Hello everyone! Here are my comments on: 

> Anoxia, KimIli98

* Comments have been sent privately as discussed between Judge and Author. 

> Psycho, Aryaprava_1993 

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Well Incorporation of Prompts:

The prompts were used quite well actually— in fitting scenes that foreshadowed the ending of not being able to escape the dark side of Sehun, even if he did love this girl.

> The Imaginary One, Jae 

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Well Incorporation of Prompts:

The escape theme is definitely reoccurring, and although it doesn’t completely mirror the scenes in the story, it does mirror the emotions and actions of the main character. The use of directives specifically is what make these prompts so well used, revealing the true identity of characters in one of the most climactic scenes.

> When Roses Kiss, Cinnamonhyun

Title, Foreword, and Description: 

The title plays into an overarching motif that is very intelligently incorporated in both the actions of the characters and the main topics of this piece. This represents the character’s relationships and interworkings with one another that in many ways shifts the focus of the narrative from being an action script, to a tremendous commentary on individuality. 

The foreword and Description aid the narrative as the title does, especially the foreword as it reveals the most shocking and essential take aways from the narrative, yet plays with the interpretation and presentation— all unknown to the reader until the end. 

The description could be revised slightly to better hint towards the upcoming mysteries and stray away from the traditional cliche of ceo/arranged marriage that the description provokes to new readers. 

Grammar and Effective Communication:

This narrative is essentially typo free from the beginning to the end. The rare grammatical issues are insignificant and could be fixed with a closer reader/beta. Otherwise, the prose is beautifully done and progressively changes to mimic and unveil the narrative’s grander workings. 

Each plot is unraveled in an effective and timely manner that is easily understood and followed. The mystery too, is done with careful consideration and is not confusing, nor too easy to guess. Though, I would say that I think there is room for revision in the chapters where main events unfold. Specifically in the sense of knowing when to slow down to better encapsulate the scene versus keeping the prose short and fast paced in actions scenes. 

I think the ending, the last two chapters or so, could also benefit from another draft in which the emotions of Baekhyun could be made more clear and emphasized, as he seems to be the key to the narrative’s end. 

Characterization and Development:

The true power of this narrative comes from the characters and each of their own stories, relatability, and weaknesses. Despite seeming to follow a cliche trope of characters, the narrative is surprising in how gradually, but fully, each overgeneralization is dismantled and given proper attention. Every character, regardless of their inherit “good” and “bad” traits, is imbued with such potent relatability that makes it impossible to side with any character, at any given time. This makes its way into the decision making and actions of each arch until Mari too, becomes undoubtedly victim to the weaknesses and downfalls of life that she so desperately tries to run from in both her love life and past. Those who we considered monsters at the beginning, we come to love by the end— and visa versa. 

Chanyeol in particular, I must say, is the most influential character and best example for 
development from beginning to end. This is also reflected through Mari and Baekhyun too— as regardless of their true and desperate love, time, experience, and motivations are ever changing. 

Unique and Eye-Opening Plot:

This plot is overdone and basic, or so it seems. Beginning the narrative, we already have a preconceived notion of what we are getting into. We have the CEO trope, the Body Guard trope, the arranged marriage trop, and the celebrity victim trope. These are obviously overdone and hard to make original, but what I think this narrative does so well, is flips these tropes upside down and plays with those preconceived notions in order to catch you off guard and force the plot to serve the enormous significance of the “bigger questions” the prose is speaking to. 

Working under those layers is the off-catching action and past trauma that is snuck, snuck very well, into the plot of the narrative. This action provides a medium to enhance the character’s desperation and bond them together— which forces a “make it or break it,” per se, mentality for the relationship that were once hellbent on parting ways. And of course, the reality of life is reflected through these actions. 

I will say, however, that some scenes in relation to the ending and Mari’s father read as over exaggerated and more towards the fantasy side. I think this could be revised through revealing some of his negative character traits more towards the beginning and taking the above notes into consideration. 

Well Incorporation of Prompts: 

While at first, the overall theme of “escape” and the chosen prompts do not make an appearance, or at least a significant appearance, they begin to truly shine and shape the second half and definitely the ending of the narrative. Each prompt and quote is carefully imbedded within the prose in significant scenes that allow me as a judge, and a reader, to tell that the narrative was specifically written with them in mind. “Escape” too becomes a prominent symbol both in Mari’s thoughts, but the actions of all the characters. 

Overall Impression:

I was extremely impressed with the world and character building in this story and how nicely the action plot was directed and driven by the main ideas and purpose, rather than the other way around. I enjoyed this story thoroughly and will proudly say that