"I remember the day you told me you were leaving 

I remember the make up running down your face" 

He loved watching the way a smile stretched across her pale face, dimple forming on her left cheek as her eye disappeared behind ebony lashes. The way her laughter filled the entirety of the school hallways after class let out, how she would snort while laughing only causing her to laugh louder. He loved how she curled up in her favorite bookstores window with her journal and a hot cup of green tea how she always seemed lost in her own world. He found that the way she tucked her hair behind her ear and blushed profusely at the ground when complimented was the most adorable thing in the world.

He liked that at times she was incredibly shy and modest while other times she was as loud and boisterous as the guys. Quick witted and funny at times she never failed to surprise him, somehow she kept him on his toes. Opinionated and passionate in her beliefs she never backed away from a cause. Generous and caring she found time everyday to help someone else in need, he liked that she volunteered with animals and children with a smile one her face. She was goofy and childish in nature, always attempting to brighten the days of others by making them laugh.

She was possibly the worst cook in the world but he used to eat every bite of it and tell her that it wasn't that bad. On the days when she looked her worst he tried to remind her how beautiful she was, and that she looked perfectly fine. He had only ever seen her angry once and it was probably the most frightening experience in his life, although she was adorable when angry or irritated she was frightening when she blew up on Mino for missing their anniversary dinner. Hanbin had never seen her ever so much as raise her voice until that day but he had been genuinely scared and slightly proud that she had finally stuck up for herself. Whenever she cried he was there to hold her and listen because he loved her. He loved her for every imperfection and every freckle that danced across her face.

No matter how much he loved her, he couldn't be with her, because she was his best friends girlfriend.

“What are you doing?” he ask as he slid into the seat beside her, she was wearing white that day her dark hair falling in contrast over her shoulder as she scribbled down in her journal cherry stained lips parted as she mouthed the words she was writing. He doesn't fail to take notice to the two coffee cups on the table one half empty with lipstick on the rim the other left completely full and untouched. He glances at her as she finishes her page lips pressed into a thin like as she concentrates on fitting in her last words, he thought that she looked absolutely stunning like that. “Where's Mino?” he ask pulling her attention away from her journal.

“He had to leave, not sure why though” she shrugged as she closed her book she slid her pen into the binding before turning her attention to him. 'What are you doing here?” she asked a warm smile on her face.

“Hmm I've got a hot date with Bobby” he jokes she let out a loud laugh throwing her head back and he relishes in the sound of her laughter. She covers with her hand as she gasp for air and just as she seemed to calm down she burst back into laughter a snort coming out in the most adorable way possible. He watches as tears welt up in her eyes threatening to spill out of the corner of her eyes as she falls into another fit of laughter, he smiles when the tears stream down her face.

“Oh my god, I just imagined Bobby in a dress and make up.” she says in between laughs, she smiles as she wipes away tears with the pads of her fingers. “Just imagine how funny it would if he dressed up in drag one day” she smiled as she settled down.

Hanbin wasn't sure when he fell in love with her, but it was somewhere in between her laughter and her passion for music that made him fall in love. He remembers the first time they hung out without Mino as clear as day, he had walked into the cafe with the intentions of ordering a black coffee to go when he noticed her scribbling in her notebook quickly and a frown evident on her face. At first he wasn't going to say anything just grab his drink and leave, he hadn't felt obligated to talk to her she was just his friends girlfriend it wasn’t like she was even his friend. He can't remember why but he found himself plopping down into the seat across from her, she hadn't even notices him just continued to write lost in her own world. It was then he notices how beautiful she was with large almond shaped eyes and a freckle right below he nose and just above her her heart shaped lips that were mouthing words. “What are you writing?” he asked she must have been shocked because she had jumped and dropped her pencil.

With wide eyes she took a moment to register who was talking to her before she relaxed into her chair “Oh just a poem” she shrugged a small smile finding its way to her face. “What are you doing here?” she asked as she closed her book. He watched her reach out for her cup holding it in two hands as she took a drink, against his own wishes he thought it was adorable.

He shrugged holding up his own coffee “You know just getting coffee” he had replied with a smile. “What are you doing here though?” he asked eyebrows knit together in confusion “I thought you had a date with Mino” he asked before taking a sip of his somewhat cooler coffee.

“Mm we were supposed to” she sighed fiddling with her notebook cover “but he said he was going to have to cancel because he got really busy and had lost track of the time” she smiled but it never reached her eyes he could tell that she was lying trying to pretend she was okay. Hanbin knew this wasn't the first time Mino had gotten “busy” and had to cancel a date. He could see it one her face that it bothered her that Mino often missed or canceled dates but she would never admit it. She was too nice for that.

“Well since you have nothing else to do you should come hang out with the guys” Hanbin suggested surprising himself and her. Maybe it was the way her eyes lit up like the fourth of July at his suggestion or the way the most pure smile he'd ever witness graced her face but Hanbin felt his heart squeeze and butterflies started fluttering in his stomach.

“I'd love to!” she had replied and Hanbin knew he was screwed.

Over the span of two years he found himself falling harder the closer he became to her. There was a time he would have defended his childhood best friend Mino and his forgetfulness but as he watched the constant disappointment appear on her face he found himself angry at his friend constantly. In all honesty he had watched her cry far to many times over his thoughtless friend to hold any sympathy for the aspiring rapper. He kept waiting for her to finally have enough and to leave him, leave the boy who treated her as if she was something to play with when he got bored with his day to day life. He wondered if Mino knew how much he hurt the girl or if she understood that she was stuck waiting for someone who would never come around. He kept waiting for her to sever ties with Mino but he knew that she never would that she still loved him and she was far to nice to speak the words that she kept locked inside the words that she allowed only to be spoken while mouthing them as she wrote in a simple black notebook.

He knew it wasn't poetry she was writing half the time she was ranting, ranting to the ink splotched pages that held more comfort to her than her friends or family. It was between pages and in music stanza's that she was allowed to be herself, allowed to let her true thoughts free. Hanbin had always wanted her to come to him with her problems but he knew that she was to kind to inconvenience him with her feelings, but it wasn't an inconvenience for him and no matter how many times he told her that she never believed him she put on a face like a doll and pretended she was okay when inside she was screaming.

“So what are you really doing here?” she asked as she picked at her half eaten blue berry muffin and smiled.

“I saw you in the window, I figured you'd might want some company” he smiled back and she looks up from her muffin to send him and appreciative smile.

“I appreciate it” she says as her eyes wonder around the cafe, he notice her take her bottom lip in between her teeth as her eyes focus back on him. “Hey Hanbin?” her voice is quiet as she rubs the padding of her index finger across the rim of her black coffee cup, he catches the unevenness of her voice and how she seems unsure if she should say something, its concerns Hanbin because she's always so sure of herself always certain when she says something.

“Yeah?” he answers hesitantly.

He watches her take a deep breath and then release the air in her lungs “I have to tell you something” her words are soft but her words are shaky as she looks anywhere but at him. “I um I got a scholarship to study in the states for two years after we graduate”

Hanbin felt like his world had come crashing down, like there was a category four hurricane crashing into his life. He wants to tell her not to go, no he wants to beg her not to go but he only nods his head and smiles a fake smile “That's great” is what he says on the outside while he feels devastated on the inside. He is happy for her, he's incredibly happy she's been talking about this school in the US for a year now and he's incredibly proud he knows how competitive it is but at the same time it hurts. It hurts to think he's going to lose her that he won't get to see that smile for two years and that maybe she'll never come back.

“I” she started but hesitated and Hanbin sees the tears starting to form in her eyes “Mino and I broke up. He doesn't want to wait for me and I would never ask him too” Hanbin wishes he could be happy that she finally broke up with Mino but he can't. “In all honesty we haven't been happy in a long time, I think a small part of me knew there was another girl, I think I just refused to believe it” she frowns tears spilling down her pale cheeks, leaving behind faint trails of mascara and eyeliner. “I'm okay with breaking up” she half laughs at her own tears as she looks at him “I just don't want this to ruin our friendship” she croaks surprising Hanbin, he's surprised that she would worry about him before herself but that's so typically her.

“Why would it?” he nearly snaps, he's feeling far to many emotions to be safe he doesn't like it. He's sad because she's leaving, no he's devastated. He's livid because he found out about Mino cheating, and he's on cloud nine because she still wants him around.

“I don't know you're only friends with me because of him, he's you're best friend” she shrugged trying to fight back tears, he could tell she so badly wanted to hide away from the world so that she could breakdown.

“Nothing is going to change” he reassures her and wraps his arms around her shaky frail frame “Just let it all out” he whispered into her vanilla scented hair. He feels her body slump in defeat as the first sob escapes from her lips. He feels tears seep through his shirt as he rubs soothing circles into her back, all while whispering that everything is going to be okay and that nothing is going to change. He didn't think that she had ever cried that hard in the two years that he had known her. She had mastered the art of keeping it all in a long time ago and only then was she allowing Hanbin to see what was really going on behind her mask. Hanbin didn't like that she was crumbling in his arms, that her natural glow was dimming. He hated that even though he was finally able to hold her close he was going to lose her in a matter of weeks.

Graduation came to fast for Hanbin, they spent their last two weeks together hanging out and laughing. They didn't talk about the fact that instead of having a graduation party she was getting on a plane. They didn't talk about Mino or her leaving at all, they tried to live in the moment and make the last of their time memorable. When the day came Hanbin felt a wide array of feelings, on one hand he wanted to be selfish and ask her to stay but he won't ask her to stay because he loves her and he can't hold her back from following her dreams. He has to let her go, because she deserves to fly and maybe one day if the odds are in his favor she'll find her way back to him.

“Mom I'm going to be fine” she says for the fifth time that day, as her mother holds her close crying that her baby is all grown up. “I promise I'll call you when I get there” she laughed and it sounded angelic to Hanbin. His eyes travel around the airport, he was surprised that he was even there to see her off. When her flight is called out she looks towards the terminal and bites her bottom lip “Well that's me “she says as she makes eye contact with Hanbin “You'll call right?” she asks a nervous tone to her voice, he hears her silent plea and nods his head with a smile. “Well then I should go, don't forget to call” she says as she turns to walk away. Hanbin watches her back as she takes step after step only after she makes it a good twenty feet does she stop he sees her slowly inhale and then exhale before she turned around and ran to him. Within seconds her arms around wrapped around him and she has her head buried into the crook of his neck, she smelled like Vanilla “Please don't forget to call me” she whispers as she lets go.

“Go before you miss your flight Yerin” he smiles he doesn't want to say goodbye but its time and he can't hold her back. She nods and rushes back to her luggage only after she disappeared into the plane did he allow his smile to falter. He already felt empty like there was a huge hole in his heart. He watched her plane take off into the summer sky and smiled because she's happy and really that's what mattered to him. “I'll see you soon” he whispered to the sky because he prayed that one day he would see her again, so that he can  finally tell her how he had always felt about her.

- - - - 

Authors note: Hey so here's the first chapter. Its kind of crappy but I like it. Chapter two should be up sometime this week/weekend. Its about 2600 words so please enjoy. 

Is this the part whene I mention the might be a little ( A lot) of angst ahead? 

(Actually this whole chapter is crap and I'm sorry) 

Leave comments if you want. Tell me what you think.