Chapter Nine

Tick Tock

It’s already early october when Jeonghan sticks his head out the window of his bed room. The breeze is starting to send chills to his skins that Jeonghan closes it down again. It’s weekend and he has nothing to do since his sister is out of town for some modeling jobs and he is thinking that he can take his breakfast a little later.

From Taehyung
Good Morning!

Jeonghan chuckles at the message,

To Taehyung
What do you want,Taehyung?

He’s about to fold his blanket when the phone beeps again.

From Taehyung
How mean! You’re just as mean as Seungcheol T-T

Jeonghan laughs at the crying emoticon in the end of the message, and as he just about to type a reply, his phone beeps again. Taehyung wants to take him for a walk to the new shopping center in the city, Jeonghan wants to reply no. But then his phone beeps again.

From Taehyung
Oh, Come on, do me a favor. I don’t want to be a third wheel

So Seungcheol and his girlfriend apparently come along. Great, that’s another reason to say no.

To Taehyung
Okay, where should we meet?

Jeonghan is definitely a dumb. That now he’s waiting in front of the subway for Taehyung. It’s still 10 in the morning, not that much people on the street and he just stands out so much, a few takes a glance at him and he just looks down to avoid the gaze.

“Jeonghan?”

Before he can even hide his hair again under the hood , Taehyung jumps on him. “Oh my God, you dyed your hair again?”

Jeonghan tucks the strands behind his ear. “It’s for a job, and i forgot to bring my snapback”

Taehyung is still ‘whoa’-ing over his purple-ish grey hairs and Jeonghan can feel his cheeks burning at the stares people are giving them “Come on, let’s just go”
They are supposed to meet Seungcheol in front of the entrance, but after waiting for over twenty minutes, the boy is nowhere in sight. Taehyung is sulking and Jeonghan tries to convince him that maybe Seungcheol gets caught in a traffic. Few minutes later, Seungcheol really shows up, but Tzuyu is not with him

“Where’s Tzuyu?”

“She couldn’t make it” Seungcheol weakly smiles. Jeonghan knows Seungcheol wants to make up a date that he and Tzuyu now never have time to do. Tzuyu is Seungcheol’s first girlfriend, his first relationship, and half a year is not a short time. As much as Jeonghan envies their relationship, Jeonghan realizes both Seungcheol and Tzuyu must have given up on many things to be together.

A relationship wouldn’t go on if only one side is trying, may it be in friendship or love,

Jeonghan had learnt his lesson on this.
And Jeonghan can tell, Seungcheol is disappointed . “Sorry for being late, i have things to do first”

“I thought this is your idea!” Seungcheol just grins. “Come on, i’ll treat you your favourite milkshake” and for sure, Taehyung surrenders in a second.

“Wait, did you dye your hair again?” Seungcheol tries to open Jeonghan’s hood, but Jeonghan is faster to dodge.

“No,don’t” Jeonghan warns. “Why?”

“Because it’s so gorgeous and Jeonghan looks really good in it, i swear” Taehyung dramatically gestures with his hands.
“Then why do you hide it?”
Jeonghan pulls his hood down further, almost covering his eyebrows. “It looks...unusual and i forget to bring my snapback”

Seungcheol takes off his white snapback and shoves it to Jeonghan,

“Here, use it, it must be uncomfortable for you to keep the hood up” Seungcheol chuckles when Jeonghan secretly looks around to see if anyone is paying attention to what he’s going to do. And when Jeonghan feels it is safe enough, he pulls down and put the snapback on his head, backward, only the ponytail is showing on his nape but barely visible since Jeonghan tucks it in behind the collar of his jacket. But Seungcheol can see it for a moment when he takes off the hood.

“It suits you though” Seungcheol is honest, Jeonghan looks good in any color.

It feels like one sided date with an addition of a five years old-adult(read:Taehyung) to take care of for Jeonghan . They just basically watching over Taehyung so he won’t do inappropriate things to the girls or getting kicked out the store for trying all their clothes.

But Jeonghan enjoys it, even with Seungcheol’s occasional absent from the conversation to check on Tzuyu’s texts.

“They’re so mean to keep you working on it alone, though” Seungcheol frowns, and Jeonghan laughs “The competition is coming closer and everyone are so busy with their own task, i guess i can help since I’ve almost done with my own”
Seungcheol clicks his tongue.

“Right, smart kid’s problem”

“Don’t say it as if you’re not good at them either, you were one of the top three students in Vernon Junior” Jeonghan shoves Seungcheol’s arm lightly. “And i feel like a fool, i mean i say those things to you and you treated me like i was reincarnation of Einstein, and now it turns out you are much more of a smart than I’ve ever be” Seungcheol is still a melodramatic Seungcheol.

“Just so you guys know, i’m fine. Just keep talking to yourselves. Ignore me”

They turn to the sour Taehyung, walking alone behind them. “It’s just worse than the scenario of me being the third wheel in your date with Tzuyu”
Jeonghan pulls Taehyung to walks in between them. “Don’t be like that, Taehyung, there, i give you back your beloved Seungcheol”

“You guys are just weird, i think both of you have met in your life before and magically meet again to continue the conversation”

Seungcheol and Jeonghan exchange look and laugh “What? What did i miss?” Taehyung asks in confusion.

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about, Tae” Seungcheol puts his hand around Taehyung’s shoulder, of course he feels bad for hiding the fact that he and Jeonghan knew each other even before he met Taehyung, but both him and Jeonghan just want to leave thing that way.

They’re just walking around the mall before decided to catch a late afternoon movie. “I’ll grab some popcorns and sodas” Seungcheol turns his heels to the snack corner.

“You can go pick the movie,Taehyung,i really need to use the bathroom” Jeonghan jogs to the restroom. Leaving Taehyung pouting again in front of the ticket counter.

Jeonghan washes his hands on the sink, slightly rushed because maybe Taehyung and Seungcheol are already waiting for him. He’s glad he made a choice to say yes to Taehyung’s offer.

“What we got here?”

The water turns cold as ice, Jeonghan freezes at another reflection on the mirror. “The lone Jeonghan makes himself some friends, am i right?”

“Oy, i’m talking to you” Jeonghan breathes out to relieve the sudden pain on his nape as Minhyun grabs his head and yank it backward. The older boy slides his other hand on Jeonghan’s face, ever so slowly that Jeonghan feels disgusted at his every touch on his skin.

“What a miracle we can meet again in here, i guess our fate is not that far from each other”

“My boys saw you and your pretty sister on a website. Earning some money with selling your face, huh? It couldn’t be helped, i guess you and your sister inherit the same talent to use your body and face, just like what your filthy mother did”

Minhyun’s hand is no longer on his cheek, it had joined his other hand to rest on his neck, squeezing it harder. Jeonghan can feel the air is not reaching his lungs, his eyes waver in tears, red and wet, but Jeonghan doesn’t move .

When finally the tears reached his jaw, Minhyun eventually let go. His gaze never leaving Jeonghan’s reflection, somehow admiring the red marks on Jeonghan’s neck. Jeonghan looks back at Minhyun’s eyes through the mirror, sick, sick bastard. Minhyun breaks away when another people come in the bathroom. “Let’s meet again sometimes” and he leaves.

The red mark is visible even when he pulls the collar higher, Jeonghan pulls up the hood back over the snapback, at least anyone won’t noticed. He comes out after washing his face. Seungcheol and taehyung are standing in front of the theatre door, waiting for Jeonghan

“Are you okay? did you have a stomachache or something?” Taehyung asks in concern.

“Yeah, my bad. Let’s go, i don’t want to miss the movie”

~~~

Jeonghan doesn’t look fine, Seungcheol can tell. The beautiful Scarlett Johansson on the big screen has long forgotten because Seungcheol’s eyes are busy to take glances at the boy beside him. Only God knows what’s going on inside the quiet boy - Jeonghan suddenly becomes a little more ‘quiet’ than his usual self - and Seungcheol can only guess. Even if his eyes are fixated on the screen, Seungcheol knows Jeonghan doesn’t really watching. He wants to ask, as a friend, but knowing Jeonghan, he won’t say a word just like the old time when Seungcheol asked why he didn’t go home. Learning Jeonghan is definitely harder than any subjects in school.

Seungcheol totally missed the movie. As the credit is rolling on the screen, Jeonghan finally realized Seungcheol’s gaze on him. And Seungcheol just smiles.

“Where are we going next?”

“Let’s call it a day, i’m tired” Seungcheol whines at Taehyung’s spirit. “Okay, but it’s just because i want to try these clothes at home. Next time we’re here, i won’t let you go home, Choi Seungcheol”

Seungcheol groans, and finally he can see a small smile from Jeonghan’s lips. Taehyung skips his steps walking away. And Jeonghan is left alone with Seungcheol.

“Let me take you home”

“i can take the bus” Jeonghan doesn’t want to sound rude. “But motorcycle is faster” Seungcheol insists. Jeonghan laughs.

“I don’t want to risk my life in a hand of fifteen years old boy with no license”

“Correction, sixteen soon. I won’t go past 50, i swear”

“I thought you said it’s faster”

Seungcheol is thinking of going over 70, but he has promised. Jeonghan’s hands always feel perfect on his waist- of course it’s his personal opinion- and Seungcheol just loves it when their helmets bump as he stops because of the traffic light. Jeonghan feels so close.

This place feels like Jeonghan, cozy and simple. It’s twice bigger than his previous place, but everything gives the same feeling as Jeonghan’s older one. The same picture of his sister he saw at Jeonghan’s old apartment back in town is hanging above the coffee table, there’s a dark blue couch in the living room, this time also bigger than the cramp couch Jeonghan had once. “Your sister?”

“She has a schedule”

“Wait-” Oh. .

It’s a habit to take off the jacket as soon as he enters the house and he forgets that he needs the jacket to hide something.

“Who did this?”

Seungcheol’s face is stern. “It’s just a rash”

“Don’t with me, who did this?!”

Jeonghan flinches as the other male pulls his wrist, a little too hard for Jeonghan’s preference, but Seungcheol doesn’t mean to hurt Jeonghan. “It’s when we’re in the cinema, right? When you went to the rest room”

“Seungcheol, please, i don’t want to talk about this”

Seungcheol takes a step behind, loosen up his grip at Jeonghan’s wrist. “I am not good enough, aren’t i? That’s why you don’t trust me and hide this thing”

“What are you talking about? it’s just not ..your business”

All this time, Jeonghan is always in every business Seungcheol does. Even if Seungcheol doesn’t want to say it out loud, Jeonghan is the reason he can date Tzuyu for this long. How can Jeonghan says it’s not his business? He regrets it already, when he stepped out of Jeonghan’s business back then in the wooden castle, and what happened? He lost Jeonghan.

Seungcheol just can never read through Jeonghan. The red mark is faintly coloring Jeonghan’s long neck, it looks painful, and disturbing.

“Please, don’t push me away”

Seungcheol means it with all his heart, he will kneel if he has to, he doesn’t want to regret anymore.

“We’re just, friend, Seungcheol”

He’s gonna die soon, the pain is squeezing his entire organs and suddenly his stomach feels empty. Jeonghan’s word is just so damn hurtful. He grips Jeonghan’s wrist harder, but not as hard as the previous one, Jeonghan can feel a desperation, hope, and pain at the skin contact, maybe Seungcheol’s or maybe his. Jeonghan wonders.
Jeonghan doesn’t want to hurt Seungcheol either, but they have to wake up, they’re not supposed to hold this feeling. Not with Tzuyu, with Seungcheol’s family, with their lives at stake. They’re insecure about this, and Jeonghan wants Seungcheol to know he is feeling the same. Why is this so hard? Jeonghan looks into Seungcheol’s pained gaze.

And Seungcheol seems to read his mind.

“I know.... and there are a lot of other things that make us friend. I’m grateful, they keep me from making wrong decision, from keeping us ‘friend’. But it’s so confusing now, i don’t even know if i want us to be friend, if i want us to be more than friend, or even if i actually want us to be nothing. I just don’t know what i want anymore. Everything looks scary, and i don’t know what to do. There’s our family, there’s our friends, there’s Tzuyu , there’s the world, all of them, standing between us, I’m just scared to lose all of it at once”

Jeonghan doesn’t like what he sees, he doesn’t like to see those pained eyes finally bleed with tears. Seungcheol’s dam has broken, again for the second time in front of Jeonghan.

Yeah, It’s scary, Seungcheol, I’m scared of the world too.

Jeonghan takes a step closer, leaving them only another step away. I’m scared too.

.

.

“Then,if we ignore all those things...

..and we push away the rationality...

What do you desire?”

.

.

One second.

Two seconds.

Three seconds.

~~~

Hey guys~ sorry for not updating, it’s been a few days, right?

I'm not feeling well lately, it’s getting colder these days, so please wear warm clothes and take care of your health too,  it’s Saturday night and I'm just lying down on my bed, urrggggghhh I want to go out T_T

I just realized there're more than 50 subscribes! Oh my God!  Thank you a lot, 

And there are more comments, advices and inputs, I really appreciate it, thank you and thank you, I'll reply it as soon as i can, T_T 

Jeonghan dyes his hair like in their mansae era, i just love it a lot. It’s gorgeous ~~ anyway, I'll be back soon and update it,

A little spoiler: "do you need me to **** you off?" (wiggle eyebrows) 

Ahahaha

With love, 

Deerchoding ~

(really, take care of your health, guys!)