, I forgot all about the magic lock and tried to unlock it. But it continued the frustrating routine. “Hae Eun?” the male’s voice questioned, most likely worrying that I might not be there anymore.

                “I’m here,” I cried out, beating on the door.

                “Hae Eun?” he called again, this time louder. Didn’t he hear me?

                “I’m here! I’m right behind the door!” I yelled, beating on it with more force.

                “She must be out.” I heard him sigh.

                “No! I’m not! I’m here!” I screamed. “Suho!” I yelled, not understanding why I called out such a name. It couldn’t be his, right? Right?

                “Good morning, lovely, it’s time to rise and shine! Your prince in shining armor is here and tearing our kitchen apart. You should get up and save him before our place is burned to the ground,” my friend sang, the blackness wearing away on yet again. Sitting up, I glanced about the room to realize that I was somehow placed in my own bed. What happened to the bad door? How was my friend back? This constant in and out of consciousness was driving me insane.

                Curious to figure out the missing pieces, I jumped up off of my mattress on the floor and rushed out of the room to see my friend pry open a different looking door than the one we had earlier and leave. As I froze in place, the aroma of burnt food filled my nostrils. Who was burning food? In my house? Scrunching up my nose, I carefully prodded around the corner where a large black hole stood in front of the stove, burning everything it touched. Blood running cold, I stared at the hole, unable to move my feet that now felt like lead.

                “What are you doing here?” I heard myself ask.

                “Ah! You’re finally awake! I wanted to make food for you,” the familiar voice sounded from behind the hole. Why was it the same as the black hole of a faced boy? Was the black hole a parasite eating him alive? I didn’t even notice that he had closed the distance between us while I thought such questions until he was a breath’s width away. Before I could scream in terror, my vision went blank.

               When I regained consciousness, I found myself walking outside. Stopping in my tracks, I surveyed the place in shock. I was outside? I was finally free from the terrible door that kept me locked inside? But why didn’t I feel like rejoicing for such new freedom? Why did I feel like I would burst into tears any second now? And why was I carrying a bag of items full of things that would be used to respect the dead?

                “Oh,” I managed to whisper to myself when it dawned on me where I was headed. It was my mother’s death anniversary.

                “Oi!” the familiar voice yelled out. Eyes widening and fright clutching my heart with cold fingers, I turned around and started to walk away at a rapid pace. “Wait!” he yelled, but I refused to listen. I didn’t want to see the black hole that was engulfing his body. However, he happened to be faster than I was and was able to stop me in my tracks. “I took time off from the group today…” he panted, a second bag forming out of the black hole. “I took off so that I could meet Mother with you,” he continued. Instead of being appalled at the thought of a black hole coming with me, warmth and happiness swelled inside of me.

                The black hole took time off of his busy schedule so that he could see my mother and pay respects to her. If he did that, then didn’t it mean that he wasn’t something to run away from? Wasn’t he someone I could rely on? As I gazed at the hole, all that filled me at that moment was a multitude of love. This hole really loved me and at that moment, I realized that I loved him too.

~~<3~~

                “Oh…you’re here,” a girl snapped as she entered the hospital room. “She doesn’t remember you, so why are you still here?” she spat, nodding in the direction of the sleeping body lying before me. “Just because your family provided for her comfort doesn’t mean that you should always be here. Don’t you have a career and fans to take care of? Oh, wait, you guys never make a comeback, so what’s the point?”

                “She doesn’t remember you either, Soo Jin,” I whispered, trying my best to ignore her other comments.

                “But she, at least, isn’t in pain whenever she sees me,” she sniffed, setting down a couple of bags filled with Hae Eun’s favorite food. “I don’t care if she loved you in the past before all of this, but I don’t want to see her in pain when she wakes up. And you always bring pain whenever you’re around.”

                “I haven’t been around her when she’s awake for a while now,” I sighed. I had been in this hospital with Hae Eun for so long that I actually knew the times when she would wake up and when she was sleeping deeply. And because of such knowledge, I would go out of my way to leave her alone whenever she was awake for I knew of the pain inflicted on her whenever I was around. Even if it killed me on the inside, I wanted to make sure that she was comfortable and happy before anything else. It was the least I could do.

                “Well, good, then you can leave because I’m going to wake her up. All she does is sleep,” her friend informed. Taking a deep breath, I nodded. Hae Eun was constantly sleeping because her mind was so far gone that any major movements or thinking exercise that the doctors put her through tired her out to no end. It wasn’t her fault, but I couldn’t tell Soo Jin. No, she wouldn’t take the news very well. She didn’t know the extent of Hae Eun’s sickness, and I didn’t exactly want to relay it to her just yet.

                Once I left the room, I continued until I reached the garden in the park across the street from the hospital. There, I walked the familiar path and closed my eyes. All at once, a sweet scent filled the air and sparked my memory.

                “Why are we walking through flowers?” Hae Eun pouted. “Do you have something you need to tell me?” she teased. “Are you going to run off on me and have a secret love relationship with one of your dongsaengs like your fans suggest you should do?” she giggled. The sweet tinkling sound instantly warmed my heart and made me feel like I could conquer the world. It had been a while since I heard such a sound.

                “No, but…”

                “You’re going overseas, I know. That’s why you brought me to this garden. Whenever you’re sorry, you give me something like this. When you want to express your love to me, you give me something like a handful of weeds. You think that I don’t know you?” she laughed. “I know you better than you know yourself,” she informed before rushing away.

                “Weeds? Wait, you’re still holding that against me?” I called out, watching as she wove in and out of the maze of flowers to the patch of her favorite kind. Sunflowers, bright beauties that extend up towards the blue sky on sturdy stems, those were her favorite. There was a time when she once declared that I was like a sunflower. She believed whole heartedly that I provide happiness and relaxation to all of those around me, and that I’m forever standing tall. If only I could be like such a description, then maybe there would be less stress and worry in our lives.

                “They’re not as tall here,” Hae Eun sadly whispered when I joined her side. Glancing at the shoulder height flowers, I sighed.

                “The sun must not be able to give them its full power,” I remarked.

                “Do you think they’re sad because of that?” she questioned, her eyes watering as she continued to stare.

                “Sad?” I questioned in confusion. Why was she growing so emotional at the sight of short sunflowers? Blinking rapidly, she forced a smile and grabbed my hand.

                “What else do you have planned?” she prodded, pulling me close.

                “Let’s see…” I started and led her away from the flowers so that we could continue the date that I had planned for the two of us. Later that day, though, she started to act weirder than simply getting emotional towards her favorite flowers. That’s when I found out the news. And once I got back from my trip, the process of forgetting had already begun. This led me to where I was now, reliving the memories we made with each other.