I wake up from a dreamless night. 
I turn my head to the wall on my side, while still lying on my bed. "7:02" shows the clock. 
I sit up. I slide down my legs from the bed and stand up.
I start walking and go to bathroom and finish brushing my teeth, wash my face and get fresh. Then I head towards the kitchen to make my tea and take the cup to my room with some biscuits and sit on my bed.
I move the cup towards my mouth to blow the tea to cool it while the evaporation of the heat from the tea reaches my face, making me feel bit comforted.
I finally take a sip. The sweetness in my mouth comforts me. I pick up a biscuit and dip it in the tea and ahh~ it tastes so good in the morning. I relax like this and then I start studying.

Some time passes studying the subject Philosophy and good lord, it's turning my world up side down! Philosophy is so confusing... all the theories and stuff arrgghhh!

I still have an entire year left where I have to study these again, that too, advanced level. 
I sigh.

As the day passes, I spend my time like my daily routine: studying, lunch, teaching the kids, dinner and again, studying.
I have to study more these days as my exams are nearing.

It's night time now and I finally lie on my bed to take a break and relax. 
I start looking at my life so far. What great things have I achieved till now? I doubt if I achieved any... my life has been bitter always. I have many big dreams... and I'm already in my youth but what dreams have I achieved? None. I feel so frustrated. It feels like I'm stuck in this way of life forever. I feel like time is running out so fast... I'm already 20 and I haven't achieved anything that I wanted or still want. I feel so time-stuck because things that I want seems to be so far away and life feels stand-still, like it's not moving.
Time is moving on but life seems to be at the same one place since beginning.
I still haven't been able to start my vocal training, it's been 4 years now I've been dreaming of becoming a singer.
Here in West Bengal, where I live, I have to own a harmonium to do vocal training, according to the vocal training institutes. But I don't have one and we can't afford one right now.
Mom says that I can start the training next year though...after my exams. Maybe we can afford it then.

Times like this moment right now... feels like reality hits me hard. I really feel frustrated and lose my patience and want to achieve the things I want, right away! But it can't happen like that... I have to wait. And there's no choice.
It's so painful. And I feel so lonely as I'm fighting alone...

It makes me feel hopeless about my dream of meeting Hobie oppa... because I can't achieve this dream without passing the steps like vocal training.
Well maybe god has plans for me if those steps don't work out... but still, I want to become singer for myself too... not only because I want to meet him. So the vocal training is crucial for me.
I feel so stuck...! 

 

My mobile beeps.
It's Kari's message on Facebook.

(Kari) [Hey... The song 'I Need U' is popping in my head again and again. I listened to it only once when you recommended it to me but today it is popping in my head again and again and I liked the music so much that I heard it 3 times by now.]

Whoa... really??!! She liked it so much? Oooo I'm so excited!!!!

(Me) [OMG that's great~! Now choose a bias.!]

(Kari) [What? LOL okay... umm lemme check about the members first, I don't know them :P]

(Me) [Go go go! Now!]

I wait for her to check about the members and she texts back saying what she thinks about the members after reading about them. We exchange jokes.

(Me) [So whom do you choose?] 

(Kari) [Oh my god, so fast? Lol I still need some more time to choose!] She says.

I suddenly feel like saying her how much I love J-Hope.

(Me) [ You know? Actually... I love J-Hope more than a bias. ]

(Kari) [What do you mean? ]

(Me) [ I have feelings for him like a girl would have feelings for a guy in real life. ]

(Kari) [ Ahh... I see. *smile emoticon* ]

(Me) [ Yes... because he means a lot to me. In many ways. He and BTS... especially him, have helped me a lot. ]

(Kari) [ How? ]

Maybe she won't understand...

(Me) [ I'll tell you someday. It's pretty late now. Good night~ *smile emoticon* ]