XVI

 

On the way to the carpark, both Jiyong and Chaerin kept a safe distance between each other. Chaerin had wanted to carry her own bag but Jiyong refused to. When they got into the car, Jiyong leaned over and wanted to give her a kiss but was stopped by her.

 

“Oppa, let’s just go back first. I spotted some fans outside when I came just now. I really don’t want to let it become a big issue that I came to your parents’ place. I called Boss before stepping into your house and told him about it. Sorry oppa, I shouldn’t have done this.”

 

Hearing what she said, Jiyong started the car and then drove out. He had a serious look on his face. Although he had heard his family talking about the possibility of his fans stalking him, he never really paid them any attention. Now, he might just have to move his family out of the area. He looked over at Chaerin who still had a worried frown on her face. Seeing that, he knew he had to reassure her.

 

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, my silly baby, if it becomes too big of an issue, then we’ll just come out and say that we are dating. If not, we could just say that you were here to look for noona for help in purchasing some clothes and you didn’t know I was there in the first place. I’d just let noona know about it.”

 

“Sometimes it feels like celebrity relationships are built on lies. It really makes me uneasy.”

 

“That’s why I’m giving you the option of just coming out and say that we are dating. It saves us all the trouble of having to hide or lie.”

 

“Oppa, you know we can’t.”

 

“We can if we want to. Any of my ex-girlfriends would have been so happy if I were to say ‘let’s make our relationship public’.”

 

“Then go back to your ex-girlfriends then and everything would be easier no?”

 

Turning to take a quick glance at Chaerin, Jiyong saw her just staring at her own hands on her lap. She was biting her lower lips to prevent herself from crying. She didn’t realize that it would hurt to hear Jiyong bring up his ex-girlfriends.

 

Jiyong drove into a quiet park near his parents’ house and stopped the car. He turned to Chaerin, and made her look at him. But when she kept avoiding his eyes, he used both his hands to cup her face gently. Touching her cheeks, he could feel the wet trails that her tears had left behind.

 

“Baby, talk to me. Why did you cry?”

 

“When you mentioned your ex-girlfriends so easily and compare them to me, like I’m trying to make your life difficult. It’s like you have not considered how difficult it is to say ‘no’ every time you bring up going public. Oppa, you know that I want this relationship as much as you do, but I’m really not ready to jump into it, and I’m definitely not ready for it to go public.”

 

Jiyong leaned in and gave her a kiss on her forehead.

 

“I’m sorry for bringing up my ex-girlfriends so flippantly. It was disrespectful and I apologize. But all I’m trying to let you see is how much I’m willing to commit to this relationship. Chaerin, the kind of pressure that will hit us if we were to go public, I’m fully aware of it. Other than fans leaving our sides, there will be the constant questioning of when we are going to slip and break up with each other. I have only been bringing it up because I’m ready to face those pressure, I’m ready to walk till the end with you and no one else. You might not think that I have thought of the consequences but I have. I have seen how the pressure killed some couples and honestly, I’m scared.”

 

Jiyong then moved to hold both of Chaerin’s hand and held them against his heart.

 

“But because it’s you, the fear is diminishing every second I think about how much I want to be with you. Because it’s you, I know I have to be strong to protect you and our relationship. Because it’s you, everything cease to matter. Because I only want you in my life, forever.”

 

“Oppa, you know hesitating is rarely my style. If I want something, I would go ahead and get it. But with this, I’m getting pissed off with myself at the way I’m so hesitant about everything. I know I’m hurting you every time you try to talk about it and I try to not talk about it or not commit to it. But everytime I think about what it means to go into this relationship with you, it’s mind-boggling. Because it’s not just about being able to hold hands, kissing each other but it’s a whole lifetime of commitment. I do not intend to or want to get out of this relationship. It’s going to take a lot of work and I’m afraid I would neglect you or my work or my family and your family. I just…”

 

Jiyong pulled Chaerin into a hug and her hair.

 

“Then we are on the same page. As long as we are aware of where we are heading, what our fears are and that we are committed to overcome them as a couple, we are going to be fine. There will be problems along the way but if we are in it together, there’s nothing we cannot do. I’m not going to push you anymore. When you are ready, everything would start.”

 

“You won’t change your mind right? About me? About us?”

 

“It’s something I’m still getting used to, being so sure about something I want other than my music and my career. You have to trust me on this. Let’s go home. It’s getting late.”

 

Jiyong released Chaerin from the hug, gave her a quick kiss on her lips before driving out of the park. He held on to Chaerin’s hand for the entire drive back home. At some point in the journey, Chaerin fell asleep. When they arrived at their apartment block, Jiyong had to wake her up. He touched her cheek gently.

 

“Baby, we are home. Wake up.”

 

Chaerin slowly opened her eyes, blinked a few times, then stretched a little before turning to Jiyong and smiled at him.

 

“Oppa, let’s go home. You must be tired too.”

 

Jiyong nodded and without a second word, got out of the car and walked over to the other side to open the door for Chaerin. After helping her out, he got her bags and started to walk to the apartment elevator with her. He was somewhat surprised when Chaerin hooked her arm with his. Then again, the two of them had never really been shy about showing skinship when they took photos with each other.

 

Inside the elevator, Chaerin leaned against Jiyong. She could barely keep her eyes open. Seeing how tired she was made Jiyong’s heart ache. He freed his arm from her hold and held her tight to his side.

 

“Oppa, what do you want for breakfast tomorrow?”

 

“I’m not having breakfast. We are going to stay in bed till after lunch.”

 

“We can’t do that. We have so much to do before we leave on Thursday. I have to do the costume checks for the performance this weekend at your concert.”

 

“Chaerin, we have stylists and coordis for a reason. This is their job.”

 

“No, oppa, I work as a team with them. It’s not that I don’t trust them but at times, they just want to do things the easiest way. It’s your concert, we have to do our best. Let’s go to the company at 10am?”

 

“No.”

 

“11am?”

 

“No.”

 

“Noon?”

 

“No. We will not leave earlier than 1pm. I’m confiscating your phone. You are going to sleep till you wake up naturally.”

 

“I honestly wake up at 5am every day, no matter how late I sleep.”

 

“Baby, would you just listen to me and not argue? You are exhausted. Just rest your mind and body ok? Don’t think about anything and just rest, hmm? I would definitely get you there to the company when you are needed but not a minute before that.”

 

“But…”

 

“I will get Seungho to send pictures of the outfits and you can work remotely at home. I would ask Tablo hyung about Youngbae’s song and if he has time tomorrow. If he does, we would go into the studio. Don’t forget he has stuff he needs to work on for Epik High as well. If you just go in, he would have no choice but to help you with the song.”

 

Chaerin pouted, knowing that Jiyong was right. Jiyong pinched her cheek, only to get a glare from her. When they arrived on the 13th floor, Chaerin was going to walk ahead first but was stopped by Jiyong’s arm on her waist.

 

“Oppa, let go. I do have neighbours on this floor you know?”

 

Jiyong was about to protest since it’s barely a minute’s walk from the elevator to the door but he let go of her and just followed behind her. Once they were inside her apartment, Chaerin headed for the kitchen and opened the fridge to check what food she had in it. When she saw that she didn’t have a lot of ingredients to make a complete meal, she got a little upset with herself then made a note to go to the supermarket the next day before lunch to buy the food.

 

“Are you hungry?”

 

Jiyong had put down her bags in her room and went to the kitchen to see her having a staring match with the refrigerator.

 

“No, I was just checking if I have food to cook lunch tomorrow.”

 

“If there isn’t food, we’ll just go out and have lunch. We did miss our dinner date today.”

 

“But I want to cook for you…”

 

“If it’s really important to you, we’ll go out and get the ingredients tomorrow. If not, we’ll just go out and have lunch. Don’t stress yourself out. You have to cook a lot of my meals in the future.”

 

Chaerin thought about it and since they were going to leave for Singapore the day after, it might not be the wisest thing to stock up on food. But she really wanted to cook for Jiyong.

 

“Oppa, can I do a raincheck on that meal for you then? When we come back, we can invite the oppas and my members over and I can cook for all of you?”

 

“When we come back, you have to prepare for 2NE1’s comeback, where are you going to find the time and energy? Baby, I don’t you to tire yourself out. If you really want to do it, we’ll wait till there is an empty window during your promotion. Even the meal you promised to cook for my family, I won’t let you do it in the midst of your busy schedule and I believe they won’t want you to do it. You don’t have to prove that you can juggle everything.”

 

“How did you…”

 

Jiyong patted her head and then moved both hands to lock them behind her neck.

 

“You are such a om-chin-ddal*, it’s not difficult to know what you are thinking. One thing my fans won’t have to worry about when I go into this relationship with you is how much I do not know about you. I know you, Lee Chaerin.”

 

“I know you too, Kwon Jiyong. Don’t get too smug.”

 

“Do you know how much I love you?”

 

“I do, oppa, I do know how much you love me. It overwhelms me every time I think about it, but I do. Do you know how much I love you?”

 

“You love me enough to not give up on me, content enough to just stay by my side. You love me enough to continue loving me when I hurt you unknowingly. You love me enough to trust that I love you and will do till the end of my life. Do I know how much you love me? I do, and it overwhelms me every single time I think about it too.”

 

Jiyong bent down to capture Chaerin’s lips in a soft kiss, telling her without words how much he loves her. Chaerin responded without too much coaxing. There’s no fast and furious passion here. But a slow and steady flame was burning in each of their heart, powered by love and trust in each other.

 

With one final kiss, Jiyong pulled back and pulled Chaerin closer to him. Chaerin rested her head on his chest and put her arms around his waist. They just stayed this way for the next 5 minutes.

 

“Oppa, if we ever get into an argument, let’s promise that we would solve it before we go to bed that day.”

 

“Of course, baby, we’ll do that. I don’t think I’d be able to go to bed if you are not in my arms. I love you, baby, so so so much. Let’s go wash up then go to bed.”

 

Chaerin nodded and released her hold on Jiyong. She tiptoed to give him a kiss on his lips before walking towards her bedroom for a shower. Jiyong went to the bathroom in the guestroom. After his shower, Jiyong walked into Chaerin’s bedroom. He saw that she was not done with her shower and just sat on her bed, playing with his phone. He sent a message to Xin, telling him not to disturb Chaerin tomorrow and if they needed to reach her, just contact him.

 

FROM: SEUNGHO

Dude, aren’t you getting a little too possessive over her?

 

TO: SEUNGHO

No, I just want her to rest her head. She was worrying about the clothes and all for their performance on Saturday.

 

FROM: SEUNGHO

Ok. I’d try not to, but she gives really good ideas.

 

TO: SEUNGHO

I know that but I just don’t want her to be up and worrying about too many things.

 

FROM: SEUNGHO

OK. But knowing her, she would still try to contact the other stylists.

 

TO: SEUNGHO

If that happens, then I’d deal with it. But just don’t let them call her. Watch over them.

 

FROM: SEUNGHO

OK. Wait, she’s with you? Ya! What if someone sees the 2 of you?!!

 

TO: SEUNGHO

Don’t worry, we will be careful.

 

FROM: SEUNGHO

Don’t hurt her. You know what I’m talking about right?

 

TO: SEUNGHO

I won’t hurt her. In any way. You get what I’m saying?

 

FROM: SEUNGHO

Just keep her safe.

 

TO: SEUNGHO

Ahjumma, stop nagging. I know what I’m doing!

 

FROM: SEUNGHO

Just remember, she cries, you die.

 

TO: SEUNGHO

Yes, how can I forget? Alright, goodnight. See you tomorrow.

 

Jiyong put his phone away when he heard the door to the bathroom open. When Chaerin saw Jiyong sitting on her bed, she smiled at him and walked to the vanity table to dry and brush her hair. Jiyong walked to her and took the towel from her and started drying her hair.

 

“Oppa, I can do it myself.”

 

“But I want to do it. It makes me happy.”

 

“You are so silly sometimes~”

 

“I’m a fool for you. Pass me the hair dryer.”

 

Jiyong got to drying Chaerin’s hair. His fingers working his magic on her scalp and her hair made her so relaxed that she nodded off. Jiyong saw that she had fallen asleep, so he switched off the hair dryer and then carried her to the bed. Chaerin, feeling the movement, opened her eyes, smiled at Jiyong and then snuggled close when he lied down on the bed. He gathered her close, gave her a kiss on forehead then drifted off to dreamland.

 

26 June 2013, 12pm KST

Chaerin’s Apartment >> YGE

 

“Oppa, I can’t believe you told Seungho oppa not to call me! I could have solved this 2 hours ago if they had called me, instead of having to rush back now and ruining our lunch.”

 

“I’m sorry baby. I just didn’t want to wake you up. You needed the rest, and I really wanted to be able to spend more time with you.”

 

“Oppa, please do not do something like this again, alright? I know you care about me and I want to spend time with you too. But don’t interfere with how I work with the team. They know that I want to look at everything before we pack everything away.”

 

Jiyong and Chaerin were getting ready to go for lunch when they suddenly got a call from Xin. He actually called Jiyong and told him that it was an emergency and he had to pass the phone to Chaerin. Although Jiyong wanted to keep it from her, she happened to come out of her room then and heard Jiyong asking Xin to just take care of the problem. Knowing that it was Xin, Chaerin concluded that there must be some problems with the outfits and accessories. So she walked up to Jiyong and asked for the phone. Initially, Jiyong didn’t want to pass the phone to her, but seeing the serious look on her face, he relented and passed the phone over to her. When the phone call ended, Chaerin simply went to Jiyong, gave him back the phone and asked him to get ready to leave for the company. Jiyong didn’t dare ask about lunch. He knew he was in deep trouble.

 

Looking over at Chaerin right now, he could see the frown on her face and he did regret his actions. He moved his hand to hold her hand and was grateful when she didn’t pull away. He laced his fingers with her and held on tight. He moved his thumb on her hand, trying to sooth her and show he was sorry. When she gripped his hand tighter, he knew that she was not angry with him anymore. He moved their laced hand to his lips and kissed her hand.

 

“I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”

 

“You’d better not. This time round, the problem can be solved easily so I’m not angry, just irritated.”

 

“Yes, mdm! What do you want to eat? I’d go get it for you, hmm?”

 

“Let me just solve the problem real quick then we can grab a bite at the cafeteria. Did you manage to speak to Tablo oppa about recording Bae oppa’s song today?”

 

“He said he had to go for a recording with KBS. I think he wants both you and Bae to be around when you do the recording.”

 

“Oh, alright then. I’d talk to Bae oppa when he’s back then.”

 

“What time are your members coming in for the practice?”

 

“By the time we finished our lunch they should be here. Oppa, your dance practice starts at 4pm?”

 

“Yup… And the rehearsal starts at 7pm. We’ll go back together today too right?”

 

“I guess, since we are leaving for the airport together right? Is manager oppa picking you up?”

 

“He will pick us up at the company.”

 

“Then should I ask Seungho oppa and Soo Hyuk oppa to meet us at the company tomorrow?”

 

“Can’t they go to the airport on their own?”

 

“Why can’t they come with us? It’d be more convenient and we don’t have to spend time waiting around for each other. I’d send them a message now.”

 

Chaerin tried to release her hand from Jiyong but he won’t let go.

 

“Oppa, let go. I need both hands to send a message.”

 

“No! I don’t want them to come with us! I want you alone for at least 40 minutes more!”

 

“Oppa, when we are with other people, we have to be considerate towards them. You are usually not like this. Why are you behaving like a spoilt child?”

 

“Because it’s you. Spending time with you is like the most important thing to me and every second is precious. If I could, I would have refused to let them tag along. But this was your trip with them in the first place and I’m the one tagging along.”

 

“Oppa, we are going to be spending a lot of time together. If everything works out, we have the whole lifetime…”

 

“What do you mean ‘if everything works out’? There is no ‘if’ when it comes to us. Everything WILL work out.”

 

“So, there is no need to worry about spending time with each other. We might get so sick of each other by the time we are 40. Oppa, time really flies. I have known you for close to 8 years and that’s like a third of my life.”

 

“Has it been that long?”

 

“Actually no, since we actually don’t spend a lot of time together. It doesn’t feel like I have known you for 8 years. I probably know more about Bae oppa than I do about you. Sometimes, you can be such a closed door.”

 

“Which is why I want to spend every single minute with you. Let’s just let Seungho and Soo Hyuk make their own way to the airport, ok?”

 

“No. Oppa, going to Singapore with you is actually a big risk. We need Seungho oppa and Soo Hyuk oppa to make it a legitimate work trip. I know you want to spend time with me, I want the same thing too, but we need to weigh the consequences. So, listen to me ok?”

 

“Do I get a reward in return for listening to you then?”

 

“What do you want? Don’t ask for the impossible.”

 

“I want you to perform R.O.D. with me at least once.”

 

“Oppa, that’s not up to me to decide. If Boss refused to let us collaborate on this song, what are the chances that he would allow me to perform the song with you.”

 

“But if he says ok, you will do it?”

 

“Why would you want to perform R.O.D. when it’s not your title song?”

 

“Chaerin ah, you know that going on these music shows for us is more to show a varied stage to the fans than to win on music shows, right? Showing as much of the album to the public is a good thing and I really want to perform this song with you.”

 

“Alright, if Boss gives the go-ahead, I’d do it with you. But you probably have to tell Lydia that she would need to perform the song with you too.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because it’s only right that the original singer performs the song.”

 

"Alright, I would talk to her about it. She should be ok with it. But I want you to perform with me first."

 

"If everything works out, sure, we will just go according to your schedule. So, now can I have my hand so I can message the two oppas?"

 

"We are going to see Seungho in less than 15 minutes, you can tell him when you see him later."

 

"What about Soo Hyuk oppa?"

 

"Just get Seungho to tell him. I'm not letting go of your hand so you could message another guy."

 

"Oppa, you are so childish."

 

"I'm not. I'm being possessive."

 

"I'm glad you know that."

 

"You are mine, that I know very well."

 

Chaerin just shook her head at what Jiyong said. She would never admit that she liked him being possessive because she knew he would use her words against her. She sneaked a peek at him then at their joined hands.

 

"Oppa, I love you."

 

Jiyong turned to look at Chaerin, his surprise was obvious. When his eyes met hers, Chaerin smiled widely at him and squeezed his hand tight.

 

"I really love hearing you say that. You have no idea how thankful I am. No idea at all."

 

"Probably as much as I am able to love you, that's how grateful I am. You make me happy, oppa, really."

 

"And you make me very happy too, Lee Chaerin."

 

"Oppa, you going to your recording studio when we arrive right? Or are you following me to solve my problem then we can go for lunch?"

 

"I need to go and look for Lydia and tell her that she might have to perform R.O.D. with me. Then I'm going to look for Boss and tell him I want to perform the song with you first then with Lydia. He would agree after some persuasion. Since it would be a while still before I can release my album, we have time to think of the concept. Call me when you are done, you can ask Seungho if he wants to join us."

 

"Alright, I would do that. Good luck with Boss. Lydia should be with Teddy oppa."

 

By this time, they have arrived at YGE. Jiyong went down to the basement car park since he didn't want anyone to spot Chaerin with him. He didn't like it but in order to protect her, he's willing to do anything.

 

The two leaders walked into the building together. Other than their usual overwhelming aura, there was also a warmth that surrounded them. It made anyone who sees them feel good. It made them feel good. When they were in the elevator, Jiyong stood a little closer to Chaerin. When Chaerin hooked her arm through his, he turned and both of them smiled at each other. Jiyong lifted his hand to touch her cheek gently and that caused her to grin. Jiyong’s own grin broke out and the happiness he felt inside of him was tangible at that moment. His next thought made him gather Chaerin in his arms for a quick hug and whispered a quick ‘thank you’ in her ear. In response, Chaerin held on to Jiyong tightly.

 

I’m holding my Happiness in my hands.

Lee Chaerin, you are my happiness.