The plan had been simple. They would smuggle Jonghyun onto the stage after Wefreaky won the Award. If they didn’t, they would just smuggle him into Wefreaky’s changing room and surprise Key when he returned. The arrangement had been made with the help of their higher people as well, the Award committee had agreed on the proposal as well. Expressing it was an honour to have a musician like J to choose their award as his ‘debut’ stage.

It had been simple. It was supposed to be, until Kibum decided to have a major mental breakdown on stage.

Then Kibum had to call Jonghyun’s name again and again, as if it was the only thing that can keep his sanity. It made Jonghyun restless and uneasy, it made Jonghyun’s whole being ache in the most uncomfortable way. His body fell into autopilot state, letting his innermost desire taking control over him. He needed to be physically there for Kibum.

And that was what he did. Jonghyun slaughtered the taunting and mocking terrorizing voice in his mind. His mind was full with Kibum, Kibum, and Kibum.

The door was opened, bright light dancing down all over him as he made his first step forward. He could hear the crowd went silent for a while around him before they broke into curious and confused whisper. They were loud but the rush of his blood in his ears were even louder, drowning the noise around him.

With the warmth of Minseok’s large palm still lingering on the small of his back, Jonghyun forced down the lump in his throat, urging his legs to step forward. Staffs were quick to move around him, as quick as the falling of shutters from the audience seat.

Jonghyun was thankful with how the staffs were securing his way to the stage. About three securities were enclosing him while they lead him, opening path for Jonghyun so he can make it as soon as possible.

All the time, Jonghyun kept his gaze fastened to the stage where Key was. The black haired male was still crying, his hunched shoulders trembling quietly. Jonghyun sighed in relief, at least Kibum was calmer than before when he first started crying.

“Jonghyun-ah,” the said male snapped his attention away from Kibum to the source of voice. It was Onew and he was smiling so tenderly at him. He had come down from his stage to welcome Jonghyun. The elder had his hand outstretched with open palm, a gesture that meant to say ‘I have been waiting for you’.

A new bout of courage washed over him. Jonghyun’s steps quickened until he was making a small run toward Onew. He clasped his hand over Onew’s upturned palm and practically threw himself toward the slightly taller man.

Onew accepted him with a laugh, curling his free hand around Jonghyun’s shoulder. Sighing in disbelief, Onew spoke beside his ear, “I can’t believe you really came…”

“I can’t believe myself either,” Jonghyun breathed out, voice strained. He blinked his tears away, not realizing when did they began to gather in his eyes. “I’m scared, Hyung,” the blond admitted, holding Onew a little tighter.

“It’s fine to be scared,” Onew patted his back. “But you shouldn’t let him wait too much, right?”

Kibum. Still leaning in Onew’s arms, Jonghyun’s gaze wandered to the male standing on the stage. Kibum, his dear Kibum, he had looked so strong but now he looked small, quivering in his loneliness. He looked pitiful yet still beautiful in Jonghyun’s eyes.

Slowly, Jonghyun detached himself away from Onew, gaze still lingering on Kibum. “Let’s go,” the elder’s soothing voice came again. Jonghyun felt himself being led by Onew who kept a steady hold on their entwined hands.

The crowd slowly died down into hushed whisper before dissolving into a total silence when Jonghyun ascended to the stage. Even though he was keeping his eyes on Kibum the whole time, Jonghyun couldn’t help but shift them to two figures who were standing in front of him.

The two remaining SHINee members were staring at him with wide, disbelieving eyes and mouth agape. “Minho, Taemin,” he murmured, shy and nervous smile forming on his face.

His voice uncast the freezing spell that had befall the two. Soon, he was smothered by four arms around him. The touches were sure but hesitant at the same time, mapping his body as if to make sure he was real and just an image their brain conjured up. His names were string of prayers on their lips.

“Hyung, Jonghyun-hyung,” Minho gasped in disbelief. His already big eyes were wide as if he was seeing a ghost but it wasn’t ghost; it’s Jonghyun. His shy yet witty Jonghyun-hyung whose joke and mirth always left him breathless. “Are you real- oh my God, Jonghyun-hyung...”

Taemin was in similar state with Minho except he was too overwhelmed to say anything but Jonghyun’s name. Onew watched his bandmates and his junior for a while with melancholic smile. He reached out to Minho’s arms.

“He needs to go,” Onew said gently, freeing Jonghyun from Minho and Taemin’s suffocating embrace.

Before he was being completely pried away from his two younger yet taller friends, Jonghyun made sure to say, “Thank you.”

Minho pressed the back of his knuckle to his mouth, seemingly unable to hold his emotion in check. Taemin, on the other hand, was ready to collapse. The only thing that keeping him on the ground was Kai’s supporting hands as the maknae of SHINee leant heavily on EXO’s dancer’s side.

Onew let him go when he reached the opening of the bridge that led to where Kibum was. “It’s time,” he said, holding out one arm beside him as if to give Jonghyun way. “Time to make him proud, Kim Jonghyun.”

Jonghyun shared one more hug with Jinki, taking in the elder man’s presence with him. “Thank you,” he whispered one last time then untangled himself from the other’s warm body. Onew’s proud smile was burning behind his retina before they’re replaced completely by the man who was still crying quietly on the stage.

Kibum, his beautiful and precious Kim Kibum.

Just thinking about him was already sending him over the moon. Sun seemed to be shining around his best friend, enveloping him in its warm and gentle golden rays. Kibum’s presence was like a sun; comforting him, guiding him and making everything much more vibrant and colorful. Kibum made him alive just like sun was giving live to all beings on earth.

Please stop crying, Kibum. Jonghyun thought, he didn’t realized that the crowd had completely died, leaving the hall in utter silence. The only voice echoing in the room was the clacking of his shoes against the linoleum floor.

Please look at me, Kibum. His mouth uttered without voice. His legs kept on moving, carrying him to where the center of his world was standing. Faintly, Jonghyun could hear Kibum calling his name. The thought that Kibum was still calling his name despite his inability to speak properly sent a strange wave of giddiness coursing through his veins.

Jonghyun didn’t realize he was already on the main stage. For him, nothing else matter except for the crying boy standing few steps away from him. Even if the fear was still in the corner of his mind, clawing mercilessly on his heart, Jonghyun pushed them away, drawing his strength from the urge to comfort Kibum and bringing him into his arm, protecting him from whatever that had made him cry.

About three steps away from Kibum and Jonghyun stopped. Kibum was so close, he’s already within arm reach. Jonghyun’s hands were balled into fist beside him, they’re trembling along with his whole body.

For a moment he just stood there, cold and petrified. Jonghyun chewed on his bottom lips and took a shuddering breath. He unclasped his fist, gathering them in front of his face to cover half of his face. It’s okay, he whispered to himself with undeterred gaze on Kibum.

You can do this, Kim Jonghyun. Jonghyun exhaled deeply then took his hand away, letting them fall back to his sides. Three, he counted in his head, taking a small step forward.

Just a little more, Kibum. Jonghyun took another step, two, Kibum’s scent drifted to him, making Jonghyun almost cried in happiness upon feeling the boy’s presence surrounding him again.

Jonghyun reached his hand toward Kibum’s hand but stopped before touching his wrist. He could feel everyone around him gasped, waiting for his next movement with baited breath. Had he been not distracted by the male before him, Jonghyun will be panicking but he was so taken by Kibum’s being to be distressed by all attention he was receiving.

His hand floated unsurely right in front of kibum’s fist. Jonghyun blinked in perplexity at the wonder of it all. Kibum had always managed to turn his world around. Before, Jonghyun didn’t even doubt his capacity of breaking down mentally in front of this many people. Everything was too much for him; the crowd, the noise, the prying stare and curious whispers, the camera, even the thought alone terrorize him.

They used to scare him but now, that was the last thing in Jonghyun’s mind. One, he counted his last step, closing the distance between him and Kibum as his hands clasped themselves around Kibum’s wrists in the most delicate manner.

He felt Kibum flinched under his touch. Gently, Jonghyun pried Kibum’s fist away from to unravel his face, I want to see you, Kibum-ah. He didn’t realize he had said out loud until Kibum gasped loudly. With another slow pull of his hand, Jonghyun watched as Kibum’s tears stained face slowly came into full view.

“Beautiful,” he murmured quietly, a smile forming on his lips. Even with tears streaking down his face and nose red from crying, Kibum was still beautiful, still perfect in Jonghyun’s eyes. God’s best creation, he mused. Releasing one hold on Kibum’s wrist, Jonghyun used the pad of his thumb to wipe Kibum’s tears away.

The shorter male grinned when Kibum flinched and gasped again. His mouth was open ajar, eyes opened as wide as possible like he was a blind seeing for the first time. But they spoke to Jonghyun; called, beckoned him, so Jonghyun answered them with his own.

“It’s me, Kibummie,” he gave Kibum a crooked grin. He felt Kibum’s pulse beneath his finger, they too, spoke to him. Shly, Jonghyun grinned wider, “I’m sorry for making you wait, but, I’m finally here…”

“H-how? Why?” Kibum finally stuttered, still unable to make sense of what was happening.

Jonghyun’s held on his wrist tightened. He felt a slight pull, then Jonghyun’s trembling gaze met his while his thumb rested warmly against his cheekbone. Kibum’s heart skipped a beat at the warmth pouring from those fingers. “I promised you I will come, right?”

And when I promise you, I never break it.

None of them sure who moved first. It could have been Kibum, it could have been Jonghyun, but to anyone’s eyes, it’s easier to say that the two males were moving simultaneously.

Jonghyun let go of Kibum’s wrist just as Kibum’s arms reached out to wrap themselves around the shorter male’s neck. While Kibum clasped his fingers around his elbows, Jonghyun’s one hand cradled his head and bring them to rest on his shoulder, fingers tenderly carding Kibum’s ebony hair. The other hand found purchase on the small of Kibum’s back like it always belonged there, holding him close so there was no space separating them.

The way they hug each other was natural like they had been doing this for their entire lifetime. It was so natural that it felt too intimate, like seeing a couple flirting in the broad daylight, it made you want to look away because it’s not something you’re supposed to see.

But it’s beautiful; it’s beautiful and to appraise beautiful thing is nothing more than human nature. So the crowd watched the couple on stage, mesmerized by the ethereal display of affection in front of them.

Kibum felt Jonghyun’s heartbeat beneath his chest and Jonghyun felt his too. They were in sync with each other, weaving the most melodic rhythm known to their ears. They felt more alive and awake than they had ever been but at the same time this felt too much like a dream.

To confirm his lingering doubt, Kibum’s hand slowly moved downward to map Jonghyun’s familiar, well-toned back. His finger remembered each and every slope and dent, the sensitive part that would make Jonghyun flinch in instinct. His touches gave him the response he had been waiting for, Jonghyun wiggle slightly when his fingers came in contact with particular spot, his name leaving Jonghyun’s lips in contented sigh.

To be able to return to each other’s embrace, to be able to feel each other’s warmth and scent, for Jonghyun and Kibum it felt like coming home. Home where they’re safe, home where they’re away from prying eyes, home where they can just be each other without fearing the consequences of their doings, home where they can laugh and cry all they want to.

But being caged in each other’s arms like this told them that their shared apartment, that Jonghyun’s dark bedroom, or even Kibum’s aesthetically decorated room was never their home in the first place.

It has always been the same; their home, their place to return to, their motherland, a place where they belong more than anywhere else in the world. It was not a static place, it got no roof nor wind to protect them from wind and rain, but it got a pair of warm, welcoming and accepting hands that will shield them away from merciless words.

He felt Jonghyun’s face shifted on his shoulder. When the elder speak right to his ears, Kibum almost cry in pure bliss and happiness. “I’m back,” Jonghyun whispered ever so gentle and delicate.

Kibum closed his eyes as tight as his clutch on Jonghyun’s back, another pearl of tears rolling down his already wet cheeks. He almost couldn’t speak from the sheer emotion that consumed him but in the end, he managed to reply in cracked voice, “welcome back, Jjong.”

They continued to embrace each other with Kibum crying in silence. Jonghyun felt full to the brim but somehow, he managed to contain his tears. Slowly, he started to rub comforting circle on Kibum’s back while whispering comforting words, swaying from side to side in an attempt to calm his best friend down.

Kibum inhaled deeply before pulling away, hands circling themselves again around Jonghyun’s neck in tight lock. Totally uncaring to peering eyes, He feared that if he loosened his hold around the older male, he’s going to lose him again and he cannot afford that.

“Are you,” Kibum managed to croak out once he swallowed the big lump in his throat. His gaze entwined itself with Jonghyun’s glimmering ones and in there Kibum found comfort as opposed to rejection that once filled them the last time he saw him. “Are you real? You’re not some image my mind made up, are you?”

Jonghyun smiled brightly when their eyes met. Truly, there was nothing that make him this happy with just simple gesture other than Kibum. “I’m as real as you want me to be, Kibummie.”

As if to make his point, Jonghyun rested his forehead on Kibum’s own. Watching the younger’s breath hitched, Jonghyun’s smile stretched even wider. Another sob was torn from Kibum’s lips as he realized that this was really happening; Jonghyun was standing on the stage with him.

“I can’t believe this,” Kibum muttered breathlessly. “This is like dream comes true…”

A sense of accomplishment flooded Jonghyun’s mind. “This isn’t dream,” he responded.

His hands were on either side of Kibum’s hips, keeping their body close together. He was half aware of how intimate their position was but for now, that seemed to be the last thing in his mind. That, until he remembered where they were.

Kibum almost moaned at the sudden lost of contact when Jonghyun abruptly pulled his head away. The warm body around him suddenly went rigid and together, realization of their actual situation dawned on him.

“Oh my God,” Kibum blushed a pretty shade of scarlet. Two pair of wide eyes stared at each other before ever so slowly turning to the right where they finally remembered the crowd was watching them.

The sudden terror that seized Jonghyun was merciless but God was merciful because during that split second, his eyes happened to capture Kibum’s beautiful being in them, his skin picked the warmth of Kibum’s skin on his own,  and that was all Jonghyun needed to find his ground again.

“Let’s finish this quickly,” Jonghyun said quickly, breathlessly. His eyes were sparkling with both excitement and nervousness. “We have an Award Acceptance Speech to make.”

Kibum was momentarily caught in how animated those eyes were, how alive Jonghyun was. Could this be the same Jonghyun whom he had shared his past decade with? The same Jonghyun who cowered in fear at the mere thought of greeting his neighbor? But it’s him, he’s real, he’s standing with him-beside him; J & Key of Wefreaky are now complete, and they have an Artist of The Year Award to Accept.

Carefully, the younger of the two tried to erase his trail of tears using the black of his sleeves without messing his makeup. Jonghyun was quick to fuss over him, using his own fingers to erase them while murmuring something about dirtying Kibum’s white sleeves. Kibum giggled, the obvious tremble of Jonghyun’s hands didn’t go unnoticed by him. This was probably his own way of getting himself calm and Kibum was more than willing to provide Jonghyun with as much reassurance as he could give.

“I’m okay,” Jonghyun gave him a doubtful look. Kibum grinned cheekily, curling his hand around Jonghyun’s wrist; ‘it’s you I’m worried about. Let’s get this over with,okay?’ he mouthed. Jonghyun blinked rapidly before nodding and bringing their hands between their bodies. With a deep exhale, they turn to face to the crowd.

Jonghyun raised the mic to his mouth with trembling hands, Kibum following soon after. One firm squeeze from Kibum’s and the two spoke simultaneously, “Let’s get freaky with Wefreaky!”

Their greeting was answered by the overly enthusiastic crowd. Copper-Gold sea that glowed before their very eyes left Jonghyun in half daze. Ever since their debut, he had only seen it from the TV screen. He had only seen it with his own eyes a few times after he decided to accompany Kibum to broadcast station. The ocean of green was never directed at him before, now, he understood why Kibum always spoke of it with wonder.

“Our little freak,” Key addressed their fanclub, getting louder cheer of ‘Yes!’ in return. Winking at Jonghyun with a pair of beautiful eyes twinkling in emerald, Key grinned wide into his mic, “let me introduce, J of Wefreaky!”

Jonghyun wondered if he will ever get used to the feeling of having this many people reacting to him at once. The crowd was near deafening, it intimidated him in all honesty, suddenly all he wanted is curl up and disappear, away from this sea of people who’s pouring him with all these curious attention.

He felt bare, , Jonghyun felt defenseless and unguarded. But the warmth radiating from Kibum’s delicate hand in his safehold, it made him stay and held his head high, yet again facing his biggest fear; being in the center of attention.

Here goes nothing, Kim Jonghyun, summoning the last ounce of courage he needed, Jonghyun spoke once again to the mic, “good evening, everyone. This is J of Wefreaky.” The seafoam emerald sea flickered before him, Kibum strengthened his hold on Jonghyun’s still quivering digits. Jonghyun returned it by giving him a steady clasp.

“Umm, so, yeah, this is my first time coming out in front of you, I guess. I-I’m sorry I didn’t, never show up before, thank you for waiting for me. I-” Jonghyun flinched violently when the crowd roared back to cheer him on. Suddenly it’s becoming terrifying, suddenly it’s becoming suffocating, and the room was too small, and his clothes were too tight. Suddenly Jonghyun felt like he was being hit with dizzy spell, and Kibum was aware the moment Jonghyun step back and tried to hide himself behind the taller boy; something they had done numerous time before.

Had it been years ago, Kibum would encourage the behaviour with surge of protectiveness coursing through his veins, but this was now and he will not let Jonghyun down. He will protect him, so Kibum stepped back too, making Jonghyun shielding him instead of another way around. He leant his head forward and whispered as quiet as possible so only Jonghyun can hear it, “Speak, it will be okay. They will accept you.”

And gone was the dizzy spell. ‘They will accept you’; such words of magic, Jonghyun found himself smiling. Indeed, that might have been what Jonghyun feared all along; not being accepted. For his too big and uneven nose, for his slightly higher than normal boy’s voice, for his tendency to babble and not quite meeting the standard of what people expected him to be.

There had been his family who told him he’s loved, that they will accept him regardless of his becoming, but they’re family, and family’s love is only unconditional. But other people are different, they would not love him the way his family love him. What value did Jonghyun hold that make him so worthy of their love. Too short, too quiet, too crude, too inadequate.

But then there was Kibum. Kibum who was a stranger, who held Jonghyun above and more than what he accounted for, Kibum who didn’t leave him for his tendency to cry upon being in the receiving end of people’s attention. There was Kibum who had given him the same unconditional love his family had for him but at the same time a love so conditional. A romantic love in place of platonic that had existed between them, a term that made Jonghyun realized that he not only needed Kibum but also wanted him in every sense possible.

Kibum held so much power over him, more than Jonghyun would like to admit. But you gave it so willingly to him, he thought to himself, flitting a glance at still smiling Kibum. Love, Jonghyun decided, is a silly and very curious thing, a word from Kibum and he seemed to lose all control he had over himself. He chanced another gaze at the crowd, taking another deep breathe, and

Well, I didn’t regret it.

“I have anxiety,” Jonghyun blurted out when he cannot remember the speech he had memorized for three days straight. The crowd fell into hushed whispers, Jonghyun exhaled then continued, “that’s why I never show up. I do not feel comfortable exposing myself to public. But it was didn’t, I realize that I have to change, I need to be brave and take the big leap, for my own sake, “ Jonghyun glanced at Kibum beside him, “and for the sake of everyone who’s been supporting me. For the sake of all people who had accepted me the way I am despite my shortcomings, the people who had welcomed me and see me for who and what I actually am, not for what they’d like to think I am,”

His gaze swept the crowds to find the friends he had made over his career; SHINee members, Woohyun, “well,” Jonghyun gestured toward himself with a crooked smile, “here I am today, coming out in front of you for the first time to accept his honorable award as J of Wefreaky.”

The response he got was too overwhelming, enthusiastic cheers of his fans and audiences alike, from the other artist, and the almost deafening claps that followed. They reverberated in Jonghyun’s body that he was almost sure he was made solely from the thunderous noises that spelt of welcome and acceptance.

He bit his bottom lips to stop himself from crying but he knew the effort was useless. Jonghyun sobbed, his hands flew instinctively to hide his face. The heart-warming chants of ‘don’t cry’ only made the task impossible to do. He was vaguely aware of Kibum’s gentle hand prying the mic away from his dead grip, but the soft whisper of, ‘I’m proud of you’ stood clear, louder than any voice in the crowd.

“And I love you,” Jonghyun whispered in his ragged breath but before the words can escaped him completely, Kibum had already spoke, addressing another set of names that brought more familiar faces to Jonghyun’s mind and only squeezed more tears out from his eyes.

“...but most of all,” Jonghyun didn’t realize Kibum had been talking about him until he felt the comforting warmth of Kibum’s hand bleeding warmth into his back. “I’m most thankful of my best friend, my partner, J, who had been so brave and wonderful. He is my pride.”

He spoke with his eyes full with brilliant radiance, a glimmering sea of chocolate littered with beds of stars. A set of eyes belonging to the most beautiful human being Jonghyun had ever come to know. And despite himself, despite the instability of his breathing and the way his whole being was claimed by the tremor of his cry, Jonghyun smiled. The way Kibum returned his smile left him overjoyed, suddenly, he didn’t want to cry anymore, all he wanted was smile until all Kibum can do is smile as well.

“Well,” Kibum spoke back to the audience with a grin. He gave the trophy to Jonghyun, took his other hand and laced their fingers together, “I think we had talked too long, which we should apologize for. And we promise we will work even harder in the future to be someone worthy of this award.”

With a downward pull from Kibum’s hand, they both bow to crowd. Their response had not been disappointing; another torrents of claps and cheers. Still bowing, they stole a glance and grin at each other then Kibum gave another jerk to their joined hands. The two stood back again before exiting themselves from the stage, waving and smiling at the crowd while being ushered back to their place.

Minho drowned Jonghyun in his all too-warm and suffocating embrace, followed closely by Taemin who was still crying too hard to say Jonghyun’s name properly. From what was left of his line of vision between tangles of limbs, Jonghyun spot Onew, Jinki, smiling at him like sun breaking the dawn early in the morning; all golden and impossibly warm in the middle of heart-calming freshness.

Jonghyun smiled back, and there was that warmth again, fleeting but solid and too familiar to be forgotten, grazing his knuckle in the shortest of second. But then Kibum entered his line of vision, all smile and glassy eyes, and,

Jonghyun closed his eyes, breathless; beautiful.

-

A/N: LONG TIME NO SEE EVERYONE! I AM BACK! AND JONGKEY IS BACK?! DID YOU SEE THEM EATING ICE CREAM?!?!?! BLESS, I PRACTICALLY SCREAM IN MY CAR WHEN IT APPEARED ON MY DASH, I AM NOT ASHAMED, I AM THIRSTY!

Back to the story; WE ARE ONE CHAPTER AWAY FROM THE LAST /hides in the corner/ /cries/ Jjong is all grown up, Kibum is too happy for him, and SHINee too! I love writing SHINee bonds too much even if I had to separate five of them in this story. Also, do you feel deja-voo at this chapter's image? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I assure you it was intentional, at first I wanted it to be happier but cannot find a good ones so I settled w/ this one as 'conclusion' to previous one.

Actually right after I finished the 'and I never break it' part, I was hit with writer-block so bad that there was about a month gap between it and the next paragraph lol. Then an even worse writer block barreled through me that I actually wrote the last chapter on March 15th, putting an even longer gap between 21st and 22nd chpater. The next one will be the longest so far, coming on May 6th, and then an Epilog will follows.

Thank you for bearing with me as always, have a nice weekend^^

/jongkey lives on/